Should my parents decide who I go out with?

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You know, "arranged love", that sort of thing? My family says that, despite me being almost nineteen, I'm completely irresponsible and unable to make my own decisions. I've had trouble with girls in the past, and I'm sure that they're willing to set me up with scummy ones who don't really care about me just to prove that they (the family) are in charge. They tell me this: "There's a gal out there for ya, kid. As long as you pay 'em, f**k 'em, and feed 'em, who gives a s**t whether they love 'yos uh not?" Ugh.

At one point, my dad was making lewd sexual advances toward a sophomore girl. I was a junior at the time, and he chastized me for not "eating her p****."

It's true. My family knows nothing about love.

Try a brief deflecting statement, something like,

'There's another girl I like.'

And leave it at that. Try not to let yourself get drawn into arguments.


(And yes, your dad is way out of line.)

When I saw the title-you talking about parents controlling who you should date -I thought you were going to complain about straight laced tradition bound parents in some religous sect or ethnic group that you couldnt marry out of ( Like they were Amish, or like the characters in "The Chosen" or "my big fat greek wedding").

you're talking about something almost opposite of that.

Your dad sounds that the out-of-control adolescent, and not you.

He sounds like a nut job.

Okay-so your dad is lewd, crude, and acts inappropriate. But what exactly does that have to do with "controlling who you date"?

Oh my goodness, did your dad really say that?! If my dad said that I would disown myself from the family lol. Even among friends that's a pretty obscene thing to say, not to mention parents.

It's not a question of whether or not they should control, the question is whether or not they can control.

When I was in high school, I loathed my father and by what you said he did to a sophomore girl; our fathers may be alike in that particularly ugly way. And yes, my parents sought to control too much in my life.

I made it my 1st priority to become financially independent of my family so that I could legitimately live my own life. I was single minded about it.

Should or shouldn't is irrelevant. As long as you are dependent upon them they will be able to control a lot of things in your life.

The answer to your question is no. The brief description of your father tells me you're asking the wrong question, which should be, "How can I move out of my parents house as quickly as possible?" Even if they did have your best interests in mind (which I'm not so sure they do) you are an adult, and your romantic life is yours and yours alone, no ifs, ands or buts. Politely refuse any assistance and say little to nothing about your current activities. And find a new place to live, seriously.

MountainLaurel is right about the importance of money on your own and eventually becoming financially independent of your family.

I compliment you on being an aspiering writer (presumably using the best of aspie traits!). I think even seasoned, successful writers often say it took longer than they thought with a variety of luck factors and external factors. Would it work to do a job and writing at the same time?

I also try my hand at writing and sometimes really catch a moonbeam. You may be quite a bit better than me.

I would have loved it if my parents had taken enough interest in my life to even suggest that they could arrange a date for me.

Unfortunately, they either criticized me for being interested in girls, or criticized me for not getting any dates.

Tell them that you're a grown man and you decide that for yourself. Most men have dated a b!tch at one point in their lives and as painful as it may be, it's one of the lessons life throws at you.

No! This isn't the Middle Ages anymore--it's the 21st century! Are they mentally diseased?

f**k them and their inferior values!

LOL my dad is the same way!

I just take what he says as humour.

Trust me, as you get older and more confident, you'll be okay.

Allow me to sum up what I think about your parents mucking around in your dating life with a picture:




Just tell them no. You're nineteen! They have no right to screw you over that way, so I say just cut them out of that aspect of your life. It does NOT have to "go through them."

Tell your father you like men and watch his veins pop one by one

But to answer your question: lol no