Is really "attractive looking" an individualistic opinion?

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Janissy
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11 May 2015, 5:38 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
And let me guess Janissy, short and shy boys were considered unapproved.


Yes. A boy could get himself "approved" by having another quality that was considered good enough to balance it out. There was a boy much too short to make any of the athletic teams but he turned himself into a fantastic gymnast so that made up for it. (It probably wouldn't have if he was less than fantastic).

A boy who was short and shy better have a cute face or he'd be a pariah.

What we considered " a cute face" could have been quite different from girls in other parts of the world. (Your experiment shows that, I think.) But girls strongly influencing each others' choices is probably comon and may be the norm.



trollcatman
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11 May 2015, 5:44 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Trollcatman, why Ukrainians and Russians type a lot of ")" sometimes more than one ")))" while chatting?


I don't know, I don't spend a lot of time chatting with our enemies. :twisted:
Maybe smileys, or maybe as a stand in for Cyrillic letters? I don't speak Ukrainian or Russian, those languages are too hard.



The_Face_of_Boo
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11 May 2015, 6:15 pm

Probably, there's no more any point for me to stay on L&D anymore, the mystery has been finally solved. I was a Pariah by the collective hive mind of local girls; and that has impacted me somehow into adulthood. I am probably still considered Pariah as adult, in my physical offline form.

The solution? none or either very hard to do; it turned out to be much harder than expected.

Guys, individualism in girls' "types" is a lie, the very vast majority are attracted to types perceived attractive by the majority of their surrounding.



Janissy
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11 May 2015, 7:14 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Probably, there's no more any point for me to stay on L&D anymore, the mystery has been finally solved. I was a Pariah by the collective hive mind of local girls; and that has impacted me somehow into adulthood. I am probably still considered Pariah as adult, in my physical offline form.

The solution? none or either very hard to do; it turned out to be much harder than expected.

Guys, individualism in girls' "types" is a lie, the very vast majority are attracted to types perceived attractive by the majority of their surrounding.


:cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:
I suppose it isn't much consolation to be hot in Morocco if you can't get there.



rdos
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12 May 2015, 2:50 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Guys, individualism in girls' "types" is a lie, the very vast majority are attracted to types perceived attractive by the majority of their surrounding.


It doesn't matter a lot. First, if NT females only fancy 20% of the NT males, that's mostly a problem for NT males (and for the females themselves since 5 females don't want to share a single male). The important factor is instead that only about 15% of the population is neurodiverse, but 15% is more than enough for any practical purpose provided you can detect them. The distribution of neurodiversity is not gender biased, which means that it is quite possible as a neurodiverse male to find a neurodiverse female, and you don't need to worry that NT females only want 20% of the NT males.



trollcatman
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12 May 2015, 5:10 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Probably, there's no more any point for me to stay on L&D anymore, the mystery has been finally solved. I was a Pariah by the collective hive mind of local girls; and that has impacted me somehow into adulthood. I am probably still considered Pariah as adult, in my physical offline form.

The solution? none or either very hard to do; it turned out to be much harder than expected.

Guys, individualism in girls' "types" is a lie, the very vast majority are attracted to types perceived attractive by the majority of their surrounding.


But we don't know why you are considered pariah. From your photos it looks like you have above average looks. We know your height is generally seen as a negative. But is there something else, do you have a weird accent, speech impediment, body odour, annoying voice, unfashionable clothes or something? Maybe ask someone to list 5 good and 5 bad things about you, see if there is something you missed that you might improve. Can't change your physical appearance, but maybe it is something you could change.



sly279
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12 May 2015, 5:23 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
sly279 wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Wouldn't you feel sad if you discover that the initial interest came from your bf was simply because no other girl (or very few) replied him?

I did once a thread with this controversial question, and most females answered they would feel sad, but really....I think this is an ugly truth for many women who found their bfs on dating sites: They had choices while their bfs didn't.


still have one choice. we don't have to date the woman just cause shes the only one who messaged us.

think its silly to consider what ifs, especially ones you can never truly know the answer to.
why do you want to harp on other peoples relationships?



I don't want to harp on other people's relationships.


But no, one "choice" is really not a choice, come on.

Yes, there's always the choice to not go for it, but when you only one choice you would be like "what to lose?".

Come on, sly, if a girl right now messages you for a meetup, wouldn't you go for it? Even if you find hard semi-interesting and semi-attractive to you? I bet you would, that doesn't happen often to you.

But would you do it if there are 100 others messaging you wanting the same? I bet you would reconsider.

It's common sense.


not if we don't have similar interest and I don't feel attracted no. I don't just want a relationship for a relationship sake. I want a partner, which means finding the right woman for me.



sly279
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12 May 2015, 5:26 am

Bondkatten wrote:
sly279 wrote:
how long did you chat online before meeting up?
I prever to do text based chat for a few weeks to get to know someone before meeting. atleast a week. I now feel maybe this is part of why I have bad luck with women on sites.


Sly, we chatted for a bit less than 2 months and then we met. And we chatted daily before our meeting. I think that it is a very good method to get to know someone before meeting. It takes away a lot of the nerves and since you already know each other it makes it easier.


yeah lets me open up more and talk more on a date, which makes me come across as confident. I guess because I feel comfortable with them. though how many women stopped talking to me because I didn't ask them out after few messages :(



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12 May 2015, 6:27 am

sly279 wrote:
yeah lets me open up more and talk more on a date, which makes me come across as confident. I guess because I feel comfortable with them. though how many women stopped talking to me because I didn't ask them out after few messages :(


I know it might be difficult to hear but I believe it is a good thing that they stopped talking to you; it shows that clearly they were not the right person for you. I hope you will meet a girl that feels the same way like you do. I'm sure there are loads of girls that would rather first get to know someone and then later meet them. :)



sly279
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12 May 2015, 3:44 pm

Bondkatten wrote:
sly279 wrote:
yeah lets me open up more and talk more on a date, which makes me come across as confident. I guess because I feel comfortable with them. though how many women stopped talking to me because I didn't ask them out after few messages :(


I know it might be difficult to hear but I believe it is a good thing that they stopped talking to you; it shows that clearly they were not the right person for you. I hope you will meet a girl that feels the same way like you do. I'm sure there are loads of girls that would rather first get to know someone and then later meet them. :)


I keep hoping so but I don't know if there is.



Cartier
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12 May 2015, 4:00 pm

Bondkatten wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Few years ago a girl kept chatting with me for 7-8 months, and she stopped texting just the day after the first meetup.

It was just a regular first meetup and we talked about hobbies and careers, I didn't do anything stupid, she did say she expected me taller tho lol. What a huge waste of time and energy.

So no, it's not awalys the best way. I prefer one week+, the girl would either like you or not on first date, even if you chat with her in prior for million of years.


That's a shame Boo, but it doesn't mean that every girl is like that. And you have to remember that it works different for everyone, one thing might work for me, but it doesn't mean that it works for you or someone else.


That's why I don't chat online for ages. I'd rather meet the person and see if we click than nurture a somewhat imaginary relationship and then be disappointed when who I thought the guy was online isn't who is IRL.



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12 May 2015, 7:39 pm

Unfortunately I am short and shy as well and i'm kind of youngish looking with a weird voice not to mention i'm pretty socially awkward. I'm pretty much the same height as Boo, maybe a little bit shorter. I think that's why i'm a little bit scared of using Tinder because it's pretty easy to hide how short you really are and women arne't really going to expect me being 5 ft 3 and that will probably turn off a lot of girls. It sucks being a really short guy, it's a lot easier if you're a girl. I don't think i'm a terrible looking guy, I still kind of have that cute boyish look but i'm definitely not really attractive either.

I'm probably going to be single for a couple more years i'd say. Simply because I didn't really understand the rules of dating till like a month ago and i'm still pretty scared of pulling the trigger and asking a girl out. That can change though but I have to push myself.



The_Face_of_Boo
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14 May 2015, 2:41 am

Janissy wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Probably, there's no more any point for me to stay on L&D anymore, the mystery has been finally solved. I was a Pariah by the collective hive mind of local girls; and that has impacted me somehow into adulthood. I am probably still considered Pariah as adult, in my physical offline form.

The solution? none or either very hard to do; it turned out to be much harder than expected.

Guys, individualism in girls' "types" is a lie, the very vast majority are attracted to types perceived attractive by the majority of their surrounding.


:cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:
I suppose it isn't much consolation to be hot in Morocco if you can't get there.


Check how crazy stuff are in Mexico:

Image
Image

I am not boasting btw, in case if some think this is what I doing.

I am not getting any boasting feeling from this, just getting goosebumps for realizing I am not seen as attractive by the majority of females where I live - and how EXTREMELY homogeneous the opinions of women (regarding what's attractive or not) in the same community/country (Clones).

I don't think it's a coincidence that the local women in my country I've been matched with were born and raised in different countries like Brazil, Venezuela and Canada. Even their attitudes regarding my photos were very positively different.

It's scary, I think your theory is very true.



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14 May 2015, 5:06 am

Janissy wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
A while ago I did a regional tinder experiment:
viewtopic.php?t=275336

and it was repeated later (I tried Meghreb and Europe), I got exactly the same results as ~4 months ago: viewtopic.php?f=6&t=283378&start=450.

Just to explain what's tinder to those who don't know: it's a kind of Hot or not app, you see a pic of someone of the opposite sex and you either tap like or not then you see the next guy/girl....etc, the person who likes you back will be a match and you can chat with her/him.

I get loads of matches in Meghreb and they often call me "beau gosse"; and same in most Asian countries; by loads of Matches I mean by 100+ in few days, you can see numbers in first link.

This is a screenshot when I faked my location as Morocco:
Image


My results can be summed as:
-Insane number of matches in Meghreb (Morocco, Tunisia, Algeria); like 60+ out of 100 in second tryout in Morocco.
-Similarly insane number of matches in Asian countries.
-Horribly low number of matches in White-dominated countries, even some Zeros in countries like Germany and Ukraine although there's a high Tinder activity there (log histories on their profile show last x hours, last x minutes active...etc), got only few matches with Asian-looking and darkish girls.
-In mixed areas like the some states in US, I get only few matches with minorities of people of color, Blacks, Arabs and Persians in particular despite most profiles swiped weren't of those, the very few blondes I got matched with seem to have Italian fetish because they all thought I am Italian.

Imagine the impact difference: If I was in Meghreb or Asian country I would be have the choice to date someone I pick (out of the many matches who btw...always respond to messages) every weekend and I would have to filter through and that's from the Tinder app only, while if I was in Ukraine or Germany, I would be thankful with whatever Match I get there because virtually almost none is liking me back there.


However, this thread is not to discuss Tinder again, but:
My tinder experiments made me question the women's degree of individualism when it comes to what they find attractive (and what's not). (men are probably the same according to this okcupid experiment http://jonmillward.com/blog/attraction- ... xperiment/)

Doesn't this experiment expose that people are NOT that individualistic when it comes to their taste in the opposite sex? I mean how else can you explain that the same person is seen highly attractive by the majority of one community but totally not in another?
As if each community follow some bible of what's attractive and what's not they all collectively follow :lol:, it's so insane. As if the local culture and others' tastes is the biggest factor in this.

I mean, if t was like 10+ or few matches out 100 all across all the countries, then that may mean that opinions are individualist.

Imagine if one is born and living in an area where he's not seen conventionally attractive by the majority (often almost all according to this experiment, it's either all or none) then he might really end up alone.

So yeah, ladies, I really now doubt your individualism when it comes to what you call "my type" and "not my type"; according to this experiment, it should be phrased "You're (not) what_the_majority_of_women_here's type" or simply "You are (Not) OUR type" - Borg hive-mind style :lol:....I really doubt how this "My" is really My.


Those are some fascinating regional differences you found. It really does point to a strong cultural influence on who we consider attractive.

When I was young (and I'm talking in the early teens, 13 or 14) girls in groups would compare the boys of our school (as well as celebrities from movies/TV) against each other. Boys with certain features (look of hair, of face, of carrying himself etc.) were on the "approved" list of boys to have crushes on. If you had a crush on a boy who did not have at least one of these features, you got shamed by the girls unless you could come up with a redeeming feature that would make up for his lack of other accepted features; plays guitar, has traveled to a another country(which was a big deal in the U.S. because other countries were unattainably distant unless you lived on the Mexican or Canadian border), has an amazing and obscure yet cool skill. Wealth did not factor in because it was a public school attended entirely by kids of the same socioeconomic slice of the middle class so we all shared economic class.

It was some pretty intense social pressure to find certain features attractive. I succumbed to it and would hide crushes on "unacceptable" boys while faking crushes on "acceptable" boys. That sort of pressure let up with age but I think it leaves its' mark.

While the things we found attractive were probably particular to our region (as you discovered), I really doubt that the female social pressure was unique. Girls, especially girls in the 12-15 bracket age, can exert some really fierce peer pressure. This would inevitably freeze out a small handful of male pariahs who didn't have either any of the "hot" traits or any of the traits that were accepted stand-ins for "hot" (if you were ugly but spoke fluent French, you were golden- that lucky boy). Even girls who rebelliously went for out-group boys ("those girls can't tell me what to do") still went for boys with some standout "cool" characteristic (even if it wasn't physical attractiveness) and the pariahs remained pariahs. I would bet lots of money that girls from Morocco to Russia to anywhere in the world have convened the same girl groups to arrive at what the local definition of "hot" will be.

As you discovered, that definition of what is "hot" varies pretty wildly but I suspect the way of arriving at it does not. There really is a local consensus formed in early girlhood of what "attractive" shall be. Even the girls who actively ignore it are still aware of it and aware they are ignoring it (or perhaps rebelling against it).

I suppose a take home lesson for men here is that your fortunes can change by moving. It now occurs to me that some men here have complained that they only get positive attention on dating sites from women very geographically far from them. They curse the terrible luck but perhaps it is showing how regional their perceived unattractiveness may be.


I guess I'm another specie then, since I've never liked anyone liked by other girls, but it wasn't that i was some rebel since I don't really care about what is considered attractive here. I just always had a thing for those no one else liked since they were usually nicer, more intelligent and more fun to be around. Couldn't care less what other girls think of that to be honest, didn't bother to try to fit in since I knew I'd fail anyway.



The_Face_of_Boo
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14 May 2015, 6:42 am

Mutations are rare, but generally speaking, women within the same community are so clones.



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14 May 2015, 7:00 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Mutations are rare, but generally speaking, women within the same community are so clones.


that's true, but I doubt I'm the only one like that...could be that mutations in Lebanon aren't so vocal or present on tinder or other dating sites...I personally would never use it.