Online dating is pointless as a guy

Post Reply New Topic

I guess the assumption is if you can't get a girlfriend in the real world, then why would you fair better on a site we're you're automatically at a statistical disadvantage?

I used a dating site because the chances and opportunities of me meeting someone I clicked with in the offline world were low to zero. A dating site offered me an advantage compared to the 'real world'.

I think it hugely depends on who you are, what you're looking for, and how you go about it.

i think that's a good point, and i think it can be expanded upon this way: if you feel like you're at a disadvantage, then you are, for simply feeling and believing that you are at a disadvantage. because when there's so much competition in an environment with not much depth of communication at all, visible confidence is the main currency

i believe online dating works best for people who approach it like "eh, this is stupid, but why not". as soon as you take it seriously, it becomes a self-esteem-killer. and low self-esteem means you become a target for other people's insecurities (which dating sites are chock-full of). so if you're feeling down, chances are a dating site won't make it any better, and it will probably make it worse. in other words, online dating does work for some people, but yes, it's probably pointless for any guy who's preoccupied with whether it's pointless or not. ironically, if you think "online dating is stupid", you have a big advantage. because it's vital to be immune to the endless potentially depressing things about it

but it's worth noting that when i say that "dating sites are chock-full of insecurity", i don't just mean "forever-alone people". i mean particularly the people who want to feel superior and who will be looking for "inferior" people for them to snub, because it's the only way they can feel any better about themselves, and chances are they feel inferior to everybody else irl. no self-confident person will spend a hundred hours a day at the gym or in front of the mirror and then another hundred hours a day taking selfies until they have the perfect one

Probably not, but you are posting a private conversation involving her on the internet. I know you mean well, but it's the casual invasiveness and pervasive violence toward women that will lead them to be cautious. Her caution is about her, not you.

dude. at least censor her username if you're going to post a screenshot like that

btw, most of those girls you talk to are probably reading your posts here. if that's not on purpose, then it might be a good idea to change your username on okcupid

Well I couldn't seem to get a boyfriend in the real world, so I kinda figured a lot of people who didn't fair the best in real life interaction might fare better on a dating site. People told me they were for 'losers' when I let on I was using one...so I never had the impression that is where all the popular people go to get relationships. I figured it would mostly be people just wanting to screw around and quite a few outliers that just don't fit in well so thus might find a bigger pool of potential relationship partners on a site. Took me a few years before meeting someone things really worked out with...some people are giving up after a couple weeks or a month.

I can't say I blame them. It gets quite exasperating binge messaging and the replies are practically non-existent. You feel like all your efforts are going to waste and you are still stuck on the starting line while the rest of the world is moving forward.

Yeah, especially when they describe the guy the want and you're exactly that kind of guy and you send them a message about your many common interests and they don't reply. No explanation.

people are desensitized to ignoring other people in private communication these days. out of sight, out of mind

Well perhaps 'binge messaging isn't the best approach, either way it took me a few years if I gave up within a couple weeks or a month I probably wouldn't have a boyfriend. I don't think binge messages tend to be the sort that imply you're really interested in them as a person and not just after hooking up.

Not every message will get a response, that is just sort of the way it is all the complaining in the world won't change it so I don't see the point...one can either continue using the dating site with that knowledge or not.

You took my message out of context. I meant by how it seems like the general rule for guys is that we have to message a bunch of girls and hope we will get a response. It takes a huge amount of energy to do so and when you see girls griping about how there are no "good men" on the site despite the fact you just attempted contact them is just so damn exasperating. It's like writing a script for a movie and the producers keep dragging their feet on the project despite how you've already given them a good story to go on.

I'd rather focus more on the real world even with that sort of knowledge. My first and so far only real relationship happened by real life circumstances and even though speed dating didn't work out for me, I atleast felt like I was trying something.

When we say we have to message a high amount of women, it doesn't necessarily mean we're messaging every woman in our area on the site with quick, copy and paste messages.

It can mean we're picking one's we're attracted to and feel we may be compatible with, and then messaging all women within this category with well-thought out and personalized messages. When you get zero replies to all of the women that fit into this category in your area, you may choose to be slightly more flexible and lower your standards. And then if you never receive a reply even then? You very well may then just message any woman in your area, but with a personalized message. And if you still received no replies? Send personalized messages to women OUTSIDE of your area. Still no replies?

Hmm, you have a few options:

1. Give up.

2. Wait for new profiles to pop up, and prepare to receive rejection from those one's too.

3. Delete your old profile, start a new one with better/different pictures, alter your personal description, and hope they don't remember you. Rinse & repeat. Lol.

Well someone griping about how there are no good men already have a bias, that men are no good...it's probably no use messaging someone with that attitude. I certainly didn't gripe about that on my profile or messages.

Yeah. It took me a couple of years as well but the relationship only lasted for three months At first I was mad at her but now I'm thinking it was probably my fault because I didn't see things from her point of view. I miss her. We had so much in common like how we both like Star Trek, we both collect SNES games and we both planned on no kids. It's really hard to find a girl who doesn't want kids.

Anyway, you're right that most of my messages on OKC are just binge messages but those girls I mentioned who describe me in their description of the guy they're seeking, I actually put thought into those ones.

Thinking of an opening message other than "Hi" is really hard. After I start chatting with them, thinking of conversation topics is also really hard.

The trouble is, I have nothing to talk about with girls until I've been on 3 or 4 dates with them. After that I know them well enough to have an interesting conversation. Before that it's just talk for the sake of talk.

Well what sort of time frame are you talking? If within a few weeks or a couple months you receive nothing...then I'd say keep going for a year or two and if you still don't get a single response whatsoever then maybe considering giving up on the site or deleting your profile and starting fresh.

It certainly can be a good idea to improve profile and pictures, I know I did that more than once.

Also I don't think messaging a high amount of people necessarily indicates quick copy/paste messeges, it was the term 'binge messaging' that gives me that impression. But yes it is a given people can face rejection on dating sites...not sure what anyone can really do to change that and ensure every message gets a response that leads to a relationship.