33 year old never been in a relationship- need help.

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Give rise to thought ...^^^^^^^

Read blitzkrieg's comment.

Consent means that both parties choose yes, with or without boundaries and limitations, for a specific encounter. It's not carte blanche the first time, and it can't be assumed thereafter. Even a marriage certificate doesn't indicate consent.

I agree it sucks to be in relationship with someone if you've kind of expected sexual intimacy, or if was implied but didn't happen. It happened to me with three men I dated for close to 20 years. I wanted sex. They promised it in the beginning but didn't deliver. The first who was my husband only did it to make babies, then stopped. The next two didn't do it at all and told me a series of lies and excuses. It really sucked and I agree it was a form of deception on their part.

That doesn't mean I get to bellyache about it for the rest of my life, or make fun of them on the internet. I had the right to break up with them at any point and move on but unfortunately I was bound to one of them for many years on a legal technicality and I couldn't get rid of him. That REALLY sucked. I don't think the OP was legally bound to stay with his ex or to pay legal fees despite deciding to break up with her. He had that choice and he made that choice. It was fair and reasonable for him to break up, if he wasn't happy in the relationship for any reason (sex or not). He's lucky he didn't have kids with her, or any financial obligations.

OP needs to move on and stop generalizing the woman's reasons. I'm glad she didn't share them with him or he'd use them to slander her all over the interwebs, like he's already doing.

Consent is an ongoing thing. If you're in a sexless relationship you're consenting to it unless you end it and move on.

No one brings up consent if a relationship turns abusive, no one tries to argue that the person was strung along believing it wouldn't be abusive, they tell them to move on.

If you don't like the nature of your relationship with someone you can end it rather than pretending like they conned you into being with them.

But what if I'm too scared to be alone and stay with them?

Then you're consenting to remain with them.

I am sure Nades knows what consent means. The idea that he doesn't seems to leave him a bit short in terms of credit....

"Intransitive verb

1: to give assent or approval: agree consent to being tested. She consented to our request.

2: archaic: to be in concord in opinion or sentiment

1: compliance in or approval of what is done or proposed by another : acquiescence
he shall have power, by and with the advice and consent of the Senate, to make treaties—
U.S. Constitution

2: agreement as to action or opinion, specifically: voluntary agreement by a people to organize a civil society and give authority to the government."

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/consent

I did. The overall problem here appears to be biases combined with insufficient evidence. That seems to often be the case when people have irrational beliefs or some form of prejudice.

What if a person has been led to believe that they are not in a sexless relationship, or deceived in some way to that end? They wouldn't be agreeing/consenting to having no sex within a relationship, in that scenario.

I think Nades is using the word consent as being interchangeable with 'to agree' from what I can gather.

They can still leave that relationship at any time, cheat, or whatever unless there are some extenuating circumstance which there don’t appear to be in this thread.

I'm not.



The idea that he doesn't is based on how he's so-far defined consent. If he'd like full credit he needs to demonstrate that he understands people who don't f**k him aren't interfering with his ability to consent to sex.

A lack of opportunities isn't the same as being denied agency over one's decision.

Yikes. Don't tread any further with that.

It's interfering with opportunities, not a lack of them.

I don't think you've honestly put much thought into what I've said.

They can leave that relationship, yes. But the person who has invested time in another person might have wasted their valuable time and emotional energy, which would lead that person to feeling like they had been cheated in some way.

And I don't think many people consent to being cheated of their time and emotional energy. It's more like the other person taking those things without giving anything back.

You could argue they were misled, but not that being misled denied their right to consent.

You'd be better positioned to try to argue a fraud had occurred than that your right to consent had been denied; but at the same time we don't force people to have sex against their will even if they've explicitly promised to in a contract. A contract promising sex isn't legally enforceable.

Because it cuts to the heart of how poorly you understand consent?

Something similar could be said of just about any relationship that doesn’t work out for whatever reason.

Hopefully, one can learn and grow from past relationships as well as let go of resentment or whatever else that could impede future relationships.

Last edited by TwilightPrincess on 05 Jun 2024, 12:33 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Unfortunately blitz, that's life.

People feel that way after breakups no matter what the reason.
I could feel bitter that I wasted my life marrying my ex.
He's still hurting my kids decades after our four year marriage.
I lost everything I owned.

I could feel bitter about BF2 and the horrible things he did.
They're listed in Satire.
That's not even the beginning of it.

I could feel bitter about BF3 who is still dicking me around as a friend.
He's the one who had the stroke.

People feel bitter or upset like they got deceived in all breakups.
They generally decide to get over it.

Whether it's about sex or not, that's life.