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33 year old never been in a relationship- need help.

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funeralxempire
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05 Jun 2024, 12:34 pm

Nades wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
blitzkrieg wrote:
I am sure Nades knows what consent means.


I'm not.

blitzkrieg wrote:
The idea that he doesn't seems to leave him a bit short in terms of credit....


The idea that he doesn't is based on how he's so-far defined consent. If he'd like full credit he needs to demonstrate that he understands people who don't f**k him aren't interfering with his ability to consent to sex.

A lack of opportunities isn't the same as being denied agency over one's decision.


It's interfering with opportunities, not a lack of them.

I don't think you've honestly put much thought into what I've said.


I've put as much thought into what you've said as it deserves.

Interfering with opportunities to get laid isn't interfering with the person's ability to consent. It only potentially eliminates an opportunity to consent.

This is like blaming Walmart for not being able to buy a widget there and missing your chance to buy it at Megalomart because you went to Walmart instead. Walmart bears no responsibility for your choice.

OP's ex bears no liability for his choice to be with her.


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If you're not careful, the newspapers will have you hating the people who are being oppressed, and loving the people who are doing the oppressing. —Malcolm X
Just a reminder: under international law, an occupying power has no right of self-defense, and those who are occupied have the right and duty to liberate themselves by any means possible.


blitzkrieg
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05 Jun 2024, 12:34 pm

I don't think anyone would argue that anybody is obliged to perform sex with another person. I think most people know that.

I do think being deceived sometimes involves having one's consent violated though. Most people expect, and thus consent (agree) to a level of general trust and decency in relations with other people. A physical contract isn't necessary or usual.

The word consent can be used in lots of different contexts, as I am sure people know:

- Legal consent
- Sexual consent
- Moral consent

^ being a few examples.



TwilightPrincess
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05 Jun 2024, 12:37 pm

Consent is not an appropriate word in this context, especially not on WP. If a relationship didn’t go the way the OP wanted, he could end it. We don’t know what his girlfriend’s intentions were although people seem swift to judge her nonetheless.



blitzkrieg
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05 Jun 2024, 12:37 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
Unfortunately blitz, that's life.

People feel that way after breakups no matter what the reason.
I could feel bitter that I wasted my life marrying my ex.
He's still hurting my kids decades after our four year marriage.
I lost everything I owned.

I could feel bitter about BF2 and the horrible things he did.
They're listed in Satire.
That's not even the beginning of it.

I could feel bitter about BF3 who is still dicking me around as a friend.
He's the one who had the stroke.

People feel bitter or upset like they got deceived in all breakups.
They generally decide to get over it.

Whether it's about sex or not, that's life.


You have had a tough life Isabella. I wouldn't blame you for being bitter one bit.



blitzkrieg
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05 Jun 2024, 12:39 pm

TwilightPrincess wrote:
Consent is not an appropriate word in this context, especially not on WP. If a relationship didn’t go the way the OP wanted, he could end it. We don’t know what his girlfriend’s intentions were although people seem swift to judge her nonetheless.


I'm not judging the girlfriend.

For all I know, Nades could be wrong about the whole thing. I only have his word and I am entertaining his perspective in good faith and in the interests of balance, since he seemed to be being cornered in this thread somewhat.



funeralxempire
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05 Jun 2024, 12:39 pm

blitzkrieg wrote:
IsabellaLinton wrote:
Unfortunately blitz, that's life.

People feel that way after breakups no matter what the reason.
I could feel bitter that I wasted my life marrying my ex.
He's still hurting my kids decades after our four year marriage.
I lost everything I owned.

I could feel bitter about BF2 and the horrible things he did.
They're listed in Satire.
That's not even the beginning of it.

I could feel bitter about BF3 who is still dicking me around as a friend.
He's the one who had the stroke.

People feel bitter or upset like they got deceived in all breakups.
They generally decide to get over it.

Whether it's about sex or not, that's life.


You have had a tough life Isabella. I wouldn't blame you for being bitter one bit.



Whether or not she's entitled to feel better, she understands her consent wasn't violated by dating people who turned out to be poor choices.


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The Party told you to reject the evidence of your eyes and ears. It was their final, most essential command.
If you're not careful, the newspapers will have you hating the people who are being oppressed, and loving the people who are doing the oppressing. —Malcolm X
Just a reminder: under international law, an occupying power has no right of self-defense, and those who are occupied have the right and duty to liberate themselves by any means possible.


TwilightPrincess
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05 Jun 2024, 12:39 pm

Balance isn’t always a good thing. Sometimes people are legitimately wrong.



Nades
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05 Jun 2024, 12:40 pm

funeralxempire wrote:
Nades wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
blitzkrieg wrote:
I am sure Nades knows what consent means.


I'm not.

blitzkrieg wrote:
The idea that he doesn't seems to leave him a bit short in terms of credit....


The idea that he doesn't is based on how he's so-far defined consent. If he'd like full credit he needs to demonstrate that he understands people who don't f**k him aren't interfering with his ability to consent to sex.

A lack of opportunities isn't the same as being denied agency over one's decision.


It's interfering with opportunities, not a lack of them.

I don't think you've honestly put much thought into what I've said.




Interfering with opportunities to get laid isn't interfering with the person's ability to consent. It only potentially eliminates an opportunity to consent.



Sounds like not respecting the right of others to consent to me.



funeralxempire
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05 Jun 2024, 12:41 pm

blitzkrieg wrote:
TwilightPrincess wrote:
Consent is not an appropriate word in this context, especially not on WP. If a relationship didn’t go the way the OP wanted, he could end it. We don’t know what his girlfriend’s intentions were although people seem swift to judge her nonetheless.


I'm not judging the girlfriend.

For all I know, Nades could be wrong about the whole thing. I only have his word and I am entertaining his perspective in good faith and in the interests of balance, since he seemed to be being cornered in this thread somewhat.


He's really only being cornered when it comes to his attempt to redefine consent.

He's entitled to filter out whatever potential partners for whatever criteria he likes. If he believes a certain type is more likely to behave that way he doesn't need to date them but that doesn't mean he can redefine those people as analogous to rapists which is what's occurring.


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The Party told you to reject the evidence of your eyes and ears. It was their final, most essential command.
If you're not careful, the newspapers will have you hating the people who are being oppressed, and loving the people who are doing the oppressing. —Malcolm X
Just a reminder: under international law, an occupying power has no right of self-defense, and those who are occupied have the right and duty to liberate themselves by any means possible.


blitzkrieg
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05 Jun 2024, 12:42 pm

funeralxempire wrote:
You could argue they were misled, but not that being misled denied their right to consent.


If someone is misled and doesn't have the relevant knowledge to proceed with an informed decision, is the consent they are giving somehow hampered by not being properly informed?

And being misled implies someone is being deliberately deprived of knowledge that they need to be able to provide informed consent.



IsabellaLinton
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05 Jun 2024, 12:42 pm

The thing is, my story isn't unusual.
Lots of people have had more than one traumatic breakup.

I don't feel bitter.
Bitter would mean I blame them.

That stuff wasn't even my "trauma".
That came afterward and was even worse with violence.

Because of trauma and Stockholm, I actually blame myself.
I'm bitter toward myself.
That's how CPTSD works: it goes inward.

TP was right that it's hard to trust for new relationships.
Poor MR is still trying to pick up the pieces, after five years.


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blitzkrieg
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05 Jun 2024, 12:43 pm

TwilightPrincess wrote:
Balance isn’t always a good thing. Sometimes people are legitimately wrong.


Well, even in cases where people are legitimately wrong, exploring what a person might have meant beyond their communicative abilities sometimes proves fruitful. We are on a forum for people with a communication disorder to varying degrees, after all.



funeralxempire
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05 Jun 2024, 12:44 pm

Nades wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
Nades wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
blitzkrieg wrote:
I am sure Nades knows what consent means.


I'm not.

blitzkrieg wrote:
The idea that he doesn't seems to leave him a bit short in terms of credit....


The idea that he doesn't is based on how he's so-far defined consent. If he'd like full credit he needs to demonstrate that he understands people who don't f**k him aren't interfering with his ability to consent to sex.

A lack of opportunities isn't the same as being denied agency over one's decision.


It's interfering with opportunities, not a lack of them.

I don't think you've honestly put much thought into what I've said.




Interfering with opportunities to get laid isn't interfering with the person's ability to consent. It only potentially eliminates an opportunity to consent.



Sounds like not respecting the right of others to consent to me.


Go on... make your case if you have one.

Tell me how anything that isn't actively contributing to the goal is denying the ability to consent to attempting the goal.


_________________
The Party told you to reject the evidence of your eyes and ears. It was their final, most essential command.
If you're not careful, the newspapers will have you hating the people who are being oppressed, and loving the people who are doing the oppressing. —Malcolm X
Just a reminder: under international law, an occupying power has no right of self-defense, and those who are occupied have the right and duty to liberate themselves by any means possible.


Nades
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05 Jun 2024, 12:45 pm

funeralxempire wrote:
blitzkrieg wrote:
TwilightPrincess wrote:
Consent is not an appropriate word in this context, especially not on WP. If a relationship didn’t go the way the OP wanted, he could end it. We don’t know what his girlfriend’s intentions were although people seem swift to judge her nonetheless.


I'm not judging the girlfriend.

For all I know, Nades could be wrong about the whole thing. I only have his word and I am entertaining his perspective in good faith and in the interests of balance, since he seemed to be being cornered in this thread somewhat.


He's really only being cornered when it comes to his attempt to redefine consent.

.


No I'm not. Consent is about the right to say yes too. There are plenty of laws on it and it's well understood.



TwilightPrincess
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05 Jun 2024, 12:46 pm

blitzkrieg wrote:
TwilightPrincess wrote:
Balance isn’t always a good thing. Sometimes people are legitimately wrong.

Well, even in cases where people are legitimately wrong, exploring what a person might have meant beyond their communicative abilities sometimes proves fruitful. We are on a forum for people with a communication disorder to varying degrees, after all.

People have made what they meant in this thread fairly clear, especially if one follows the discussion from the beginning.



TwilightPrincess
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05 Jun 2024, 12:47 pm

Nades wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
blitzkrieg wrote:
TwilightPrincess wrote:
Consent is not an appropriate word in this context, especially not on WP. If a relationship didn’t go the way the OP wanted, he could end it. We don’t know what his girlfriend’s intentions were although people seem swift to judge her nonetheless.


I'm not judging the girlfriend.

For all I know, Nades could be wrong about the whole thing. I only have his word and I am entertaining his perspective in good faith and in the interests of balance, since he seemed to be being cornered in this thread somewhat.


He's really only being cornered when it comes to his attempt to redefine consent.

.


No I'm not. Consent is about the right to say yes too. There are plenty of laws on it and it's well understood.

There are no laws which penalize people for not having sex or for being in sexless relationships. Nor are there laws which address missed opportunities..



Last edited by TwilightPrincess on 05 Jun 2024, 12:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.