The importance of lying to getting a girlfriend

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While I do believe a lot of guys follow that sort of criminal logic, its actually a pretty weak plan, for all the reasons so far mentioned. I'm not the one to tell anyone how to build a long-term relationship (at least not a happy one), but I have plenty of experience with the short-term kind, and I'm not just talking one-nighters.

What works best is a combination of honesty and confidence. People in general are not as sharp as they like to tell themselves they are, and can be manipulated by the truth as easily as with BS (politicians are well aware of this and deft at mixing the two). I frequently told women I was not looking for anything but a hookup and was pleasantly surprised to hear that they, too, were tired of emotional entanglements and just in the market for some no-strings-attached company (now, mind you, I often felt they were not being entirely honest when they said that, but that was their issue to work out).

I can't count the times as a young man when a girl would be partying at my place and decide she was too drunk to drive home. Well, I'd have offered, but so was I.

Sooo...rather than take the sofa and loan out my bed, I'd get her a blanket and a pillow and tell her she was welcome to come in and bunk with me if she wanted - no pressure - never exert pressure or seem like you're expecting any particular response. It looks needy and no girl wants to end up with a whining stalker (I've tried that route, too - its ugly, messy and embarrassing). Just make the offer and go crash. By the time I brushed my teeth, climbed in bed and turned out the light, the knock would come at the bedroom door. "Are you sure it's okay if I join you?"

Every time. Never failed once.

Now I tell that story not to seem the arrogant braggart, and believe me, I know it sounds that way , but to illustrate how much more attractive truth in advertising and calm confidence are than weaving a tapestry of deception and unrealistic expectation. People can like you for who you are. The ones who will be impressed with expensive cars and high-falutin' humbug job titles are themselves so shallow and uninteresting I wouldn't want to date them anyway (yawn).

There may be many reasons why someone can't get a date (guy or girl), but honesty isn't one of them. This sounds like another excuse for 'nice guys (or gals)' to sit back and say 'look, I'm perfect... it's just the other gender that are stupid....'.

I really don't think judging by some of the posts here that "nice" guys/gals are all that nice.....

Then again, I don't see that nice girls exist in this forum.

If you're going to give us a bias view....at least give us some insight or input in how you've tried hooking up with these girls.

No that wasn't you.

I'm just getting jaded by most of these posts advocating the idea that women encourage this type of behavior.

The irony in this is none of these so-called characteristics of guys being jerks and liars has never attracted me in the very least. These are the very traits I find more than unappealing in guys.

I've even gone so far to ask most of the females in my family and friends in what they saw in a guy or what they saw in the guy they married. Not one of them mentioned money nor cars. I'm wondering if it's the type of women guys are attracted to that come off this materialistic.

I'm not discounting that there are women out there who act like this....women are just as using as men don't get me wrong. But I don't see a good number of women and men fitting into these stereotypes that sell in magazines.

Ugh...hell I've learned not to read most of these women magazines because they're so full of crap. Never did identify with them but they also give pointers in how to be as fake as you can be. I just don't find it attractive and I'm not willing to go through that kind of pure hell just to find the man of my dreams. IMO, might as well be alone and be happy.

I think that a lot of Aspies confuse honesty with just blurting out what ever pops into their head without thinking. I am not saying this to be mean spirited, I notice it in my son a lot.

Just for an example... lets revisit the pregnant woman. Just because someone is swollen with child does not mean they are ugly or even fat. In fact my husband, the bigger I got with our second child the more he was chasing me around the house grabbing my butt! Clearly he did not find me unattractive, and yet he does not have a fetish for overweight women. He was aroused by the fact that he caused my condition I think. He did at times marvel at how big I was getting, but he phrased it as big, not fat. In fact if I phrased it as fat he would correct me and say, "No, you are pregnant."

If you are with someone, you do not have to lie. If you want to be with someone, you do not have to lie. You do however have to learn diplomacy. It isn't the same.

If someone says to you, "Does this look good on me?", and you do not think that it does there is NO REASON AT ALL for you to say, "That's hideous!" You could instead say, "I think that is not very flattering on you," and if there is something they have that you like better, suggest that instead. It isn't "Sugar Coating" as seems to be the fond phrase around here. It is called being kind. If you want people to be kind with you, and respect your quirks and your sensitivities then you must learn to award them that same courtesy. Social interaction is a delicate balance of give and take. It always will be, and no amount of complaining about it or calling it lies will change that fact.

So you can either be in the camp of "They all suck because they wont do it my way!" or you can learn to adapt and compromise. Like or not we are pack creatures. Some more or less so than others, but it is true none the less.

*Edit: Also there have recently been an increase in young women (and men) claiming rape, and winning in court to that affect, after having drunken sex. So not only is that, in my opinion, deplorable and morally bereft behavior, it is also quite possible to be thrown in jail because of it. Why is is morally wrong? Because if they are not even safe to make their way home, how do you find it ok to accept their given consent? Many countries are now making sobriety part of consent legally. If this is the only trick in your bag to get sex, then in all honesty I would suggest therapy. This isn't a personal attack, merely I am pointing out that it seems to indicate problems initiating true intimacy.

Since I was a kid I've grown quite a bit more reserved about how I feel, and it's helped a lot in making more friends and especially casual acquaintances than I had before, but in retrospect it seems more like blunt honesty would have worked better with the opposite sex. I've heard of women having casual sex, for instance, and can't really imagine it. Nearly all of my communication with women my age has been on a fairly aloof, polite level which seems a long way away from that.

Good point, Ligea... people in general tend to be deceptive in an attempt to appear to be better or something they are not. While this may work in the short term (one-night) scenario, it is doomed to fail with any sort of lifespan. I'm glad you liked herding cats; it is infuriatingly accurate at times.


M.

If I found out a guy I was interested in, was upgrading his status or lying about this or that....I would be really pissed off. I want to know what's what right from the start. I would immediately lose interest if he wasn't being straight up with me. I know I've never encourged that behaviour from the men I've been interested in. I just don't get why people play headgames like that. Huge waste of energy and brainspace if you ask me.