Escaping a failing marriage

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Joined: 15 Oct 2009
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13 Mar 2011, 9:17 am

I agree with consensus here: get out ASAP.

Sounds like an NT facehugger and abusive to boot - things will not get better.

Find a women's advocacy center in your area and involve law enforcement if necessary.

It's really easy to put it off, especially when things calm down a bit, but my opinion is to just get it over with and get your life back on track...

curlyfry
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13 Mar 2011, 11:56 am

I'm sorry your dealing with that hell.

Definitely take care of yourself and your assets. You have an awesome site you will be okay.

Make a list of what you need to do so you can stay focused.

HopeGrows
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13 Mar 2011, 1:36 pm

Esther wrote:

Click here.

And here.

And here as I think you are in California.

Be safe and take care.

So, so helpful, @Esther - very good of you to provide this info to the OP.

OP, please use the info @Esther has provided to get out of this situation. Please save yourself - you're worth saving.

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simon_says
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13 Mar 2011, 2:12 pm

The only advice I have is that chaotic people can be fed. You want to keep your tones friendly but firm. There are people that want you to flame the drama so you need to sidestep it or they get what they want; an excuse to ratchet up the crazy.

To me, he sounds like an insecure young kid. If he's older, yikes.

TeaEarlGreyHot
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13 Mar 2011, 2:22 pm

wefunction wrote:

Contact the Police Department. They can stay to make sure nobody gets hurt and they will be able to provide you with information about womens shelters. They can also call a cab for you to get there. Get those friends of yours to help you. They will help. The first thing you need to take from the house is anything that's personally meaningful to you (he may destroy it) and anything that gives personal information about you and your friends (he may try to use it against you).

What he is doing is abuse. You have to leave. It will not get better. I stayed too long, lost an unborn child in the third trimester, almost lost my two year-old son and my own life. I have too many scars, both inside and outside, to fool myself into thinking he ever actually loved me. The really sad thing is that when I volunteered at the womens shelter, I met so many women whose stories made me realize that I wasn't an unique little snowflake. Abuse happens often and it always, without fail, escalates. Get out of there.

The good news is that without kids, divorce should be very easy.

This is sound advice. Don't f**k around with abusers. Once someone has proven to be an abuser, don't wait to lace up your shoes. Just run. As far and fast as you can.

Too many women stay 'until the cards are right' to leave. Don't. Just go.

And whatever you do, do NOT tell him you're planning to leave him.

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RICKY5
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13 Mar 2011, 4:18 pm

Seriously get out and get to a shelter. Nothing good can come from staying with him.

FunnyFairytale
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13 Mar 2011, 4:23 pm

Oh my goodness.I sense a whole lot of " attempts to change you" going on here that may not be healthy.Its one thing trying to encourage someone for growth and another to be mean and bossy.
I lived 3 years with a person similar to that.I did not come out OK and it has taken me well over a year to get back on track.Id say work it out or get out.

LostAlien
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13 Mar 2011, 5:16 pm

I concur with the majority here. Getting out of this relationship looks like what is best for you given what you've posted about it. I'm sure that you're stronger than you realise and I think you will be able to do everything you set your mind to.

Perhaps the local police would be able to advise you as to a suitable shelter and where to go for legal advice?

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