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Why does sexual attraction have anything to do with dating?

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Do you have to be sexually attracted to someone to date him/her/it?
Yes 67%  67%  [ 42 ]
No 24%  24%  [ 15 ]
Depends/Don't know 10%  10%  [ 6 ]
Total votes : 63

anna-banana
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09 Oct 2011, 5:44 am

I have no problem hanging out with guys I don't find attractive - actually it's the attractive ones that make me panic :oops: I'm not sure what your definition of "dating" is though. I don't usually put myself in the "this might lead somewhere" mindset when I meet someone so as to not distract myself. so in that sense, I don't really do "dating" in the standard sense. but attraction definitely would have to surface for me to even consider taking it to the next step.


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diniesaur
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09 Oct 2011, 7:03 am

anna-banana wrote:
I have no problem hanging out with guys I don't find attractive - actually it's the attractive ones that make me panic :oops: I'm not sure what your definition of "dating" is though. I don't usually put myself in the "this might lead somewhere" mindset when I meet someone so as to not distract myself. so in that sense, I don't really do "dating" in the standard sense. but attraction definitely would have to surface for me to even consider taking it to the next step.


To me, dating is about love, and it has the potential for the people involved to spend the rest of their lives together. The person I used to be dating wasn't sexually attractive to me, but I pretended so I wouldn't hurt his feelings.

I think it's different because I'm bisexual, but mostly gay, but I am just as willing to date a male as I am to date a female, even if I've only been sexually attracted to five males in the world. I don't see why I couldn't date any of my friends if they wanted me to, because I love all of them.



SadAspy
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09 Oct 2011, 8:33 am

I agree with you OP. I mean when I was younger (I'm 28 now), I wanted sex. However, regular women were disgusted with me and so I had to resort to escorts. I enjoyed those experiences for awhile, but eventually, they just left me feeling empty. Now, I just want friendship. However, I can't even get that.



sacrip
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09 Oct 2011, 8:35 am

Would you marry someone you weren't sexually attracted to? Would you be the girlfriend of someone you weren't sexually attracted to? If the answer to either of these is no, then you are not REALLY dating someone if you are not sexually attracted to them.


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Grisha
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09 Oct 2011, 8:42 am

Yes.

I attempted to date a compatible person whom I wasn't sexually attracted to thinking I would be a "hero" - it ended terribly and I regret it deeply - I ended up hurting someone that really didn't deserve it...



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09 Oct 2011, 9:33 am

Being able to please your partner sexually is a highly emotional and psychological thing.
Having a healthy sex life is just another thing that is a part of being happy and satisfied with your life.
That said, being sexually attracted to your partner helps fulfill that need.

I don't think someone could be satisfied sexually if they weren't sexually attracted to their partner.
That's not to say you can't make yourself more attractive to your partner, or that it's all physical or visual.
Sharing the same sexual habits and interests can make or break sexual attractiveness for some people.
Being physically attractive can be the gateway to discovering sexual habits, however.
(Note: There are sex therapists whose main job is to help couples have a better sex life.)



diniesaur
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09 Oct 2011, 10:05 am

sacrip wrote:
Would you marry someone you weren't sexually attracted to? Would you be the girlfriend of someone you weren't sexually attracted to? If the answer to either of these is no, then you are not REALLY dating someone if you are not sexually attracted to them.


But for me the answer to those questions is yes. And I would also marry/ be the girlfriend of someone who I was sexually attracted to but who didn't want to have sex with me because of asexuality or something like that.



diniesaur
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09 Oct 2011, 10:07 am

ComplexRobot wrote:
Being able to please your partner sexually is a highly emotional and psychological thing.
Having a healthy sex life is just another thing that is a part of being happy and satisfied with your life.
That said, being sexually attracted to your partner helps fulfill that need.

I don't think someone could be satisfied sexually if they weren't sexually attracted to their partner.
That's not to say you can't make yourself more attractive to your partner, or that it's all physical or visual.
Sharing the same sexual habits and interests can make or break sexual attractiveness for some people.
Being physically attractive can be the gateway to discovering sexual habits, however.
(Note: There are sex therapists whose main job is to help couples have a better sex life.)


But I've had sex with someone who I didn't find sexually attractive, and I enjoyed it very much. Sex is fun, whether or not I'm actually attracted to someone.



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09 Oct 2011, 5:22 pm

Fnord wrote:
sacrip wrote:
So, what does a 'date' mean to you then? It's not simply a friendly outing, it's time spent with someone of the opposite gender (or same, if you're homosexual) that has potential of a romantic or sexual nature. I won't say you HAVE to be sexually attracted to your date, but if there isn't SOME sort of physical or romantic interest on your part, then you're NOT on a date, you're just having dinner with some person.

Physical, sexual, romantic ... it's all they same, really. "Romance" is just a fancy word for "Let's deny our physical desires as long as possible, and focus on poetry, artistry, etiquette, and other similar activities until we finally consummate our relationship with an earth-shaking marathon session of intense coital activity ... and then maybe get married." Thus, "dating" is just another "romantic" activity.

"Getting Physical" is just a euphemism for the old "Booma-Booma-Ya-Ya!"

If really you are interested in a person as "Just a Friend", then either you are already in a committed sex-based relationship, or you've lost all interest in sex (at least with that person).


I'm an asexual, and couldn't disagree more.

Romance has absolutely nothing to do with physicality or sexuality, for me, nor, when it comes down to it, "poetry", "artistry", or "etiquette".

My relationship is "consummated" when I share my feelings and find they are returned, not when someone sticks his penis in me.

You don't have to be asexual to feel that way.


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09 Oct 2011, 5:41 pm

One group is dating and the other group is friends. It's best to keep them separate.


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09 Oct 2011, 9:27 pm

If I don't find myself sexual attracted to a woman then I won't be able to date her. It's that simple. For me sexual attraction is based on multiple factors looks matter, personality matters, attitude matters. If they don't meet these factors then I won't find her sexual attractive. I might find her attractive to be a friend, but I couldn't date her. If you don't find someone sexual attractive then what are you going to do when the relationship reaches the point where it's time to have sex?



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09 Oct 2011, 11:08 pm

ValentineWiggin wrote:

I'm an asexual, and couldn't disagree more.

Romance has absolutely nothing to do with physicality or sexuality, for me, nor, when it comes down to it, "poetry", "artistry", or "etiquette".


You don't have to be asexual to feel that way.


Then it might as well just be a really good friend. It wouldn't even have to be the opposite sex.



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09 Oct 2011, 11:12 pm

CaptainTrips222 wrote:
ValentineWiggin wrote:

I'm an asexual, and couldn't disagree more.

Romance has absolutely nothing to do with physicality or sexuality, for me, nor, when it comes down to it, "poetry", "artistry", or "etiquette".


You don't have to be asexual to feel that way.


Then it might as well just be a really good friend. It wouldn't even have to be the opposite sex.

so a romantic relationship is the same as friends with benefits


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ValentineWiggin
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09 Oct 2011, 11:18 pm

CaptainTrips222 wrote:
ValentineWiggin wrote:

I'm an asexual, and couldn't disagree more.

Romance has absolutely nothing to do with physicality or sexuality, for me, nor, when it comes down to it, "poetry", "artistry", or "etiquette".


You don't have to be asexual to feel that way.


Then it might as well just be a really good friend. It wouldn't even have to be the opposite sex.


I've never wanted to kiss, go on dates with, hold hands with, ,marry, have children with, grow old with, or die for a "really good friend".

For the people for whom sexual attraction is a component of romantic attraction, such as yourself, great for them.

But don't go declaring that romantic attraction sans the sexual component is friendship-
it's indicting the experience and feelings of many people,
no different than if you'd declared non-hetero sexual attraction not "real" sexual attraction.


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09 Oct 2011, 11:19 pm

nick007 wrote:
CaptainTrips222 wrote:
ValentineWiggin wrote:

I'm an asexual, and couldn't disagree more.

Romance has absolutely nothing to do with physicality or sexuality, for me, nor, when it comes down to it, "poetry", "artistry", or "etiquette".


You don't have to be asexual to feel that way.


Then it might as well just be a really good friend. It wouldn't even have to be the opposite sex.

so a romantic relationship is the same as friends with benefits


To people who cannot see, or refuse to acknowledge the difference between romantic and sexual attraction,
it most certainly would seem that way.

Kind of sad.


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10 Oct 2011, 1:36 am

hyperlexian wrote:
Fnord wrote:
"Getting Physical" is just a euphemism for the old "Booma-Booma-Ya-Ya!"

maybe to you, but not to everyone. there are other beautiful connections people can have besides physical/sexual.


True for example I have dated girls that I wasn't sexually attracted to but loved hanging out with them.