Continually approached, but I reject everyone. Why???

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I'm uneasy about the 'alpha female' label to be honest because everybody has a different idea of what alpha means. I guess you could say I'm dominant - like I tend to take control in situations and other people tend to submit. I think this is a bit off-topic though. I feel a bit uncomfortable talking about being an 'alpha' or talking about my level of physical attractiveness.

Magic boobs would be awesome.

I know that I am fortunate people do show interest in me (and I don't hang out in bars). I guess my frustration/sadness is from the dual source of my own loneliness when it seems like I'm surrounded by opportunity (admitting that I'm lonely is a big step for me) and also from having to cause other people distress by turning them down when I believe, at least to their eyes, it would seem like we were perfectly compatible.

Perhaps this loneliness is temporary and I am just being weak willed.

Its funny how the world is because I know a few women who never get approached by guys

at the same time I know a couple women who get swarmed by guys all the time

When looking at these women you could not guess which ones get swarmed and which are never even approached. So I always wondered why it is this way. And I know at least in the case of a couple of my friends the reason their swarmed by guys is because they are very friendly with them, almost border line flirting. They also relate to the guys they meet very easily. They also are very confortable about talking/joking about sex, but their not confortable talking about their own attractiveness. I not saying you do any of these things but these seem to be the things that the women who are approached alot that I know share in common.

Yes, I think I do share most of those traits in common. I agree, it has never really made sense to me why either.

You could give some of these guys a chance... worse comes to worse you don't have to stick around, best case you discover a hidden gem.

Well you don't want to know why because if I tell you I will immediately be banned.

That and your depressive I don't think you would be able to handle the truth. Get that in order 1 st please than you'll come to the realisation that the things you thought mattered simply don't matter one iota to a aspie.

I have life experiences in these things so I know what I'm talking about.

We where not meant for relationships accept it and move on .

Taking a wee while standing up.

Thats part of the problem if you where paying attention.

^^^

so why isn't she on autism tv?

Only good looking and well educated people are allowed on that "production"

I wont have a bar of it .

sunshower, i believe it's because you think you are less worthy than other people and therefore you look down on men who are attracted to you. instead, you probably subconsciously go after men who aren't attracted to you because you think better of people who look down on you.

in the dark corners of your mind, the people who look down on you are the ones who must really see you clearly because they find you unworthy... it reinforces your true feelings about yourself. i can virtually guarantee that if one of those men you have liked suddenly turned back and went after you, it would be like a cold shower and they would look abruptly unattractive. their attraction lies in their loftiness above you (or so you place them. they are probably just like every other guy *except* that they don't like you romantically)

here is an old but good paper about a similar concept called self-verification:

http://homepage.psy.utexas.edu/Homepage ... WPSV92.PDF

also, you are probably seeking rejection for a related reason - it confirms your beliefs about yourself. you don't deserve happiness so you set the bar out of reach. then you can feel terrible about yourself like you feel you deserve.

i am sure it doesn't help that some people put you up on a pedestal because you feel you are an imposter up there. i imagine it's only after you've proven to the world that you cannot possibly be a success in some way that you feel like they will see you as you see yourself.

Maybe it's a sign you don't want to be in a relationship at this time? Perhaps there's something else that's amiss in the guys that approach you? Hard to tell, really

I fear you may be at least somewhat correct, although I don't know for sure. I know that I often feel like guys who like me don't know me or see me for who I am, or - and I am really shamed to admit this - I find myself looking down on them not necessarily because they don't understand me, but because I somehow find them weak/inferior just in terms of mental strength/fortitude or something, and I find myself overcome with anger/contempt towards then, but simultaneously I am horrified at myself because I know they are good people. It's a whole mix of emotions, but attraction isn't in there.




I don't feel like I want to prove to the world that I can't succeed. More the opposite, I am determined to make something of myself and to do something to better the world, somehow. I want to be the best I can be, produce art others can enjoy, etc etc. The last thing I want is to give up, or fail.

But yes, I understand the pedestal thing and I always couldn't deal with that. It's easier now because since I've been sick and inactive people do it less. But I know these are problems I have to deal with.

I wonder whether I feel these men have weakness of character because they allow me to take up their lives and focus too readily. Like, when we talk all they want to hear about is me and everything I'm doing, thinking, etc, like their own lives are suddenly irrelevant and they need my life to give them sustenance. Almost parasitic, in a way. I don't know, I'm just speculating.

^^^yeah my sentence was not clear. i mean that you could be a success in certain areas but i think that you are sabotaging yourself in one way at least - romantically. you could easily have a steady boyfriend right now or be dating lots of guys casually but i believe there is something internal that will not allow you to be successful (in love).

Manic-depressive actually And I find it absolutely hilarious that you think I wouldn't be able to "handle" anything you say to me. Be careful what assumptions you make about people you don't know. Go ahead and PM me if you like, I'm curious now.



I think your life experiences are important, but there's no use having them if you don't share your wisdom. Rather than trying to simply put others down why don't you be helpful and give them constructive criticism?

Me too. I'm trying to figure out what it is and how to deal with it. My friend thought maybe I was afraid of relationships. I think I am fearful of going on dates, so maybe that's part of it. But if it was just being afraid of relationships surely that wouldn't stop me being attracted to people.

Maybe you don't like the pressure created by the situation when men approach you for a date/relationship? Having to make a decision on the spot can be too much for most people, and I guess that most people at least say yes to a date unless they can think of a reason not to. I think you might be playing it safe by not saying yes to dates when you haven't had time to consider the choice and maybe avoid weird entanglements that can form.

Live life on your own terms...at some point a guy that you know somewhat may appeal to you and things will develop on their own. It may help the process if you don't take guys approaching you too seriously, see less pressure in the whole interaction, and not feel like you have to keep your guard up all the time.

Hope some of what I have said makes sense and is helpful.