problem with his mother

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I wouldn't be afraid to cause an argument of alter his relationship with his mother. If he's 40, living at home, and she has so much power over him that she can prevent a grown 40 year old man from going on a trip, then their relationship needs to be altered. A lot. I don't know how severe his AS is, but I have mild AS and I'm 48, married for 25 years, and have 4 kids and a grandbaby. I've also worked before but I'm a housewife by choice now.

Something that you might need to think really hard on is this. He's spent 40 years being dependent on his mother and doing what she tells him to do. I doubt he can just walk out of there and function as an adult, even if he did decide to move to Europe right now. He will probably be more dependent on you than you think, even if he's working and not dependent on you financially. Is that something you are prepared for? Having a live in bf or a husband is, at times, like having another child. And thats when they are NT and have lived on their own for years before you got with them. Somebody with AS who has spent 40 years under his mothers thumb and in her house may very well be like having a kid all the time. I'm not talking about acting immature, I'm talking about dependence on you.

I'd let him handle the mother problem on his own. He has to learn to stand up to her if he ever wants a life of his own. I'd let him come visit, but not stay. I would tell him that he's going to have to learn to show more independence before he can come live with me. The fact that his mother is causing this problem proves that he's not independent. Yes, most mothers would be concerned and fuss at their son about something like that. Mothers of NT son's would't be very happy that their son is going to the other side of the world to meet some girl that he talks to on the internet. It just sounds risky even though in reality it's not. His mothers generation isn't used to relationships starting online so it sounds crazy to her. However, most guys would mention it in passing that their mother was upset over it and probably joke around about it a little then drop it. The worst that would happen is that he gives his mother your phone number "just in case". Since it's this big a deal, his mother has way more power and control over him than she needs to and much more than is normal. That has to change before he can ever be in any kind of healthy relationship.

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I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com

So what is the reason that you don't visit him first?