What do I do after I had sex with my friend?

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1. Make sure it's not going to make things weird between you.

2. Do it again! And again and again and again...

It is up to you how far this is going to go.
Be clear about what you expect (it sounds as if you were pretty clear on the onset). If it is only this one time, it is fine, you probably have to make some further comment along the lines of: it was nice, you were very good (seems to be important for men ) hope we are still even better friends, hope to see you again soon (could be a good idea to see him along with some other friends, that way there are no way to misunderstand anything) etc.

If you do it again you both have to be very clear about the implications. If you are friends and want to stay friends be careful of not getting romantic feelings towards each other. Things like this can probably not go on for to long, but it is possible for a while (and you might actually be better friends afterwards because you know that you can trust each other and you have shared a lot of things).

I do not really know about the self harm part, but you should probably be aware of this aspect (?)

This just happened to me last week. My "friend" and I had sex 5 times over the course of 7 months. What I have found out is friends don't have sex with each other plain and simple. He recently has met someone and dropped me like a hot potato. So much for being friends huh?

Wow, lots of great advice. To those who are worried about me becoming "hypersexual" or "hyposexual" because of the event, do not worry--I was already hypersexual (since my sexuality started at age eleven), and it runs in my family (a lot of Autistic people are hypersexual anyway because of the locations of the brain that are affected). And this event isn't something that could easily be repeated. I can't go into details because of privacy reasons, but know that it's not an issue and I've been working through that for a while. It's been over 2.5 years since it happened, and I'm progressing just fine.

As to whether or not I'd do it again, it's kind of not an issue because he'll be going away soon again, but I don't think I'll try to push for it to happen again. To be honest, if all other problems/implications were set aside, I'd totally do it again just to prove that I can be a lot better than I was that first time. I felt like he was really good, and I wasn't up to my full potential. And the long time is no excuse, since he hadn't done it in a while either.

Romantic feelings--I'm kind of strange about that. According to several educated sources (parents, friends, psychologists, blah...) I apparently have the equivalent of "romantic feelings" for about ten people, who I call my special friends. It's strange, but they say I form emotional attachments more easily than most people do. It's kind of irrelevant since I'm able to deal with that stuff anyway, but I don't think that just having sex could change my feelings for someone. I'm fine with being "just" friends (whatever that means) and I'm actually always apprehensive about dating anyone, sex or not, since I'm afraid of messing up friendships or potential friendships.

How do I make sure it will not make things weird or mess up the friendship? Would it make things "weird" by talking candidly about my feelings and asking stuff? That's what I usually do, but people usually think it's making stuff "weird" when I do that. It's especially difficult because he is not good at texting so it's hard to have an honest conversation like that (which would take a lot of words) and know if he's actually getting the messages or whatever.

Propose marriage.

[img][800:1852]http://alltheragefaces.com/img/faces/large/angry-no-l.png[/img]

Why not?

If he consents, then he's all yours for life (theoretically, anyway).

If he declines, then he never was really yours to begin with.

If he runs away, then you're better off without him.

I don't want him to be "mine"; he's my friend. I'm way too immature to hold down any kind of marriage, especially since I haven't even figured out the whole "in love/friends love/why the hell do people like monogamy so much" deal. It was friends sex, not dating sex.

WAIT A MINUTE...

Are you just trying to confuse me on purpose?

Act like it never happened. Why sleep with him again to prove how good you are if you don't plan on being with him? It's pointless. The fact that you aren't sure about how to handle this indicates to me that it wasn't a good idea.

I'm glad you recognize your immaturity. This is another reason I think you shouldn't do this again.

Sex is sex, whether between husband and wife, two complete strangers, or anything in between.

"Friends with Benefits", eh?

Oh, to be young again ...

Well, I'm not sure how to handle a lot of situations, whether or not they're good ideas. But I don't think I'll try to do it again. You are Neurotypical, right? So that means that Neurotypicals generally prefer us to act like that stuff never happened? I'm bad at doing that, but I have seen a lot of Neurotypicals act like things never happened. I thought it just meant they didn't know what to do--I never thought that they might be doing it because they like that.

But how do I figure out if it got weird if I have to pretend it never happened? It's impossible to talk about stuff if you're supposed to pretend like it didn't happen. Besides, I'd feel kind of bad because it was really nice of him to put up with my horniness AND have sex with me--I am by no means attractive! Wouldn't it be ungrateful or something if I just pretended like it didn't happen?

And will I still able to do normal friend stuff with him and not have to worry about if that made him not want to be my friend anymore?

No, Friends with Drawbacks. It's like Friends with Benefits, only the sex involves me, so it's kind of a drawback.

I agree, sex is sex. I guess since I just got out of a fwb relationship it is a sore subject and I'm in my late 30's.

Yes I am NT. Acting like it never happened requires you to not discuss it. It isn't rude. Talking about it may make things awkward. Unless you plan on doing it again. Talking about how good it was and all that just leads up to "let's do it again" . Trust me I KNOW!
And don't fool yourself into thinking that he was being nice to you by having sex with you. Friend or not he was seizing the opportunity to "get some".
NT's pretend like things never happened because sometimes that's the only way to get through something. Talking about it isn't always the way to go. True sometimes we don't know what to do so we choose to pretend it never happened which means maybe it will go away and we won't have to deal with it.

Trying to "get some"? That helps me feel better actually, since that's pretty much what I was doing, although I was doing it in a different way (I had just randomly gotten SUPER horny and I have bad self control and I told him so). I wouldn't expect people to try to "get some" from me though, since I think I make them feel gay (or straight, depending on who it is) because of my gender issues and a lot of people don't like feeling gay. Besides, nobody else has ever decided to have sex with me on the many occasions when I randomly get super horny. They usually want to be away from me when I get like that.

But if it does lead to "let's do it again" I could just refuse. That's not so hard. I will keep in mind that you might be sour from having just gotten out of "friends with benefits" but I don't really see how friends with benefits is a relationship beyond just friends in the first place any more than "friends who hang out and play D&D together" is a relationship beyond friends. I realize that the two of us probably think differently from each other, but since my friend is Neurotypical he probably thinks kind of like you. I guess he probably wants me to pretend like it never happened, too?