What happens if you hide your Asperger's?

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That's the thing with me. I don't usually tell people but I have no problem telling people if I'm asked. It's not that I'm ashamed of it it's just that I don't like using it as an excuse. I used to tell people more readily and it really did feel like I was a Münchausen even though it was true, even though I'm officially diagnosed. I used to tell people and some of them would say that's just a made up condition so I stopped. Even with people who didn't doubt either the existence of AS or whether I had it in particular, it still sounded like I was using a massive cliche or making excuses for my shortcomings.

Can I pass for normal? I don't really know. I can't see how others see me. I do remember a teacher, mentioning just offhand that he used to teach aspies than he proceeded to explain what AS is as though I'd never heard of it. We'd already had many conversations so maybe he didn't notice I was odd.

If you ask them if they notice, they will probably say nope you seem totally normal. They say it because it would be mean to say you seem a little bit off. Then after a while, they will start saying more and more that you are weird or different. Then they'll go into a denial phase because they know you know you are different, and they will try to convince you you're not different, and that you should just try to be more considerate. Then once you are mentally weakened enough and not sure of yourself, they will tell you that you definitely are different, and that it's a terrible thing, and decide to hate you.

At least that's what a lot of people did to me, especially family and people who say they are close friends.

The only people I've ever told in real life that I'm autistic are family members and friends close enough that I'm as comfortable with them as a family member. As for dating relationships... I'm of the opinions that knowledge of someone's social disorder is a real mood-killer, no need to bring it up, regardless of how open you generally are about it.

I agree.

Nah, NT's can usually tell something's going on. I was always pretty conservative about my "condition", probably because, 'till 7th grade, everyone in my class constantly mocked me for my interests, behaviour and nature. I hated them because, well, I had a good reason to do so. Then in 7th grade, our classmates are randomly selected, there wasn't anyone who I didn't get along but there were a lot of people who I didn't know who the hell they were. And I said,"Well, here we go." and bombarded them with joy and freedom and the awesomeness of my personality. Most of them still don't know I'm an Aspie but they know that there's something amazing about me and other Aspies. And they like it a lot.
I even talked to those people who mocked me all those years ago and showed them the truth. They were like
I could see that they finally understood.
Telling or keeping it to yourself... Not much will change but still, if you're asked or just feel like you can finally talk to a person about your Aspergers then do so.

I absolutely refuse to tell anyone because it's none of their business. Fortunately, in adulthood I've managed to gain enough perspective to understand where the root of my compulsions lay. It's relatively easy for me to identify the abnormal perceptions and brush them away. Most people regard me as distant and cold unless they get to know me, in which case they usually end up liking me a lot. I remember one summer I was more or less the "creep" at my workplace until one of my coworkers invited me to his place for beer and movies. After that, we ended up hanging out the entire summer and I was the most trusted member of my department. I have issues with starting social contacts, but once I establish myself it's fairly easy for me to connect with other people.

I've heard it said often here that NT's know we are different, before we even disclose.

It's a real weakness of any human being to be governed by black and white thinking. Let's all at least try to be master and not be a slave to our thoughts.

I rarely use the term NT because it seems to give free rein to b/w thinking as well as setting up a 'self & other' orientation.

There are many people in the autistic spectrum who can and do remain anonymous and live happy lives. Just because the majority of members here might not be able to integrate into society like many in the spectrum, it is wise to broaden our mindset.

What happens if you *do* disclose?

In my experience, everything that goes wrong in the relationship is pinned on the disorder...and by extension, the person who has the disorder. Once a disorder enters the picture, nothing is simply a matter of "the relationship ran its course" or "he's nice guy, just not the right nice guy for me." If either partner's bad behavior is an issue (by which I mean bad behavior that does not fall under "manifestation of a disability"), it's never bad behavior that caused the end of the relationship--oh no, couldn't be!

I'm saying this as a nearly 45 year old woman who has no doubt I'm on the spectrum, but when I was a child ASD wasn't even on the radar, particularly not for females. There was no way anything could be "wrong" with me anyway, because I excelled academically. I was just...really smart and really weird.

I was diagnosed with depression in my early 20's. My diagnosis was later amended to bipolar disorder type II, which was later amended to chronic depression with PTSD. They don't understand neurobiology, and a lot of what is done in the practice of the "soft sciences" amounts to a best guess. It's not like they do a DNA swab or blood draw and check.

My ex husband was a horrible partner who also cheated on me for the duration of our 15 year relationship. We've been divorced now for almost as long as we were married, yet he'll still tell anyone who'll listen that our marriage failed on account of me being a "bad" wife or "bad" mother because I was depressed. His being an a-hole who was a jerk to our kids and me has nothing to do with it. My own family pinned it on me for years.

My current partner is the fourth long-term relationship in my life. This relationship is the first time a partner has ever said anything to me about me being radically different than anybody else he's ever been with.

I'm with those who say be selective as to whom you tell, and do your best to promote the mindset among others: some people are different...get over it.