Girls never want second dating with me

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Andreger
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13 Oct 2014, 1:59 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Think again.

They don't have to ask you directly; you surely have provided them this info in an usual first conversation; these are basic living conditions.

I didn't. Just one or maybe two for all last years knew I'm renting appartments and dislike job, and no one about car. So this is not the point at least itself.

Andreger
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13 Oct 2014, 2:04 am

yellowtamarin wrote:

Andreger wrote:

No one asked me about job, house or car. When they were with me more then half were behaving normally as I think - I didn't ever thought I'm doing something wrong. For others it was at least more or less clear that they are uncomfortable with me.

I'm very sceptical about any of height, job, house or car being the main issue (if indeed there is a "main" issue here).

For me personally, I don't think I give the impression with a date who I am not interested in that I am not interested. I quite enjoy dating for dating's sake and will probably have a nice time even if I discover I'm not romantically interested in the person. This might be what is happening with your dates. For the ones who make it clear they are uncomfortable - do you take note of the moments when this occurs? Try to build correlations/patterns. Is it when you say certain things? Is it when you do certain physical things (e.g. maybe standing too close, or tapping your feet)? Something else?

They were bored speaking with me. I'm a bit geek but not in IT and instead in history and political science. I know very little about modern movies, music, fashion, cars and so on.

Anticipating your advice - I ain't gonna change myself in this. I won't throw away the only things I'm interested in excahnge of a little more chances on successful datng.

yellowtamarin
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13 Oct 2014, 2:06 am

Andreger wrote:

yellowtamarin wrote:

Andreger wrote:

Heh no I've already touched on that:

yellowtamarin wrote:

Alternatively, you could continue doing the same things and hope to meet someone who likes you for who you are and how you currently behave on a date. It's entirely possible that that will occur.

The_Face_of_Boo
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13 Oct 2014, 6:07 am

What you are doing is basically online dating; you are being dismissed harshly by strangers on the slightest "faulty" trait you have, it could be anything, your talk, you haircut, your cologne, your lack of car...etc. First impressions are harsh.
Online dating is a meat market, each girl you dated has probably other 20+ guys messaging her for a date.

This is not how most people get married tho; relationships usually develop from accquaintances. The bond usually gets established before the first "date".

The_Face_of_Boo
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13 Oct 2014, 6:35 am

Jjancee wrote:

Andreger wrote:

Last time I devided to get a girlfriend and started datings, first time in last five years. I used social network like facebook, sought possibly single girls in groups about my interests (mainly military history and politics) and wrote them something like "Hi, I found you in *group_name*, you love history?"
It was a surprise but it worked, alomst one of three answered and after few days I had 2-3 girls who accepted my invitation to go out in the city. I did it several times so overall I had near dozen of datings. But! It seems I failed them all and I don't know why.
On each dating I was nice, we've been near historical sights of our city, went to cafes and so on. They all looked like happy of spending time with me, we found some common interess (as it seemed to me).
But now half of girls just ignores my messgaes, others occasionally answer something and with two there is nice communication now but they rejects all attempts to meet again with different reason every time.
What should I do?
Find new ones? I'm sure it would be the same as first dozen. Try to ask any of these two for dating? But if they doesn't want it for two weeks why do they change their minds? Damn, it's difficult!

You might not be doing anything wrong - dating tends to be a numbers game.

I find that of some guy asks for my #, there's about a 50% chance he will actually call. If he does and we meet for a drink, there's about a 50% chance we will have both had enough fun to want to do it again, etc.

No, only dating through asking out strangers/or barely known people on the internet tend to be a numbers game - typically through online means like Okc/FB/dating sites...etc and these venues are usually gender imbalanced. In this scenario, males become like job candidates (plenty in numbers but weak) and females become like employers (few but have much stronger bargain and way more options), the date becomes equivalent to a job interview (harsh filtering in mass). It's a fierce competition for males no matter how you put it.

Most relationships do not develop from this kind of stupid numbers game but from bonding (and related efforts) and bit of luck (you can call it social game instead) . Maybe 99% of the relationships I am aware of in my surrounding started colleagues/classmates/former colleagues/coworkers/activity partners/friends of friends...etc. The 1% I am aware of is only one case: one of the secretaries in my former workplace, she met the guy who's her fiancee now thro the FB dating thing - I know no other case at all.

My advice for the OP is to find other means for knowing new people: activities, friends....etc. Go to the social section of WP. Keep online dating as secondary...much lower secondary mean.

/lunch break

yellowtamarin
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13 Oct 2014, 6:55 am

Somewhere between 15-29% of my Facebook friends who are in a relationship met their partner online. Sorry that's kinda off topic but the above post made me really curious so I did some statisticking.

Andreger
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13 Oct 2014, 7:09 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

I tried activities, friends and so on but the problem is that now I'm in Russia and things are really differ here from Europe or US. I have completely different mentality with 90% Russians while no problems with Americans (been there for more than half a year and love USA since that time), and there are even no one normal history club, and political science is almost prohibited.
That's why I mostly searched girls online - I could often by her social network page understand if she has more or less same mentality as I do, pro-western.

b9
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13 Oct 2014, 7:20 am

Andreger wrote:

Last time I devided to get a girlfriend and started datings, first time in last five years.

i wish i could think in ways that may help people like you because it would be fun to be able to understand, but i can not idealize what you are saying even after i have mentally corrected your grammar and spelling etc in order for my comprehension. i cannot make sense of the paragraph of yours that i have quoted.

Andreger wrote:

I used social network like facebook, sought possibly single girls in groups about my interests (mainly military history and politics) and wrote them something like "Hi, I found you in *group_name*, you love history?"
It was a surprise but it worked, alomst one of three answered and after few days I had 2-3 girls who accepted my invitation to go out in the city. I did it several times so overall I had near dozen of datings. But! It seems I failed them all and I don't know why.

because they were confabulated social dances stepped out in a sterile and clinical attempt to slake the thirst that is deeper to your needs. needs that are solely your own.

Andreger wrote:

On each dating I was nice

you know the real meaning of "nice" do you? what is "nice"?
"nice" seems to me to be a very blurry and unformulated concept that is concerned with "politeness"

Andreger wrote:

we've been near historical sights of our city

did you make them even more "historical" by being near them? i mean, what is a "historical" sight? my historical sights are long forgotten and over paved with new ones.

Andreger wrote:

went to cafes and so on. They all looked like happy of spending time with me, we found some common interess (as it seemed to me).
But now half of girls just ignores my messgaes, others occasionally answer something and with two there is nice communication now but they rejects all attempts to meet again with different reason every time.
What should I do?

just be you, and do as you will without being "up anchored" and blown off course by the whims of anyone else who thinks else wise.
if you are not full by yourself, then you may as well, like a husk, blow away.

The_Face_of_Boo
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13 Oct 2014, 7:57 am

yellowtamarin wrote:

Somewhere between 15-29% of my Facebook friends who are in a relationship met their partner online. Sorry that's kinda off topic but the above post made me really curious so I did some statisticking.

lol...."Facebook friends".

yellowtamarin
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13 Oct 2014, 8:01 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

yellowtamarin wrote:

Somewhere between 15-29% of my Facebook friends who are in a relationship met their partner online. Sorry that's kinda off topic but the above post made me really curious so I did some statisticking.

lol...."Facebook friends".

Yes, a larger pool than just my closest friends...what's the issue?

b9
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13 Oct 2014, 8:09 am

yellowtamarin wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

yellowtamarin wrote:

Somewhere between 15-29% of my Facebook friends who are in a relationship met their partner online. Sorry that's kinda off topic but the above post made me really curious so I did some statisticking.

lol...."Facebook friends".

Yes, a larger pool than just my closest friends...what's the issue?

the issue is a non issue. that is what the issue is.

rainydaykid
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15 Oct 2014, 5:33 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

How tall are you?

Do you have a job, a car and a place for your own?

This stuff seems superficial to me. Shouldn't a woman like you for who you are, not what you own?

I'm 5'11 and very good looking, I'm also in college for chemistry, so I'm very intelligent. I don't own a car, because I live close to campus, and don't need one. I also live with my mom because she is disabled, so I buy groceries, and do all the chores in exchange.

Any woman that looks at something superficial like that and dismisses me is screwing herself over. My job is going to college, as I get paid by the government to go to school(GI Bill), so I consider that my job.

I have a bunch of mental issues from Iraq, so that could be an issue.

Jjancee
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16 Oct 2014, 8:31 pm

rainydaykid wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

How tall are you?

Do you have a job, a car and a place for your own?

You are an grown man who lives with his mommy and doesn't drive. And who is also mentally ill. Who is hostile towards adult women who see a mentally ill man who has no car and lives with his mommy as anything except the BEST CATCH EVER and who is pretty much broke (aka in college on the GI Bill) to boot as being unworthy of you?

Well, no surprise that you're single.

Andreger
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16 Oct 2014, 11:08 pm

Jjancee wrote:

rainydaykid wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

How tall are you?

Do you have a job, a car and a place for your own?

In Russia it's normal to live with parents and have no car. Have you tried to get mortgage for 40% (forty, yes) yearly for 200k $ (average price of small appartments in my region) while your salary is 20k $ per year (HIGHER than average income in region) and other prices (food, clothes and so on) are greater then in US or Germany?

And if you've read more carefully you'll notice my post of 13th of October where I said "renting appartments. " Mainly I don't live with parents but nevertheless I haven't my own house.

rainydaykid
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17 Oct 2014, 9:03 am

Jjancee wrote:

rainydaykid wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

How tall are you?

Do you have a job, a car and a place for your own?

Not really, I'm very good looking and intelligent. I don't talk about being broke, or being mentally ill. If they ask, I say I work for the government, which is true, I'm getting paid to go to school.

Also, I only live with my mom because she is disabled, and needs help around the house. I'd rather live on my own, personally. I'm not broke, I can easily afford a car, but why would I buy one when I live literally across the street from campus? It's an extra headache I don't need when school should be the priority.

Everything you have stated is still superficial issues that shouldn't matter. Whether I have a car or not, a house of my own, is external things, they should worry about who I am as a person, and not what I own. But then again, most people in this country are materialistic as hell.

Also, being ex military has a lot of perks that civilians lack.

Jjancee
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02 Nov 2014, 5:32 pm

rainydaykid wrote:

Jjancee wrote:

rainydaykid wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

How tall are you?

Do you have a job, a car and a place for your own?

You asked why you weren't getting any second dates. Reasons were suggested & you dismissed them out of hand to keep doing what you've always done... that isn't working. At all.

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