Gold Diggers

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That's true. I think of that relationship as primarily an abusive relationship which included some financial abuse. That was the least problematic thing that he did, so labeling him a gold digger doesn't feel like the right term.

Also, he didn't get with me for the money.

Sociopath fits best for all of mine.

Yep, mine too. I think he probably has ASPD. He certainly meets all of the criteria.

There's a cultural assumption that men make more money than women and women are financially dependent on men in marriage. I'm sure that happens sometimes but tbh most of the hetero women I've known in my own age group or younger make double what their male partners make. Many of my female friends have been with men who can't hold a job, or else they are underemployed. Women tend to have a better education. They enrol in University far more often than men. They graduate more often than men, and they're more practical about saving money, even in their young 20s. Most young women aren't out blowing their money on tech or gadgets the way many young men are.

I know that sounds sexist and I'm not hating on men. There are many hardworking men. I'm just speaking from experience having raised a son and a daughter, knowing their friends, and being in academia myself.

I think that the original post should say that "some people are gold diggers." This does not need to be about gender, especially since, as Isabella mentioned, it's not true. I suppose there is probably some variation depending on one's country and the opportunities (and/or cultural norms) therein for women to have equal access to education, careers, and a fair wage.

Very true. Thanks for adding that.

I think in some of the cultures where women are expected to be dependent on men, it's the families who are seeking a wealthy man to be a provider for future grandchildren. It's not always the woman herself.

Gold digging can happen by any person regardless of gender and like I said, regardless of the partner's income.

I guess you could call some of them Silver Diggers or Bronze Diggers.

It's sad when anyone gets exploited.

I think mine got with me for the status.... I don't have much money but I apparently look like trophy wife material....?

I was at an extremely low point in my life. I was an easy target, and he knew it.

Sorry that happened to you.

I was used as arm-candy so that three different gay men could appear straight.

I wish they were all upfront about it in the beginning rather than hide their character until after significant damage has already been done and it's hard to get out.

If a person asks lots of financial questions right away, that person's motives would be pretty clear.

Or ... it's hard to get THEM out.

Again there's an assumption that men own the houses and women have to leave or extract themselves from these relationships (e.g., women's shelters.)

I wish more people understood that lots of women own their homes, but it's very difficult to get the man (or woman) partner to leave. You can't just kick someone out of a home where they live. You can't just sell the home or they will want half. You shouldn't have to sell your home, anyway.

It's very difficult to get rid of these psychos.
There should be Psycho Shelters.

I've been dealing with my first one for 25 years.

Last edited by IsabellaLinton on 16 Aug 2022, 8:29 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I meant "get out of a relationship." I wasn't referring to the house.

I kicked my husband out and threatened to the call the cops on him after an incident. He did not want to go to jail. If I had to do it over again, I would've pressed charges. Oh well.

It was a scary time, but I got through it.

Yeah, sorry, I know what you meant.
Getting out of a relationship is very hard.

Even after my husband came out and said he was leaving, he wouldn't leave.
He kept trying to save up money (e.g., mine.)
I had to kick him out and change the locks.

Then he went after me for the matrimonial home, after stealing my line of credit.

We were just in low income housing, so there wasn't a home for him to claim. It also helped that I had some evidence on him.

It took him a couple weeks to leave, and I had to deal with abusive behavior until he left, including but not limited to death threats. It's part of why I'm still technically married to him.

I still have to deal with his behavior when he comes over to visit. It's less frequent than it used to be. He lost interest after he finally realized that I wouldn't take him back. He has no interest in our son whatsoever. He's taken money from my house a couple of times. He's violated my personal space. He also snuck beer in by putting it into a soda bottle, thinking that I wouldn't notice. He still attacks me verbally.

That's brutal. He's a first-class arse.

I haven't seen or spoken to mine in person in about 20 years, other than in court.
I don't even know his address or phone number.
Still, he makes himself present with legal challenges whenever he has cash to waste.

My second one who was a gold-digger / sociopath was an alcoholic.
He was homeless when I met him.
He quit his job and declared bankruptcy after moving in.
He used to hide vodka all over the place.
He's the one who refused to leave unless he took my dog.
Then he killed my dog.
Then he also sued me for the house and alimony.

Then there was the third one who did the identity theft.
We weren't even in a relationship.
That one was concurrent with one of the court cases with my exh.

Wow, this is a fun thread OP.

I've only had one serious relationship, but it was enough.

(My husband is also an alcoholic and hid alcohol bottles all over the house. He also totaled the car but walked away unscathed.)