So Guys(and gals, if you wish)...Which Do You Prefer?

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@ JK: I think you had a right to parle back too.

and i get myself in similar positions so............. <3

i just really don't think he was tryin to be such a butt

Alright, dido sugar lump.

Well you are partially correct, I'm not arguing about that...

Since no matter who the woman is, I can't get into a relationship with her, I can safely say that the problem lies with me (since the concept that "there's a problem with an entire gender" is complete crap)...

So I went in with the process of elimination:

The concept of AS can't be what's wrong with me, since a great number of aspies can find meaningful relationships (almost a better rate than NT's if you consider meaningful relationships only).

The concept of my being overweight can't be what's wrong with me, since there are many overweight men can get into aforementioned relationships. Every time I offer it as rationale for my inability in this area, I get a whole bunch of comments stating the contrary. Also, by your own logic, most women do not discriminate against body type in men...

After taking into account those two elements (the LPP comment was just a jab; I wasn't being serious about that one), the only other element that makes me less attractive to women is that I don't have money, so that's what must be wrong about me...

No, I was, at many a point. I provoked her on purpose, to get more of a feeling for who she really was.

She's a very strong-willed person, I felt I had to do it to get an accurate response. She's beyond smart enough to manipulate her words to her convenience. I had to strike raw emotion, or else there'd be no other way of being sure.

I like her, even though she hates me now. The end justifies the means...? Not in this case, but it was worth trying. And even though I'm now despised, I still got what I was after: A greater understanding of her thoughts. If she'd just swallow her pride and really read the two PMs I sent, she would understand much better. But, I guess I'm just some a**hole.

I think the AS is the tricky part of that. The biggest portion of it is your exterior manifestation, I think you'd find that IRL the guys who can do well are quite a bit different than the guys who can't. The guys who can't who even seem to have it all together on here, if you met them IRL, you'd see little things in their mannerisms probably that they can't fix which usually have real negative effects on first impressions (it could be something that completely pieces up their ebb and flow - and they can't do a thing about it). I think in that sense its all serendipity of genetics and how the buckshot of AS lands.

The money part also, isn't all of it but I'm sure its an element with almost anyone - heck, not too many guys even would likely date a girl who's a highschool drop out and a couch potato, even if she looks good (or at least, rather unfortunately, not with long-term intentions).

Wayyyyy back to my original point. Men want a physically healthy mate to bear children with. Women want a strong secure male to provide for that. It's simple instinct, and the very basis upon which we find anything "attractive."

Sugar lump? Don't make me swoon now

I tend to feel like so much of the reason that the conflicts arise is just the extra complexity we have here. Women and guys experience this much differently, each to the other can sound paranoid when talking about life or their own realities (a lot of times because so many things sound impossible if you haven't seen them). Also, the fact that we have AS but hold ourselves accountable for all of it - that's a very good thing and its a proactive step, shows we care about owning up to our own actions, but that also adds a layer of complexity.

I think after that last post, where I mentioned that I'd read the first two that you left again, I also went back and read. It seems part of the reason why I'm not real active in a lot of threads like this is to get people's meanings some of time time I have to laser in so much on everything about how the words are written, just to get the proper intent out sometimes, that by the time I'm done with a few I don't have much left to really examine that many in that degree of depth. When I do that though, its funny - it seems like everyone's kind of off and grabbing at straws almost in this situation (which I kind of figured Aridarr's later jokes probably had something to do with).

I think this is just one of the reasons NT's are so good at staying off topics like this - they'd probably bust it up just as bad and they know it. With some of the complaint threads some of the guys drop and even some of the women, they're very internal words, verbage, they themselves know what they mean but it gets filtered through I think first the overall emotional tone of their writing, what sort of person or mentality the reader would ascribe to that, heck, I've had it happen to me. That's not saying that any of this just goes away if we keep it in mind, emotions are what they are - still I think its easier when that's factored in to forgive ourselves, try to correct what damage happens off of that, and of course part of it is building a thick skin as an emotional preparedness for the fact that it will happen. Those 5 to 10 page combats suck though, to be in or to watch.

Guilty confession: I love Aridarr, and her stand-offish attitude.

She's so wonderfully negative, even when it matters the least. It's beyond a thrill to analyze it

It's not so much about my being lazy or unmotivated... I am a full-time college student with a 3.2 gpa, and I spend a lot of time volunteering at a church... but alas, volunteer work obviously doesn't get me any money...

And here I was thinking that there were women that were into volunteering for stuff...

I think that's how I misread Julie in the first place, on second read it looked like she was saying that there are multiple healthy and attractive body types rather than just one. This thing really did start on misinterpretations, tone, and switches getting flipped (no one deliberately started instigating - neither you nor her, the lines just got jammed).

For what its worth you may be in my boat. Get the job, get fit, do all of that - it may not mean much of anything. If anything that would tell you that you'll just have to do it for your own benefit and learn to provide your own reassuring voice from within to an even greater degree than the next person just to make it through the day. Still, things are funky and the basic requirements for relationships in terms of neurological health are rather precise - AS can fall on either side of that (I really hope all this won't depress you, but in assessing the abilities it does mean that it takes a good degree of internal adaptation and if anything - if you feel like you need to do something to compensate the negative equity - just shoot for the stars in your education and the career).

Lost in translation, Men are from Mars, Women, from Venus.

Elaborate please.... . WHY is it irritating?

i just meant initially...... i understand what's goin on

For what it's worth, I've started in the last year to try and change those things about my life... the job hasn't come along well at all, but I've been taking hour-long walks every day in an effort to at least stop gaining weight and for the most part its working.

Doing these things for myself is all fine (it will help me in all the other aspects of my life), but it won't change the fact that I still feel like I'm an unnecessary superfluous extra in society... I'd go on but i've hijacked this thread long enough... I'm starting a new thread about this...