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Why does sexual attraction have anything to do with dating?

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Do you have to be sexually attracted to someone to date him/her/it?
Yes 67%  67%  [ 42 ]
No 24%  24%  [ 15 ]
Depends/Don't know 10%  10%  [ 6 ]
Total votes : 63

diniesaur
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10 Oct 2011, 11:28 am

Embroglio wrote:
If I don't find myself sexual attracted to a woman then I won't be able to date her. It's that simple. For me sexual attraction is based on multiple factors looks matter, personality matters, attitude matters. If they don't meet these factors then I won't find her sexual attractive. I might find her attractive to be a friend, but I couldn't date her. If you don't find someone sexual attractive then what are you going to do when the relationship reaches the point where it's time to have sex?


Two things:

1. To me, sexual attraction is completely visual; personality has nothing to do with it. This is why attractive males are so rare.

2. I am willing to have sex with people I do not find sexually attractive. Sex feels good, no matter how ugly the person attached to the penis or breasts is. Besides, penises are hideous. Does that mean I can never have sex using a penis?

Also, if you don't like someone's personality or attitude, why would they be attractive as a friend if they're not attractive to you as a person to date?



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10 Oct 2011, 11:36 am

ValentineWiggin wrote:
nick007 wrote:
CaptainTrips222 wrote:
ValentineWiggin wrote:

I'm an asexual, and couldn't disagree more.

Romance has absolutely nothing to do with physicality or sexuality, for me, nor, when it comes down to it, "poetry", "artistry", or "etiquette".


You don't have to be asexual to feel that way.


Then it might as well just be a really good friend. It wouldn't even have to be the opposite sex.

so a romantic relationship is the same as friends with benefits


To people who cannot see, or refuse to acknowledge the difference between romantic and sexual attraction,
it most certainly would seem that way.

Kind of sad.


It is. Romance with the absence of sex can actually be quite a beautiful thing. It's not necessarily something I desire, but it's something I understand and appreciate nonetheless.

It is quite common for people to equate romance to sex, and I feel that the two can overlap at times. Some people are generally more sexually driven than others.


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10 Oct 2011, 4:15 pm

diniesaur wrote:

But I've had sex with someone who I didn't find sexually attractive, and I enjoyed it very much. Sex is fun, whether or not I'm actually attracted to someone.


Isn't that techincally using someone else's body to masturbate against (am I allowed to say something so crass here?)

That doesn't sound very romantic. Romance is quiet enjoyable.



diniesaur
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10 Oct 2011, 5:35 pm

hurtloam wrote:
diniesaur wrote:

But I've had sex with someone who I didn't find sexually attractive, and I enjoyed it very much. Sex is fun, whether or not I'm actually attracted to someone.


Isn't that techincally using someone else's body to masturbate against (am I allowed to say something so crass here?)

That doesn't sound very romantic. Romance is quiet enjoyable.


The sex and the romance are separate here. Yes, I was dating that person, but my point is that sex feels good and I don't need someone to look attractive to me to enjoy sex with them. It has nothing to do with who I date; I was just explaining why I wouldn't hurt someone's feelings if they were dating me and wanted a sexual relationship with me.



ValentineWiggin
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10 Oct 2011, 7:16 pm

MountZion wrote:
ValentineWiggin wrote:
nick007 wrote:
CaptainTrips222 wrote:
ValentineWiggin wrote:

I'm an asexual, and couldn't disagree more.

Romance has absolutely nothing to do with physicality or sexuality, for me, nor, when it comes down to it, "poetry", "artistry", or "etiquette".


You don't have to be asexual to feel that way.


Then it might as well just be a really good friend. It wouldn't even have to be the opposite sex.

so a romantic relationship is the same as friends with benefits


To people who cannot see, or refuse to acknowledge the difference between romantic and sexual attraction,
it most certainly would seem that way.

Kind of sad.


It is. Romance with the absence of sex can actually be quite a beautiful thing. It's not necessarily something I desire, but it's something I understand and appreciate nonetheless.

It is quite common for people to equate romance to sex, and I feel that the two can overlap at times. Some people are generally more sexually driven than others.


Definitely. That's a legitimate experience- I'd only hope more people wouldn't marginalize or declare non-existent non-sexual romantic love and/or attraction.


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11 Oct 2011, 12:47 am

Some people have sex just for the exercise 8)

Its one hell of a work out :wink:



kerupuk
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11 Oct 2011, 5:26 am

I have a friend that he has everything that I want (genius, smart, nice, wise, tall, kind, polite, and he's really really my type!) but I don't know I value him as my friend! I am not sexually attracted to him. I'd rather be his sister. We have ever fooled people (including teachers!) in our school that we are... COUSINS and they magically believe us! Most of students have discovered the truth, but I don't know about the teacher :D I don't know I can't be happier other than being his "cousin". Does anyone can explain this?

On the other hand, I am sexually interested to another boy which is lived in the other country in Europe while I'm in Asia. He's not that handsome, not that tall, not that smart, not that good-type (he drank beer everyday before his birthday of 15 and it continues till now, he's 18), and has already has a girlfriend. I know he was just playing with me but I inevitably sexually attracted to him! Poor me, for me love is something that has no correlation with sexual attraction-- I do love my "cousin" and I would do everything for him. But I don't love my crush, I am just "sexually interested." We almost went on a dating, but it failed because I didn't understand what did his words mean while he asked me for a date.

Well,even myself don't understand what happens. Really.



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11 Oct 2011, 11:21 am

hale_bopp wrote:
Yes... that's the point of dating. Otherwise that's what friends are for.
Exactly.



ComplexRobot
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11 Oct 2011, 1:13 pm

diniesaur wrote:
ComplexRobot wrote:
Being able to please your partner sexually is a highly emotional and psychological thing.
Having a healthy sex life is just another thing that is a part of being happy and satisfied with your life.
That said, being sexually attracted to your partner helps fulfill that need.

I don't think someone could be satisfied sexually if they weren't sexually attracted to their partner.
That's not to say you can't make yourself more attractive to your partner, or that it's all physical or visual.
Sharing the same sexual habits and interests can make or break sexual attractiveness for some people.
Being physically attractive can be the gateway to discovering sexual habits, however.
(Note: There are sex therapists whose main job is to help couples have a better sex life.)


But I've had sex with someone who I didn't find sexually attractive, and I enjoyed it very much. Sex is fun, whether or not I'm actually attracted to someone.

You have a different definition of sexual attractiveness than I do. My definition is that sexual attractiveness is basically a scale of how much you want to partake in sexual interactions with that person. In other words, if you are willing to have sex with a person, then by definition, you are sexually attracted. (Unless you are having sex out of pity or some other reason besides just wanting to.)



diniesaur
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13 Oct 2011, 5:56 pm

ComplexRobot wrote:
diniesaur wrote:
ComplexRobot wrote:
Being able to please your partner sexually is a highly emotional and psychological thing.
Having a healthy sex life is just another thing that is a part of being happy and satisfied with your life.
That said, being sexually attracted to your partner helps fulfill that need.

I don't think someone could be satisfied sexually if they weren't sexually attracted to their partner.
That's not to say you can't make yourself more attractive to your partner, or that it's all physical or visual.
Sharing the same sexual habits and interests can make or break sexual attractiveness for some people.
Being physically attractive can be the gateway to discovering sexual habits, however.
(Note: There are sex therapists whose main job is to help couples have a better sex life.)


But I've had sex with someone who I didn't find sexually attractive, and I enjoyed it very much. Sex is fun, whether or not I'm actually attracted to someone.

You have a different definition of sexual attractiveness than I do. My definition is that sexual attractiveness is basically a scale of how much you want to partake in sexual interactions with that person. In other words, if you are willing to have sex with a person, then by definition, you are sexually attracted. (Unless you are having sex out of pity or some other reason besides just wanting to.)


I can see how different definitions of sexual attractiveness can lead to confusion.

Quote:
I have a friend that he has everything that I want (genius, smart, nice, wise, tall, kind, polite, and he's really really my type!) but I don't know I value him as my friend! I am not sexually attracted to him. I'd rather be his sister. We have ever fooled people (including teachers!) in our school that we are... COUSINS and they magically believe us! Most of students have discovered the truth, but I don't know about the teacher I don't know I can't be happier other than being his "cousin". Does anyone can explain this?

On the other hand, I am sexually interested to another boy which is lived in the other country in Europe while I'm in Asia. He's not that handsome, not that tall, not that smart, not that good-type (he drank beer everyday before his birthday of 15 and it continues till now, he's 1, and has already has a girlfriend. I know he was just playing with me but I inevitably sexually attracted to him! Poor me, for me love is something that has no correlation with sexual attraction-- I do love my "cousin" and I would do everything for him. But I don't love my crush, I am just "sexually interested." We almost went on a dating, but it failed because I didn't understand what did his words mean while he asked me for a date.

Well,even myself don't understand what happens. Really.


Why would you date someone you don't love if dating can lead to marriage?



SPKx
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13 Oct 2011, 6:12 pm

Sexual attraction is not the only condition for the people I date, but it's definitely one of them.



phil777
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13 Oct 2011, 6:30 pm

My poll answer : slightly.

I don't want to be a hypocrite and say that it doesn't matter, but the extent to which it does belongs to you, right?



NeantHumain
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16 Oct 2011, 2:17 am

Dating is a prelude, in part, to sex.



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16 Oct 2011, 5:10 am

Falling in love is an emotional process, not based on any logical criteria. Unless your behaviour triggers strong sexual attraction in the other person, there won't be a relationship. That's just how it works.


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16 Oct 2011, 6:14 am

seoulgamer wrote:
Falling in love is an emotional process, not based on any logical criteria. Unless your behaviour triggers strong sexual attraction in the other person, there won't be a relationship. That's just how it works.


For some people. The only time I fell in love, it was with someone toward whom I had no real sexual attraction. She was pretty, but that wasn't what touched my heart (and left a hole in it :cry: ) Sex is a huge part of bonding for humans, so of course for some people there's a sexual component. Like you said, it's not based on logical criteria, so people define it for themselves.



diniesaur
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16 Oct 2011, 7:39 pm

CaptainTrips222 wrote:
seoulgamer wrote:
Falling in love is an emotional process, not based on any logical criteria. Unless your behaviour triggers strong sexual attraction in the other person, there won't be a relationship. That's just how it works.


For some people. The only time I fell in love, it was with someone toward whom I had no real sexual attraction. She was pretty, but that wasn't what touched my heart (and left a hole in it :cry: ) Sex is a huge part of bonding for humans, so of course for some people there's a sexual component. Like you said, it's not based on logical criteria, so people define it for themselves.


I agree. To me, love and sexual attraction are completely separate.