Aspie/Neurotypical relationships

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I don't have much hope for it really, relationships in general seem like competition I'm not equipped to win and I don't think NT women or probably NTs in general are particularly keen on dating someone disabled whether they admit it or not. I don't know what the number is but I imagine it's a complete non-starter with like >50% of the population.

In my opinion, the most important thing to have in any relationship is a common interest. A "common interest" will always be a grounding point. When a couple gets into an argument and you are asking yourself "what am I doing with this ***?", your mind will drift back to remembering the enjoyment you two have with your common interest. This then becomes an agreed starting point to work out the problem.

I was married for over 20 years. We were high school sweet hearts. Looking back on things, in the last 5 years of the marriage our common interests drifted far apart and so we drifted apart. We are still friends but there is no love like it was.

I'm having one of my "moments" after reading this thread again. I just don't understand why my Aspie friend just stopped talking to me. Even after talking to each other for 2 yrs and he just stops with no explanation. I can't explain how hurt I am. And he was the one who said I have a problem not trusting people and that I have a mental problem about about people leaving me - and then he does this?!

I've never had a relationship with a person on the Spectrum.

Only with neurotypicals.

They haven't totally worked out--including the one I'm in now--but only a few of them were abject failures.

I'm married to an Aspie man.

It seems to me that it depends more on the individual person/people than a "diagnosis".
People are all different and have their strengths, weaknesses and hang ups.
Not all Aspies are the same and not all NT's are the same.

This is my second marriage and the first one was to an NT and he was no good.
My Aspie is 100x the man that guy was.
I only came here because this is one of our obstacles but in another relationship, it could be a completely different obstacle.
Just my opinion.

Nurseangela,

I've learned in the past couple of years that I was being insensitive and have been much better about it. Consoling people doesn't come naturally to me. It doesn't mean I don't care. It's just that I have trouble understanding how someone may be feeling and what the appropriate action is to take.

I'm making an effort to understand NTs and learn to give reactions that are helpful. My first instinct when someone comes to me with a problem is to offer solutions or relate my own experiences. But sometimes people just need to be comforted, and when I think about it, sometimes I need to be comforted too.

So I don't think all Aspies are like your friends. Some are willing and able to try to make themselves easier to get along with and to recognize areas in need of improvement.

And a lot of NT men are insensitive as well, so I wouldn't necessarily expect perfection from an NT guy in that area.

^ indeed. I feel for people but I'm not sure what to say or do. I'm afraid of saying the wrong thing. I try to do things like give food or treats.

With a gf I kind know, like I'd hug or cuddle her. That makes me feel good and I've been told most women will feel comforted too. However besides really sad situations I could never do that outside a relationship as I'm not good with touching. I don't really even hug my own family.

In any relationship (doesn't matter if it includes people with autism or not), good communication is essential.

I don't see being in a relationship with anybody as possible, let alone a neurotypical as y'all like to call them. I think it's best to just abandon all thoughts of romance and learn to deal with it.

As an Aspie, I am more attracted to the extroverted, confident, yet kind types. The problem I feel is one, would this person really be interested in someone as terrible socially as me, (I'm occasionally offensive, say odd things, smile randomly, don't always empathize, and have a hard time getting into a social situation to begin with), and two, would this person feel the need to take care of me, and be almost like my parent as opposed to lover?

However. I still think that it's possible, just difficult, to make it work. I would very much rather have a partner who was NT and sociable, in part because I admire that and want to be like it. So I hope, and think, that if you tell your partner how much you appreciate them, remind yourself of the things about you they'd like, (for me, this is a biting sense of humor, good looks, and intelligence), it can work out, though not always.

I am an NT in a relationship with an Aspie. We met online almost a year ago and have been together for 6 months. When our relationship began I had no idea my mom was as sick as she was. She died two months ago and my Aspie boyfriend really stepped up helping me and my 82 yr old dad to survive this, probably more than some NT's would have. Since mom died we've been having problems and he's broken up with me twice, this last time saying the most hurtful things. It was like losing my mom all over again and my heart rate has been affected. My mom taught me to fight and I'm fighting for him and us. He is worth it. We are worth it. My ex husband was very needy and clingy and I try not to be because I know what it's like to be smothered. I study AS as much as possible because I want to understand his needs and act on them. We are back together because I wouldn't accept his answer. We will begin counseling soon and he will have his space as needed. It seemed to have come down to him feeling trapped and wondering what he was missing by choosing me before playing the field as much as he wanted to so I'm looking for tips and advice on what I can do and what he can do (he is very willing) to stay the course and grow. He is already on meds and has behavioral therapy weekly. Any input would be welcome.

PS, it's not a love issue at all. For him it's more of a wanting to experience life issue. I found what I want in him. I want to experience life together.

My longest relationship was with a guy I dated in college for two years. As far I know he was NT, extroverted, but also had some aspie traits.

I feel like being both a woman and very high functioning aspie is both a blessing and a curse. You can appear so NT from the naked eye that autism wouldn't even cross anyone's mind. I've generally been very selective of whom I've wanted to date though. Even if a person is NT, they must possess some kind of aspie trait. It sounds limiting but I find it hard to date someone whom I can't relate to and get on the same wave length with.

I think I have some Aspie traits but they are minimal. I'm definitely anal and OCD in a lot of respects