Don't expect someone to love you

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If it's any consolation men are the same with me. It's not gender specific. People make up excuses so as not to hurt feelings. That's just how people are. Do you really want someone to be upfront and say, no I don't want to date you because of x,y,z? I dunno if that would help me or just crush me more.

No one has to feel flattered when someone else likes them. It's very individual. You like who you like. Their alternative choice is not necessarily a bad choice either. It is their choice to make and many factors come in to play. Things we may not even understand.

Long story short, everyone is an individual with different values. We all have to find what we feel is a comfortable fit. Logic only plays a small part in this process, the rest is attraction and gut instinct.

Also, people feel uncomfortable telling other people what they don't like about them. You can't actually expect people to do that. Rejecting someone else is an unpleasant task, only a sociopath would be comfortable rejecting someone.

Yes it would be helpful to learn what we're doing wrong, but berating the very human tendency to avoid conflict is counterproductive. That will never change, so there's no point stressing about it. It's a waste of time saying, "if only people would be straight up about how they feel." it's not ever going to happen. We all just have to muddle through and try our best.

If anything, it is more 'sociopathic' to be dishonest with people.

I find it very silly to call people 'sociopaths' just because they may be honest with someone they are rejecting even if it may hurt the other person's feelings.

People pretend to care about someone else's feelings by being dishonest with them because they know the truth would hurt the the person, but in doing so they are dishonest, which shows they don't even care enough about the other person's feelings to tell them the truth. Sociopaths would rather let people suffer in their blissful ignorance rather than telling them a hurtful truth.

Hurtful truths are far less hurtful than always being rejected and failing in your love life but NEVER knowing why.

Sometimes we really do need those blunt and honest people in our lives not afraid to point out what they believe our flaws are.

Something us aspies can usually be very good at.

True sociopaths aren't the aggressive people who enjoy openly hurting and insulting others; they are the lairs, the manipulative, the secretive, and the avoidant. Cowards.

It's a waste of time, doesn't mean those that are honest and open don't have a right to criticize those that aren't.

Either way, you can't just say telling white lies is any better than telling hurtful truths. I believe telling hurtful truths is better, but at the very least they can be no more than equal in dishonesty and a55hølery.

No I meant someone with something seriously wrong with them would enjoy hurting people. Generally people don't enjoy causing pain to others so they go for a soft approach. There may he a better word for that kind of person than "sociopath". Let's not get bogged down in semantics.

People won't change to do things the blunt direct way that aspies want. They will continue to be non-confrontational no matter how much we stamp our feet and say it isn't right.

Have you seen The Truth episode of Seinfeld

I always wondered why I fall into trap of not being wanted. I get so much anxiety, and its growing more as I start to age. 25 years old is considered late for not having experiences. I am not religious nor anything. I just have disabilities that is all.

My anxieties telling me how this generation tells me how superficial people when choosing partners. I am always left out, and that how I become a 25 year old dateless virgin like I said many times. I am not happy with that, but I am happy to have career, two degrees, friends, money, car family and so on. But I still want a relationship, since I am compassionate and affectionate person.

I am socially active person too and I am always out meeting andhanging with people. I dont get along with my own people like aspies and deaf people because they are so aggressive and ignorant in my city. So I stick to my hobbies and common interest environmentally like minded groups. I meet thousands of women, but still zero chances with constant rejection. Its so frustrating to me.

I totally understand. I was really upset the other day and saying to my friend, "there must be something wrong with me. I'm 34 and no one has ever wanted me." and she said, but look.at the good things you can do, you've got a good job, a nice apartment and good friends. Look on the bright side. Which is easier said than done.

One of my other friends even asked her husband. You're a man, what's wrong with hurtloam? Why don't men like her. And he said, "nothing, I genuinely don't understand why she's single."

I can't help. But I do understand that frustration of not knowing what I'm doing wrong. All I can do is just focus on my hobbies and things that make me happy in other ways. I feel like I'm never going to pass the girlfriend test. So I'm trying to do what you said in the op and focus on other things. Because thinking about and analysing why I'm single is just making me more angry and sad.

but dear, do wanna stay single?

hurtloam, the issue with people taking a 'softer approach' (which is a softer word for lying) is that they are perfectly fine with being dishonest to your face.

This destroys all evidence the person rejecting you really does care about your feelings and doesn't want to hurt you like they may claim.

It's more-so they're just saving their own skin than actually taking yours into account - they know rejecting someone harshly can result in said person becoming extremely sad or angry or frustrated or even lash out.

This issue is especially prevalent in high school but also young women who have to reject a male must do so in a soft way, especially if he is a stranger or acquaintance she doesn't know all that well.

Like I said, these people, male or female, are just cowards. They avoid the potential onslaught of the rejected.

I guess you could say it's remaining polite and picking your battles, but as it's already been shown countless times not just by aspie but even N.T.'s, people do have a problem with being lied to and rejected 'politely'. If anything it could result in just as much sadness and anger from the rejected as if you were honest.

Simply put rejected people will be extremely hurt no matter how you go about rejecting them, so perhaps the best way truly is to actually give them some constructive criticism on how they could improve/do better next time, in which almost none of them ever do.

I have heard of cases of people who actually say "I'd like to date you, you're a good person, but I'm just not attracted to you."

This at the very least gives a REASON for the rejection.

Because if you keep getting rejected but no one ever gives you a reason, your self-esteem will take a toll and you'll actually start to think something's wrong with you.

Even if the reality is you're perfectly fine, the just weren't attracted/available in some way. Well, you'll never know unless you were told.