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HighVamp913
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03 Nov 2020, 2:43 am

Hopefully it is just anger issues needed to be resolved. If not im still willing to work it out. I'm still gonna be there for her. Still gonna try to work it out.


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AnonymousAnonymous
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04 Nov 2020, 2:09 pm

HighVamp913 wrote:
Hopefully it is just anger issues needed to be resolved. If not im still willing to work it out. I'm still gonna be there for her. Still gonna try to work it out.


Continue your effort and keep us updated! :)


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HighVamp913
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04 Nov 2020, 6:59 pm

I will continue to work it out and keep y'all updated.


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DeMoM77
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04 Nov 2020, 7:37 pm

I've known my former boyfriend for almost 13 years. We bonded over his 3 kids when they were little and I became their godmom. It was only this past March that he confessed his feelings to me. He'd fallen in love with me the day we first met but never said a word. I felt strongly connected to him as well but didn't act on it because I was in a relationship at the time. We'd just casually joke because we both have twisted minds. We began dating a week after he confessed this past April. There was tons of highs and lows because something seemed a bit off about how he handled life. He told me his oldest son was autistic which made me notice the similarities he shared with him. I found myself getting frustrated with how he handled situations.. I began doing tons of research and realized he had aspergers.. He was never diagnosed but fit every trait.. It made me understand a lot about him and also helped him learn why he always felt something was different about him.. Well we did okay for a few months.. He was going through a divorce from an abusive wife also...
Now the part I need help on..

While casually texting with him one night he said he was making home made eggrolls.. I made a sexual joke about it and was laughing when out of nowhere he sent a picture he had just taken of his future ex-wife naked in his bath tub.. I got upset and responded very negatively. He saw nothing wrong with it and said it wasn't what I thought it was.. She came by and asked to take a bath.. I broke up with him and we haven't really spoke in over a month..
Is that remotely normal for someone with AS? Did I overreact? It bothers me because I'm not sure if it was something he fully understood.. My ex-husband did the exact same thing years prior but he knew it was wrong and was just a jerk.. I'd told my boyfriend about it and he was disgusted when I told him. So I'm not understanding why he'd do it. He did try to cover his soon-to-be ex with an emoji but the mirrors behind the tub showed everything.. It's two problems om dealing with..
1. She was naked in his house when they are legally separated..
2. He took the picture...

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.. I do still love him dearly but that broke my heart... :huh: :help: :( :(



Last edited by DeMoM77 on 04 Nov 2020, 7:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.

HighVamp913
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04 Nov 2020, 7:48 pm

I don't mean to be nosy, but did he say if something happened where his ex was staying. Or if she was kicked out? That could explain why she was there. But I don't know about the picture part. If that happened to me I would be pissed. From what you told me you are handling this better than most. I know I am young to give advice on relationships but I would say follow your heart.


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DeMoM77
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04 Nov 2020, 8:02 pm

She just had a tendency of showing up. She moved out of the house he previously shared with her and he got a new place of his own... He was talking like nothing was wrong and had I not gotten upset he probably would have continued talking after sending the picture..



HighVamp913
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04 Nov 2020, 8:14 pm

Um.....Dam....Ok...... I don't know. I don't know about that. You have to trust your heart on this one. I mean people can guide you but you are the one who has been with him. You also have the most info. So you have to trust yourself and the decision you make. See what other people have to say about it I'm sure someone has been through something similar.


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~Saturdayz for the boys~
~ADHD at its finest~
~I'm folding the dishes~
~Overthinker~


DeMoM77
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04 Nov 2020, 8:22 pm

I'm mainly trying to find out if it's something connected to his condition. If anyone else experienced anything like this or not. I don't forgive anyone with ill intentions.. but I have read about many off the wall situations occurring in these relationships and don't want to walk away from him if it is indeed his altered perception..



Pepe
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04 Nov 2020, 8:23 pm

DeMoM77 wrote:
I've known my former boyfriend for almost 13 years. We bonded over his 3 kids when they were little and I became their godmom. It was only this past March that he confessed his feelings to me. He'd fallen in love with me the day we first met but never said a word. I felt strongly connected to him as well but didn't act on it because I was in a relationship at the time. We'd just casually joke because we both have twisted minds. We began dating a week after he confessed this past April. There was tons of highs and lows because something seemed a bit off about how he handled life. He told me his oldest son was autistic which made me notice the similarities he shared with him. I found myself getting frustrated with how he handled situations.. I began doing tons of research and realized he had aspergers.. He was never diagnosed but fit every trait.. It made me understand a lot about him and also helped him learn why he always felt something was different about him.. Well we did okay for a few months.. He was going through a divorce from an abusive wife also...
Now the part I need help on..

While casually texting with him one night he said he was making home made eggrolls.. I made a sexual joke about it and was laughing when out of nowhere he sent a picture he had just taken of his future ex-wife naked in his bath tub.. I got upset and responded very negatively. He saw nothing wrong with it and said it wasn't what I thought it was.. She came by and asked to take a bath.. I broke up with him and we haven't really spoke in over a month..
Is that remotely normal for someone with AS? Did I overreact? It bothers me because I'm not sure if it was something he fully understood.. My ex-husband did the exact same thing years prior but he knew it was wrong and was just a jerk.. I'd told my boyfriend about it and he was disgusted when I told him. So I'm not understanding why he'd do it. He did try to cover his soon-to-be ex with an emoji but the mirrors behind the tub showed everything.. It's two problems om dealing with..
1. She was naked in his house when they are legally separated..
2. He took the picture...

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.. I do still love him dearly but that broke my heart... :huh: :help: :( :(


I would give him the benefit of the doubt.
We auties often don't realise how other people take things and assume "you" understand implicitly.
This has happened all my life.
It is a lack of theory of mind thing. :wink:



Pepe
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04 Nov 2020, 8:25 pm

DeMoM77 wrote:
I'm mainly trying to find out if it's something connected to his condition. If anyone else experienced anything like this or not. I don't forgive anyone with ill intentions.. but I have read about many off the wall situations occurring in these relationships and don't want to walk away from him if it is indeed his altered perception..


Give him the benefit of the doubt,
and have him followed by a private detective. :mrgreen:



DeMoM77
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04 Nov 2020, 9:18 pm

Thank you everybody.. It's a lot to learn about and adjust to... It helps greatly to have your perspective and wisdom on something I am still learning to understand. :heart:



nick007
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07 Nov 2020, 11:57 pm

DeMoM77 wrote:
I've known my former boyfriend for almost 13 years. We bonded over his 3 kids when they were little and I became their godmom. It was only this past March that he confessed his feelings to me. He'd fallen in love with me the day we first met but never said a word. I felt strongly connected to him as well but didn't act on it because I was in a relationship at the time. We'd just casually joke because we both have twisted minds. We began dating a week after he confessed this past April. There was tons of highs and lows because something seemed a bit off about how he handled life. He told me his oldest son was autistic which made me notice the similarities he shared with him. I found myself getting frustrated with how he handled situations.. I began doing tons of research and realized he had aspergers.. He was never diagnosed but fit every trait.. It made me understand a lot about him and also helped him learn why he always felt something was different about him.. Well we did okay for a few months.. He was going through a divorce from an abusive wife also...
Now the part I need help on..

While casually texting with him one night he said he was making home made eggrolls.. I made a sexual joke about it and was laughing when out of nowhere he sent a picture he had just taken of his future ex-wife naked in his bath tub.. I got upset and responded very negatively. He saw nothing wrong with it and said it wasn't what I thought it was.. She came by and asked to take a bath.. I broke up with him and we haven't really spoke in over a month..
Is that remotely normal for someone with AS? Did I overreact? It bothers me because I'm not sure if it was something he fully understood.. My ex-husband did the exact same thing years prior but he knew it was wrong and was just a jerk.. I'd told my boyfriend about it and he was disgusted when I told him. So I'm not understanding why he'd do it. He did try to cover his soon-to-be ex with an emoji but the mirrors behind the tub showed everything.. It's two problems om dealing with..
1. She was naked in his house when they are legally separated..
2. He took the picture...

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.. I do still love him dearly but that broke my heart... :huh: :help: :( :(
That seems very messed up to me. You mentioned that she has a tenancy of just showing up. Ask yourself if you think you could handle having a serious romantic relationship with someone when his sorta ex keeps showing up to take bahts in his place while he watches. If he really could not grasp why you would have a problem with that ,I would be worried that he would have other problems not understanding that other seriously incorporate behavior is wrong like cheating.


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DeMoM77
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08 Nov 2020, 2:17 pm

I finally spoke to him about it.. & feel very bad.. Apparently he wasn't home when she showed up and made herself at home.. When he returned he found her in his tub and instantly sent me a picture before explaining how it happened... My NT mind instantly went into overdrive and shut him down.. It's taking a lot of adjusting to his newly identified AS... I am grateful for all the advice.



HighVamp913
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12 Nov 2020, 10:12 pm

My girlfriend started drinking recently, nothing heavy. Just sips on sh- throughout the day. I try asking her what is bothering her, :( she won't answer. Am I doing something wrong? Am I being clingy? Should I give her space? I'm confused.


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~Saturdayz for the boys~
~ADHD at its finest~
~I'm folding the dishes~
~Overthinker~


Pepe
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12 Nov 2020, 11:31 pm

DeMoM77 wrote:
Thank you everybody.. It's a lot to learn about and adjust to... It helps greatly to have your perspective and wisdom on something I am still learning to understand. :heart:


Well, we are known as "The Little Professors", after all. :wink:
Live long, and prosper. 8)



Pepe
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12 Nov 2020, 11:38 pm

nick007 wrote:
DeMoM77 wrote:
I've known my former boyfriend for almost 13 years. We bonded over his 3 kids when they were little and I became their godmom. It was only this past March that he confessed his feelings to me. He'd fallen in love with me the day we first met but never said a word. I felt strongly connected to him as well but didn't act on it because I was in a relationship at the time. We'd just casually joke because we both have twisted minds. We began dating a week after he confessed this past April. There was tons of highs and lows because something seemed a bit off about how he handled life. He told me his oldest son was autistic which made me notice the similarities he shared with him. I found myself getting frustrated with how he handled situations.. I began doing tons of research and realized he had aspergers.. He was never diagnosed but fit every trait.. It made me understand a lot about him and also helped him learn why he always felt something was different about him.. Well we did okay for a few months.. He was going through a divorce from an abusive wife also...
Now the part I need help on..

While casually texting with him one night he said he was making home made eggrolls.. I made a sexual joke about it and was laughing when out of nowhere he sent a picture he had just taken of his future ex-wife naked in his bath tub.. I got upset and responded very negatively. He saw nothing wrong with it and said it wasn't what I thought it was.. She came by and asked to take a bath.. I broke up with him and we haven't really spoke in over a month..
Is that remotely normal for someone with AS? Did I overreact? It bothers me because I'm not sure if it was something he fully understood.. My ex-husband did the exact same thing years prior but he knew it was wrong and was just a jerk.. I'd told my boyfriend about it and he was disgusted when I told him. So I'm not understanding why he'd do it. He did try to cover his soon-to-be ex with an emoji but the mirrors behind the tub showed everything.. It's two problems om dealing with..
1. She was naked in his house when they are legally separated..
2. He took the picture...

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.. I do still love him dearly but that broke my heart... :huh: :help: :( :(
That seems very messed up to me. You mentioned that she has a tenancy of just showing up. Ask yourself if you think you could handle having a serious romantic relationship with someone when his sorta ex keeps showing up to take bahts in his place while he watches. If he really could not grasp why you would have a problem with that ,I would be worried that he would have other problems not understanding that other seriously incorporate behavior is wrong like cheating.


We are talking about auties.
If I had a dime every time I *knew* people would understand where I was coming from, well, you know. :mrgreen:

It is possible he thought, by showing the picture of his ex in the bathtub, the OP would view this as him being honest and open and assume she would value that disclosure.
I've never done that, but I have done similar things and was shocked it was taken the wrong way.

But then, he may just be a jerk. I don't know him. <shrug>