Still lonely.

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i was also kicked out when 17 & have been alone since. (except for family occasionally) but nowadays i don't really see anyone. or they don't see me.?

anyways sorry if i seem bitter, i'm sorry that so many ppl are lonely..

Fudo no disrespect, but correct me if i am wrong, you dont go out right? Then ofcourse you will be lonely and not see anyone. Geez.

No prob bob, I got some crap out and nothings changed but i feel better. Thanks for putting up with my crap. I don't usually post more than once but being lonely can get kinda trippy. I don't really mind not having alot of interaction but a wanting a girl to care about me goes deep to my core. wish it wasn't so!

I try to be social, but i end up missing things and looking stupid, then loosing my grip and start tripping and sluring with my words, its a nightmeare. I'm so lonley not even my family is helping? they try but it just dosent work?

i am never alone, although i am rarely in human company.
i have an injured white fantail pigeon that is taking refuge in a cupboard in my laundry and she is such a sweet little innocent life. she is living and she is close by to me when i go to sleep.
i have possums who want me to pet them every night. they rub themselves against me and try to encourage me to fondle them.
i love my possums.
i have 8 kookaburras who are in my yard all day, and when ever i go out the back they chortle and chuckle in acknowledgment of me.
i have 6 mice who run around in the trees outside my windows looking at me, and they are usually hoping i will decide to feed them soon.

i am not alone.

but as far as human contact goes, i have a girl friend who i see only once per week.
she gets here at about 8pm, and we go to sleep by 1 am (she can not stay alert for long). then, the next morning, i ring a taxi for her as soon as we wake up because she has a huge appetite and likes to get her breakfast at wahroonga where she catches her train home. (i give her $80 before she goes to pay for it)

while she is with me, she raves on about her idols (sports hero's and boy bands) and listens naught to my words.
she is very autistic (MFA) and she is not aware of who i really am.
i do love her very much, but she does not provide real company for me.

i am happy to be alone and i can do whatever i like while i am alone.
i can act any way i please if no intelligent eyes are looking at me.

i do not want to modify my lazy instincts to fit with anyone else.

i have never felt "loneliness" but i do know how it feels i think.
when an animal that i love dies, it makes me feel aching of heart. i feel very "lonely" in a way for their company again.


i like some people to a degree.

Not alone anymore, but a year ago at this time I would have said yes.

In 12 days it will be five months since my girlfriend and I officially started dating. It's the longest relationship I've ever been in, the previous record being 1-3/4 months, approximately. And that one was just sex, I didn't love her.

If it wasn't for my girlfriend, I'd have probably given up school and all but given up life by now. She's the best reason I've ever had to be productive and keep moving forward.