How to recognize when a girl is flirting with you?

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I never feel sexy about myself, and I don't want to "feel sexy" unless It's actually involving well.. sex.

In my experience it can usually be described by "there's many a true word spoken in jest".

Some light jokes are usually a friendly sign but if a girl keeps making similar jokes that could be seen as light flirting a repeated amount of times over a short period chances are that they´ll say yes if you ask them out(provided that they are single).


For other situations lookout for any "special treatment" from her. From making a point to go by your desk and talk to you quite frequently if she isnt doing the same thing with others surrounding you, to being in a group activity and her making sure that she spends most of the time talking to you on repeated occasions.

Not saying any of this is a definite sign of flirting with any girl but if you see a girl doing this you may want to start paying closer attention to how she acts and look for any similar signs/ask her out eventually

I think I get it a little better, but now like it even less. I used to be uncomfortable with it because of not knowing how to react, now I'm uncomfortable with what it means. I never thought of it as actual sexual commentary but lacking intent. I thought of it as witty banter/wordplay, or somtimes a game of brinksmanship, that could sometimes include a sort of ... feeling things out.

I think I'll try to forget that it actually is intended as sexual commentary. Now I'm going to feel really awkward with it. Maybe there are some things we're better off not knowing about women!

Guys flirt, too. And for the same reason.

So I guessed right, except for the idea that it's a lie, which I suppose it might not be?
What proportion of the population would you say used this way of trying to be nice? And do men do it as well as women?

Anyone can honestly want to make another person feel better about themselves and feel sexy without wanting to sleep with them.

I don't know about percentages. I know it's more prevalent in certain environments than others. When I worked in a predominantly female office, we would have salesmen visit and try to "flirt" their way into meeting someone who has buying authority regarding their product or service. Don't get me wrong - them having an ulterior motive doesn't automatically mean that they aren't also trying to be generally nice. I could be as friendly and polite as a receptionist turning them down. I never had to be rude.

I suppose so........but I can't imagine myself giving such a compliment.


Sales people are notorious for using the symbols of sex to sell their wares.

It sounds rather dishonest to me, to make someone 'feel sexy' if they have no interest in you. In fact, upon finding out she was just being nice, it makes my self esteem a lot worse . I feel like she was just using me as an ego boost. God forbid, you know, someone could actually be interested in me

This could take me a long time to work through.

Currently I'm skeptical but also I get this feeling that there's something I'm not quite seeing.

I seem to have a mental block about giving any kind of exaggerated compliment, sexual or not. So if somebody's fishing, I clam up because I can't usually think of a good one that's also squeaky clean honest, not in time anyway.

There is that. If they are being flirty but not actually interested and you take it as an interest and find out later that it's not, it ends up backfiring and becoming detrimental to your self-esteem instead of helping it, as was hopefully the person's initial intent.

I can't be flirty with words all that successfully, unless it's in written format like email or the forums. I can be flirty with my looks (like giving a nice smile to someone can be considered flirty if done right), but words and I don't really get along, and I'll inevitably stick my foot in my mouth and pull the trigger. Pew-pew.

(There's a Tim Minchin reference in there, if you are familiar with his work.)

Yeah. I, being Aspie, have trouble reading if she's actually interested, or just being nice. It's landed me in trouble a few times before.

I can't really say I have alot to contribute to this one except my amazing blindness for hints as subtle as a car in your face.

One girl came around my house basicly every day for two weeks and tried to talk to me, it took me three months to figure out why she would possibly do such a thing. ^^
Next one had bluntly told me she liked me not even a week before and litteraly had her pantys in her hand and was dressed in nothing but a T-shirt, I still had no clue what she was going for.

So dont feel bad if you feel like you cant read the signes of flirting, you're in very good company.

ahaha yeah. I've had similar experiences, a long time ago. Such as a girl I knew sharing a cab with me to and from a club, while everyone else got a different cab. I didn't know anything was going on until I was asked by a male friend the next day how I got on with her I still can't understand why she didn't just speak up.

This makes sense in terms of categorization. But differentiating them is a daunting task!

One thought that comes to my mind is that these girls are very insecure and crave attention. But, I may be wrong. Also, reading the replies here makes me think that recognizing flirting is a very very very difficult task. I may decide to ignore any behaviour of a girl that I find weird as casual flirting. Which is what I have been doing indirectly(as I did not understand flirting and treating any weird behaviour as idiosyncrasy) till now.