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AsahiPto17
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08 Jan 2016, 1:14 pm

I don't mind being called cute, I like it, but I don't really care about feeling reassured that I conform to the somewhat silly standards of being very masculine and whatever.



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08 Jan 2016, 1:34 pm

Sabreclaw wrote:


I firmly believe the best thing to do is to force your body to lose interest in romance. It's not easy, I've been trying for years to turn myself into an emotionless rock but I do have slip-ups where I start feeling alone and miserable for a few minutes before regaining my composure. But so long as I can keep myself busy I can be content with isolation. It's those nights where for whatever reason you're not tired so you lie awake in bed with too much time to think that things get troublesome.


Sounds like taking it too far....why not simply attempt to simply make oneself crave romance less and focus on other aspects of life whilst still leaving yourself open to the chance of a relationship should you meet someone and hit it off with them? I mean otherwise its a guaranteed self fulfilling prophecy because once your an emotionless rock a women wouldn't be able to get through romantically if she wanted to.

Also since people cant be convinced they aren't ugly....well I have seen plenty of ugly people in relationships, sometimes a rather good looking person dating an ugly person or two ugly people. Overgrown highschool jocks and frat boys and their petty high maintenance girls who never emotionally graduated highschool don't own the entirety of the dating scene.


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08 Jan 2016, 1:49 pm

Kitty4670 wrote:
I been talking to this guy from okcupid I met yesterday, is it too soon for him to miss me? He already wants me for his girlfriend.


Did you meet in person? As a rule that does seem a little bit too soon, but if you guys met in person and hit it off really well(as in you feel some attatchment to him to) then it could be genuine. The first time I met my boyfriend, I was pretty sure I wanted to be his girlfriend but wanted to wait it out a little since I have had bad luck jumping into relationships too soon...but I think had we decided on that date to be a couple it would have still worked out. But yeah I can honestly say it did not take long at all for me to miss him some when we were apart.

How do you feel about this guy and whether or not you'd want to be his girlfriend? And are you comfortable with making such a commitment so soon? If not then if he cant accept that you need to take it a bit slower then to me that would be a red flag that he's just looking to get laid or something. But yeah there isn't a set rule in how long people have to see/know each other before becoming a couple it really depends on the individuals involved.

But yeah if you guys haven't even met in person, I'd say its definitely too soon and to be careful.


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Kitty4670
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08 Jan 2016, 2:14 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
Kitty4670 wrote:
I been talking to this guy from okcupid I met yesterday, is it too soon for him to miss me? He already wants me for his girlfriend.


Did you meet in person? As a rule that does seem a little bit too soon, but if you guys met in person and hit it off really well(as in you feel some attatchment to him to) then it could be genuine. The first time I met my boyfriend, I was pretty sure I wanted to be his girlfriend but wanted to wait it out a little since I have had bad luck jumping into relationships too soon...but I think had we decided on that date to be a couple it would have still worked out. But yeah I can honestly say it did not take long at all for me to miss him some when we were apart.

How do you feel about this guy and whether or not you'd want to be his girlfriend? And are you comfortable with making such a commitment so soon? If not then if he cant accept that you need to take it a bit slower then to me that would be a red flag that he's just looking to get laid or something. But yeah there isn't a set rule in how long people have to see/know each other before becoming a couple it really depends on the individuals involved.
But yeah if you guys haven't even met in person, I'd say its definitely too soon and to be careful.



No, we did not meet. I jumped into my first relationship after 2 weeks of knowing him, I didn't ask him questions to get to know him. I was immature for my age & I didn't know how to act.

With this guy I'm talking to, I'm aware that something is wrong, I trust my gut feeling.



Kitty4670
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08 Jan 2016, 2:29 pm

I didn't know cute mean something else now, I CAN'T KEEP UP with the times. I'm struck in the past. I don't know what people are saying today. I just found out what a DVR is 2 years ago & I didn't get an iPad until 2 years ago.



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08 Jan 2016, 2:58 pm

Kitty4670 wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
Kitty4670 wrote:
I been talking to this guy from okcupid I met yesterday, is it too soon for him to miss me? He already wants me for his girlfriend.


Did you meet in person? As a rule that does seem a little bit too soon, but if you guys met in person and hit it off really well(as in you feel some attatchment to him to) then it could be genuine. The first time I met my boyfriend, I was pretty sure I wanted to be his girlfriend but wanted to wait it out a little since I have had bad luck jumping into relationships too soon...but I think had we decided on that date to be a couple it would have still worked out. But yeah I can honestly say it did not take long at all for me to miss him some when we were apart.

How do you feel about this guy and whether or not you'd want to be his girlfriend? And are you comfortable with making such a commitment so soon? If not then if he cant accept that you need to take it a bit slower then to me that would be a red flag that he's just looking to get laid or something. But yeah there isn't a set rule in how long people have to see/know each other before becoming a couple it really depends on the individuals involved.
But yeah if you guys haven't even met in person, I'd say its definitely too soon and to be careful.



No, we did not meet. I jumped into my first relationship after 2 weeks of knowing him, I didn't ask him questions to get to know him. I was immature for my age & I didn't know how to act.

With this guy I'm talking to, I'm aware that something is wrong, I trust my gut feeling.



Yeah seems probably best to trust your gut feeling here.

One time I met a guy at a bus-stop and we talked and he seemed to like me and in my head decided I'd maybe give him a chance...so gave him my number then he convinced me we should make out (I kinda figured it was a little early for that but thought maybe people screw around like that before dating I was much younger and more naive at the time).

But yeah so I give him my number we kissed some and then my entire ride back home on the bus he kept non-stop texting me how much he missed me and this and that and even getting pissy with me when I wasn't responding quickly enough and expressed I agreed to spend some more time with him but wasn't sure a relationship would work or not. I am just glad he showed his true colors before I actually went and spent more time with him in person.


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08 Jan 2016, 3:09 pm

Kitty4670 wrote:
I didn't know cute mean something else now, I CAN'T KEEP UP with the times. I'm struck in the past. I don't know what people are saying today. I just found out what a DVR is 2 years ago & I didn't get an iPad until 2 years ago.

Lol, I know how to program in a few different languages, I'm very knowledgable about all types of technology...I didn't get a pad (android) until a month ago. First piece of "smart" technology I've owned. To be honest, I'm not all that impressed.



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09 Jan 2016, 4:50 am

Earthling wrote:
For physically unattractive males "cute" can be a trigger word.
Why?
Because "You're cute" said to a man by a woman generally means
1) "You're physically unattractive"
and/or
2) "You're friendship material"

2a) "You're platonic only friendship material".

The word "nice" can also be similar.

Quote:
It's similar to calling an overweight girl "fat".
Even if she's just a friend, you generally want to avoid calling her "fat" because it might trigger her to feel ugly.

Sort of. Except that "fat" dosn't appear to have a context where it can be (or appear to be) a compliment.



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09 Jan 2016, 6:51 am

^ Agreed.

mpe wrote:
Sort of. Except that "fat" dosn't appear to have a context where it can be (or appear to be) a compliment.

Hard to think of a good example for it. IMO "nice" is a better one.



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09 Jan 2016, 3:17 pm

mpe wrote:
Quote:
It's similar to calling an overweight girl "fat".
Even if she's just a friend, you generally want to avoid calling her "fat" because it might trigger her to feel ugly.

Sort of. Except that "fat" dosn't appear to have a context where it can be (or appear to be) a compliment.
It does when they mean fat with a ph like phat.


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09 Jan 2016, 5:52 pm

Man, I must be cute then because I'm so unattractive.



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09 Jan 2016, 7:32 pm

AsahiPto17 wrote:
I wish people didn't have this ingrained "women get chased by men" program, it seems like it would be just as annoying for both sexes and causes a lot of anguish. Women get unwanted attention, or worse, and men have to be aggressive and fight for a relationship and constantly put themselves out there chasing after women who already have a wall up.
Agreed.
AsahiPto17 wrote:
I don't like society. I'd rather just exempt myself from those weird "rules" and wait to see of anyone crosses my path rather than chase after people.
Many people cross our paths every day, the trouble is, waiting for people to cross our path can end up like two ships passing in the night.


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09 Jan 2016, 7:43 pm

Kitty4670 wrote:
I didn't know cute mean something else now, I CAN'T KEEP UP with the times. I'm struck in the past. I don't know what people are saying today. I just found out what a DVR is 2 years ago & I didn't get an iPad until 2 years ago.
The thing about this that gets me is all the different types of social networking. I thought I was doing pretty well to have a Facebook account but there are dozens of other social networking services that I haven't even heard off. I hear my teenaged half-brothers talking about them, dropping names of services I haven't heard of.
Aristophanes wrote:
Lol, I know how to program in a few different languages, I'm very knowledgable about all types of technology...I didn't get a pad (android) until a month ago. First piece of "smart" technology I've owned. To be honest, I'm not all that impressed.
Of course you're not impressed. Those tablets aren't intended for people who are knowledgeable about technology. Remember that the product that company produces isn't the tablet, the product is the user. It's a device designed to deliver people to ads, not the other way around.

You are right to put "smart" in quotes, what's so smart about a low powered computer, running a bloated OS and sporting a terrible, touch based physical interface that doesn't provide any tactile feedback?


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12 Jan 2016, 1:15 pm

AsahiPto17 wrote:
I wish people didn't have this ingrained "women get chased by men" program, it seems like it would be just as annoying for both sexes and causes a lot of anguish.


Though it seems acceptable enough that there's no political movement wanting to do much about it. (Even those who make a big fuss about "sexism" and "equality".)

Quote:
Women get unwanted attention, or worse, and men have to be aggressive and fight for a relationship and constantly put themselves out there chasing after women who already have a wall up.


Whilst a lot of fuss is made about the former the latter is very much "elephant in the room".



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12 Jan 2016, 1:39 pm

mpe wrote:
AsahiPto17 wrote:
I wish people didn't have this ingrained "women get chased by men" program, it seems like it would be just as annoying for both sexes and causes a lot of anguish.


Though it seems acceptable enough that there's no political movement wanting to do much about it. (Even those who make a big fuss about "sexism" and "equality".)

Quote:
Women get unwanted attention, or worse, and men have to be aggressive and fight for a relationship and constantly put themselves out there chasing after women who already have a wall up.


Whilst a lot of fuss is made about the former the latter is very much "elephant in the room".


I don't agree women should 'have' to get chased by men, and in my defense have even tried initiating with guys...with online dating, but I can't approach anyone IRL unless I know them or they are like the cashier of a store I am buying things at so its a context in which its expected to interact with them. Aside from that if I had offspring I would not ingrain that social norm onto them...but I don't plan on having kids.

But a political movement for it? I am not entirely sure how that would work what what policies/legislation would need to be changed to make this happen? I think the only way something like this dies off is if this generation doesn't teach their offspring that guys asking girls out is the way it is...then you'll have guys asking girls out, girls asking guys out but without one being considered normal and the other being considered unusual.


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