Advice Needed

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This is a recurring theme.
After the millionth time you ask, and she doesn't say anything, I suggest you just accept it. <shrug>
If she wants to talk, she knows you are always there.

I would suggest that you be with her and do your own thing.
If she is happy with it, just hold her and enjoy the closeness.

Does she have proper conversations, from time to time?
She can't be non-communicative all the time, right?

I would agree. You did mention that she had mental stuff going on Vamp & her behavior sounds like she's dealing with some heavy stuff that doesn't really have much to do with you. My girlfriend has bad depression & is probably on the border of having Borderline Personality Disorder along with lots of other various stuff. She has good days & bad days. She sometimes shuts down & doesn't always let me know when she needs me around or when she needs her space. She probably doesn't even know herself what she wants or needs from me. It feels like a guessing game sometimes. It can be very rough at times but she can be a lot better on her good days. I know it can be very difficult but try not to take it personally Vamp. Let her know your there for her but let her have some space as well. Don't pressure her to talk. Maybe give her a hug & tell her you love her(if she's affectionate & you guys are at that point in your relationship) & if you can think of some little things that she might like you could do them. Then if she doesn't talk to you much or let you know what she wants from you, give her some space. Do your own thing near her & don't talk much unless she starts talking to you, or you could do something away from her & just let her know that you'll talk to her or spend other time with her if she lets you know. Also try to bite your tongue so to speak & try to avoid getting upset or acting upset with her. Lots of little things can annoy me sometimes but I find that if I can avoid getting upset or avoid acting upset, shortly after I'm no longer ticked off. Me getting angry usually makes things worse. I'm talking about within a relationship & life in general. Maybe you'll get a chuckle listening to The B!tch Song by the band Bowling For Soup. I kinda relate to that sometimes.

Something is bothering her but I have no clue what. The drinking she knows that she shouldn't be with the meds she is supposedly taking. I know she is going through something, but I don't want her fighting alone.




Yeah, she isn't shutdown everyday. She is extremely chatty and loves to laugh. Doesn't give me a second of space. It's these days I like the most. But relationships have there up and downs.

Ebbs and flows.
I'd just work at knowing when to be there for her, and when to give her some space.
Pushing is totally pointless and will damage the relationship.

Only in case of other women if you are one as well.


She doesn't trust you enough to be open with her feelings, has another crush or is jealausly because of the way you are with others.
In case she doesn't trust you enough to be open with her feelings you need to show her first that you trust her totally as well. Being open with feelings makes people emotionally vulnerable. Start a conversation about things that are important to you and about your feelings about all kind of stuff and towards her. Care about eye contact if you are talking about it. May be she opens up with her feelings if she trusts you once she recognizes that you are trusting her enough to be open with your feelings as well.

I give her space I come back and she is drinking. What am I supposed to do about that? She knows she is not supposed to be drinking. She knows I don't like when she drinks. :/ I care for her to give her space but she shouldnt be drinking . She knows that.

Attention getting behaviour ,,,,,,, maybe she needs a certain type of attention ?

Jakki, what do you mean?

Is it attention-seeking?
I haven't a clue.
But I am starting to think you might have to consider emotionally distancing yourself, from her, for your own health.

You seem to be suffering emotionally a lot, atm.
Is it because of your partner, or predominantly due to other things in your life?

How many types are there?
You have me intrigued.

Drinking sounds like a coping mechanism for her. Is she getting drunk Or is she only very slightly buzzed
My 1st girlfriend had problems with drinking & I did NOT handle it well. I kept having anxiety attacks worrying & I took things out on her & became controling. She had other serious issues than just drinking thou. I do know getting controling will make things worse. You can be supportive & encurage her to work on herself more but making demands will backfire. I'm sorry I don't have more advice or suggestions rite now. I know it's very difficult to deal with. Oh yeah you need to take care of yourself too.

Pepe, A lot is going on. It isn't just relationship problems.

Nick, she drinks to distract herself. When I catch her buzzed, she loves to be held. When I catch her drunk she is reckless and moody. I know for sure getting drunk can't be good for her She doesn't understand how her decisions impact me.

Pepe, Emotionally Distance?

If your relationship isn't the prime reason why you are having problems, in terms of self-harm, etc, then there is no reason why you should consider withdrawing from your partner, emotionally.
I am just trying to understand your situation better.

Most people are drinking because they are unable to handle specific problems (anxiety, boredom, loneliness, to less sleep, unhappy relationship, unfulfilled wishes, sexuality, things that they don't forgive themself aso.)
Try to find out why she drinks. Don't become angry with her but help her to become more positive regarding her problems and to overcome her negativity about them this way. You can't control whether she drinks. She needs to stop that herself. She will only stop it if she overcomes her limited way of thinking about her specific problems.

I mean what should I do then? If I don't stop her she is going to drink till she passes out. If she keeps drinking like that her parents will find out. They will send her to rehab. that would help her but I don't wanna lose her. She got me through alot. :'( I can't lose her this time of year. Not like my last. I always need someone to keep me in check around this time.

If a person has been able to not drink in your company in the past and she is drinking inspite of her knowledge , that you do not approve of it ... and you have been close to this person in the past, it might be considered trying to get your attention , and not necessarily in a good way , ,, obviously you are being made aware of this person doing this , inspite of their knowing you don’t like it ,,maybe a sign she wants or needs type of attention you may not be able to give her ? Does she have problems with alcohol . Perhaps a achohol type therapy might be a thing she needs , Miht be something in here life she is having trouble coping with ? So drinking could be a crutch for her ?
(Just my thoughts on this )