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33 year old never been in a relationship- need help.

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Nades
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04 Jun 2024, 3:03 pm

WantToHaveALife wrote:

are you saying that was the case for you and other men with autism that you know of? as in, the women they dated, had relationships with, the women were not into sex? they were sexless relationships or mostly sexless?


Yes. It seemed to be a common occurance. Extremely sexually inexperienced women seemed to pick autistic men more often, perhaps because they were perceived as being more similar to their own personality but it never ended in a positive outcome. Sadly, their sexual inexperience gave many a very one dimensional view on socially awkward men, assuming they lacked sexuality.

I and other autistic men I met found it extremely annoying. It's probably just as annoying as incel virgin men assuming all pretty extrovert women are constantly jumping into bed with every hunky man they see. It was irritating stereotyping that just resulted in animosity.

If they actually put the effort into respecting the sexuality of others and learning about, ideally sampling it physically themselves, they wouldn't have ended up in the mess they were in.

Just avoid women like that, they'll be too much hard work at your age now. Look for ones who are open and receptive and not closed off and give you the stink eye when you flirt.

I'm sorry for the dreadful experience you had in the past with your ex. It's not nice when someone thinks being innocent and celibate is a mandatory obligation because you have autism. Glad you got shot of childish people like that. They bring nothing to the table in your life.



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04 Jun 2024, 3:32 pm

Nades wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:

are you saying that was the case for you and other men with autism that you know of? as in, the women they dated, had relationships with, the women were not into sex? they were sexless relationships or mostly sexless?


Yes. It seemed to be a common occurance. Extremely sexually inexperienced women seemed to pick autistic men more often, perhaps because they were perceived as being more similar to their own personality but it never ended in a positive outcome. Sadly, their sexual inexperience gave many a very one dimensional view on socially awkward men, assuming they lacked sexuality.

I and other autistic men I met found it extremely annoying. It's probably just as annoying as incel virgin men assuming all pretty extrovert women are constantly jumping into bed with every hunky man they see. It was irritating stereotyping that just resulted in animosity.

If they actually put the effort into respecting the sexuality of others and learning about, ideally sampling it physically themselves, they wouldn't have ended up in the mess they were in.

Just avoid women like that, they'll be too much hard work at your age now. Look for ones who are open and receptive and not closed off and give you the stink eye when you flirt.

I'm sorry for the dreadful experience you had in the past with your ex. It's not nice when someone thinks being innocent and celibate is a mandatory obligation because you have autism. Glad you got shot of childish people like that. They bring nothing to the table in your life.


yeah the last woman i was with, she was a virgin, she also says she was not sexually active with any of her ex's either. I'm also under the impression she possibly wasn't ready either, but yeah, thats why me and lots of people are glad that escorts and sex workers exist, because it doesn't require any seduction or courtship, doesn't require social skills or game.



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04 Jun 2024, 3:44 pm

WantToHaveALife wrote:

yeah the last woman i was with, she was a virgin, she also says she was not sexually active with any of her ex's either. I'm also under the impression she possibly wasn't ready either, but yeah, thats why me and lots of people are glad that escorts and sex workers exist, because it doesn't require any seduction or courtship, doesn't require social skills or game.



I'm sure she showed the same lack of consideration towards those ex boyfriends too. Her interests in what she wanted from a relationship trumped yours from her perspective. She picked someone she thought was vulnerable because she knew she was a sandwich short of a picnic. Like I said, she thought innocence and celibacy was mandatory for someone like you because of your autism. Respecting someone's right to consent and seek out sexual activity was a concept completely lost on her.

Hopefully she's seen sense now and either shows more respect towards men and consent or no longer dates.



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04 Jun 2024, 3:47 pm

No one is obligated to have sex with anyone. It’s not about a lack of respect. If you aren’t compatible, breaking up is perfectly understandable, but no one is entitled to sex.

Ideally people will be open about their interest or lack thereof. Honest, open, and respectful communication is usually helpful when it comes to ascertaining if you are on the same page when it cums to sex.

People who are asexual make up a very small percentage of the population, and they are usually open about their needs and preferences.



Last edited by TwilightPrincess on 04 Jun 2024, 3:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Nades
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04 Jun 2024, 3:53 pm

TwilightPrincess wrote:
No one is obligated to have sex with anyone. It’s not about a lack of respect. If you aren’t compatible, breaking up is perfectly understandable, but no one is entitled to sex.

Ideally people will be open about their interest or lack thereof. Communication often helps with that.



People are entitled to seek out consensual sex though. Stringing someone along for a long period of time and stripping them of their sense of sexuality is on the scummy end if things not to do in a relationship when the other person almost certainly knows they're doing it.

I think it shows a lack of respect for someone's right to consent. Mandatory celibacy as some criteria for a relationship, probably because of a disability, eerrrggg. Happens too often and I think men or women put up with it more than they should. Not something anyone wants to deal with in their 20s and beyond.



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04 Jun 2024, 3:53 pm

Nades wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:

yeah the last woman i was with, she was a virgin, she also says she was not sexually active with any of her ex's either. I'm also under the impression she possibly wasn't ready either, but yeah, thats why me and lots of people are glad that escorts and sex workers exist, because it doesn't require any seduction or courtship, doesn't require social skills or game.



I'm sure she showed the same lack of consideration towards those ex boyfriends too. Her interests in what she wanted from a relationship trumped yours from her perspective. She picked someone she thought was vulnerable because she knew she was a sandwich short of a picnic. Like I said, she thought innocence and celibacy was mandatory for someone like you because of your autism. Respecting someone's right to consent and seek out sexual activity was a concept completely lost on her.

Hopefully she's seen sense now and either shows more respect towards men and consent or no longer dates.


Yeah, seeing a new youtube video of this guy who gives dating advice, he was helping him get better at approaching women, his client is an Indian guy who is 31 and never had a girlfriend before, when i heard that, i got depressed and angry, resentful.



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04 Jun 2024, 3:56 pm

Nades wrote:
TwilightPrincess wrote:
No one is obligated to have sex with anyone. It’s not about a lack of respect. If you aren’t compatible, breaking up is perfectly understandable, but no one is entitled to sex.

Ideally people will be open about their interest or lack thereof. Communication often helps with that.



People are entitled to seek out consensual sex though. Stringing someone along for a long period of time and stripping them of their sense of sexuality is on the scummy end if things not to do in a relationship when the other person almost certainly knows they're doing it.

I think it shows a lack of respect for someone's right to consent. Mandatory celibacy as some criteria for a relationship, probably because of a disability, eerrrggg. Happens too often and I think men or women put up with it more than they should. Not something anyone wants to deal with in their 20s and beyond.

It’s not about consent though unless the person is somehow forcing them to stay together. When incompatibility is determined, people can usually break up at any time.

People are free to seek out consensual sexual relationships, but no one is obligated to have sex with you. This is all reeking of entitlement.



Last edited by TwilightPrincess on 04 Jun 2024, 4:05 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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04 Jun 2024, 4:04 pm

TwilightPrincess wrote:

People are free to seek out consensual sexual relationships, but no one is obligated to have sex with you. This is all reeking of entitlement.


I never said that. I said people are entitled to seek out sexual activities, which they absolutely are by law. This right shouldn't be interfered with by others, which his girlfriend was by stringing him along for a long period of time with her terrible mentality towards him, which I imagine his social difficulties contributed towards. Interfering with it is just not respecting consent.

I never said they were actually entitled to sex. That's completely different.



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04 Jun 2024, 4:06 pm

It doesn’t even seem like the woman in question was stringing him along. She was open about being a virgin/not having sex with her exes, and he says that he doesn’t think she was ready.

She was breaking no laws by not sleeping with him. Once again, he was free to break up with her at any time.

His consent was NOT interfered with. It’s a very strange claim to make under the circumstances.



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04 Jun 2024, 4:09 pm

TwilightPrincess wrote:
It doesn’t even seem like the woman in question was stringing him along. She was open about being a virgin/not having sex with her exes, and he says that he doesn’t think she was ready.

She was breaking no laws by not sleeping with him. Once again, he was free to break up with her at any time.

His consent was NOT interfered with. It’s a very strange claim to make under the circumstances.


From what I gathered, he was strung along for a bit before realising, unless I'm wrong.



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04 Jun 2024, 4:39 pm

Nades wrote:
TwilightPrincess wrote:

People are free to seek out consensual sexual relationships, but no one is obligated to have sex with you. This is all reeking of entitlement.


I never said that. I said people are entitled to seek out sexual activities, which they absolutely are by law. This right shouldn't be interfered with by others, which his girlfriend was by stringing him along for a long period of time with her terrible mentality towards him, which I imagine his social difficulties contributed towards. Interfering with it is just not respecting consent.

I never said they were actually entitled to sex. That's completely different.


when it comes to paying for sex, if it is between consenting adults and no one is being forced into it, both people mutually agree to it, then it should be no one else's business.



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04 Jun 2024, 5:07 pm

WantToHaveALife wrote:
Nades wrote:
TwilightPrincess wrote:

People are free to seek out consensual sexual relationships, but no one is obligated to have sex with you. This is all reeking of entitlement.


I never said that. I said people are entitled to seek out sexual activities, which they absolutely are by law. This right shouldn't be interfered with by others, which his girlfriend was by stringing him along for a long period of time with her terrible mentality towards him, which I imagine his social difficulties contributed towards. Interfering with it is just not respecting consent.

I never said they were actually entitled to sex. That's completely different.


when it comes to paying for sex, if it is between consenting adults and no one is being forced into it, both people mutually agree to it, then it should be no one else's business.


When did you find out your ex girlfriend wasn't interesting in any sexual activity? Was it from the offset or was it many, many months down the line?



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04 Jun 2024, 6:13 pm

TwilightPrincess wrote:
Nades wrote:
Women who are into physical intimacy always like a but of flirty back and forth. One which doesn't is a red flag.

I don’t think that’s necessarily true. All women are different. I bet even asexual women find flirting fun/enjoyable. Being asexual doesn’t mean that there isn’t any physical intimacy either. People can not be into sex but enjoy kissing, cuddling, and stuff like that.

I’m not asexual. I’m just saying that you can’t really categorize people. Nothing beats respectful, open communication when the time is right.

Most often, people who are asexual are upfront about it. Most people aren’t asexual.
That's kinda the case with my current girlfriend. Cass really likes the idea of sex & jokes about it a lot. However partly due to her various physical & mental issues & neither of us really knowing what we're doing with sex due to both of us being virgins, when she feels pressured or expected to perform it causes her to feel overwhelmed & she'll avoid it. She jokes about wanting to & then also jokes about how she won't. Some other guys would probably consider her to be a tease, especially when she talks about other women being attractive or sometimes when she's eating food or talking about wanting to eat food. However I joke back at her about it & for the most part I don't really care if nothing happens. We're very affectionate with each other in non sexual ways though which is very important to me.


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04 Jun 2024, 6:54 pm

Nades wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
Nades wrote:
TwilightPrincess wrote:

People are free to seek out consensual sexual relationships, but no one is obligated to have sex with you. This is all reeking of entitlement.


I never said that. I said people are entitled to seek out sexual activities, which they absolutely are by law. This right shouldn't be interfered with by others, which his girlfriend was by stringing him along for a long period of time with her terrible mentality towards him, which I imagine his social difficulties contributed towards. Interfering with it is just not respecting consent.

I never said they were actually entitled to sex. That's completely different.


when it comes to paying for sex, if it is between consenting adults and no one is being forced into it, both people mutually agree to it, then it should be no one else's business.


When did you find out your ex girlfriend wasn't interesting in any sexual activity? Was it from the offset or was it many, many months down the line?


months later down the line unfortuneately, and i will admit, i stayed with her longer than i should have because, i didn't want to break up with her again due to not wanting to become alone and single again, and more so, not want to have to go through the drama and burden of having to put myself out there all over again, not want to have to court a woman all over again, which i will resent until the day i die.

As for Nick007, you have a sexless relationship at the moment, you are still a virgin too?



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04 Jun 2024, 7:23 pm

WantToHaveALife wrote:
As for Nick007, you have a sexless relationship at the moment, you are still a virgin too?
We've fooled around some & had sex a little but it's been like a couple years since we've done that.


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04 Jun 2024, 7:30 pm

nick007 wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
As for Nick007, you have a sexless relationship at the moment, you are still a virgin too?
We've fooled around some & had sex a little but it's been like a couple years since we've done that.


and are you saying you never had sex until your 30s?