I wonder if I'll ever have a relationship..

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It just seems like I've never really been able to meet many girls. And when I did, there was always something keeping me away from any chance of a relationship. There's only been 3 girls I could really have said I was interested in, and in the case I mentioned there was distance in the way. Then the other 2 were girls I started talking to near the end of high school and after I left I didn't see them again.

I also appreciate all of those qualities... and yes, I'm taken. But I wasn't until a year ago - I had to wait for someone like that to come along. Plenty of women desperately want exactly those things. Someone kind, understanding, trustworthy, intelligent, loyal... I really don't believe that women want jerks. I have no doubt that they choose them, but I think that's a lot more to do with not seeing them for what they are and thinking they can change them. I have never heard a (sane) woman say that she wants to find a man who will treat her badly. As for women on this forum being taken, of course they are! If we hadn't met and fallen for our partners, we wouldn't be hanging out on this site trying to understand them better. Doesn't mean there aren't other single women out there who feel exactly the same.

No, I meant women in general.

I know. My point is that the sample of females on here is not representative of every female in the world who desires those qualities. As in, they are not all taken. How could they be? I was happily single until I met the current guy. I knew what I wanted, but he was the first person I'd ever actually met who fit that. I'm not saying it's easy - I ended up halfway around the world and luck probably played a pretty huge part. Can definitely be done though.

One thing that puzzles me here on this forum... people tend to examine their dating history very closely, often finding "proof" that the future is doomed as well. If you think about it though, all it takes is one person, at any point in your life, to prove it all wrong. Admittedly, this wasn't always my view. I used to look for patterns in everything, read advice and those lame scientific studies that explain what people want, how they should behave, etc. Then I happened to meet someone who didn't follow a single one of those rules, and it's been wonderful. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Things can change, and people can surprise you.

^You've got a point, but it's difficult to not be cynical without much hopeful evidence. I often feel like my chances of finding even "Ms. Good Enough" are about the same as our chances of "winning" in Iraq.

QFT. If you doubt it, ask yourself how many women that genuinely value those qualities you know that are single, and how many guys you know with those qualities that are single.



Most men will not have those qualities, but women that want those qualities (as distinct form women that have those qualities) are even rarer than men that have them.



What people say they want, and what they respond to in practice, are entirely different things.



This assumes that we know girls that we want to date that are 1. not taken for the long haul and 2. that don't avoid us like the plague; i.e., women we actually want to date with which we don't have the certainty of being rejected. It's one thing being afraid of the possibility of rejection and quite another decide that the certainty of rejection means there's no point. In my case I'd have to either ask out a girl I don't actually want to date or ask out a girl that I know for a fact would reject me (in fact I did the latter a few months ago, and wish I hadn't)