Reasons women do not date us!

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Same. I don't hold grudges for people who say out-of-character things. Usually I assume the person might have had a bad day, or that I could have misunderstood their meaning. Sometimes it really is just a difference of opinion, and that's OK too so long as there's not a pattern of personal attacks or indirect gaslighting involved. In the recent pages of this thread I don't think anyone is doing those things.

It's a sensitive topic because it involves not just Jamesy's wellbeing. We also need to show respect for members who use recreational drugs or perhaps have addictions, alongside members who have PTSD or other concerns about drug use in the context of a relationship.

You're right

Based on context and quotes, it seems like they were referring to me. People read stuff into my posts which I didn’t intend. Maybe they took things personally. Even though I don’t think doing cocaine is a good idea, I never claimed that people who do hard drugs are “morally failing.” There are a lot of people I wouldn’t be interested in dating. People who engage in illegal activity are some of them. I also wouldn’t be interested in dating Trump supporters. We would have trouble finding common ground. I want peace, not unnecessary drama or stress. I’ve already met my drama/stress quota for this and the next lifetime.

It seemed a bit insensitive claiming that I was hypocritical when I stated that I used weed occasionally for my PTSD, especially when research supports that usage, and I’m not getting it illegally. UCD addressed problems with weed and harder drugs in a separate post, so I don’t need to explore that here. I certainly have concerns about certain members getting weed illegally because of the potential risks involved and their stated vulnerability.

I was just thinking that I would probably have a harder time trusting people who are willing to deceive law enforcement (unless we’re talking about some place with extreme, immoral laws which we aren’t).

Even though my trauma history plays a role, I think that my preferences are fairly normal actually. We like what we like.

Last edited by TwilightPrincess on 12 Apr 2024, 3:31 pm, edited 2 times in total.

I felt like it could have been aimed at me because I technically "started it" by saying I saw more red flags than at a matador convention. That might have sounded harsh or sarcastic when it wasn't my intent: I was just speaking my truth rather than judging Jamesy. I'd actually heard the matador metaphor in another context on the radio, so it came to mind.

I was responding to UCD who asked if the women of WP would date a person who used cocaine, ketamine, and heavy alcohol (paraphrase). My opinion had been queried, and it fit with the topic of the thread, so I replied honestly. Prior to UCD's question I hadn't offered any opinion regarding Jamesy's experimental use of coke and K because he hadn't asked for women's feedback. I didn't want him to feel judged.

I thought I might be viewed as hypocritical because I've smoked pot before, although not often and I don't like it. Again the context is relevant because it's legal here just like it is for you. I've also mentioned the fact I drink whiskey *sometimes* *on the very rare occasion I have a drink*, so I thought that might constitute hypocrisy.

I can see how it may have been directed at you, but I still don't know for sure. You engaged in the conversation by asking questions. That made it seem like it was about you but yet I'd started it. Perhaps it was both of us, or neither. It's easy to feel gaslit or misunderstood when the context or intent isn't clear.

I was responding to UCD’s question too although female opinions seem pertinent to the overall topic of the thread and its title. We do like different things although I’m sure that drug usage would be a problem for a lot of women (not to mention more obvious concerns about safety and well-being).

Yes, I agree it's pertinent. My red flags aren't not specific to autistic men though, which I think is Jamesy's intended demographic in the OP video. I wouldn't date any person (gender / neurotype) who was currently using those drugs, not because I judge them but because I'd be scared based on past experiences, and I don't want that type of unpredictability in my life. I'm having a hard enough time with the cocaine use of someone who isn't a boyfriend. I don't have spoons for more drama and stress in my family. (No pun - ha).

I hope TP didn't feel like I was judging her for her weed usage when I asked about that. I know she said a few pages back not to mention it again, so I'll just say that I only did so initially, as a matter of personal clarification and an interest in her position on drugs like weed, given that I didn't know she used it legally for PTSD when I asked the question. It was a question out of curiosity, and any judgment implied wasn't intentional, but more do do with the somewhat ambiguous nature of the question, perhaps?

In the UK, even though technically you can get a fine or a prison sentence for possessing cannabis since it is a class B drug - it is almost unheard of to be punished for possessing a small amount for personal usage and the police in various areas often turn a blind eye to such incidences, even when they know it is happening with certain people.

It's nice to get things ironed out

^^ It wasn’t so much your comment but the ones that followed after I had mentioned my PTSD.

Weed is not in the same category as harder drugs and it’s legal in a lot of places for a reason. It is used medicinally because extensive research demonstrates its efficacy in treating certain conditions, and it poses fewer risks than harder drugs. People were implying here and elsewhere that I was a hypocrite for legally using a substance that’s a known treatment for PTSD for my PTSD. Now that people know, I’d prefer them not to bring it or my trauma up to prove a point. The second thing has happened to me in a few debates - even political ones, and it’s not cool.

Same!

Jamesy will be out now on the town charming all the women with his silver tongue

Just got back from the pub and feel happy. My associates persuaded me to go out tonight and I am out tommorow as well

And what happened with the ones who are harassing you

There the ones who I met up with last night

Oh right but you had a good time though yeah

Yeah got a few drinks down me and felt chilled