Feeling depressed due to being single at 30

Post Reply New Topic

Many people, even on forums, have told me that they were surprised about race and its importance since my region is considered racially tolerant. I can assure anyone that thinks that that is a false assumption probably brought about by some sort of media impression. Racism is present, but in different types. Race plays a huge importance in dating here, and I would say that sometimes it feels like living in the Southern states like Mississippi or Alabama where having a white partner is considered the only plausible choice. And regarding racism, I have been bullied in school almost exclusively by the Chinese. It is very rare for a White person to bully me. In any case, the White population where I live probably only make up 3% or so of the total population of the neighbourhood.

I have had acquaintances who are of Chinese/Japanese/Korean/etc. descent, and they have told me how they were rejected repeatedly because the women did not regard men of Oriental heritage as datable. So that type of race choosing is very endemic here. Of course some do not react properly, and one Chinese guy told me, if only USA had forced arranged marriages like in medieval China, then he could finally have a girlfriend/wife. Of course something like that is ridiculous and is not a solution, but you can feel the frustration in these guys' voices.

Regarding myself, being mixed-race most women cannot guess what I am at all. I have been told that I look like a Mexican, like an Arab (sometimes they pronounce it as "AY-rab" here, I thought that was more of a Southern thing), or whatever. But I do get asked a lot about my racial makeup. It gets seriously tiring, as in earlier posts.

There was one time at a meetup when I just started attending. I met this woman probably early 20s from Wallonie (French-speaking Belgium). Since I speak French we started conversing for about a half hour. Then started to play pool in the bar. She asked me my racial composition, probably getting used to SF habits of asking about race. So I gave her my racial breakdown, 60% Chinese, 25% Spanish, 10% Central Asian, 5% other. She then said randomly that she never dates Oriental men because she always considered them as "small", referring to...down there, plus they are nerdy, short and antisocial. I thought, was she subtlely referring to me? I am 5'10" so I am not exactly short, and regarding the "down there", how does anyone know what it looks like? Then on the big-screen bar TV a basketball game started, and Lebron James was on TV. She said, "I always prefer black men, they are the biggest." I was taken aback that she had said something like this. But it does show how much race is important here. And maybe any guy shorter than 7' is considered short? Who knows.



That makes some sense, in the scientific explanation. I can see how in the caveman days, someone of a different race or skin colour would cause alarm. But I wonder what the fight or flight response is when encountering a virgin. I mean, just a regular person meeting a virgin, a lot of times the reactions are similar to racist comments. A lot of people would probably just get even more defensive if a virgin explained why they are a virgin in the first place.



I think that females have more maturity, or maybe just marginally more here, because they are the ones that have to bear the children. If the males had to bear children, I bet that this type of sex worship in male social circles would go down dramatically.

As a male, I have heard countless times when in all-male social circles how certain guys are glorified, like they are Zeus or some sort of god, because they had sex. In male-male conversation, having sex with a woman is considered the ultimate validation. There is nothing more that a guy can do to get respect than have sex. I have seen fist pumps and high fives when a guy loses his virginity. I am not sure if women sometimes do this. However, this is usually in school conversations, and usually most guys (theoretically, at least) grow up and stop thinking that sex defines a guy. Unfortunately, here, both men and women even in their 30s, 40s and 50s think similar to a 13 year old guy.



That is true. I think that when I trusted people way too much in the past, and over 90% of them took advantage of me in one way or another, either financially or socially or whatever, I based my judgement on cumulative experiences of trust failing. I tend to be empirical, as in if I see evidence of something or a pattern, I will solidify this "hypothesis" into a rule.



I think that you are better at using wit to respond to idiots, whilst I am more of a brutally direct person when responding to insults. Maybe I got it from my mother, because if anyone insults her, she really lets them have it with words.

I also have the hypertension issue and my doctor has told me to keep stress and anger levels down as much as possible, so I am trying not to waste any energy arguing with these people.



That is a good comment. It takes me more time to think of those when on the spot in situations like these, but calmly telling them what they are in a witty way seems better.



In my own case, I have a high sex drive, yet am a virgin. Kind of an odd combination, but if I had no opportunities, I can only ask those people, "What else do you want me to do?" It is not like I can have sex whenever if I have no girlfriend/wife. Society sucks. At least the so-called normal society.



Going back to the restaurant thing, as an example, try saying that you do not like a certain restaurant that they like. Instead of just saying that it is a difference of opinion, they will label you as rude and unfriendly because you offended them due to your honesty. Then they will put you in the "weird" box, start gossiping to 20 other people to avoid/ignore you. It is a tiresome environment to be in.

The insecurity is probably also the culprit. They know that many times they are full of shite, and get offended when someone tells them that to their face.



One thing that has always given me problems is smiling with teeth showing. I often end up showing my teeth so much that they stick out like Bugs Bunny. I have been told that my facial expression is just weird or blank, but it is expected.

I do think that I look better with an intense, serious look looking into the distance. Kind of like the iconic photo of Che Guevara or photos of John Lennon.



Showing interest probably has been a challenge for me, because in addition to my blank facial expression, I just do not emote so much. My voice is flat and monotone, and quiet deep and low frequency. Like in my other post, my voice sounds like a bass guitar. People often tell me that they cannot tell if I am happy or sad, irritated or relaxed, because I sound and look the same in all these situations. The same goes for romance, I sound the same no matter if I like or not like.

When I was much younger, such as 11 or 12, I used to act too awkward when I did like a girl. I would just suddenly drop, "I like you" when conversing. Often that would come as a shock due to its directness and abruptness, and then I would often be the subject of public humiliation and gossip. So after that I just stopped showing if I liked or not.

Touch is something that can rub me the wrong way (no pun intended). I have been trying to fix my eye contact issues, so I often look straight at someone's face instead of downwards. So often I do not see if I am about to be touched. But in the cases that I do, I may or may not be surprised. If it is slow I will just let it go and try to play along. If it is fast and abrupt I might flinch a bit, but try to play along.

When I was younger some idiot classmates of mine in school often picked on me and tried to tug on my silver wristwatch costing around 300 Swiss Francs which my parents had bought for me on a trip to Switzerland. My classmates used to put one finger in the watch ring and pull hard hoping it would snap. So I am suspicious ever since.

So the all or nothing mindset is messing with me here too. If I am interested, I either show zero interest or just drop a very direct, "I like you" like I did when I was a boy. I am sure that this either makes women find me either boring or just weird.



Seeming 40 at 20 seems like a plus to me. A lot at 20 just act like 15, and they are so hyperactive to the point of blatant immaturity and stupidity. But in my case, some have given me the name "Grandpa" because I remind them of an old scrooge grandfather who hates fun, sitting in a rocking chair reading books from the 1800s.



I am not sure if this differs by region, but going back again to expensive bars and restaurants, if a certain group of people love an expensive restaurant or bar when it is clearly exhorbitant or rip off prices, they will classify you as rude if you say anything bad about the place. To me, it sounds like they just do not want different opinions at all. Which is really bullshït, why would one come to a meetup so that everyone can give compliments and say that everything they think is good, like they are some authoritarian leader.



It gets annoying at times. Like when watching the FIFA World Cup last year, every few minutes was a comment about how player A or player B is gay because they keep falling on the pitch. And then this year's FIFA Women's World Cup, every few minutes about the players being butch lesbians, or even more poignant comments like "Find which team has the most lesbians, they are the most likely to win this tournament". At one point he was seriously convinced that some female players in the Women's World Cup were just actually men who were wearing bras full of mashed up paper towels or cotton.

I always thought about how if I did meet someone, she would probably get quite annoyed if she had to hear these things on a daily basis.

Some relatives on my father's side make some bizarre comments too. Such as one cousin who was really proud of himself of having travelled back to the homeland, participated in a big pig roast ceremony where he had to dispatch the pig by a quick swipe to its throat using a big knife. Then how he ate its crispy skin and the pig's head. It was like solid proof that he was a man. Having a BMI of 30 whilst in one's 20s due to eating enormous amounts of meat is not something that I would be proud of.

What I do find odd about relatives on both sides of my family, is that they really like to criticise me about "You know, there is talk about you..." and "Where is your wife/girlfriend?", "Do you even like women?" and such things. But they never, ever even attempt to help me find dates. It is like they want me to be single, because it feeds them more material with which to berate me.



Over here there is some enthusiasm for things like manga and sushi, but a lot here who are interested in Japan, usually single guys, say things about Me love you long time and other porn-related comments. That is why I have to wonder what really do they mean when they say that they are interested in Japanese stuff.

And then of course, the woman robot dolls. I did hear one single guy in his 70s who was frustrated being single say that soon, SF Bay Area will be full of woman robot dolls because dating is so hard here.

But I do think that I could lose a lot of stress if I were in such a society. I never felt that "you must be extroverted or else be socially ostracised" feeling that I get here compared to when I see documentaries or travel programmes about Japan.



That is what I did most of my life. Studying something, if not academically, studying something outside of school. I just find it ironic and sad that I know all these languages, but since I cannot connect with people I do not speak these with anyone.

If I were in Europe, I could speak with women from Portugal, Spain, Catalonia, Italy, France, Netherlands, Norway, Sweden, Denmark, Belgium, Czechia, not to mention the UK and Ireland...yet I am kind of stuck in this hellhole here.

Although there are quite a lot in the polyglot communities who are social recluses. I knew someone who was obsessed with Egyptian hieroglyphics, and probably is advanced in that language. Obviously he cannot speak that with anyone, but...if one has no friends, it does not matter.

I also knew a polyglot guy in his fifties. He knows over 50 languages, yet has no friends in real life nor wife. He basically just learns and practises languages on his own. It is fine if that is what one wants, but I personally do not want to end up like that.

I have had an interest in Old English, and sometimes use random phrases during conversation. Often people get weirded out. I found this video, and this guy's voice sounds somewhat similar to mine.



But obviously if I started speaking pure Old English at a meetup, you can imagine how weird people would think that I am.



I think that this guy is the most reknowned polyglot in the world. But I remember hearing that sometimes he wakes up at 2 in the morning to study languages, such is his intense interest. Even so, he has a wife and children. So it gives me hope that people whom society views as weird do end up with a spouse and family.

This website's software is terrible, so I think that I missed something. About pets, I was a veterinary assistant when I was younger, so I have some experience with animals. I also have an eight year old dog. He treats me better than how people here treat me. He is the only one not related to me who enjoys my company. Funnily enough, he has social anxiety and gets startled easily. Sometimes when I pet him, he jumps. So we are alike in some ways.



I get ostracised a lot at meetups for liking music like this. Apparently liking music from the 1960s and 1970s is considered uncool here. But honestly I cannot stand modern music; especially Justin Bieber or Taylor Swift or whatever they listen to these days. Apparently liking meaningful songs from the past make me weird. I often feel trapped. I can play these songs on guitar, piano or bass yet have no one to perform them for, I can speak a few languages but have no one to speak them with...just quite frustrating, really.

I think I mentioned before that I have a friend in the Long beach area, I have had some net friends in CA before also. This being I have a little bit of an awareness of the fact that there is racial divide despite there being a pretty large mixing of them in the state, so I'm not shocked off my seat. I didn't realize that 'purity' was such a big deal and that Asian men in particular were seen as less date able though. The purity thing seems a bit odd to me because many Americans are a mix of some kind. Might be an all white mix or an all Asian mix but mixes all the same.

That woman you talked to is dumb. Her basis was entirely on stereotype myths. If she never dates them then that means she hasn't even verified her nonsense belief. I wouldn't say it was subtle either, you straight up told her you racial composition is primarily Asian. She was either casually insulting you or testing you to see if you'd argue what she was saying. Like maybe you either agree or try to prove her otherwise. Statistically there might be some basis that Asians are on the smaller end (peen and height) and black people are on the larger end but it's still all generalizations. The difference in range isn't necessarily that big. Height doesn't necessarily correlate to what is down there either. Makes you wonder what person went around measuring dude's peens though lol As for what is tall, I *think* the general idea is that your height would be average for a male so at least 6'.


My initial thought is that it's the fact that one is a virgin, I mean no one is going to say crap to an 8 year old for being a virgin you know? But because of the older age of the virgin. It goes back into the 'it's abnormal' and abnormal things are possible dangers or threats. So they may respond the way some herds will to a sickly animal in the herd, by bullying and or ostracizing. It also may not be rational; like the way that some people think you can 'catch' mental illness or even Autism. "Stay away from him, you don't want to get whatever weird thing he has that makes him a virgin!" Something stupid like that. There are superstitions out there too. I don't know how relevant they would be but its hard to say what someone may have internalized and passed along to their family members. Here's a suspersistion I just found from Germany, "If a man comes across a virgin or a priest early in the morning, it means bad luck; a whore, good luck"



Hah, if men had to bare children A LOT of things would be drastically different. It does 'pay' more for women to be more selective with choosing mates; its partially instinct for species survival. I'm pretty sure that there are plenty of both women and men have big holes in their heads though >_> so its not something that is always followed.

I have never come across women that have done that sort of celebrating for having sex. There is some form of gloating or basking that can take place but not "yeah lets high five!". Definitely haven't seen that around virginity loss, but we have different expectations on us than men do. If women did go around fist pumping for loosing their virginity you can see how easy we'd be labeled as trashy, whores and indecent.


That's understandable but a hypothesis is a guess. It's too preliminary to make into a rule. If someone polls 100 persons in old age of how many people they've dated. The average from that poll is say about 20. Are you going to believe that the average person, from this dates about 20 people when there are when there is like 7.7 billion people on earth? Probably not right? It's a far to small group, far too little data to be an accurate depiction. Our personal experiences are like this too. It might be what we experience the most but in the grand scheme of things its small and limited. Again we roll back into the trying to find balance. Modifying our own behavior can make some impact. We know how we did things when things went to hell, so we must think about what we might try differently next time to get a different outcome.



Ah yeah I have a bit of a smarta$$ gene... sometimes I don't think of something until like a day later though. It's definitely better not to argue with these people when you're trying to be mindful of your stress levels. With me though, I tend to find people don't often know how to respond to the stuff I say =x But certainly do what is best for you.



Well there are options, just not necessarily options you would want to subscribe to. Things like paying for it or getting into the hookup culture. A friend of mine was doing the latter for awhile; meeting up with guys from Craigslist. I thought that was incredibly terrifying to do that So they aren't things I'd recommend but a lot of people do it that kind of thing. But if one is adverse to that, and like actually wants to like the person they go to bed with it is substantially harder and people don't have any consideration for that.



Blech, sounds like grade school. At this point in my life I am okay with being in the weird box, I hope that you might be able to find some comfort there too at some point. I get it's a bit harder for you since you are actively looking for someone to connect with and that's all that seems to be around you though. Still my take on it would be if they're going to think you're weird and talk about you anyway you might as well have fun with it. "Give them something to talk about".



Well there you've got a look then! You're Serious mysterious guy.



Suddenly dropping "I like you" at 11 or 12 and people being giggly or gossipy sounds entirely normal to me. I had someone I kind of considered a friend at that time, decide to yell over the playground that I liked so-and-so. A year and a half to two years I had people giggling at me, mocking/picking on me and bothering me about it. It's the age group

Touch doesn't hurt for you does it? When I know I'm going to be touched or am having to hug someone I rather not I tend to make an internal barrier that makes me feel more 'protected' but the actual touch doesn't hurt me. If it did I would straight up refuse as I don't think it's right to have to put up with something painful for the sake of social convention.

Adults can act like children and there is some of a worry with crime but for something like you just described it's not likely for an adult to do. To try to circumvent the all or nothing, you have to sort of draw a line between things that happened as a kid and now. We can entirely be traumatized by stuff that happens when we are young, I've got my own crap that is hard to put down; the things that happened while young by other young and immature people are not likely to repeat in the same as older individuals.

How are you with doing something like compliments? That would be another option for trying to convey your interest.



As I think we already established, most people do not like negativity even if it's true. There could be some chance that they might be pissy about criticism because they were part of who arranged it. Then there are those who will like a place or thing but if you dislike it they will take it personally. Like you insulted them. These things and negativity can be seen even more critically in less in social gatherings. Social gatherings a lot of the time are all about schmoozing, so to give an opinion that isn't in that nature is to disrupt their desired atmosphere. So I doubt any of them would see it as being authoritarian because for them it's part of the unspoken social rules that everyone is agreeing to...except you who is saying how stupid expensive it is, so they get mad.



An open minded person would likely find deal with that a bit exhausting...though some might enjoy the chance to argue. Hard to say how different people might react to such.

I doubt your cousin equates their health to his pride and ego with doing the manly things of his culture. There are people that feel much closer to their roots and identity by taking part in rituals and the like of their cultures. this bolsters their self esteem and makes them feel more of whatever their gender is. "I am a modern man who has the skill to uphold the role and traditions of the men of my lineage." So for him being overweight and unhealthy is entirely negligible to the greatness of him upholding these traditions. It's dumb, health should be the priority but whatcha going to do?

Some do indeed seem to thrive on gossip. If their main source of gossip were to vanish that would of course not be advantageous for them. I kinda doubt there is that much thought in it though. Perhaps when they ask you such things you should say you've been waiting for them to set you up or something xD



The guys you just described reminded me of these guys(teens) outside of an anime con that were trying to kick each other in the crotch for fun. Do to this, I'm not going to try explain the weird minds of people that like Japanese stuff because IDFK.

It may just be me but I don't think of the Japanese specifically when it comes to love dolls or robotic love dolls. They come to mind but so does other countries. I just saw an article not long ago about the robot that Russia is rolling out. Apparently you can have it designed to look like a favorite celebrity.

Japan has it's own set of problems...but certainly in general it would probably take some stress off since they do tend to be more geared to introverts than the US.



that's a pretty intense interest to be that invested. Weird people tend to find other weird people to be with. It just often takes more time. I don't think having some oddities makes anyone predetermined to be alone.



No like BB code? lol the captcha is what irritates me the most. Yes, I take a long time to write a post, I am not a robot damnit.

Animals are wonderful. I'll take an animal over a person any day. They are good for helping with depression and stress, we just have to remember to go to them when we need their magic.



Agreed on Swift and Bieber. Certainly not my favorite. I expect that people probably think you liking sentimental type songs is girly? I think it's pretty. There are certainly people that like that era of music, my ex was a Bob Dylan fanatic and he had friends that were into the same kind of music. I bet if you found some hipsters they'd be all about talking to you about old music, but they'll give you hell if you don't listen to in on the old records. You could always try playing somewhere in public I suppose. I mean if you did that it you'd find out who also likes it by the ones that stop to listen.

Feeling trapped is very frustrating... You have the fortune of it being what is physically around you though. I mean that is something which you can potentially change. It might take some time but it's something you could potentially get out of. have you tried frequenting any of the nearby cities? It's still CA but there might be some possibility of a slight change in attitude in people in a different city?

It is a weird dynamic. The general impression from people from other states or even other countries is that California, especially in the cities, are diverse and racially tolerant. I think that this stems from past stereotypes. And myself, sometimes I feel like I am some sort of shape-shifter, because people often are very eager to guess my race like I am a zoo animal. And 100% of the time they get it wrong. No one who has guessed my race has guessed exactly my racial composition.

When I was in school, classmates and other people thought that I was WASP (??), light-skinned Indian/Pakistani, some sort of Hispanic or Arab. In university I got all sorts of weird guesses, like French, Brazilian, Italian, Mexican, Moroccan, Algerian, Persian, Uyghur, etc. I am not exactly sure how women who take race very seriously think of me, since they cannot even pinpoint what race I am to categorise me in the first place. On the three times that I went on dates with Latinas, all three of them told me that they seriously thought that I was from South America.

Some Chinese and Japanese acquaintances whom I met from meetups sometimes complain about how they heard on OKCupid that they are the least attractive voted race, and that some studies show that they need to make $250000 more than a White man to be considered on the same level of dateability. I thought that this type of selection in dating was ridiculous, but I guess that here race really is that important. I also talked once with a Spanish woman a few years ago. She said that she never considered the Orientals because of the stereotype about small genitals, nerdy, antisocial, etc. She also said that she usually considers this race of men to end up single for life because no one wants them. I am guessing that this stereotype has already spread all over the world.

Coming back to my own race, although I am around 60% Chinese, for some reason none of the typical Chinese looks really appear on my body. I have big, oval eyes like Europeans do, and a double-eyelid. My hair is not thin and straight jet black either, but very wavy, thick and rather caramel coloured light brown, like a mocha coffee. My nose bridge is also higher than that of most Chinese people, not as high as typical full Europeans, but close. For this reason when I told people my heritage, they used to doubt me. I got comments like, "But you do not have slit eyes" or, "But you have White people hair" and stuff like that. It just got so annoying. And even the Chinese people do not think I am part Chinese because I do not look like them, so I get hell from them as well. Since some parts of my body, like my legs, are hairier than many White men's, I get called Arab or Muslim and related stuff for it. I also have a full beard, which probably makes me look even more mysterious.

Last year during a meetup I talked with a WASP tech guy. Like many other attendees, he asked my racial background my percentage, and the racial heritage of my parents and grandparents. What followed was one of the many bizarre conversations that I have had at social gatherings. He said that he never would have guessed that I was majority Chinese. He believed the Spanish part, because he said that he was so sure that I was one of them Mexicans. Then it got weirder. He said that he was wondering if I was Mexican because he was not sure if I would get offended if he used the word "spic" in front of me. Then he said that he had a dog named "Mick" and that he would address his dog as "Mick the spic". I was wondering, "What the hell…" at this time. Then since it was a language meetup, he started talking about his fascination about Japan and Japanese language. He said that he was around intermediate level, learning it so that he can date the Japanese women immigrants that come here since dating is so hard here. Then he said how he prefers Japanese women to White women because Japanese women are more feminine. Then again, what followed was even more bizarre. He said that he often tricks Japanese women into pronouncing the English word "election", and said that he got amusement from it and found it cute. And that White male/Japanese female couples were so much more common here, yet no White woman would ever want a Japanese man because (you guessed it): small dick, nerdy, quiet, loner, studious, etc. At this point I was quite confused about why I was even talking to this guy in the first place.

I am not sure how people in your area care about your race, especially in terms of dateability, but god damn, here it is just annoying and grating.



I have heard years ago from colleagues when I was studying biology in university that here is some statistical evidence that penis size differs by race, but that the results were not very strong. In the studies, there was a vague pattern, yet quite a lot of black men were on the smaller side. So there is some truth, but the pattern is definitely not some sort of hard rule (no pun intended).

And in any case, if they are so into stereotypes, how would a very mixed-race person like me be classified? I am all sorts of races with each one having their own stereotype about size. The whole concept just seems stupid to me.

But like that Spanish woman told me, she did have biases that men of Oriental heritage were smaller. That does not please me to hear this in other countries as well.



I see, yes. I would not be surprised if people did believe that they could "catch" virginity from someone. It would be even more ridiculous if a non-virgin believed that. I do get the feeling though that when I did reveal this information, that the women that found out about it often found it off-putting, and treated me kind of like how a doctor treats an Ebola patient--quarantine him and avoid him at all cost, but if you have to interact with him, keep your distance as much as possible.

That same Spanish woman told me that she lost her virginity around 14, and that in her region the average age for losing one's virginity was between 13-15. 16 was considered late. She also said that if you lost your virginity, both of you had to declare it publicly so that you could have it added to your "social resumé" and your name added to the "normal list" of people. Those who failed would be summarily bullied or at least picked on somewhat. Imagine my situation.



I think that if men could get pregnant, the high-five and fist-pumping would decrease by a lot. There are definitely a lot from both genders who have their head screwed on loose or the wrong way. I had a friend from chess as a teenager who had lost his virginity at 13. He then got a girl pregnant at 15, and she got an abortion. I asked him, was it worth all that trouble? He said that well, at least he was not like me.

In contrast, I cannot imagine a woman getting pregnant by mistake without wanting to, and then high-fiving. That would be beyond ridiculous. Although any sort of lunacy is possible in this world.



Your wit is very good. I am very straight to the point, and often my comebacks are not really that funny or witty, but just brutally insulting and straightforward. My mother often unleashes a wave of expletives and insults to anyone who tries to make fun of her or piss her off for fun. I probably picked up that style at times.

My mother also has hypertension, so we both have the same problem. Just like her, my blood pressure can soar to 190/100 or something like that during a verbal argument. So now I just make a concise barrage of insulting and then leave it be. I sense that some actually would want me to have a heart attack, because they would find it funny that I would have ruined my health from arguing with them.



True, those are options, but options that I would definitely avoid. The surrogate or Amsterdam Red Light District ways are a definite "no" for me. Hookup culture is also a big no. Not only superficial and meaningless, hypothetically anyone with anxiety, social awkwardness, ASD and other conditions I imagine would have huge problems with this type of crowd. Craigslist is a big no-no for me. That place is probably one of the seediest websites on the entire Internet. I understand you, and even I as a male would feel incredibly terrified about meeting a woman from Craigslist. Many of those sites, but that site in particular, just give me very bad impressions.

Of course finding a meaningful way to do it., i.e. relationship, is the hardest part. Part of why I am here I guess.

There is no other way with a high sex drive, so I hope that this does not sound like too much information, but often I have to relieve myself alone quite frequently. I mean there really is no other solution as of right now.



I am definitely in the weird box, and am not leaving that box it seems. Now that I am 30, I am considered even weirder given my situation, but there is nothing that I really can do but make myself comfortable. The anxiety in the last days of my being 29 was quite high, but now I suppose that I am slightly more at ease. I did not ask to become this way, it just happened. If people are going to give me hell for things that I cannot really control, well to hell with them.

I probably think a lot about this issue because each year it became more troublesome, and then the anxiety spiked because of it. But if I keep feeling anxious and depressed about this, it might show on my persona as my being an overly preoccupied individual. People here are going to give me hell no matter what, so I just have to accept it and move on.



I think the dropping "I like you" randomly is something that kind of stayed with me in the sense that I do not really feel comfortable using subtle hints, especially touch, to show interest. The "I like you" thing is considered too straightforward and to the point here, not sure if you got that back where you are. One of the hardest things for me is using that charming, subtle signs of interest. It is hard for me, because subtle things in body language are already difficult to interpret. If I had to replicate it myself, that it becomes at least doubly hard.

In terms of compliments, I do not give them much like many guys. I see a lot of guys give compliments that are generic and overused, such as "Looking good tonight". Even someone like me who is bad at social interaction can see right through guys when they say these things to women. I tend to give compliments sparingly, and usually if it is connected with a mutual interest, e.g. foreign languages. But even so, my compliments come out weird. Like I cannot get the right words sometimes. Part of my social awkwardness that shows publicly.

Personally, I am very direct and honest and appreciate and prefer reciprocity of this honesty. So if a woman just dropped, "I like you" and then looked me in the eye, I would be flattered, not weirded out.



The third-world stuff combined with the Spanish culture mixes into a very toxic type of macho-man thing. In general, the third-world mentality of the meat eating and showing physical strength combined with the oldschool Spanish hierarchy of the male as the head of the family, followed by the wife and then the children, make it into a cocktail of these guys needing to satisfy their call to be masculine and tough on both fronts. Similar to how in olden days, bullfighters were considered the alpha males of Spanish society, in these third world countries taming and eating these big animals like pig and boar are considered manly. So yeah I can see how he does not care much about his health. Well, one type of health is going to suffer in this society anyway. Physical health if one eats like he does, and mental health if you refuse and get ostracised.

Regarding the comments, it is just ridiculous a lot of times. I remember my mother once saying to him, "You know, if everyone whom you thought was gay really were gay, then humanity would have ended a long time ago due to population reduction." I thought that it was kind of funny in a not so funny situation. But the meat stuff...seeing them could really convince you that humans were really carnivores, not omnivores.



I have not seen crotch-kicking guys very much lately. When I was in school, around ages 8, 9, 10, 11, etc. a lot of a***hole classmates used to kick me in the crotch for fun during recess. I think that I got kicked in the crotch well over 100 times. They called it "Bangcock", a silly reference to the Thai capital.

I think that more countries are making these robot women dolls. I hear that China are #2 behind Japan in manufacturing robot women. I wonder if robot men are soon popular for the single women. But true, even Germany I heard have robot woman dolls now.

The stress in Japan I imagine would be from academics and one's job. The overworking in both studying as a student as well as in professional life can be brutal there. But in terms of the respect for one's privacy and stuff, they are up there. The only Anglophone country that can be considered slightly similar to Japan would be the UK, due to the importance of being reserved and respectful. But still, in general it does not come close.

Somehow Japan seemed like tailor-made for ASD people in many aspects. Even the food--I often get bento boxes, so I can see how neat and compartmentalised they make the food. I cannot recall any other culture making food so neat and structured as they do.



Here where I am is odd in that there is "acceptable weird" and then there is "unacceptable weird". Acceptable weird means things that are not common or even majority in other places, but are accepted here. That would include polyamoury, BDSM, tech, IT/coding, veganism/vegetarianism, IPA and beer obsession, manga, etc. Unacceptable weird means things that are not common but also rejected by the acceptable weird people here. That includes being a virgin, being single, mind sports (chess, go, backgammon, etc.), shyness, introversion, etc. A lot of my traits fall into the "unacceptable weird" category.



All coding and IT stuff is hard for me. But this forum has no multi-quote function, so I have to do it piece by piece. Not to mention that captcha thing, which sometimes sends me on loops over ten times in a row.



The good thing about animals is the lack of a judgemental attitude. When I was a veterinary assistant I came across many rude and judgemental owners, but their pets were generally nicer.

It is kind of funny and coincidental that no other dogs in the area like my dog. When he is out on a walk, he gets barked at and some other dogs that pass by bark at him and try to enter verbal (or barking) arguments. He kind of reminds me of myself during my childhood and now when I go to meetups.



I am not sure about girly, probably in some cases true. But most of the time, this type of older music from the 1960s and 1970s and even 1980s is considered "old fart" music. Remember here where I live is the IT capital of the world, so everything in the culture is geared towards looking as modern as possible. Even music from 2010 is considered old here.

Most people here consider me as much an old fart as someone born in the 1940s or 1950s. It is no coincidence that at meetups I often end up talking with people in their 40s, 50s and 60s. I really have trouble relating to people in their 20s and 30s, and vice versa. So I end up not really talking to those people.



The nearby areas tend to have their own problems, so it is kind of hard. Going to a completely different area with a different mindset is quite hard, I would have to drive at least two hours. And even if I did, there is no guarantee that the meetups would be particularly better.

Where I live, to the north is very posh area. Marin County, where celebrities and millionaires and billionaires live. Most in their 50s and older. The type of posh as in several mansions and yachts type. The restaurants that charge well over $100 per person for a full dinner.

To my south is Silicon Valley, which is probably even worse than here. People who live there have told me that the gender ratio is so bad that official reports could place Silicon Valley as the most male-heavy area of the entire country. Plus, it is saturated with tech, e.g. Google, Facebook, etc. as well as very money-obsessed people.

To my east is Oakland, which is apparently one of the most dangerous cities in the country. My father used to work there, and he said that his office had bulletproof windows. Plus had to order takeaway food by delivery instead of going there, because the chance of his getting held up in a restaurant was too high to risk it. It has gotten slightly better since, but that is not a place that I would visit soon.

To my west is ocean.

Not to mention, public transit here is a disgrace.

It is strange, but I usually go to the aeroport more than to those surrounding areas.

I'm right there with you. I'm only 22, but nevertheless still have a burning desire for love. I never dated in high school because I feared rejection from women. I still have that fear to this day. But I don't know how to overcome it. I have a lot to offer a woman. I have a decent job and can afford to buy her nice things and go on vacations. I'm a good listener, love learning new things, and have a desire for a really deep relationship.

That is a lot of ignorance put your face. I honestly don't know what the heck goes through some people's minds when they talk about some things. It's not even a PC thing, just common sense and decency. I don't think that asking or trying to figure out what someone's racial makeup is necessarily bad, it's just the fact that is seems most of the people asking you are kind of clueless.

Race is sort of all over the map up here. It's still prominently white up here though there is certainly more color than in the past. On one hand there is a lot of pushing for diversity, sometimes overly so and on the other you still have plenty of derogative terms and stereotypes used. Mostly I think there is a getting along sort of vibe, I mean you're probably not going to see someone call the cops because some one of color is in a restaurant and it's making them 'nervous'. Dating is typically pretty open as far as I can tell from observation. Though I also sort of see the people kind of in clusters of their own race too. I'd say the Xennials and millennials are pretty open dating wise. No one has ever particularly harassed me about my race or said I was less or more dateable for it. But even though people may have some awareness I'm a mix they'd typically categorize me as white stuff - especially if the person looking at me doesn't know any of the physical characteristics from my dad side. I will say it is really bloody annoying when people hear you have Hispanic blood and like automatically assume you're from Mexico. Or in my case I was born in New Mexico and various people who clearly don't pay much attention will go "I forgot you were born in Mexico" or something like that. No no, I was born US citizen mofo.



It is stupid lol Size doesn't necessarily correlate to the amount of ...satisfaction to be gotten with it either. Sure you can own a tank but it doesn't do much good if you don't have a damn idea of how to use it, and you could end up hurting somebody =O Then meanwhile some dude in his little VW could totally be crushing it.


People are in such a hurry... All that stuff she said sounds ridiculous to me. Like I know there are some pretty odd customs with stuff being done today but I'd be asking if she was just making crap up.


No, no you are certainly the smarter individual between the two of you. Yikes. 13 is young, too young to truly be responsible. It's far too common though and that makes it sad.

Typically if a woman gets pregnant when she didn't want to or intended to and is happy about it, she most likely is in a stable relationship. I don't know if she'd be high-fiving anyone though... Not that women that have whoopsie kids on their own don't ever feel happy about it there just tends to be many more emotions that go before they reach that.



Thank you. I just hope your brute honesty doesn't lead to you getting decked at some point. As that would also not be very good for your health.


Well in the case of those the meaning is simply to have those carnal urges scratched. So I can kind of understand feeling a need to get that damn itch, it's not something I would do either.

Funnily enough that friend of mine that would find hookups on Craigslist is quite socially awkward and can be rather anxious...which is why it seemed that much stranger to me that she could and would do that stuff. Like you I view Craigslist as a good place to go make a terrifying friend.

It is worth trying to do it in a meaningful way. It just as you are noticing is much more difficult to find.


30 is a little bit of a scary number. I had anxiety leading up t my 30th birthday as well and i didn't have your situation. There was still very much a feeling of being 'behind' with a sinking feeling that I might not ever catch up, might not ever get those 'normal' things I wanted, and that the years past may have been a waste. I have anxiety about that crap but it did ease up once I sat in 30 for awhile. We can only live as best we can to the best of our abilities; we're not at fault for what we may have missed or are late on when we did the best we could at the time. You're being proactive now in getting what you want now, and that is all you really can do.


Given what you've said about yourself, it entirely makes sense that trying to be subtle and giving hints would be rather difficult for you. It's a bit funny that it's sort of a requirement to do those kinds of things because frankly I think I run into more women that don't get them either. Or because they maybe were hurt in the past they will talk themselves out of something that seemed like a hint. So your inclination to just be upfront and blunt about your interest would be advantageous, since that's harder for a woman to talk herself out of.

I can struggle with finding the words I want sometimes, especially when speaking. Sometimes just getting my voice out is hard enough. I do think that is related to the ASD and of course anxiety does a fine job of causing the brain to stall. Trying to keep yourself 'relaxed', to not rush is the only way I've found to curb this.

There doesn't need to be a lot of complimenting; actually too many can send a red flag up. To have a couple pointed compliments should be effective. Ultimately actions always speak louder and truer than words though. Which can work well as you are getting to know someone but in terms of trying to 'get your foot int he door' its not something you can really display. I think your honesty can work, it's just how to figure out how to best utilize it.


It is quite the cluster of toxic masculinity. Your mother sounds like a smart woman, I'm sure she played a role in the fact that you didn't end up entirely immersed in that toxicity. It might be difficult for you at times but you are better off for it.


Well they make love dolls for women. I couldn't say how popular, enough for someone to make sort of a documentary about it.


Misogyny is still pretty rampant there I hear...not something you'd need to worry too much about being male though

I have also thought this of Bento boxes. As a kid I really hated my touching each other, still not a fan with some. But the bento box is all nicely compartmentalized. So much of their food is friggin' adorable too.


Meh, much the acceptable weird stuff is basically just like mainstream now. Some of which I don't exactly understand but whatever. It shows some promise that maybe some other things that aren't acceptable weird might become so though.


10! here I was annoyed with 4.

I have not seen a forum with multi quote function, not that I've been on a lot. It does take a bit of work. I hit the quote but then I have to go through, remove my comments, and then put the quote tags on what I'm replying to.


They don't give a damn about the things people worry about. I'm pretty sure my animals do judge me, they just love me anyway XD



Always having to be on the cutting edge I guess. Other parts of the country aren't like that. They may have pockets of it but there is plenty of music diversity out there.


I see. That's kind of unfortunate you can't really 'escape' unless you want to slum it a bit. I don't know what would constitute as a public transit disgrace. We don't have much to even speak of here o_o

I am not sure how mixed you look, but when people see me, for some reason it really sparks their curiosity. Like one of those breeded animals where you have two different species mating and I am like that offspring. I agree, common sense and decency. Except that that is lacking a lot over here.

If you looked at my face, I could possibly be many different ethnicities. But still, why people are so into guessing what I am is really annoying. I can understand if someone is just genuinely curious, but upon meeting me for the first time, just asking me, "Hey, what are you?" without even asking what my name is makes me very suspicious about that person's motives.



I have met a few people (not many) from Vermont, New Hampshire and Maine. From what I hear, it is heavily White with a spattering of varying ethnic minorities. I heard that Burlington, Vermont have a small Thai community for instance. Thinking back, not many of those New Englanders asked me about my race. Perhaps one or two, but I noticed that they generally did not talk about race to me. I do like how they were more honest though. I got told several times by people from here that I am "ruder than a New Englander" for being so honest. Just one of those things where I just say whatever I think is fact, and they do not like it.

I do appreciate the honesty over there though. And I love your winter weather. Dark, bitter cold and heavy snow is my favourite type of weather. Another mark against me for being too weird.

I sometimes get into verbal arguments about this race thing. A few months ago this guy whom I saw was going around trying to act like some sort of Don Juan/charming alpha male type to women. Common occurrence here. But then he went up to me, and instead of introducing himself as a fellow meetup attendee, he said, "So, what...what are you?" So I responded, "Come again?" And he asked me what my ethnic background was. I was surprised by this question since I had never talked with him before, so I just stood there confused. He then asked me where I was from. So I said from here, from USA. And then things got idiotic. He asked me, "You mean...you are American?" and I said "Well...yes". He responded, "You do not look like an American, where are your parents from?" That was when I got irritated and said, "What do you mean by that?" He said that someone that looked like me was not someone that looked like the average American. So I asked him what the hell should the average American look like. Then surprisingly, it was he who got irritated. He said that someone who looks like me does not look like a person that was born here. Continuing, he said, "Do you really think that you look like a real American?" So I asked him in one of my few sarcastic debuts, "Do you want to see my passport? Perhaps a birth certificate as well? I never knew that U.S. Customs came to meetups." Then he started up with BS, saying, "Look, do you really think that someone like you is an American, and could be elected to the presidency? Is there any U.S. president who looks like someone like you? You think that a portrait of someone who looks like you could be on a presidential portrait?" I said bluntly, "Alright, I know what you mean. I know that I do not have blonde hair nor blue eyes. But neither did someone like Lincoln or Obama. Your point? You know, you are probably the 501th person who has asked me what race I am." Then he kept going on and on, "You do not look like an American. Do you look like Clint Eastwood or Robert Redford? What are you? Are you Japanese? Mexican?" and kept asking if my parents were Americans. When I said that obviously they are because they have citizenship. Then he kept going on and on and on, "Do your parents trace your lineage to the U.S. settlers from the 1600s?" Eventually, I just told him, "Look, enough of this s**t, I am not answering your god damned questions anymore. Enough." and then he started telling some people around us about how rude I was for refusing to answer his questions. Then after this public scene he went back trying to flirt with women. Later he came back around me and then some woman asked me what race I was. Then he interrupted (I think sarcastically?), saying, "Stop asking him that, he does not like to tell his secrets." I was thinking to myself, "You must be kidding me."

I have talked a bit to both men and women over the course of years of meetups. From what I gather, there is a racial dating hierarchy. According to them, women prefer the races of men in this order, from most desirable at 1 to 10 being the least desirable:

1) Germanic White, blue hair with blonde eyes (German, Dutch, English, Scandinavian)
2) Other White, dark hair with dark eyes (Slavic, Hungarian, Caucasian, etc.)
3) Mediterranean White, dark hair with dark eyes (Spanish, Portuguese, Italian, Greek)
4) White Latino (Latin Americans of European descent)
5) White Muslim (Persian, Turkish, Arab, North African)
6) non-White Latino (indigenous Latin American) and mixed-White Hispanic (mestizo)
7) non-White Muslim (Yemeni, Somalian, etc.)
Black (African)
9) Hindustani (Indian, Pakistani, Sri Lankan, Bangladeshi)
10) Oriental (Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Vietnamese, Thai, Lao, Filipino, Indonesian, Malay, Burmese, etc.)

This hierarchy is of course all BS. Note that Central Asian (Kazakh, Uyghur, Kyrgyz, etc.) are left out because people do not know how to classify them. Other than that, myself, I am #3 and #10 and possibly #5. Plus Central Asian with no category. So I wonder how those who use this ranking would place me.

Regarding friendship, if you ever visit California you will notice how people self-segregate by race. Not even generally, but specifically. The Chinese never group up with the Japanese or the Koreans. The Afro-Americans do not befriend the Black Africans. When I was in high school, the Chinese made up about at least 90% of the student body. They used to call the White students bak gwai (Cantonese for "White foreigner", bai gui (Mandarin for "White foreigner) and lao wai (Mandarin and Cantonese for "foreign devil". They called the very few Blacks hak gwai (Black foreigner) or hui gui (Mandarin for Black devil) I heard many times from Chinese classmates how they would never befriend a White person ever, much less marry a White because they wanted to keep the Chinese heritage 100% pure. To befriend a Black student would be unthinkable. To me, this sounds like virulent racism, just in the reverse. Kind of like Mississippi and Alabama style racism.

But up to now, you can see how a group of Chinese friends has not one White or Black person in the group. And vice versa. Up to now as well, there is serious rivalry between the Chinese and Japanese because of what happened during the Japanese invasion of China during the Second World War.



That is an interesting analogy. I wish that people would think deeper when they make such comments. But being superficial means making superficial analyses as well.

It is kind of like how people really like to flaunt their wealth here. Yet they are really proud of paying $5000 or $6000 a month for a one-bedroom flat. Because, hey, they got money. $72000 a year for rent in a flat that is the size of a small basement seems quite ridiculous to me. Yet someone like me who has lived in the family house, which was bought in the 1960s when working class people could afford homes, is made fun of for not making six or seven figures.

So a big dick guy is considered better no matter how idiotic he is. According to them. You just have to have stuff. Not know how to use it.



The amount of lunacy that I have seen makes me think that it could be possible. I would hope that she was making stuff up. But often I find out that when I think that people are making stuff up, on occasion it actually is true. The world is messed up.



13 is ridiculous. I think that the last time that society considered that normal was way back during the Middle Ages, or the Renaissance period. But back then the average age of death back then was 40 or something like that.

It seems like, at least in male circles, that one has to lose one's virginity as early as possible. It is a bit of a type of male initiation. I have heard some women say that when they were young, they sometimes had similar "contests" of whoever loses their virginity earlier is cooler. But I cannot imagine it being as idiotic as in male circles.

Sometimes in chess, I do what is switch-thinking. I try to imagine what my opponent would be thinking. So if I am playing as White, I try to imagine what Black would do. Vice versa, if I were Black I would think what is White trying to do. So I am thinking, if I were a woman, I cannot know exactly how I would feel, but I would be extremely paranoid about unwanted pregnancies. I have OCD and anxiety and stuff so that does not help, but I would imagine that since a "mistake" is much heavier on the female than the male, the virginity games would be even sillier. Although I have heard that some of the women on my father's side have had "mistake" children, not once but several times in a row. So I am not sure what really goes through their head. A stable relationship, yes, but "oops" without the relationship several times must be a hell of a lot of stress.



True. Although people here are very passive-aggressive. As in, they really dislike me, but they are too cowardly to say it openly. They just make subtle signs that often I have to analyse before I can even see them, like sarcastic, semi-hidden insults. I think that the more aggressive attitudes are also found more in honest areas like the Northeast.



If we described it as an itch, I would have eczemæ all over my body. I have to scratch...myself sometimes everyday. But just like you, is the itch worth all sorts of risks, like STI, pregnancy, and just emotional hurt. Not to mention just safety in general.

I also find that very strange that a socially awkward person who go to Craigslist. What kind of strategy does she have to do that? That is like someone who needs inflatable arm balloons to float in the pool going to swim in an ocean with a massive rip tide current. Any hookup-related thing would probably cause me close to a panic attack.

It is laughable when meetup attendees say how frustrated that they have not scratched their itch in a week. Or that they have been single for "already two months!". I am going on 30 years and one month.

At meetups people pride themselves on how many ex-partners they have had. "Oh I just broke up with my fifth boyfriend. You know how it goes. So how many relationships have you had?" I think, "God damnit. Not this again." or guys saying, "You know, I have not had a f*ck in over a week! This is torture!" or a guy says, "I am having a dry patch. No relationship since my fourth girlfriend. And no sex for a month!"



The anxiety was like mini panic attack style. Like that feeling when you count down the final seconds of the year on New Year's Eve.

I read sometimes about how when ill people who are very badly ill often have very quick flashbacks of their entire lives since they were a baby up to the present right before their final breaths of life. I do not know much about psychology, so I cannot affirm if this is really true for everyone or not. But the final minute, as in 23:59:00 to 00:00:00, midnight of my birthday, I felt a lot of anxiety, and then I started having a flashback of my 20s. From my first day of 20 when I was in the UK having a nice time but still single/virgin. Then going to my mid-20s when I started having health problems plus fell into that deep depression where I lost 60 lb due to self-hating myself for the single/virgin issue. Then going to my late 20s about going to meetups and went back right up to the present. Between 23:59:50 to 00:00:00 I thought of all of the moments where I met people and went on the occasional (i.e.: once a year) date with a woman from a meetup. I started thinking quickly just like you, about what I had missed in my 20s. Then I thought about like, and you probably know this song I bet, Bob Dylan's "Like a Rolling Stone". Except in my case the stone was rolling down the hill, i.e. the single/virgin issue would be getting hard and harder and the weirdness and stigma would gather so much momentum that I would be condemned to a life of being single for life. That was when my heart started beating really fast. So I had to take deep breaths at 00:00:00 when I finally turned 30. I am not sure about you, but I have an obsession with numbers. Which is why the being a virgin at 30 was something that I really wanted to avoid when I was in my 20s.

Many here will think that I had just entered a new phase of loserness. 30 and virgin/single is a big no-no like I said here, but yeah, I do what I can do. We cannot go back and change the past. If we could, mistakes as we know them would by definition not exist because we could almost make our lives perfect. But time is not like that; it goes forward. And so should we.



I like hugging my dog. It will never substitute the feeling of a girlfriend hugging me, but my dog is basically my only real friend. Sometimes it feels like they understand you more than the people.



I think that I would do better in your area than here. Want to switch? That was my poor attempt at a joke. Although you probably would really dislike this place just like I do.

I run into people who are body language masters, like Charlie Chaplin. I cannot compete with them in the body language realm. It is really hard to understand and replicate what they do. I get told, "Did you not see how she acted?" and stuff like that. Well, how the hell can I "read" it. I know over 15 foreign languages, but body language is something that I am barely a beginner at.



That is true, I often see men overcompliment. It just looks odd to me, and superficial. They act like butlers trying to compliment every 30 seconds.

I think that I end up in situations where I have to analyse and think. And where "normal" people can say something in just a second after, I end up stalling trying to figure out what to say. Because I often just let random stuff slip out that either makes no sense or sounds weird.



I think that since I relate more to my mother, probably since we have almost all of the same problems like ASD and anxiety and stuff. I talk to her a lot more than with my father. I get a lot of insights from her. And I am addicted to robotic logic. So if something logically makes no sense, why do it. Why eat big amounts of meat instead of a balance of meat, starch and vegetables. The idea that only women can order salads in restaurants because men should be strong and eat meat makes zero logical sense to me. The thing about only women wearing undershirts is ludicrous. Empirical evidence can disprove these notions. I have been scolded by my father's side for not adhering to those types of rules, but I just think, well whatever. They can yell or make fun of me, I just ignore now.



That is a problem. I heard how the Tokyo metro have trains separate for only women. As in, males are banned from entering those trains. The epidemic of males groping women on trains seems to be alarmingly high in Japan. But the government need to solve the root of this problem. Making separate cars does not mean that those men are not going to try again, or try insane techniques to do that. They should at least teach gender equality in schools so that the next generations are not addicted to the man being the overlord of the family, and the workplace sexism.

Even though I am male, I always do like that chess strategy, think how would I feel if I were female. Countries like Iran are very interesting, but I abhor how females are treated there. I think, how would I feel if I were female travelling to these countries. Or at least, how would my mother feel if we travelled together. Maybe it was my own experience throughout my life of people treating me like a lower class or like a subhuman that I really dislike when people get certain privileges and others are treated like s**t for absolutely no logical reason.

Bento boxes are so neat and clean. I used to get scolded for refusing to eat with my hands and mix sauce all over my plate like my father's side does. I simply cannot do that. Yet Japanese box meals always make me feel comfortable. Even sushi, so neat despite the possibility of such a combination could make the piece of sushi fall apart. I also have hypochondria, so I also like their style of wearing the facemasks. I am already considered as extremely weird here, I can only imagine how much weirder I would be seen as if I wore facemasks.

This, however…



One of those questionable things in Japan.



The cutting edge thing is ridiculous. It happens not only with music, but also with fashion, restaurants etc. There are some new ramen places for example. Going back yet again to the restaurant thing, people flood new restaurants so that they can call themselves "cool". Paying $18-25 for a bowl of ramen in a new-fangled fancy restaurant to avoid being classified as "uncool" is not really logical to me. "Oh you have to try this restaurant! It just opened!" is similar to, "You have to listen to [song just released]! You do not want to be like those old farts who listen to music from 2015, do you?" To do the "new" thing means that you get to be included in the "in" club.



If I take the local public tram to Downtown, it can easily take over an hour. Sometimes longer. One and a half hours to travel five miles. That is a failure. In Europe it would take maybe just 10-15 minutes.

Not to mention, the public transit scares the hell out of me sometimes. The inter-regional train system is prone to muggings and assaults and stuff. Some times when I wanted to visit friends in Oakland and stuff, but my mother would show me about the recent events. I believe two years ago there was an appalling incident on that inter-regional train. A bunch of teenagers held up passengers one by one and stole their belongings on the train. These incidents make me super-paranoid about using this train to go to other cities. Again, the crime due to the lack of middle class here. For the record, the last time that I have taken that train was probably in the 1990s.

I can only hope and give myself a bit of optimism for the future. I want to study medicine in Europe and live there, hopefully next year or the year after. That would be the ultimate escape. People actually treating me like a human being, how about that.

Well let's see....

Me I lost my virginity at 23, non-event but glad because she was a nice human being, ended up getting raped later. Attractiveness is not really important, I've been cat-called and scouted for modeling, yet-and still by my next birthday it will be a decade without sex.

I can remember turning 30, living in San Francisco, in a house with 4 girls. This one girl wanted me to smoke weed for the first time. We had gone on a single date and I walked away completely miserable because she was talking about "short term" dating. I mean I'm like you. I spend a lot of time in cerebral activities pursuing projects and if a girl is talking about non-commitment right off the bat... (sigh)

And I tried the thing about added notches on my belt to become "mocho". Somehow I ended up with this stripper back at her place. She didn't care about me, nor I her. Music up, lights down... and yet as autistic as I am I could sense something. Nothing happened that night, and shortly the lights were back on, music was off, and the stripper was crying in my arms telling me her life story simply because I was smart enough and cared enough to ask "what's wrong? Something is wrong?"

People with autism have a gift. You're family probably has a long history of late marriages, but all marriages that I bet were long and happy. It's a classic case of quality over quantity. I suspect autistic people are in fact to smart to relay on physical activity to show people love. We articulate a love for humanity in what we accomplish, and we build long term relationships with mates. I have to believe this.

You are not the first male that has told me that dating in San Francisco is hard and abysmally depressing. The shift towards very extroverted personalities and introvert-shaming and ASD-shaming is quite high here for a supposedly tolerant area.

I have not yet heard from one single male who lived in San Francisco that the dating scene is about the same level as other places, only that it is extremely hard for dating in general.

true, and a lot of people are into polyamory (especially in that area). I am supportive of other people, but not when they force their beliefs on me through things like shaming.

Nice, glad there are like-minded people out there.

The polyamoury thing is not my thing either. I do not really care what the others do, but I myself cannot do it.

I was shamed a few times for refusing to attend BDSM tutorial meetups (is that even a thing now?) at the Armoury in San Francisco. Apparently it is a sex dungeon and a very world-reknowned porn film production studio where kink.com are headquartered. It seems like everything here runs on sex.

But the etiquette, the lack of manners, I just cannot relate. Just trying to meet up with people is a pain. I heard now that when agreeing to meet up with someone or a group of people, "Yes" means "maybe", "maybe" means "no" and "no" means "no for now, unless I change my mind". How about some honesty and some transparency, for once?

I always meet extroverts. People who are loud and gregarious. When I say how my very serious hobbies are chess and foreign languages, it gets met with reactions of "uhh…", "...ehh…" and people making faces like

I mean, I know that it is not the same as nightclubbing, hiking, sex, attending Burning Man, going to restaurants that charge over $50 for a main dish, but at least some respect would be appreciated.

At meetups sometimes I used to meet some nice people, but they were usually Europeans who moved to SF. Now I have basically no friends because many of them have left and returned home, disappointed and/or disillusioned with the city.

The main problem is that you are an introvert and extroverts do not like introverts. Introverts are the thinkers of this world and we are not appreciated by the non-thinking extroverts of this world. Extroverts get along best with other extroverts. The majority of people are extroverts and well the minority introverts must find other introverts.

Yes asking "what are you?" is certainly rude. What does that even mean? It's a pretty rude way to ask. " Like one of those breeded animals where you have two different species" <--this makes you sound like a Chimera. You're a mythical creature! All those normies should show respect to your awesomeness.

I look more like my father's side but I'm lighter skinned and that seems to boggle people a bit. I have the Spanish conquistador skin coloring but most people seem to think that Hispanics are supposed to be darker *shrugs* I've had one person take a guess that was way off on my lineage. It's not something I've really had to deal with.


Does it? Lol I don't go out much. But yes the strongest diversity concentration would be in Burlington. It's a sanctuary city and has taken in quite a few immigrants and refugees. If you piss someone off here there's a chance they will use your race to insult you but otherwise no one is going to care much if you're black, white, mixed or freaking purple. It's too cold up here for waste time making our words dance around lol Typically what you see and hear is what you get with the people up here.

Even those of us that live up here aren't thrilled with that weather lol People into Winter sports like it best of course but otherwise it's just something we deal with. Because of the weather though we're pretty hardy! You probably would be happier up here (though we have our own set of problems) than where you are currently.


What kind of dumbarse jerk logic was he using? The dude is a bigot at the very least with those kinds of statements. Even the IMMIGRANTS that settled here in 1600's don't trace their lineage to the land. I would've told him I was an Alien here to judge whether or not the human race should be vaporized and its not looking good.


Yeah I fit in the first three and I also have Comanche blood. We're really not the weird ones being mixed in America. We're a melting pot of sorts, so 100% one thing is something that tends to be more of the people that have come here more recently or hasn't really integrated fully. I think anyway.

You're right in thinking that it sounds like racism, it is. Sometimes we just may not have a big attraction to a certain race but to be like "Oh hell no" to someone because of their race is certainly discriminatory.


Yeah people don't do all that much thinking I find. They scrape the surface and are like "Good enough, I now know everything!"

That one upping crap about money is also discriminatory. You might end that here and other places but that's certainly less likely where there is more monetary diversity...or just where everyone is poor lol Having money and lots of stuff doesn't make someone a good or even tolerable person...

Their view point in terms of sex is actually kind of detrimental to them. I mean there is more to sex than just one piece of equipment. And not fully utilizing all the tools and having some know how would end up being sort of boring and disappointing after awhile. It's fine for a hookup I guess, but in a relationship there can be so much more there so they could be missing out. It gives men that are well endowed the wrong idea too. Because they have 'stuff' they often believe (as I've heard from other women)they don't seem to think they have to put in any effort; which has multiple things issues...


Yeah back when people were old at 30. Sexual interest starts around there but it's not something that should be acted upon then. You generally don't even have a good grasp of your own body yet, never mind blending it with another or making a new person.

I suspect there might be some contest like thing among women around virginity but it's nothing I've ever actually seen. There's things like periods, dating, first kisses, getting a car etc. but not that.


Yes pregnancy certainly weighs heavier on women than men at this time. I have a female cousin that has that same sort of situation of 3 kids with all different fathers and none of which were in the picture long. She loves her kids and wouldn't ever think of them as an oops, in fact she'd probably take someone else's without a thought but her predicament happened due to a couple things. Some I can't speak to because frankly I just am not involved enough to 'know' but what I do know is she is heavily religious and doesn't really believe in birth control. Ignorance is some powerful and so when they get into those situations they think it's the only and right option. "Stress? What's stressful about loving my children?" <-how my cousin would respond.


Meh, even people with relationships with scratch their itches on their own time to time. I can't say if that's a lot of not since I'm female lol

My friend has some sort of 'vetting' process for how to picks guys to hookup with. I don't know exactly what though. Online my friend tends to have a pretty different aura than she does in person and is kind of more outgoing. I will say she is kind of a odd duck, maybe somewhere on the spectrum but it's not known. I don't now how she would go from setting tings up online to then have things flow okay for the actual meeting. Just trying to look for someone for that kind of thing, never mind actually trying to set it up.


I agree it's funny. I do think it's a little worse to know what it's like and then to have that itch but no one to scratch it for you. Knowing what it's like makes your urge more specific than when it's just a general "I'm in the mood". It's been, uh 6 years now I think. I certainly get frustrated at times but people are over dramatic though and complaining about it just makes them sound like little biatches =X From my perspective people that are hooking up with a lot of different people aren't what I would call cool or anything to be prideful of. It would entirely be a deterrent for a perspective relationship interest.


That's very arduous, I'm sorry you had to experience that. It's not something that happens that is necessarily linked to be being ill but to a kind fear. It happens with your near death experiences and that could be anything, including things like knowing you're dying from an illness, or being in a car accident.

I know of the song and I understand what you mean. You probably have felt pretty powerless about it too but man, it doesn't make you a loser. Whatever the things people where you are say or your family. Having ASD it can make it hard to multitask life. When we do something most of our attention has to go with it. So when that happen it means something else in our lives has to hit a back burner. You prioritized your education and dating is what hit the back burner for you. I doubt it was like you made the choice to put that there specifically, it's just how it ended up. You're not at fault for that. What your fear was telling you wasn't correct; there are people that aren't going to understand or get your situation but that doesn't mean that no one will. The people that don't get it and that think you're a loser are judgemental jerks that lack empathy. Not worth your time.

Me and numbers are not really friends lol I have some kind of learning disability related to math. I just don't retain number information well.


I'd straight up say that they understand more than a lot of people. Animals are pretty unconditional with their acceptance and love. My best friend is a horse and she has often been my only friend too(well except for the cats lol). Their energy and warmth is calming in the way that people can be everything but that at times. Cherish your dog, they won't ever betray you.


Ha, I didn't have much interest in CA before but after hearing you talk I have even less now! I agree there are various things here that would probably make it a bit easier on you, as long as you don't mind many up here are not as pretty as CA folk XP

Body language is helpful at knowing anywhere, but it's really hard for those of us on the spectrum. I think I get by okay because I happen to have a pretty good intuition but at the same time I still may totally miss things. I think I actually may have taught it to myself some by observing animals. Humans aren't quite the same but some can carry over. So maybe it should be your next language to study !


It is fairly superficial and it doesn't really mean anything either. We're not all so dumb that we don't know that all these compliments that are being showered on us weren't showered on a bunch of other women. Generic compliments are kind of useless also. How many times do you think a woman has been told she is pretty or beautiful? Men might tell her, her parent's, her grandparents, the stores sales person trying to get a sale etc. It's a nice thing to hear but if you want to catch a woman's attention you need to be more specific or even alter the presentation of it.

I think I do something like you are saying. I can take a minute to gather my thoughts and then to figure out how I want to say it. Other people would respond much more readily and I sometimes start to panic if I'm quiet too long doing this and then will gargle what I'm trying to say.


Good for you! There is no reason to let their archaic ideas get you down. Your mom did a good job getting you to be more enlightened than them.


You what you're doing is an empathy exercise, yes? Not so much when you're using it for chess, but the putting yourself in someone else's shoes to figure out how they may be feeling and experiencing something is.

{quote]Bento boxes are so neat and clean. I used to get scolded for refusing to eat with my hands and mix sauce all over my plate like my father's side does. I simply cannot do that. Yet Japanese box meals always make me feel comfortable. Even sushi, so neat despite the possibility of such a combination could make the piece of sushi fall apart. I also have hypochondria, so I also like their style of wearing the facemasks. I am already considered as extremely weird here, I can only imagine how much weirder I would be seen as if I wore facemasks.[/quote]
That is actually kind of funny. I mean think of how many parents out there yell at their kids for not using their utensils and getting food all over. Yet you got crap for not doing that.

You mean the medical face mask? It's a courtesy they do. You'll see it in other Asian countries too. People would certainly look at you weird doing it here, but frankly I think it should be a more common practice. I don't want someone breathing their sick germs on me.


I've known about this. I think it's a little odd but it doesn't bother me. I can see how it can have some benefits; like helping to teach guys to talk with women and gain some confidence to maybe get out there and get a real girlfriend. It's kind of an extension of host clubs, just one on one. I would probably never encourage such here I the US though. They culture and society is very different there than here. I can get why the girls would feel generally safe doing this kind of thing simply because of they way things are in Japan, but not here. Here that would be scary AF. More questionable to me would be things like a maid styled eatery with mirrors on the floor...


In the case of food I can understand a little. Not to be part of everyone doing but just in terms of checking it out to see if it 's worth anything. And in my town if it's good you want to have be somewhere you frequent because if people don't go it probably won't be long before it closes lol that said there are various places in town I've yet to go, so still not like a 'priority' thing.

I can certainly see that as being a petty annoying though. Not much room for individuality.


I've always had a general idea that although there is quite a bit of public transport in big cities it isn't all that fast. But maybe didn't imagine it was that bad. That would certainly scare me too.

Polyamoury has gotten bigger in general I think. I see more of it various places, it gets talked about more online. I personally don't get it and would never be able to do so. With the rise of it, that of course limits the amount of people that one (who wants a monogamous relationship) might potentially date more.

Leon_Trotsky, you sound pretty cool wish we could have played met for a game of chess or two when I was living in San Francisco (only a year ago). There are great general gaming communities that I used to go to (Heretic Games, Anime Imports, and Endgame).

Also, lol, yes Armoury someone tried to do the same thing with me. Only thing was I went dressed as Spock. Ironically people were uncomfortable with me. My friend that brought me into that situation still jokes about it with me and we have a good laugh.... akward

Your racial makeup seems like people would probably regard you as less weird than I am, because I have heritage from three or four different continents. Technically I guess that we are both mongrels, which causes people to get "curious" about our racial makeup.

Hopefully your anger management is good, because if you came to this area, I guarantee that people at social gathers would ask you, "What are you?" within ten seconds of meeting you for the first time. In contrast, I cannot remember ever asking anyone that question. It just never occurred to me. Like you said, it is rude, but also it is a suspicious question.

It is true that genuine curiosity is possible. But I have a big feeling that most people ask this to 1) find out what race the person is to classify them according to their standards, then 2) make a judgement on them based on their race and the racial stereotypes that accompany said race.



I think that Burlington has a few communities like that. Obviously not like here, though. My neighbourhood is 95%+ Chinese, and if I had to guess maybe around 3% White. It is kind of switched, where the Chinese are the majority here, and Whites are the majority in New England.

During Christmastime once, I have been to Ontario and Québec, just an hour or so drive north of New England. When I went, it was -40 C, especially in Québec City it was very cold. The type of cold that my water bottle froze in seconds after leaving buildings. But I went out walking in snow everyday, even walking in the park when the snow was waist high at night. A lot of locals looked at me as if I were crazy. I am not sure why, but this brutal cold, snowy weather was very enjoyable to me.

I remember in Québec City I went into a souvenir shop and the clerk asked me where I was from. When I said San Francisco, she asked me jokingly, «Mais, pourquoi tabernacle est-ce que vous êtes ici, donc ? À San Francisco il fera pas froid comme ici !» or, "Why the hell are you here then? In San Francisco it cannot be as cold as it is here!"



I deal with all sorts of shït like this on a fairly regular basis. It is very strange "logic". Actually there is no logic to this type of commentary. The guy was obviously trying to say, well I do not look like George Washington or Benjamin Franklin or whoever, I have no blue eyes, etc. Well, duh, I have brown eyes. Brown hair, not blonde. But even many WASPs have brown hair sometimes. So I am not sure why this guy is so obsessed with racial purity. Just another meetup prick.

Last year some guy went up to me similarly and asked me, "Hmm...what are you?", I said, "...What does that mean?" and he responded, "Your race, your race! Ethnicity!". I was wondering why is this guy so eager to know this, and I had never spoken with him before. Then he started listing off all sorts of random ethnicities to me, "Mexican? Japanese? Korean? Brazilian? Puerto Rican? Guatemalan? Argentinian? Italian? Portuguese? Uruguayan? Costa Rican? Colombian? Venezuelan? Vietnamese? Spanish? Greek? Cuban...?" and I suddenly interrupted him saying, "You done yet? Enough." and he just looked at me puzzled. Then he turned away and went talking to other people about how dating is so hard here.



I guess some people try to hint that I have a weird mix. You seem to have a commoner mix, as in nothing really out of the ordinary to make people think, "How did you get all of those ethnicities?". My father is half Chinese half Spanish. Here at least, that is a very weird mix. In fact, I have never met anyone with this specific combination so far. And since he is mixed, and my mother is a mix, I am basically a blend of both of them into some weird soup of ethnicities. Like if you threw a bunch of food in a pot blindfolded.

Sometimes, in one of my rare moments of sarcasm, I tell those people that I will buy them a drink if they can correctly guess all of my ethnicities. No one has ever guessed right, out of the thousands of times that people try to guess. Maybe you could try that on those people too.








Europeans and East Coast people, who often think more alike than Europeans and West Coast people, often tell me how they do not understand why everyone is unhealthily obsessed with money. Even people who are from oldschool old money types like parts of Massachusetts and Connecticut think that the Bay Area everyone is just living here trying to compete with everyone else to see who can get the most money.

No, it does not make someone a good person, in fact, I feel that it makes someone more superficial and more egotistical. Every week, and I guarantee during the meetup that I will attend this Sunday, at least several people will ask you your job. "What do you do?" is as common as "What are you?". Now if you do not say anything stating that you work for Google, Facebook, Uber, Twitter or some other multinational tech company, they will most likely thumb their nose at you.

The only way to avoid this if you do not work in tech is to say that you work in finance or real estate. You have to make six figures minimum to have people show a modicum of decency and human respect to you. Remember here, the poverty level is officially pegged at anyone who makes less than $120000 per year. So technically even people who make six figures at $100000 are considered poor. And being poor is being uncool. Just like how being a virgin/single is uncool. Just bullshït all round.

Funnily, if you make very little, like I do, close to minimum wage, they ask you, "So..why do you live here?" implying that only tech people should live here. I say, "I was born here." Then they look surprised and respond, "You mean...people are actually born in San Francisco? I never met anyone who were born here." Now you enter faceplant mode.

Just to add, SF are officially the city with the lowest birth rate and the lowest percentage of children of any city in the country. Also the city with the lowest marriage rate in the country. I wonder why? (sarcastic voice)



I think that the underlying issue is the superficiality (is that a word) of the people's attitudes here. They just correlate stuff with skills. But then extend it way too much. So a guy with a big dick is seen as the best, most charming, etc. Likewise, I have heard some seriously idiotic comments from men here too. I have met some men at meetups and the first thing they tell me without even knowing me or asking my name and stuff, is to say how such and such woman over there has a big chest. And that she must be intelligent and good girlfriend material solely because of the big chest. Where the hell do they get these conclusions. Society need mandatory classes on logic and causation-correlation.



When I was younger in primary school there were similar contests. Boys used to announce when they got their first wet dream and stuff. Just like virginity, whoever is earlier was cooler.

It is stark that my self-hatred and inferiority complex started even back then. I did not get my first wet dream until a few days before my 14th birthday, which is statistically very late.



That sounds similar to my father's side. Many relatives including my step-brothers are heavily Catholic. Many are anti-contraception and anti-abortion, so they end up with way too many children. Even when they do break their rules and use contraception, they probably are not using it properly because they still end up with "oops" kids. My father has nine siblings, and this type of family style seems to repeat itself over and over amongst my fathers side.



I have heard that before, you know how it is and you know how much you like it. So you miss it more. I can understand that. But the big positive about knowing how it is is that people will not ostracise you and forsake you because you are a virgin. There is stigma about being single and not having sex, but being a virgin is a whole other level of stigma. From what I understand, some people will give some points if you are not a virgin, or even just had sex just one time in your life. But if you are a virgin, they will consider you scum, just like a piece of shït on the street.

I am not sure if because I have been very "itchy" to never have it scratched, it sounds very weird, but my sex drive is higher at age 30 than it was at age 14 or 15 for example. I am not sure how much this is due just to not ever having it or what. But often if I do not scratch the itch myself, I end up with really bad insomnia, sometimes unable to sleep for over a day. If I do not scratch my itch, it is like if I drank several cups of coffee. Like some sort of hyperactivity.



I have had some bad panic attacks, as well as almost had an actual heart attack (not panic attack) at age 21, so I know how scary panic attacks can be. They feel very real and it can be suffocating, literally.

I remember about a half hour before midnight of my birthday, I went to my bedroom and looked at my old baby pictures and photos of when I was a small boy. I thought, of all the psychological hell I went through in my 20s, did I really deserve to continue this in my 30s. I remember when I was barely 5 or 6 years old, I used to tell my mother many times right before going to bed, how I would be have a wife, be married and have children by 25, saying to her, "I will be a great husband!". It hurt inside a lot when I thought about this, and I certainly felt like a complete failure.

I certainly did feel powerless, because I saw friends and acquaintances have relationships naturally and I wondered, how did they do this, and I can barely even go on one date per year. I thought about my grandmother who has died just last year, would she have wanted to see me so mentally broken. I felt like in a way that I had wasted a lot of my 20s. I did spend a lot of time on my education, I have three STEM degrees and I am grateful that I have them. But my social life was probably so stunted that it was at the level of a five year old.

And like said many times, I listened way too much to people who are not even worth listening to. The comments about my being a virgin loser that echo in my head over and over crushed my soul often. The lack of anyone in my life except my parents and dog, when so many others have their family by blood plus a partner/spouse. I felt left out. As if except my parents and pet dog, no one really loved me.

Of course, since I had joined fora like these in September when I was 29 and 11 months old, I learnt a lot. I have been so hard on myself. I probably have hated myself more than many of the meetup attendees hate me.



That is true. My dog had turned eight years old a month before I turned 30. In dog years he is almost 60, so close to a senior citizen. From my experience as a veterinary assistant, I know too well how health starts to decline from this point on, just like humans. I think that I used to always think about plans in the future, what to do for years from the now, instead of living in the present.



I think that body language is especially hard when people deliberately refuse to say things explicitly when even neurotypical people usually state explicitly. Such as what time to meet up and go to a restaurant. If you propose a time, many will just say yes. But some will make a very subtle change in tone, or a roll of eyes, to express that they really do not like that time to meet. You have to actually catch that in their voice or facial expression to then ask them what time they really want to meet. People here are very passive-aggressive, often trying to subtly show their feelings but too scared to express them verbally and explicitly. This means that there is even more body language to interpret here on the West Coast than where you are. Often here, some people say that even neurotypical East Coast people are autistic, because they cannot read West Coast body language.




The first thing usually I try to analyse if something is even worth complementing in the first place. I see dating advice saying how to just pick something random and complement her on it. I think that this is just superficial. I see it all the time from guys, just picking some random thing like maybe a T-shirt that she wears, and saying how it looks good. It does not mean anything just trying to follow this type of dating advice.

Of course, I do a bit of the opposite and not really give too many compliments. I think that I am trying to consciously fix my body language myself plus eye contact that I sometimes lose track or other things.



I think that I have spent more time with my mother in general than my father. Some family have criticised me, saying how the father-son bond should be tight at all times and stuff. But I just cannot get along with those types of mentalities. Believing things that washing one's hands with soap is for losers or idiots is one thing that really irritates me. The meat thing of course. My mother often tells my father, "Why the hell do you insist on eating pork fat and huge amounts of beef and pork meat, when you almost died twice from heart attacks?!" and he just insists over and over, "I eat meat, no one in my country is going to eat these vegetables."

I think that you asked once how it was weird that they are even together in the first place. I asked my mother and she said that when they met in the 1980s, he seemed calmer and not as ridiculous with these macho things. Apparently he was always macho tough, but she felt that it was not as bad back then. Or perhaps, since she does not really see things in people as easily as others, she may have just missed a lot of it. But they have several times been on the edge of divorce, so the difference in mentality has always been something that causes disagreements.



Maybe somewhat, I try to see how the less privileged would feel. My mother loves travelling to Europe, but always thought that places like Iran or Morocco would be nice to visit. However she refuses to wear a veil or hijab/niqab. So I think how I would feel if I were a female there. I would also not want to wear a veil or hijab/niqab. Same like how in Japan they have a lot of problems with institutionalised sexism. Even if as a male I am not affected by the same problems if I went there, I would feel that something is off because I hate when people are treated like lower class citizens. In a way, being ostracised and insulted on a regular basis from childhood up to now in social settings makes me have a lot of empathy for the people who are not treated as equals.



I absolutely cannot stand using my hands to eat. I have a history since childhood of having some sort of weak immune system in my digestive tract, because I remember when I used to lick my fingers and eat with my hands, I often ended up with gastroenteritis. I used to get all of these stomach virii, then end up vomiting. I think that I have vomited more as a child than ten people combined have in their entire lives. Anytime I eat, it absolutely must use utensils. But sometimes my father eats with his hands when you are not supposed to. Like in an elegant French restaurant, sometimes he puts aside the cutlery and starts eating with his hands and mixing sauce all over the place. Since he does not understand OCD at all, he often gets irritated when I refuse to do like he does.

Hypochondria would also make me sympathetic to the facemask. I even bought a box and I carry a facemask around just in case someone nearby has a cold or other respiratory virus.



True, I can see trying to see if a new restaurant is actually good. But it seems like people here establish what is cool, so if Restaurant X is cool, to maintain your "cool" status you have to go there, not only try the food, but take selfies to prove you went there, etc. Reminds me a lot of high school cliqueness.



I have heard of that too. I saw travel documentaries where grown men, usually businessmen, go to restaurants where the servers are all waitresses in mini-skirts. It just looks so weird. Even as a male, to me it feels uncomfortable rather than pleasant, which I guess those guys in suits think it is.

I think the only example of something like that in the West is a coffee/pastry shop called Café con piernas in Santiago de Chile. Often grown men in suits go there to eat breakfast or drink coffee at any time during the day, whilst women in miniskirts are waitresses, and also just stand there so that the guys can look at them.



When I was in Germany, I could easily take the local train to a place of a distance of 5 miles away in probably just 10 minutes at most. I am used to European standards, so anything less is fail to me. In Japan, it probably takes even less time to travel with public transit.

I am very paranoid when I do have to take public transit. I always look around, and if someone is staring at me or my backpack I try to move to a busier part of the train. Sometimes I have considered carrying a fake wallet with only about $30 in case someone holds me up or robs me with a weapon.

When my father worked in Oakland, he said that if he had overtime and stayed late, a bodyguard from his work would accompany him into the train station to make sure that no one robbed him. Those types of places really make me feel uncomfortable.



Like you, I cannot do polyamoury. The concept is just not something that I can understand nor be a part of. I am not sure how popular it is in New England, but here it is very popular. People who do not like it often tell me how when they go on dates, often the date asks if they are willing to enter some sort of polyamorous relationship.


Looking back over the years I have usually received negative comments about my appearance and physical looks. My mother also has when she was my age. I believe that my grandfather as well.

As a teenager I was usually called ugly by the girls, and in my 20s usually told that I looked weird or outdated or just plain ugly. Right now I usually get told that I look haggard and old like someone in their mid-40s. Social Darwinism is quite popular here, so I get told sometimes about how my bad looks mean that I am not a good choice for any relationship.

I was thinking of posting pictures of myself (including of my face), such as my social media profile photos either here or through PM if any female members wanted to evaluate using the albeit superficial 1-10 scale. Not sure if it would help, but I do wonder if I do look that ugly/weird like people keep saying to me.

Those were all on meetup.com or are they usually exclusive?

The Armoury thing is different I think, they have these sex workshops and tutorials. People at meetups kept pressuring me to go with them, but I refused every time. I think that people here are just obsessed with sex so much that it spills into every walk of life, any conversation during meetup events. I am trying to leave this place as fast as possible.

In non-western nations achievements in life and contributions towards society are valued more than the shallow sex obsessed western society. Criminals and losers on welfare in western world regard themselves as better than socially awkward guys with high paying jobs. More guys should consider moving to a country where they are valued and embrace a better society with better values and escape the toxic western society.