I don't like feeling so needy.

Post Reply New Topic

This strong need I feel to be back in a relationship started after things ended with my most recent ex. I hate admitting it, but being alone is taking a sad toll on me.

I was with my first serious boyfriend for three years. I can honestly say that I was never in love with him. We stayed together for so long for various reasons that I won't go into. There were so many ugly factors about the relationship, and him, that made me feel an incredible sense of relief when it ended (his anger issues, clashing personalities, a bit of cheating on his part, blah blah blah). I have never looked back and missed that time, until now. I may have been unhappy with things that went on, but when it came down to it, there was almost always somebody there for me. Somebody who actually cared about me. I think I may have took that for granted.

At work I'm always hearing about how happy everyone is with their significant others. My friends are all happy in relationships. Said most recent ex has ALREADY found somebody else - which itself doesn't bother me. I'd just like to know why he can be happy, and I can't.

When I was with him, it was almost like I had a reason to wake up in the morning. I hate the way that sounds, but it's true. The fact that *I thought* somebody cared gave me motivation to do everything differently. Now I'm back to feeling unwanted, and doing nothing with myself. It's almost as though I need someone to be happy anymore, which is something I don't like to admit. I've always considered myself so independent, all around, but perhaps deep down I'm emotionally high maintenance?

The fact that I'm actually having second thoughts about breaking off my 3 year relationship shocks me, and makes me worry for myself. I wasn't beaten by any means, but there was a fight that turned physical, a lot of mental draining, and ugly things I dealt with. This is why I don't like having these second thoughts. Would I really choose being mistreated over being lonely???


Another thread about being alone. I'm sorry. I just needed to pour my feelings out somewhere.

you can pm me any time if you need to talk.

I may not be where you are but I understand what its like to feel alone. I felt that way for years. And Ive been in a bad relationship before.

But after it ended , when I was the saddest Ive ever been in my life, when I went literally crazy from the stress and sadness
I found true love.
And we've been together for over 3 years now

Life is not easy but if you stick it out it rewards you in many strange wonders ways.

Have faith and you'll make it through.

If nothing else I'll be your friend and you can pm me anytime.

Take it from someone who's been there , its not easy but it gets better in the end.

Having a friend helps I know it helped me when I was where you are, so I'll pay it froward and befriend you if you want.

Just let me know.

Hope you'll be OK.

just-me.

hey at least you found happiness for that short amount of time in your life... I have never known true happiness at all...

I can't ever hope to replace your bf (I'm not attractive to pretty much the entire female gender anyway), but if you need a guy to talk to for whatever reason, drop a pm...

*hugs*
I remember seeing your posts about your most recent ex, and wanting to reply but never being able to think of anything worth saying. Maybe I'm just too young, who knows. My experience in all this stuff is minimal.
There was a guy I really liked who kissed me for a couple of weeks, then one day said he couldn't carry on doing that, and the next day started complaining to me about how much he liked this other girl. I mean wtf?
My first boyfriend I never loved. I shouldn't have gone out with him. When he broke up with me more than anything I felt relief. He was a good guy, he just wasn't right for me.
My second (current) boyfriend... well who knows. I like him, I hate him, we argue, we hug, honestly I thought Id forgotten how to cry. Turns out I'm rather good at it.
I always thought I was emotionally independent etc. With the first guy I spoke to him about this new girl and never let him see how I felt about it. Now I don't seem able to do that so much.
Don't go having second thoughts about that relationship. Would you really be that happy with a significant other you didn't care for that much and who mistreated you? Maybe you've just been stirred up a bit. I mean if you actually cared about this most recent guy it makes sense that you'd not feel that emotionally secure afterwards. Especially if you thought he cared about you. Don't worry about feeling wobbly atm. It's probably normal. Just keep swimming.

Thanks you all. It really helps to know there's people I can come to with this stuff.

I'm hoping this is a phase that passes. Being lonely never really bothered me to this extent before.

I'm starting to wonder if any of the male gender will ever find me attractive.

If you ever need a girl to talk to for whatever reason, same goes.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder so wanna go into a dungeon and slay a couple but if you need someone to talk to. At night the winter's wind howls with hardly anyone to answer back

There's only two requirements I have to become attracted to someone, one very deep and the other rather shallow... The shallow one is that she cannot be fatter than me. Given that I am fairly overweight myself, a woman can still be relatively chubby and I would still find it attractive... The deeper requirement is that she loves me for who I am, without pretense or based on some other external factor (having exclusionary factors is one thing, but I don't want a woman to love me because of any fame, fortune, or brains I might have... those are just other attributes to enjoy after meeting my core personality face to face)... If a woman displays that level of genuine affection for me, I generally start following suit automatically, as I tend to mirror emotions that other people express at me...


well I may want to take you up on that... I've talked to other women on the forum via PM about particular issues, but it's usually with NT women trying to understand their AS boyfriend...

How long ago did you break up? Who knows, maybe after you give it some more time, you'll realize that you enjoy being single.
I don't know about you, but I realized what a negative experience dating had been for me after my last gf. I've been single for over 2 years now, and I don't really miss the taken life much. Sure, there were some good points, but there were plenty of bad parts to make up for it. It may be good for you to take a break.

If ya decide you want to get rid of some of that neediness, let me know. I could use a good dose, seriously. I think I enjoy being alone, way too much.

The funny thing is, I have this need to be needed... go figure... I really feel at my best when people are at various levels of depending on me for something (not to mention way more motivated)... when a woman is depending on me for personal comfort, that's where I actually might feel happy... sometimes i wonder if I should get myself tested for codependence...

^Well, if you need some extra "independence" let me know, I can spare plenty. I seem to be overflowing with the crap.



We would both benefit from the transaction.

It's been about 2 months since it ended. I hope you're right, and I learn to enjoy being single again.



PLEASE, TAKE SOME!

2 months, Is that all? No wonder you feel the way you do! Give it some time, You'll meet someone else and forget all about him. I have to say though, I've known abusive guys and have been severely abused by girls (Both mentally and physically), It is not worth being with someone who is abusive! Your experience may have not been that bad but if you let abusive behavior go, You might not come out the next time feeling this way (Or at all!). In my experience each new person is worse because you get comfortable with a certain type of person. My opinion is you need to re-evaluate what you want in a guy. Take it from someone who knows all too well!

Yeah, you're just in the normal mourning period for a relationship. You may feel like this for up to 6 months, but don't let it push you to do something you regret. Find a new hobby, something new to wake up excited for.

i feel quite "needy" & i'm fairly certain i would like to needed, or necessary? lol or just wanted would be fine. guess i am dependant & co-dependant a little.

The problem with "wanting to feel wanted" is that it does almost nothing to help make it happen -- in fact, it seems to make the person reek of desperation, and actually devalue them in the eyes of prospective boyfriends or girlfriends. Women are especially good at sensing this from guys. The thing that will help you be wanted is to make yourself wantable -- i.e. happy on your own, not clingy, not whiny (a lot of us have problems with this, including me), and semi-social. Make an effort to get out more, talk to people, find some hobbies that involve some social interaction, get a job that you are happy with that keeps money in your pockets, and they will find you.