Doubting your suitability as a partner

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sunshower
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22 Jun 2009, 11:29 am

Travell wrote:
I think what (WE) should all do is get out of the house and talk to people. lets just get out


I fully intend to, in my own time. However I am currently on a period of self determined house arrest, where I am giving myself isolation and home time to recover from oversocializing (and indulging myself on WP I suppose). I'm sure I'll be off WP and out in the social world again soon enough (probably too soon for my tastes) - but I'm an active person, and I like to lead an active and involved life for the most part.

People here are right in that you don't know if you don't try. And despite my worries and fear, I intend to try - and if it seems like it's not working and might damage the other person I will pull out before it's too late.


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Travell
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22 Jun 2009, 11:38 am

i know what u mean by overspecializing. when i get out more, i get into so many fights and problems with people because i come off as weird. but i don't care i just deal with them, and move on.
and you are a girl, you dont have to do nearly as much socializing as men to get a guys attention. so just get out there and be seen



Bataar
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22 Jun 2009, 6:18 pm

I often wonder this. I just don't know what I'd have to offer. When it comes to being romantic, yeah, I could handle that, but it's the responsibilities that come along with it I would fail. I suck when it comes to managing money and supporting a house/home. I don't know how many women would want to live with a guy who they had to point out all the stuff that needs to be done all the time because I wouldn't notice it or think of it.



Kenjuudo
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22 Jun 2009, 7:40 pm

MissConstrue wrote:
Kenjuudo wrote:
anna-banana wrote:
you'll never know unless you try. I've had 2 fails so far, so I'm sorted :p
I have 12 fails... Meh! :P


Wow 12?

That's sad.... :(

Meh...I think mine is around 4.... :cry:
I have had 2 relationships that lasted about 2 years each, and the rest have varied between 2 weeks and 2 months. Seems no matter what I do, the magic number is somehow always 2. :P


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sunshower
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22 Jun 2009, 10:08 pm

Kenjuudo wrote:
MissConstrue wrote:
Kenjuudo wrote:
anna-banana wrote:
you'll never know unless you try. I've had 2 fails so far, so I'm sorted :p
I have 12 fails... Meh! :P


Wow 12?

That's sad.... :(

Meh...I think mine is around 4.... :cry:
I have had 2 relationships that lasted about 2 years each, and the rest have varied between 2 weeks and 2 months. Seems no matter what I do, the magic number is somehow always 2. :P


Hey, 2's my lucky number! And my first (and only so far) relationship started on the 22nd.


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Kenjuudo
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23 Jun 2009, 1:49 am

sunshower wrote:
Hey, 2's my lucky number! And my first (and only so far) relationship started on the 22nd.
You mean yesterday? Congratulations!

By the way; Statistically, about ~2750 members on this site would have 2 as their lucky number. ;)


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Namiko
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23 Jun 2009, 4:12 pm

Yes. I doubt myself all the time. I don't think I could ever be in a real relationship because I am so touch phobic and cannot handle when other people touch me, whether it's a hug or handshake or someone bumps up against me. In addition to that, I don't have that intuitive grasp of social relations that many other people do.


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mitharatowen
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23 Jun 2009, 4:21 pm

Yes I doubt it all the time. I just told my boyfriend a few days ago that I should be alone. I am too needy and boring. I prefer to just spend all my time in quiet company with my partner and there is 'no one' who can do that sort of thing without some sort of entertainment and I don't want to ruin someone's life.

I also love to debate and apperently it is impossible for me to do so with someone else (even an aspie) without making them angry :?

I've already had one failed marriage due to the above and much more.... I'm afraid I'm on track for the next one, although my boyfriend is amazingly more supportive and dedicated than my ex. I'm just paranoid... I can't imagine that someone will be happy with me for an extended amount of time.



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23 Jun 2009, 4:30 pm

I don't doubt my suitability, but I do doubt ladies' ability to handle me and my oddity (not just autism, but that, too).

I think that I'd make a great partner for someone who can deal with the fact that I am horrible at lying to make people feel better (hence I don't), am very personal, and the various other things involved in my autism and in my oddity in general. I think that anyone who could handle that would benefit from me quite a bit.

Hubris is your friend.


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23 Jun 2009, 4:33 pm

sunshower wrote:
Do you ever doubt your suitability as a life partner for someone in the future? I often do, I often wonder if I could inflict myself on someone like that for life, and whether I'd fail as a mother to any kids we might have.

I know this is not a very positive post from me, sorry :( but does anyone else worry about this? I worry about this a lot, I'd rather isolate myself and be alone forever than being a bad partner for someone else and ruining their life and the lives of our children by failing as a parent.

Please discuss, any viewpoints or insights on the issue are much appreciated.


My friends who think that I'm really social, and we have a little internal joke that it is a "fake disease" that I have, and they think that I will be able to find a guy. But hell yeah, I have doubts. Or rather, I go between to feel confident that I will find someone, to accept that I may live my life alone. But I have a feeling that I share that concern with many others with Asperger.

I have had a few guys, unfortunately, have been some not too good guys. But now I have been in love again for a guy from when I was in high school. It is a bit strange, we are each other's opposites and yet we are drawn to each other again and again. So you can say that I hope that there may be something there, at least for a while.



sunshower
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23 Jun 2009, 5:08 pm

Kenjuudo wrote:
sunshower wrote:
Hey, 2's my lucky number! And my first (and only so far) relationship started on the 22nd.
You mean yesterday? Congratulations!

By the way; Statistically, about ~2750 members on this site would have 2 as their lucky number. ;)


Lol no, in 2007. It lasted 7 months.


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Kenjuudo
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23 Jun 2009, 5:10 pm

sunshower wrote:
Lol no, in 2007. It lasted 7 months.
Aww... I'm sorry. :(


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CelticGoddess
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23 Jun 2009, 5:43 pm

It's not so much about if you're suitable, but if you find someone suitable for you. It's all about balance. Finding someone who brings out the best in you and also is accepting of the things that you struggle with. Respects things you can't budge on right now, but also helps you to extend your boundaries when you're ready. If you can find someone like that, it can be a really incredible experience.



CMaximus
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23 Jun 2009, 10:26 pm

That's some very sage advice, CelticGoddess... personal growth from a relationship seems to be a highly unconventional approach in our modern work-a-day world, (Most people don't seem to think of it like that) but I do like the sound of it!



sunshower
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23 Jun 2009, 11:59 pm

CMaximus wrote:
That's some very sage advice, CelticGoddess... personal growth from a relationship seems to be a highly unconventional approach in our modern work-a-day world, (Most people don't seem to think of it like that) but I do like the sound of it!


Yes, I agree, good advice. :)


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Gromit
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24 Jun 2009, 2:18 pm

May I take a short break from the serious discussion to offer this?
Image

Sorry, I just had to. It fits too well. Back to serious discussion and good advice now.