Another question for the women...

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Is there any way to get past the friend zone? I know that many people say being able to make friends is a precursor to being able to find love... However, making friends is the easy part; I make friends with just about everyone I get to know, regardless of gender... but "friends" is all these people are... apparently, no love can arise from that, ever...

I want to be able to experience love, but women always seem to hold back around me, like something's wrong with me...

They could think you are gay...

Well that could very well be the case... I'm not attracted at all to women I don't know, so they might perceive that as homosexuality (I've been accused of being homosexual repeatedly during high school)...

But my question refers to after I've gotten to know the woman in question, at which point an attraction may have developed...

If a woman isn't interested in you that way, there is nothing you can do. However, there may be a woman who is attracted to you just as you are attracted to her but she feels stuck in the friend zone too because you aren't reading her signals and so she thinks you aren't interested. How do you sort her out from the women who feel no attraction beyond friendship?

Read her signals and send one of your own. (Easier said than done.) This is all done with body language and should NEVER be verbalized. (I am now getting the impression that Aspies slip up in exactly this place because they feel more comfortable with words than gestures, nevertheless, try to learn the gestures and avoid the words until you are ALREADY in a relationship.)

Here are the signals she may be sending to you:

inching slightly closer when you are both sitting somewhere

leaning towards you when you are talking

slight body contact that has no sexual implication- her arm brushes your arm for a second or she touches your shoulder for a second


If you are very observant, with some woman at some point you will observe these things. If you are unsure, try doing something from that list and watch for her reaction, like so:

You inch slightly closer- she inches slightly away= just friends
-she DOESN'T inch slightly away=there could be something more

You lean towards her when talking- she leans back=just friends
- she DOESN'T lean back and allows the closeness to continue=there could be something more

You find some excuse to lightly touch her shoulder for a second ("hey, look over there, isn't that the most beautiful painting/flower garden/dog/whatever you've ever seen?"
-she pulls her shoulder inward to repel the touch=just friends
-she leaves her shoulder where it is and looks where you are pointing (or responds with interest to whatever excuse you made to touch her shoulder briefly, must be brief)= there may be something more.

When you discover through body language a woman with whome you share a mutual attraction, DON'T SAY 'I THINK WE WOULD MAKE A GOOD COUPLE' . I told another poster and I'll tell you. DO NOT say this even if you are thinking it. Do not in any way make her think that she needs to make a decision about your possibilities for coupledom. Instead, keep using the body language, assuming you got the positive response to it. Light touches are ok, to the hand, shoulder, arm. Don't move too fast. Don't verbalize your coupledom possibilities. Pay attention to her and don't glance over at other women. If Angelina Jolie walks by, you don't even notice. But none of this must happen until AFTER you have established she is attracted to you by the body language I outlined above.

from my own experience- don't overshare. keep some of your own stuff private and make sure she doesn't start treating you as a friend she can talk to about her constipation and painful periods try to be cool and not a constant shoulder to cry on.

It has happened with me..

Well, I already understand the "don't tell her" bits (figured that out the hard way), and I also understand the whole signal reading premise too... what I can't do is do all that signal reading in real time... there's a noticeable delay if I try to even follow a conversation (with actual spoken words) in real time, so there's an even greater delay if I add nonverbal cues to the mix...

From my own experience, all these theories are false (ie. don't overshare , be mysterious, don't wait for too long...etc bla bla).

From my own experience, if she doesn't find attractive in the first place (or at least find you potentially attractive) then there's nothing you can do, whether you're oversharing or trying to be mysterious and cool.

True, you can't manipulate a woman into being attracted to you if she isn't. But I'm going on the theory that since he makes friends with women (and men) easily, it's statistically likely that from time to time one of those women is attracted to him as much as he is attracted to her but he's missing her nonverbal signals or sending none of his own, or else he's entrenching her firmly in the friend zone with such "friend only" activities as oversharing (per Anabanana) until she gives up sending nonverbal signals. For the record, I don't advocate trying to make a mysterious or cool veneer because to somebody who is already a friend, it will just look ridiculous. But the opposite of oversharing and coming on strong isn't actually being cool and mysterious. It simply means giving her her space so she feels neither rushed into a relationship nor feels used like a shoulder to cry on.

You did say you make friends easily. So talk to one of your male friends and ask him to observe you and the woman you are friends with and attracted to and want to see if the feeling is mutual. Ask him to observe the body language between you two and report back to you later. A friend who has a girlfriend or wife would be best because he will have a lot of practice reading this body language. Don't ask a female friend unless she has a boyfriend or husband or you are 100% sure she isn't attracted to you. That way you avoid the horrifying blunder of asking a woman who secretly has a crush on you to help you be with another woman.

eh, I'm talking about not blowing the potential.

The potential won't be blew and turn to friendship by oversharing.....

I've found getting into the friend zone is not a good way to start a relationship. Either sparks are there from the start or they're never going to be..

The topic read to me as can you get past being friends and into a romantic relationship. I think what I'm gathering from you is that if you are saying if you know someone (not a friend, like a coworker, someone you met at a bar, was introduced to etc etc) that you dont think sharing will cause the relationship to turn to friendship instead of romantic. For the most part probably true. But if you've made friends with this person first, you'd both mutually agree you are friends, then ya, oversharing can deepen the friendship thing. Will cause a women to see you as a close friend, not a romantic possibility. Anna put it best, if you get to the point she calls you and starts saying stuff like "omg, i'm flowing like niagra falls today, god and these cramps" then that is a level of comfortability that's not conducive to being romantic. At best you have the chance of being that shoulder to cry on after a bad break up and get some nookie there which will in all likelihood lead to an even more awkward relationship, not more romantic.

My advice is just be honest and say to her you like her, and as soon as possible. Hale's kinda right here, if there wasnt a chance from the out-set, then there isnt going to be much of one a year or two later. And I think most guys get over zealous here too ( i know cause i've been guilty of it), just try to keep it short, 'we're good friends, but i actually think about it being more and enjoy the thought.' Dont go into some 3 page long love letter expressing your deepest emotions and desires.

Make the first move. if you like someone then just outright tell them. if they say no then you know they are not the right one for you and if they say yes then lucky you.
you have to take a chance or else you will be living your life afraid to take chances

The problem isn't so much about sharing my feelings towards friends, it's more about the fact that I need to know a woman for a while before I even become attracted to her... I literally cannot feel any attraction for strangers (which is why I posted this thread specifically about how to get around the friend zone)... Often, I've been relegated to the friend zone before I can even come to a decision as to whether I'm attracted or not... Sometimes it can develop in just over a week, in other cases it can take years... but overall I've never been "instantly attracted" to any woman ever...


What I need to find is a woman that has the patience to not just write me off after 10 seconds of not giving any of these "signals" of attraction... are there people like that?