Do women really have better social skills?

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alien91
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07 Mar 2014, 5:31 am

Pop psychology tells us this all the time, but is it true? The more and more experiences I have with women the more i'm leaning towards no. As an aspie man I have always found the courting/dating process to be a bothersome choir. Its as if we ( men) are condemned to jump through a million hoops to try and impress women if we want to stand a chance. We have to iniate contact, make the plans, call/text them, and usually spend the money. I have always felt like I had to carry the conversations on dates, its as if I was a jester trying to entertain the woman, i have never felt like a woman was meeting me halfway. It has always amused me that women on dating sites demand witty or interesting messages but rarely send any messages themselves. In fact the majority of women who have messaged me first only said "Hi". In my opinion men have better social skills because we have to go through all the bs of dating and flirting and women are passive throughout the process. If women are more socially skilled why dont they do the approaching and initiating? These activities require more social finesse than passively waiting for someone to sweep you off your feet. Agree or disagree?



accountinglad
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07 Mar 2014, 5:48 am

woman are just naturally more social it is much harder to detect asd's in woman



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07 Mar 2014, 8:53 am

My experience of ASD and women is that men generally are more anal and rational and women more emotional. Consequently, women stick out much much more with AS simply because they cannot play the game.

I can't help but love many AS women I know because of this.

In contrast, many men with AS can easily be hidden because most men are more rational etc.
(however, I know many men who do not fit this stereotype)

I must reiterate that this is my personal experience.



linatet
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07 Mar 2014, 10:41 am

I think rather than having better or worse social skills women and men are socialized in different kinds of rules. Until teenage years it's much more common to boys and girls not to blend much and they end up with different social rules.
A very simple example, a woman knows that if a friend says: "I don't know which shoe to choose, I like the gold one better but I think it makes my feet look big" she is supposed to say something like: " no it doesn't, you look gorgeous!" and a man would make a mistake and make the friend upset, but not because he has worse social skills, but because he may not be familiar with female social rules.
just like males have their own language, for instance a young boy knows that at school his social hierarchy will be defined mostly by how well he plays.
each gender is socialized to behave in a way and they know how they should act and what are the rules, but many aspies have trouble with that and may end up "weird" or "gender queer", for instance, a male aspie not knowing how to flirt with a woman.
bear in mind this is only my subjective opinion!



Soccer22
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07 Mar 2014, 10:56 am

Or maybe you've just dated boring women.



thewhitrbbit
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07 Mar 2014, 12:09 pm

I'd say in general yes; and also to note that some scientific studies have shown that females XX chromosome helps to dampen the impact of autism.



Cafeaulait
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07 Mar 2014, 12:34 pm

Yes, I think women tend to be more socially skilled, in general that is.



linatet
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07 Mar 2014, 12:45 pm

Cafeaulait wrote:
Yes, I think women tend to be more socially skilled, in general that is.

can you elaborate on what it means to be more socially skilled?



cathylynn
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07 Mar 2014, 1:31 pm

I have asked guys out and paid for dates numerous times. I asked my husband out on our first date twice before he said, "yes."



TheGoggles
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07 Mar 2014, 1:34 pm

No, but men are expected to initiate contact, which can be a challenge if you have poor social skills. I've met plenty of women who are socially reserved.



Homer_Bob
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07 Mar 2014, 1:53 pm

Not necessarily, it's just women are not expected to initiate conversations like men are so they are required to do less work so to speak. I would know, my sister's social skills are terrible and she managed to land dozens of boyfriends without trying. Not to mention I've known some very introverted women and just about all of them managed to land a boyfriend.



jwfess
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07 Mar 2014, 4:28 pm

Simon Baron-Cohen writes about this. Female and male brains are structured differently. Female brains are better wired for empathy (and language too), male brains are better at systemizing. It's called the E-S theory.

He theorizes that people with autism and Asperger syndrome have an "extreme male brain" that is abnormally deficient at empathizing, but sometimes good, exceptional, or ludicrously awesome at systemizing.



billiscool
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07 Mar 2014, 4:35 pm

Homer_Bob wrote:
Not necessarily, it's just women are not expected to initiate conversations like men are so they are required to do less work so to speak. I would know, my sister's social skills are terrible and she managed to land dozens of boyfriends without trying. Not to mention I've known some very introverted women and just about all of them managed to land a boyfriend.


still,women have to be around guys to get approach by them.
where are these introverted,low social skills women meeting these
guys at? if your sister had all these BF,then she must very
social,and going where there are Guys

seriously,women have to some social life,to get approach by guys.
I would say women are more socially active,than men are.
Aspie women are more socially active than Aspie men.



The_Face_of_Boo
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07 Mar 2014, 5:12 pm

They have better communication skills, female toddlers speak earlier than males in average, and they score higher in the verbal / language-part of the IQ tests.

It helps, but Social skills are different than communication skills.



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07 Mar 2014, 5:19 pm

I don't think I do.


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Homer_Bob
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07 Mar 2014, 7:03 pm

billiscool wrote:
Homer_Bob wrote:
Not necessarily, it's just women are not expected to initiate conversations like men are so they are required to do less work so to speak. I would know, my sister's social skills are terrible and she managed to land dozens of boyfriends without trying. Not to mention I've known some very introverted women and just about all of them managed to land a boyfriend.


still,women have to be around guys to get approach by them.
where are these introverted,low social skills women meeting these
guys at? if your sister had all these BF,then she must very
social,and going where there are Guys.


I'll be glad to answer your questions. My sister has Aspergers like me. She's not social at all, in fact very withdrawn. She gets dates the way many women get dates, by meeting guys at school and at work. My sister is considered attractive so guys were very persistent with her. After getting to know guys at school/work for a month or so, she would eventually give into them and agree to go out with them if they asked her enough times. Some of her boyfriends were decent and some were disasters but she was able to get boyfriends in a way I will never be able to get a girlfriend. Women can get away with being introverted because if they are considered attractive enough, they will eventually land offers with men simply for existing. Trust me, my sister has never been to a party or has ever online dated anyone so she barely had to do any work at all.