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I value...
Honesty, kindness, someone who's easy to be around, it absolutely doesn't matter what she looks like. 13%  13%  [ 7 ]
Honesty, looks, intelligence (with looks), not a gold digger (did I mention she has to be hot?) 15%  15%  [ 8 ]
Some level of attractivness, but I'm looking at personality from that point on. 72%  72%  [ 38 ]
We're talking about income right? 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
Total votes : 53

MDD123
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14 Sep 2009, 1:51 pm

This poll is a little biased towards men, I don't know many women who care about this sort of thing. My mom tells me there are tons of nice young women out there, the thing is, I don't find them particularly attractive. It gives me a reason to not complain about my single status though, if I really wanted a woman in my life who could treat me right, I could have one right now. A little brutal honesty here, a liposuction and a boob job would've changed my mind about some of the people I've been set-up with.

The nice guy thing goes both ways. Guys want a good girl but don't even look twice at the eligable lady in the church choir because she's overweight. Some attractive women I know want a nice guy but will easily pass up the ticket-booth man in his mid 20's for a complete womanizer with a great car.

Sure there's hypocrisy, but there's no need to complain about it. After all, I'm a complete hypocrite myself and I'm not changing my standards (just find someone who will). But it feels great just getting some of this off my chest (I don't even believe myself when I say I'm looking for the right person). So if anyone else has something they want to address, here's the open invitation.



deadeyexx
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14 Sep 2009, 4:07 pm

Sure they matter. However, I don't think I could stand the type of girl who keeps her looks up that much. It's usually done for attention, as way to attract guys who are the center of attention too, to get .... well, more attention. I couldn't keep a girl like that for long, as I prefer to keep out of the spotlight.

Just realize that most of the less attractive women could fix themselves up & excercise to make themselves look that good too, if they thought it was important enough. Most don't though, & that's who I'd rather be with.



Homer_Bob
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14 Sep 2009, 4:17 pm

To be with someone all the time, you have to like what you see and there has to be some level of attractiveness. However, looks are only a small part of the whole package. I must admit, personality is much more important because some of the most attractive girls I've ever seen I may not be able to stand if their personality is terrible. However, I can't be with a girl who I'm not attracted to at all. That would defeat the whole purpose of sexual attraction. I have to be attracted to her but I certainly am not looking for some hottie and my standards are not unrealistically high. There's plenty of girls who are considered average looking that I have a liking for. Ironically, I probably would never be able to be with a girl who's incredibly attractive, it would be too intimating and I certainly don't want to go out with a girl who's intimidating.



Aimless
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14 Sep 2009, 6:03 pm

I think wanting to be attracted to your partner is only natural but you can also broaden your view of what you find desirable. I personally have changed my mind about how attractive I found someone when my level of emotional attraction increased. If you love someone the funny bump on the nose becomes the most endearing feature.

We are constantly bombarded with images of "perfect" people with washboard abs and basketball boobs that it's easy to expect that as the norm. I personally think the boob jobs will eventually become passe and the natural slope of a woman's breast will again be viewed as beautiful.

I think it can be a little different for some women. What they find attractive is not necessarily looks alone but presence too. Is Gerard Depardieu handsome? No, but women love him. Same with Gabriel Byrne. I should probably think of some younger examples. :roll:



Ligea_Seroua
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14 Sep 2009, 6:04 pm

How can they not matter? In the dim and distant past I tried to convince myself I should be happy with a particular person because they were a nice person (actually, they weren't) however, regardless how high minded you want to be in principle, in practise it's not easy to continue to kiss and be kissed by a face that doesn't attract you. Can in fact lead to revulsion. And yet, if someone is the right fit for you, your mind "airbrushes" out the physical flaws they might have.

Really, the issue is "Do YOU find your partner attractive?" , not do they fit magazine standards of attractiveness. If not, and stays not, it's a sign in itself and probably an indicator of other reasons why you shouldn't be with them.


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Aimless
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14 Sep 2009, 6:06 pm

^ true that



Ligea_Seroua
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14 Sep 2009, 6:11 pm

:lol: Ah well, when you're out on the subs bench, sometimes you get a better view of the game :D


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14 Sep 2009, 6:14 pm

I'd prefer to have a person who takes care of himself/herself ok, but doesn't have to be perfect by any means. Just know what's healthy and what isn't and at least try sometimes to be physically active and such. Beyond that, I don't care if he or she has a bit of fat, as I'm not the thinnest person around either... and I really couldn't care less about a boob job. Can you imagine being old and wrinkly, with boobs as big and perky as though you were 18? :?


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MDD123
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14 Sep 2009, 6:15 pm

I like where you're going with this aimless, can you elaborate on presence? I'm kind of with you on the emotional part, supermodels don't embody any personality (they're just pictures), but there's a definate threshold when it comes to these things. It's really easy for me to go off about what men find attractive, but I'd like to get a female perspective on attraction, I tend to lump it up into physique/posture, and income, a side by side comparison would be nice.



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14 Sep 2009, 6:23 pm

Matter how? If we are strictly speaking in terms of getting into a relationship or finding a date (indefinite article emphasized), then NO they don't matter. Absolutely not. Dating game is all about the personality traits and the social skills. Period. Full stop. People of all appearances can find a date. Why? Because they tend to date people with more or less the same looks and the same body type. (Sure there's always a little leeway up or down, especially if there's a lot of money or power on one side and not the other.)

Aspies have a problem with that, see. That's because we tend to seek out beautiful people, far above our own looks. As if our poor social skills aren't an obstacle enough!! !

However, looks matter in a broader sense. I for one would not go out with a chubby girl just because her personality matches my own. I'd look for someone closer to my body type.



Janissy
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14 Sep 2009, 6:36 pm

Aimless wrote:
I think wanting to be attracted to your partner is only natural but you can also broaden your view of what you find desirable. I personally have changed my mind about how attractive I found someone when my level of emotional attraction increased. If you love someone the funny bump on the nose becomes the most endearing feature.

We are constantly bombarded with images of "perfect" people with washboard abs and basketball boobs that it's easy to expect that as the norm. I personally think the boob jobs will eventually become passe and the natural slope of a woman's breast will again be viewed as beautiful.

I think it can be a little different for some women. What they find attractive is not necessarily looks alone but presence too. Is Gerard Depardieu handsome? No, but women love him. Same with Gabriel Byrne. I should probably think of some younger examples. :roll:


For a younger example, how about Michael Cera? He's carving out a little niche for himself as Somewhat Nerdy Nice Guy Who Gets The Girl.

I agree with all your points, of course.

Do I have a template for what I think is a handsome man? I used to think I did. Having been raised by hippies in a hippie community, my much younger self thought it would be impossible to be attracted to a man without a beard. That turned out not to be true. Now I don't think I have a template anymore, not even for movie stars. It depends on what role they are playing. The man who is handsome in this role is "handsome" for the duration of that movie so I rent another movie with him in it and discover that it was the character he played who was handsome and that has nothing to do with him. When Lord of the Rings came out, I thought Viggo Mortenson was very handsome. So I rented a couple other movies and discovered that he is not, but that I was attracted to the character of a king who could lead his people- very positive alpha qualities as discussed in another thread.



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14 Sep 2009, 6:55 pm

MDD123 wrote:

Quote:
I like where you're going with this aimless, can you elaborate on presence?


I actually wrote a lengthy response to this but then my finger slipped and it's off in the ether somewhere. I'll have to come back to it later. :)



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14 Sep 2009, 7:15 pm

I think looks matter but only a bit. Like I wouldn't be able to date someone obese... But personality definitely matters more since I would not be able to stand someone annoying no matter how hot they are. Of course if there was someone who was amazingly beautiful and could stand my craziness that would be great. But I would be more than happy with someone who could stand my craziness model or not. (I don't even think most models are that pretty anyways)



MDD123
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14 Sep 2009, 7:28 pm

Dilbert wrote:
Matter how? If we are strictly speaking in terms of getting into a relationship or finding a date (indefinite article emphasized), then NO they don't matter. Absolutely not. Dating game is all about the personality traits and the social skills. Period. Full stop. People of all appearances can find a date. Why? Because they tend to date people with more or less the same looks and the same body type. (Sure there's always a little leeway up or down, especially if there's a lot of money or power on one side and not the other.)

Aspies have a problem with that, see. That's because we tend to seek out beautiful people, far above our own looks. As if our poor social skills aren't an obstacle enough!! !

However, looks matter in a broader sense. I for one would not go out with a chubby girl just because her personality matches my own. I'd look for someone closer to my body type.


Lol, some of the girls I've been attracted to had some rugged features (other people thought they were ugly). I get attracted because I see a little of myself in them. I tend to look for signs of extroversion to balance my introversion, or maybe one of these days I'll grow a pair and be an extrovert myself.



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14 Sep 2009, 7:48 pm

As I've grown older, I realised "looking hot" doesn't matter.. but looking attractive in the eye of the beholder does.
I am attracted to a guy who everyone says looks ugly atm.. I don't know him.. why do I like him? Because his look does it for ME.
That and he seems to have a goofy loud mouth personality which I am usually instantly attracted to.

Really for me it's personality that dominates. I like fun, intelligent, loud confident guys who like to joke, and are very easy to talk to. If their look does it for me, then all the better.

"hot" guys are nice to look at... but.. whats hot? Generic "hot" just hardout bores me.