Asperger relationships

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I have AS and so does my husband. we've known each other for 6 years, married for 2 and we have a very large age gap, me being the older partner. all around we're just weird but people accept us as a couple and we've found that by verbalizing more with each other we compensate for the lack of NV cues that most couples probably use. we can't get away with any mind games like making the other person guess how we feel, which seems to be a popular method of getting attention in a lot of relationships I've encountered. we also have respect for the other when they're in sensory overload, and it's basically a "stay away" situation.

my husband freely admits he'd have sex with most of the women he encounters but he'd hate to have to carry on a conversation with them. I don't like really masculine men, which miffs him when I say so because obviously I like him. when we can both tolerate it we're very affectionate and we like to cuddle.

he amused me quite a lot one day when he came home after visiting an old friend and was shaking his head, so I asked him what's on his mind and he said "I could never be in a relationship with someone who doesn't understand how to use the word 'colloquialism'". likewise, I tell people I don't ever want to be in a relationship with someone who isn't smart enough to talk to, after wasting so many years on my first husband who basically bored me to tears on a daily basis.

My problem in relationships is that I can't lie.

I mean I don't do the obvious 'yeah you actually ARE fat' I have some tact that way...
but... I can't apologize unless I actually mean it. I have to tell people
in a relationship 100 times a day not to do something because of the sensory
problems, and when its a "no touch" day so its very frustrating for me and
I have a tourettes explosion 1-2 times a week...but I cannot bring myself to apologize unless
the person leaves it alone.

If they lecture me about it or get mad at all I can't bring myself to apologize
because to me its like saying I won't do it again when I know I will. Also I reflect whatever is expressed
towards me, so if someone snaps when I have to quickly get out to stop making a noise (before I pass out)
I freak out and disassociate.

Good question!

As the other gays and gals have said, it all depends on wether or not they are suited to each other. (as with anyone else really) however now for some new things to ponder about...

1. What if the man tries to be over protective of the woman. (It can also be the woman but often men with AS see themselves as the protectors, inspte of the moden age or personal cercomstances)

This can often happen as many of us (myself inclued) can get wrapped up in other peoples problems and will try to solve them! It's not really a bad thing in it's self but sometimes the saloutions can make more problems (e.g. they envolve acts of vilonce or the woman will sometimes feel that her indepence is being undermined)

2. What if one partner tries to mold the other in to his/her perfect man/woman.

They are (as I'm sure you've aware) quite common problems, but it would be good to hear some of your stories.

As it happens (in case you've not read my past posts) I do happen to have a girlfriend of whom I get along with very well.

Goodbye till next time.

I haven't been participating on WP for some months, mostly due to the fact that I recently began a serious relationship with a fabulous Aspie woman.

We started out by agreeing to just be direct with each other & not play any of the NT dating games (e.g. "You have to guess what I want & if you're wrong, I'll resent it.")

Early on (before we even started seriously dating) we shared the book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman - which I highly recommend. It's about the ways we express love & the ways we perceive that love is being expressed to us (Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Gift Giving, Acts of Service & Physical Touch.) The premise is that both partners need to be aware of the things their partner needs in order to feel loved. For it to work, I have to agree to make an effort to fulfil her love needs using HER love language & she has to do the same for me (using MY love language.)

So first, we had to communicate exactly what we each need to feel loved (there's a quiz at the back of the book to help each person identify their "primary love language.") Incredibly, it turns out that we both speak the same primary love language (Words of Affirmation) - and even more incredibly, Physical Touch is our secondary language.

We still express our love in other ways (Quality Time, Gift Giving & Acts of Service) - but it really helped to know what was MOST important to each other, right from the beginning.

On occasion, we have had miscommunications - but we've worked to establish a practice of "clearing the air" sooner, rather than later. We "ask & tell" - directly (but compassionately), before a small annoyance becomes a big issue. The more we do this, the easier it becomes.

In the very beginning, we both decided that we needed to feel we liked each other as people, before we could become romantic (we both had had relationships in which we found we didn't "like" the person we were in love with.) So we spent a few weeks just talikng to one another - time well spent.

I think it's because we both are on the autistic spectrum that it seems so natural for us to collaborate in designing our relationship logically & systematically. We still have to work at it - but all that work has shown definite benefits in both our lives!

i think so
me and my girlfriend both have Aspergers and we've been together for about a little over 6 months now. I love her more than anything & she seems to think i'm the sweetest thing to walk god's green earth. She's recently even expressed a wish that we get married someday and have children. I said yes. We're thinking prolly when we're 24 a few years from now. Though she's already got a wedding dress picked out, and knows where she wants to have it.