Anyone else with AS feel like this about relationships?

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Because of my AS and having trouble reading people, I feel even if I do find someone that I will always have to watch what I say and do. I will always have to be perfect. That somehow I will always be tested or on trial and the slightest thing I do to make the other person upset will make them leave.

Anyone else feel like this?

Maybe its due to the fact I have been rejected by alot of people and my last few relationships I have been used by people.

I am on a online dating site but I don't even want to message the people that intrest me because I know I will be rejected. I don't know how to get out of this negitive view of relationships.

I do feel like relationships are a constant source of stress. I have a girlfriend and we have been dating for nearly two years, but I still feel so distant and sometimes I feel like she is amused by me or she thinks my oddness is entertaining or something. She accepts me, but those feelings are still uncomfortable.....
We actually met online.

I know what you mean about not wanting to message anyone. But I just started to try and message everyone that interested me. A lot of people just don't respond. And then when people would respond I had a hard time making any kind of connection via email... didn't know what to say or anything. When I messaged my current girlfriend we didn't go back and forth much...I happened to know of a concert that I wanted to go to and I just decided to ask her to come. We met at a bar and had some drinks before the show.

When I think back on my other attempts this really stands out to me. Prolonged emailing and chatting always led to awkwardness and ultimately being ignored. With her I just kind of dove in met her once we had established a few common interests.

But the fear of rejection can ruin a relationship before it ever gets started. It's a hard thing to overcome...The difference for me came through some casual dating and learning not to hang too many hopes on anyone. I just learned to take the opportunity to get to know a little about them and see what happened.

It's important I think to remind yourself that you could very well end up not being interested in them. Don't worry so much about what they think of you....It's something that you can't really control and if you try to control it it will usually backfire.

No. I found my true love and he loves me and accepts me the way I am. He likes me the way I am.

The only true love that ever acecpted me has gone
to The Great Beyond.

I will never love again.

I self-diagnosed my AS/HFA just 3 months ago, and my wife and I have been together for nearly 30 years. If I had known then what I now know about myself, I believe I would have had some of your concerns.

My wife and I are not "compatible" because we are alike or even because we like all the same things, but simply because we are committed to each other. Yes, I do have to consider her and watch what I say and do at times, but I never have to be perfect to keep her from getting all upset and leaving.

Your fear of a relationship ultimately failing will diminish and can even go away when you finally meet that special someone who actually *wants* to be with *you*, specifically, and there is somebody available somewhere for each and every one of us.

Watching what one says and does isn't limited to those on the spectrum, KenM. A partner that demands perfection, in my opinion, is someone that both lacks experience in relationships and does not have reasonable or realistic expectations. The question I have for you is, why do you think they will leave you for the slightest mistake? And if someone were to do that, does it say more about them or you? Rejection is a part of the process; clinging to it is not. To change your negative view of relationships, you need to change your negative views of yourself. Until you consider yourself worth loving, I would ask you why anyone else would - if you know yourself better than anyone else and you refuse to like yourself, what does that indicate to someone else?


M.

i know how you feel, thats why autistic males almost never have lasting relationships with neurotypical people. i would reccomend reppresing your sadness so that it can stay inside you, thats what i do.

Its funny how everything is different when you are finally ready for a relationship and with the right person.

I always worried, just as you described, until I started dating my husband. Somehow, I was never insecure around him.

And, flip side, when you are with someone you truly connect to, you just don't care about the little things. My husband made so many mistakes while we were dating, and with him I didn't care. Other guys, and I did. But my heart made me give him all the slack in the world.

Get comfortable with yourself, in your own skin, and live your life for you. When you do that, you might actually meet someone. By accident, almost

i know the feeling. but i agree with DW_a_mom, people who truly love you would give you the chance to figure out how to love them back.

I agree with others. If they get upset for some of the things you say or do, then they probably aren't the right one for you. I have a female friend (more or less ), and I can act as stupid as I want, and say anything to her, and she doesn't get mad at all.

Take it easy.
No matter what kind of persons you've met before, it is just because you haven't met the right one.
So just look forward and don't be afraid of the future.
You will definitely meet the one for your life.
And the right person will not let you feel upset like this.
But to meet the right one, you need to be self-confident, not losing hope.
Hope you will meet the one right for you soon.