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therange
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17 Dec 2009, 10:37 am

I've been starting a lot of threads basically just letting out sexual frustration, and I realized, that's no better than the people on here who start hundreds of "I need a boyfriend or girlfriend" threads.

For the girls on here...you've seen firsthand what it's like being a guy, one of the nice ones nonetheless. I'd be lying if I said the real me has no interest in women or attractive women, but the hypersexuality and interest in Jessica Rabbit types is my body trying to do anything to trick me into reproducing. I want to have sex, but not because my body every few days feels the need to procreate. I want to have sex with a cool girl that I have rapport with and am attracted to physically. Doesn't have to be love or the one, just has to be someone where I'm not just seeking pure carnal, Jessica Rabbit type of pleasure.

As men, our bodies control us. You might argue that it hasn't got the best of me because I don't go to bars or clubs looking to random hook-ups and haven't done any drastic to try to have sex with women that I'd regret having sex with, but the fact is, as HopeGrows has alluded to, it's taken over my mind. While I'm able to put on a facade and just vent on a message board, it isn't healthy even if I never harm myself or anyone else in the process.

The real me, even if it came down it, would turn down the easy, no strings attached sex that I preach...that or I'd get obsessed with the woman and keep trying to contact her and form a connection even if it was just a one night stand.

Unfortunately for me, I have a low libido, just a high interest in women, so masturbation at some points isn't even an option even if I wanted to. It's just my hormones getting out of whack.

Anyway, when I have a date planned, or if I have something to contribute that isn't venting, I will make a thread, but until then I'll just read and comment on other people's threads.



ToadOfSteel
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17 Dec 2009, 11:48 am

Don't worry about it so much. That's why this forum exists, and why people like me make as much use of it as possible. I need somewhere to vent a lot too, especially given my predicament of being 21, but not fitting the profile of an early 20s man...

Anyway, I would have to argue the point you made about men's bodies controlling the men. Yeah, I pay a heavy price for being slow and deliberate (including taking years to be able to form a relationship that should be able to spontaneously come into existence within a few days), but on the other hand, I am in control. I call the shots. And I am the one that doesn't get dicked over by getting drunk and finding out a few days later that I fathered an unwanted child with a woman I've never met.

I know it's folly (not to mention unethical) to try and control other people around you, so at the very least I am going to control myself. Yeah, I may ramble on about being lonely all the time, but at the very least I am in control of my own life. I may be consigned to a lifetime of loneliness, but at the very least I actually know the future (at least as it pertains to me), and the solace of that knowledge is the only thing that keeps me going sometimes.



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17 Dec 2009, 11:56 am

"No-strings-attached-sex" is just what I want. I have no need for a girlfriend, just a sex slave.



therange
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17 Dec 2009, 12:04 pm

ToadOfSteel wrote:
I may be consigned to a lifetime of loneliness, but at the very least I actually know the future (at least as it pertains to me), and the solace of that knowledge is the only thing that keeps me going sometimes.


You're living a lonely life by choice. You're too needy at the moment and have a low self-image. I was you a few years ago, only I tried to kill myself over a myriad of issues, but the main ones being low self-image (thinking I was ugly) and loneliness and wanting a girlfriend. That Christmas season, I was working at a mall and saw couples holding hands and attractive single women that I wished I had the guts to talk to. I had a negative response for every suggestion given to me. After the suicide attempt, it's like I was reborn. I had to rethink everything, and for a couple months, I didn't masturbate or even think about women romantically. I thought about getting my life on track.

I'm in NO WAY suggesting to harm yourself, but I am suggesting to allow yourself to hit rock bottom. It seems you're comfortable being miserable and lonely and hating yourself. Even if you happen to meet your dream girl that loves to cuddle, she'll get sick of you, not because of your looks or Aspergers, but because people don't want to be around people that hate themselves and complain all the time.

We've given you the steps to change your life around, but it seems you're like the old me and just want to complain. Even if you live the rest of your life this way and never hit rock bottom, you won't be a happy guy. You'll be in message boards complaining about how you're 50 and have no wife to cuddle with or no family to spend time with.

I think your main problem is that you have depression and are unmedicated. Without my medicine, I wouldn't have the low self-image problems anymore (I got rid of that by improving my image) but I would be down all the time.

If you want to go on living the way you always have, it's up to you. I'm glad you're going to college and go to church and make friends there, but it seems like token effort. Sure, you'll have a job, maybe even a high paying one, but unless you work on changing, you'll be the guy at work that people talk about behind your back instead of the guy that gets along with everyone and might be introduced to a nice woman.



FaithHopeCheese
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17 Dec 2009, 12:34 pm

It's funny, because I read your other thread and I was going to say that you aren't scary, but that *other* guy is.... 8O

No offense, but I'm pretty sure he's aware of it. (No, not you TOF) :D



therange
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17 Dec 2009, 12:37 pm

You think I'm scary Faith? I really don't care either way, just curious as to why.



amazon_television
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17 Dec 2009, 12:40 pm

I think she means lonermutant. Dude is the yin to Toad's yang, I think he's hysterical :lol:


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therange
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17 Dec 2009, 12:45 pm

Well if she's talking about LonerMutant, Faith's right and I'm sure he doesn't care what people think about him.



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17 Dec 2009, 12:53 pm

therange wrote:
Well if she's talking about LonerMutant, Faith's right and I'm sure he doesn't care what people think about him.


Yeah, I meant LM not you, range. That's what I was saying, range; you're not scary you're just having all of this anxiety about whether you're too shallow or too sexual or whatever. I think it's the opposite of scary, I think it's kind of funny and sweet (not flirting) that you're analyzing the hell out of your need to get laid. :lol:

But I think that's probably an AS thing.... I'm the same way about some things, (maybe I just have the traits, or whatever) but it helps to have people tell us we're normal when we feel crazy, or guilty for normal feelings. Anyway, what am I doing here? I have a job to do... :?



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17 Dec 2009, 12:55 pm

amazon_television wrote:
I think she means lonermutant. Dude is the yin to Toad's yang, I think he's hysterical :lol:


I think he's funny too, but I wouldn't want to meet him in a dark alley. No offense, of course. :D



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17 Dec 2009, 1:36 pm

therange wrote:
I'm in NO WAY suggesting to harm yourself, but I am suggesting to allow yourself to hit rock bottom. It seems you're comfortable being miserable and lonely and hating yourself. Even if you happen to meet your dream girl that loves to cuddle, she'll get sick of you, not because of your looks or Aspergers, but because people don't want to be around people that hate themselves and complain all the time.

We've given you the steps to change your life around, but it seems you're like the old me and just want to complain. Even if you live the rest of your life this way and never hit rock bottom, you won't be a happy guy. You'll be in message boards complaining about how you're 50 and have no wife to cuddle with or no family to spend time with.
The way I see it, there is no such thing as rock bottom. Every time I feel like it could never get worse in my life, somehow it does. There is no "rock bottom" for me, only a black abyss that I'm struggling to stay in the air over.

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I think your main problem is that you have depression and are unmedicated. Without my medicine, I wouldn't have the low self-image problems anymore (I got rid of that by improving my image) but I would be down all the time.
I for one do not want to lose control of my own mind to drugs. I was ordered by my parents back when I was a minor and couldn't refuse to go on Prozac. Did it help? Yes, my rather impulsive nature was from then on controlled. But the moment I turned 18, I kicked the habit. My mind is the one place where everything happens according to what I want. Everything is dictated months, sometimes years in advance. The real world with its f*****g spontaneous actions is nowhere near as forgiving...

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If you want to go on living the way you always have, it's up to you. I'm glad you're going to college and go to church and make friends there, but it seems like token effort. Sure, you'll have a job, maybe even a high paying one, but unless you work on changing, you'll be the guy at work that people talk about behind your back instead of the guy that gets along with everyone and might be introduced to a nice woman.
And the church and college are comfortable places. Events at the church happen on schedules that are planned months in advance. Entire semesters at college are planned out months before they even start. There's no spontanaeity involved. That's why I take months or years to determine if I want to get into a relationship... the idea of going out with someone you've just met just seems way too sudden for me.



therange
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17 Dec 2009, 2:06 pm

If you're that pre-planned about things, I know you've had aversions to online dating before, but that would give you weeks, if not months, to get to know a girl, tell her what you want, make it clear to her what you want, so when you meet, the only thing that's up in the air is if you mesh, which you probably will...because chances are she won't be as judgmental and not know what to expect and you'll know what to expect out of her.

As for the Prozac, I'm on Prozac and it's changed my life. It's not perfect, and sometimes I have really down days, but I'd rather be medicated and feel good than not be medicated and feel the way you're feeling now. But you're right, it's your choice. You might have everything under control, but you aren't happy, and there will be more spontaniety when you get out in the job field.



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17 Dec 2009, 2:28 pm

ToadOfSteel wrote:
I for one do not want to lose control of my own mind to drugs. I was ordered by my parents back when I was a minor and couldn't refuse to go on Prozac. Did it help? Yes, my rather impulsive nature was from then on controlled. But the moment I turned 18, I kicked the habit. My mind is the one place where everything happens according to what I want. Everything is dictated months, sometimes years in advance. The real world with its f***ing spontaneous actions is nowhere near as forgiving...


I can understand why you would resist taking medication since it was forced on you before. I recently started taking an antidepressant and it changed my life too. After I started taking it I realized how vulnerable I am -- I could feel my emotions differently, and I didn't want to go anywhere anymore. I was happy at home. Some people might think that sounds bad, but before I was taking it I was really aggravated and restless. Now I am mostly content when I am at home by myself. I don't feel like my 'happiness' can be found 'out there' anymore, is what I'm trying to say. I could feel my sensitivity rather than all of the 'anger' armour I had up. Anyway, I'm not trying to force medications on you; I know a lot of people don't believe in it.



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17 Dec 2009, 3:04 pm

amazon_television wrote:
I think she means lonermutant. Dude is the yin to Toad's yang, I think he's hysterical :lol:


Thanks to both of you.



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17 Dec 2009, 3:14 pm

therange wrote:
If you're that pre-planned about things, I know you've had aversions to online dating before, but that would give you weeks, if not months, to get to know a girl, tell her what you want, make it clear to her what you want, so when you meet, the only thing that's up in the air is if you mesh, which you probably will...because chances are she won't be as judgmental and not know what to expect and you'll know what to expect out of her.
I've actually been thinking about online dating, and I'm thinking it might be the one viable way for me to meet women now. On the other hand, it seems difficult for me, a broke guy living with his parents and still finishing college, to pull off... how am I supposed to explain to my mother that I'm going off to meet someone in california that I've only talked to online before (not to mention getting a plane ticket out there)? That said, I know a friend at my church that uses eHarmony, so I might ask him some questions about the service itself.

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As for the Prozac, I'm on Prozac and it's changed my life. It's not perfect, and sometimes I have really down days, but I'd rather be medicated and feel good than not be medicated and feel the way you're feeling now. But you're right, it's your choice. You might have everything under control, but you aren't happy, and there will be more spontaniety when you get out in the job field.

Let me ask you a couple questions: 1) how large is your dosage? I fought with the psychiatrist all the way and my dosage never exceeded 10mg/day (although most of the time it was 5 mg/day). 2) Do you feel as though you are yourself taking the drug? Yes, I felt a little happier when I went on the drug, but it felt as though the happiness was artificial and forced on me. I felt as though I was "happy against my will", as it were (as opposed to being naturally happy, which has only occurred once since I hit puberty, when I first started my last relationship)



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17 Dec 2009, 3:22 pm

ToadOfSteel wrote:
Let me ask you a couple questions: 1) how large is your dosage? I fought with the psychiatrist all the way and my dosage never exceeded 10mg/day (although most of the time it was 5 mg/day). 2) Do you feel as though you are yourself taking the drug? Yes, I felt a little happier when I went on the drug, but it felt as though the happiness was artificial and forced on me. I felt as though I was "happy against my will", as it were (as opposed to being naturally happy, which has only occurred once since I hit puberty, when I first started my last relationship)


You should watch the movie 'Dopamine'....

Sorry if I am butting in on your conversation with my little comments.