Attraction from girls being nice ?

Post Reply New Topic

(sorry for the weird title, but I don't know how to summarize it with enough few words to fit in the title)

It is something I noticed a few months ago.
Several times, since I'm 17, I fell a kind of love-like attraction toward girls only after they were enough nice with me. Usually girls which are with me for a "long" time", classmates for the most times (but I never met one of them, I know her from two Internet forums - the exception). And I never fell reciprocity.
Strenght and lenght of my feelings varied from the cases.

Feeling such attraction for girls I don't know very well after they have been nice, is there typical to AS ?

I think As people feel safer with nice people as they don't seem to threaten them maybe?

Also people are attracted to people who seem to like them a lot.

I'm attracted to a kind and sweet woman far more than a supermodel, personally. Not just if they are kind to me, but if they are kind in general.

Vassili Zaitsev?????!

I always liked the guys who were nice to me, but after a while, they would suddenly drop me. Looking back, they were only being nice whilst they though they had a chance (ironically, they did; they just didn't ask me out, that's all) and weren't interesed in keeping up the friendliness once they moved on. I used to end up feeling really hurt and worried that I'd offended them somehow. These days, I take 'friendly' guys with a pinch of salt.

My current bf was always very friendly to me, although I found out much later on it was because he fancied me. He became a bit colder when I was seeing my (now)ex, but it may have been due to an argument rather than not caring anymore. He never dropped me completely and we became good friends again before I was single (i.e. when he had nothing to gain), so I admire him a lot for that.

I gotta be real here:
If I were in your shoes, back when I was your age, part of whats going on would be getting my hopes up. Meaning, I had already subconsciously ingrained the idea that 'these girls are all not into me, and it shows,' so I don't allow myself any attraction as a defense mechanism against rejection. But then, that girl is nice.... Maybe she could like me? And so my defense mechanism comes down, and I allow my pent up desire for companionship to come out.

So that's one theory.

I always thought the general consensus among those people who believe the ideas about nice guys and there being a "friend zone" and whatnot is that men do not have a "friend zone". It is not considered strange as a straight guy to fancy your female friends, in fact it is normal. I've come to know a few attractive women who have mainly male friends as company, and in once case I found that pretty much all of this woman's school friends were interested in her.

I don't really believe in the friend zone as some sort of tangible thing, to me it's not a great explanation, but it seems clear to me that there are often lapses in communication. Nearly all young, single, straight men are looking quite actively for a partner, whereas with women this isn't guaranteed. So I've heard and read a few different stories like "I understood that he liked me as a friend, but then..." and "...I thought we were flirting just for fun".

When I was a teenager and a bit pickier I grew attracted to women I hadn't noticed before just because they were kind of cute and I liked them in general, or gave myself more reasons to be unsure about whether someone is dateable. Those people who would have taken me a while to notice then are noticed pretty much immediately now.

@ Dilbert : yes.

The thing is that : I never choose to feel that.