90% of Aspies can't get a date?

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Lukecash12
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08 Mar 2014, 12:03 am

thewhitrbbit wrote:
This is classic "Because I don't want/need/care, no one else should want/need/care."

I disagree. Teach them life skills, teach them adaptations. Some will fail, but not all will fail.


You're so right. Just because I grew up struggling to understand people doesn't mean that I didn't admire people, that I didn't want to feel validated, to feel attractive. When you want love and you don't have the tools to go and get it, you think of yourself like a spore that was given a human heart, like "has it even occurred to them what I can offer, that I'm interested, or am I just that alien that they don't think I can even have intimacy?". I'm sure that things would have been so much easier for me emotionally if I got the help I needed and didn't have to wait until I was in my thirties and felt just plain defeated. Once I finally became a love object for someone she just turned around and walked all over me after ten years. I might have had a chance at a good marriage, I might still be married.

So, I think the OP is totally nuts, it's practically like starving people because they might not like the food you've got for them. Yeah, some or even most of them might not like it, but the others will be thinking "damnit I'm starving here and you think I was better off without it, well thanks".


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Lonermutant
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08 Mar 2014, 2:55 am

Lukecash12 wrote:
ryanms92 wrote:
"Why am I not interested in women?
Before I got my Aspergers diagnosis in June 2003, I had complexes for being 30 and a virgin.
They went away with the diagnosis.
My social abilities are so extremely bad that I never learned how to get friends and to understand other people. Therefor, I don't have the same need to get a girlfriend or a family as other people. It's actually like being around a lot of people makes me want to "change the channel" or turn off when it becomes to much for me.
With the chromosome translocation i have, I don't even dare to have children either.
Somebody will maybe disagree with me on this, but I don't want a child neither me as a father or to inherit my autism or genetic disorder!
I spent a great deal of time at an internet dating site and got to "know" some girls there, but now I know that I was only looking for "the wrong part" of the relationship between to people.
On this dating website i behaved like a fool. But I've put that far behind me now. I now know that I'm 30 and a virgin because I have a form of autism and that I've long since accepted, the same way that I've accepted that I can't drive a car because of my epilepsy.
Boys with Asperger's mature slower than other boys and because of that, the gap between them and girls their own age becomes much wider and therefor they have less than zero chance of getting a girlfriend at age 16-18 like other boys. While other boys go to parties or are active in sports at this age, a 16 year-old boy with Asperger's may still be interested in his action figures or other things boys his age grew out of at age 12.
The result of this is that 90% of all men with Asperger's never get a girlfriend or marry.
Sadly there is a sickening "industry" of "experts" who publish books and has websites promoting advice for women who are in love with or are married to men with Asperger's. There are so extremely few men with Asperger's who are in this situation that it's only pathetic!
My obesity, due to my overeating doesn't make me a perfect "fatherhood candidate" either.
I would like to sum up the reasons to why I don't care about this in this way:
1: Lack of social abilities.
2: Doesn't want to subject anyone to the same things my family has had to go through for 30 years, such as weird habits, lack of empathy, rage and "manic" periods.
This is what often destroys relationships for people with Asperger's Syndrome.
More about this on the website of Families of Adults Afflicted with Asperger's Syndrome.
3: I don't want children.
4: I want to "disappear in the crowd" and by no means attract any attention and cause bullying.
I'm against sexual education for young people with Asperger's because 90% of all boys with Asperger's will never reach the maturity needed to get a girlfriend. For them, this education will just become another form of pornography.
schools today has no education about the acceptation of asexuality."

Not sure who this was written by, but it's gotten me thinking. What are the actual numbers of Aspies with romantic relationships?

I have been trying to talk to this girl for a long time. I finally started a conversation and I must have gone on too long or I was boring or whatever, because she seemed extremely disinterested. I just want to talk to this girl, but I can't think of anything to say and even when I do, I always mess up the conversation. How do you get around this?

I know a lot of you people will say something like "Don't worry about it. Just go up and talk to her." Well, I don't know her very well and I at least want to establish some kind of friendship with her beforehand. Obviously, this is the dilemma for most Aspies.

Anyways, to summarize, 1. What do you think of the 90% statistic the person above me gave? Do you think he's just depressed about his life or do you think there is truth to what he says? 2. How do you tackle the problem of not knowing what to say to a girl?

Thanks and have a good day! :)


The sad thing is some of us want it terribly bad. I was so depressed until I met my ex wife in my 30's. Now I'm fine, I've experienced love and it's taught me a lot about how to treat people in general, how to be good to them and how to be faithful. I used to think that I would rather have been on one extreme end than somewhere in the middle, because I wanted intimacy and love so badly but at the same time I wondered if I could even be on object of love for someone else. It made me feel subhuman and wish that I never had any interest in love in the first place.



I wrote this.
I still stand by what I wrote.



warsend
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08 Mar 2014, 4:43 am

Lonermutant wrote:
I originally wrote this from MY perspective: The average Norwegian Aspie male is an outsider in a small town where he is bullied, where no one even cared when he dropped out of junior high, where his immaturity as a teen has marked him socially forever.
In that context, it's easy to see why he will stay single forever. I prefer to call myself genetically single.
Women are genetically programmed to look for the best genes for their children. I can never compete with that and that should be very important in teaching boys with AS why they should avoid women. If a girl shows interest in a boy with AS, it's only as a form of bullying.


I must be getting bullied a lot then. (besides the one case I started a thread on here). Enough with the excuses, do something about it...Maybe someday I will get a girlfriend...Maybe doesn't work, do something, stop thinking stuff won't happen. They won't if you continue to sit there and do nothing, be proactive for heck's sake....



warsend
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08 Mar 2014, 4:47 am

Lonermutant wrote:
makuranososhi wrote:
What basis do you have for 'most aspies never go to college'? One only has to look on WP to see that many do; of those, not all succeed but that applies to those both off and on the spectrum. Watch the attacks on women, LM - calling them pathetic bullies for having feelings and taking action is patently unfair and wholly inaccurate.


M.


Do you think that a working class kid with AS in a small town ever goes to College? No he's destinied for working as a janitors assistant, or if it's a girl with AS, as a cleaner.
A middle class kid with AS may be "included" in the high school class(course) where he/she is least in danger of being bullied. Wich means that 95% of Aspie kids in Norway go to "Art" courses in high school before being given automatic social security/disability pension at age 19.
These students should be given jobs at age 13, not be included in school.


I'm from a small town, only kid in my class to have AS, yet I'm the only one going to a major university...again, stop with the BS excuses dude. I might be a rare case but this s**t happens. Your opinions on this stuff is that, opinions.



Lonermutant
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08 Mar 2014, 7:10 am

warsend wrote:
Lonermutant wrote:
makuranososhi wrote:
What basis do you have for 'most aspies never go to college'? One only has to look on WP to see that many do; of those, not all succeed but that applies to those both off and on the spectrum. Watch the attacks on women, LM - calling them pathetic bullies for having feelings and taking action is patently unfair and wholly inaccurate.


M.


Do you think that a working class kid with AS in a small town ever goes to College? No he's destinied for working as a janitors assistant, or if it's a girl with AS, as a cleaner.
A middle class kid with AS may be "included" in the high school class(course) where he/she is least in danger of being bullied. Wich means that 95% of Aspie kids in Norway go to "Art" courses in high school before being given automatic social security/disability pension at age 19.
These students should be given jobs at age 13, not be included in school.


I'm from a small town, only kid in my class to have AS, yet I'm the only one going to a major university...again, stop with the BS excuses dude. I might be a rare case but this sh** happens. Your opinions on this stuff is that, opinions.


In what? Humanities?



Al725
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09 Mar 2014, 2:11 am

Yup. It's a fact. I actually developed a strong hatred for women because of this. Eventually I met my wife who is from Thailand and although my marriege is far from perfect, she just may have saved me from going off the deep end.



FritzWayne
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09 Mar 2014, 3:20 pm

A lot of this seems to be a statistical problem; we seem to simply have personalities that are much stronger in some areas and possibly weaker in others. I believe that everyone can be incredibly happy with someone else that they resonate with. By this I mean, two people that have complimentary traits in those areas of the strong personality traits. The lack of strength in other areas should not matter.

Now the problem is, there may just be fewer people in the world that would resonate with our much stronger but fewer strengths (where something like social skills may be less existent). But it should not impact how happy we can be when you do find that right person.



FritzWayne
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09 Mar 2014, 3:21 pm

A lot of this seems to be a statistical problem; we seem to simply have personalities that are much stronger in some areas and possibly weaker in others. I believe that everyone can be incredibly happy with someone else that they resonate with. By this I mean, two people that have complimentary traits in those areas of the strong personality traits. The lack of strength in other areas should not matter.

Now the problem is, there may just be fewer people in the world that would resonate with our much stronger but fewer strengths (where something like social skills may be less existent). But it should not impact how happy we can be when you do find that right person.



warsend
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10 Mar 2014, 10:15 am

Lonermutant wrote:
warsend wrote:
Lonermutant wrote:
makuranososhi wrote:
What basis do you have for 'most aspies never go to college'? One only has to look on WP to see that many do; of those, not all succeed but that applies to those both off and on the spectrum. Watch the attacks on women, LM - calling them pathetic bullies for having feelings and taking action is patently unfair and wholly inaccurate.


M.


Do you think that a working class kid with AS in a small town ever goes to College? No he's destinied for working as a janitors assistant, or if it's a girl with AS, as a cleaner.
A middle class kid with AS may be "included" in the high school class(course) where he/she is least in danger of being bullied. Wich means that 95% of Aspie kids in Norway go to "Art" courses in high school before being given automatic social security/disability pension at age 19.
These students should be given jobs at age 13, not be included in school.


I'm from a small town, only kid in my class to have AS, yet I'm the only one going to a major university...again, stop with the BS excuses dude. I might be a rare case but this sh** happens. Your opinions on this stuff is that, opinions.


In what? Humanities?


computer engineering. good try. :lol:



Eureka13
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10 Mar 2014, 10:40 am

FritzWayne wrote:
A lot of this seems to be a statistical problem; we seem to simply have personalities that are much stronger in some areas and possibly weaker in others. I believe that everyone can be incredibly happy with someone else that they resonate with. By this I mean, two people that have complimentary traits in those areas of the strong personality traits. The lack of strength in other areas should not matter.

Now the problem is, there may just be fewer people in the world that would resonate with our much stronger but fewer strengths (where something like social skills may be less existent). But it should not impact how happy we can be when you do find that right person.


^^

This. +1



WantToHaveALife
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10 Mar 2014, 9:39 pm

how is it accurate that 90 percent of Male Aspies never get a girlfriend? I don't want to believe that, I don't want to feel it is hopeless for me



FritzWayne
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10 Mar 2014, 9:54 pm

I can give another perspective; being in a relationship or even being married does not equal being happy. Studies show that single people are usually happier than people in bad relationships.
I am currently single and would rather be single than a bad relationship.
Perhaps a little autism just makes us better selectors of mates which is why fewer are in relationships.



WantToHaveALife
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11 Mar 2014, 9:57 am

I don't want to believe that 90 percent stat, I don't want to feel hopeless with women forever



WantToHaveALife
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11 Mar 2014, 10:36 am

It doesn't help at all to think negative, so that 90 percent stat has to be false, right?



RheyQUB
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12 Mar 2014, 6:36 am

It's not 90%. Don't worry, guys :)



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12 Mar 2014, 9:12 am

RheyQUB wrote:
It's not 90%. Don't worry, guys :)
thanks, I don't believe it should be literally impossible for a male aspie to get a girlfriend right? Its not hopeless at all is it?