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Iloverussia
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05 Jan 2010, 8:19 am

Hey guys I really need your advice. On Sunday I went to coffee with this girl I barely know but seemed oddly drawn to. Now I told her I am just trying to make new friends...mainly because I was afraid if I asked her on an actual date I would be rejected. I made sure I got to the coffee place early.

I brought a book with me in case she didn't show. So she walks in looking more elegant than any other female I have seen (she is a ballerina and has a fantastic fashion sense). I get up because she walks over to the register with her money out and I tell her I will "take care of it" and so I bought her coffee. Then we walked back to the table and I carried one of her cups for her (she ordered a cup of coffee and a cup of water). We sat down and the first thing I noticed was that she was shaking worst than I do! Now this is a big deal because I hate when I shake. But hers were bordeing on Parkinsons. I asked her if she was cold and she said no its from the lithium.

So I asked her about ballet and how long she had been doing it. She said she had been doing it for a long time but that when she was 14 to 16 she had to take a break for bulimia. I was supprised I though she would be your run of the mill person...I was excited!! !! ! I tried to ask her as many general questions about herself as I could. The problem was I could tell she was just as awkward as I was. She asks to go outside for a smoke and I say cool lets go (I of course got the door for her) and as we sat down outside I said sorry for sucking at small talk.

She said thats fine she sucks at small talk too. We both began talking about trying to become more social and I tell her maybe we can help each other. We go back inside. I find out she spent Christmas in the hospital for a panic attack. For some reason now I just want to protect her. I tell her if she needs anything to let me know...I might have said it twice.

She goes and waits outside the bathroom and after about 45 seconds I just went up and knocked on the door for her and I said I didn't believe there was anyone in there so she went in. I felt good because I could tell she was nervous waiting. Now the only big problem I had was I think I gave her too much info about myself and I also kept saying once in awhile "what was I gonna say"

So I walked her out to her car and was going to get her car door for her but then she turned around and hugged me!! !! ! This is a big deal because I hate hugs but this one felt good. She was warm and soft and for some reason smelt really good. I then had this warm feeling take over me, then I felt intoxicated, and then I felt confused. Its the first time I have ever felt that kind of emotion....then I was scared.

So last night I just had a complete breakdown I tried getting advice from everyone but no one could explain what I felt (well explain it in a way that made sense). I just cried and wanted to die....I realized I don't have real emotion that much...and I just wanted to hug her again.

I just need to know what to do next so I can sweep her off her feet:

She is 19 and dropped out of high school but is trying to get back into alternative

I am 16 still in high school and I take college courses once in awhile

She likes love stories and I do as well

My psychologist said I should go after older women and in fact said I should hang around college campuses. I haven't had a chance to tell him about this yet.

We were talking about things that scare us (I think someone is trying to poison my food; she thinks her mother is in the CIA) and really seemed to connect.

I am 99% sure she is bipolar

We are both studying judaism (that is how we met)

Please I just need to know what to do next!! !

EDIT: I forgot to add now I feel numb...even more so than usual



lithium73
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05 Jan 2010, 8:39 am

meet her again, take it slow and steady, build trust, find common ground, then share your feelings.



mjs82
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05 Jan 2010, 9:16 am

It simply sounds like attraction to me. There are just some people that when you're around them, things just feel right. And from what you describe, it sounds like it's mutual so you should take some confidence out of that. Whenever you doubt it, just remember - she hugged you.

I'd do what Lithium73 suggests. How do you sweep someone off their feet? Well some people would say a big showy gesture but I think it's simpler than that. Just show that you care about her, you want to know who she is so ask her questions and listen and then ask more. Find out what her passions are. People love it when you want to know about why they love what they love. Then you can find an event/activity that she is interested in and suggest that you could take her. And from there, you see where it leads.

And at some point down the track when the moment is right, I think you could just tell her how you felt when she hugged you that first time. That you've never experienced anything quite like it.
She will do the rest.



Snazzlestick
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05 Jan 2010, 10:04 am

I agree with mjs82 and Lithium73. Also it sounds like she likes you already so just continue being yourself.

However, this may just be me though, don't feel as if you constantly have to be a "gentleman" because women can do some things by themselves you know :P The knocking on toilet door for her was a bit unnecessary, sweet but not really needed. I know you feel you have to protect her and she does sound quite fragile but sometimes that may come off as too pushy. Don't stop being caring though! Just do let her do some things by herself :)


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amazon_television
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05 Jan 2010, 7:26 pm

If she does in fact "like" you or connect with you in some sense already, my advice would be to slooooow down. The hardest part (breaking the ice in a way that leaves a good impression) is already over, you should feel good about that. The second-hardest part (managing your own feelings and not getting ahead of yourself) is what comes next, but go into it with confidence and "focus" more on where her feelings are going (not in the sense of talking about them, but in judging them and playing off of them accordingly--obviously easier said than done, but it does need to be done) than where your own feelings have ended up.

I'd take her out again under very similar circumstances, and try to talk to her about other things that she likes to do (i.e. other things you could do in the future together, although you don't immediately need to say as much) to give you ideas concerning how to approach the next move.

Also, try to blend your common interests if possible in conversation. You love Russia, she is a ballerina. See what she knows about Russian ballet, and if she doesn't know anything about it, school her on it (within reason of course). I don't personally know anything about Russian ballet specifically, but I do know that it's pretty big time in the ballet world, and it would show her that you can use your interests to relate to hers in a meaningful way.

Good luck dude.


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Iloverussia
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06 Jan 2010, 6:30 am

Thank you all ALOT for the advice.



leejosepho
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06 Jan 2010, 7:13 am

Iloverussia wrote:
Please I just need to know what to do next!! !


Nothing different at all, just more of exactly the same ... and that means to be sure you keep thinking with the head on your shoulders and with you heart rather than with any smaller part of your body. Keep letting her be herself and keep being attentive without demanding anything at all from her ...


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Iloverussia
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06 Jan 2010, 1:20 pm

leejosepho wrote:
Iloverussia wrote:
Please I just need to know what to do next!! !


Nothing different at all, just more of exactly the same ... and that means to be sure you keep thinking with the head on your shoulders and with you heart rather than with any smaller part of your body. Keep letting her be herself and keep being attentive without demanding anything at all from her ...


Oh as far as sexual stuff I'm happy enough with not even thinking about it at the moment. I just want to be a romantic...and have my own love story. I just feel so cold as she was so warm.



leejosepho
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06 Jan 2010, 5:24 pm

Iloverussia wrote:
I walked her out to her car and ... she turned around and hugged me!! !! !
...
I just feel so cold as she was so warm.


Do not be fooled by your feelings. If you had not seemed "warm" to her during your time together, she would not have hugged you!

Stay cool ... er, warm ... er ... uh ...

Ah, just keep being yourself!


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I began looking for someone like me when I was five ...
My search ended at 59 ... right here on WrongPlanet.
==================================