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RICKY5
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25 Jan 2010, 11:46 pm

KenM wrote:
The only thing I am unhappy with in my life is not having a sig other. The fact that I have pretty much been rejected all my life in this area has made me very bitter and unhappy about it. It is hard to stay happy, upbeat and confedent about going out with someone when every time you ask someone out they say no. Whats the point of trying if I know I will be rejected all the time? I have been trying for over 20 years and failing. I have experence at failing at this. Its all I know. Anyone else that have known over 20 years of recjection, trying to change your approch, adapting, and still getting rejected no matter what will feel the same way.

In other words, I have tryed all paths up the mountain and I have been blocked at every point. So only thing left is not to try to get up the mountain if you know you will fail.


Is what you are being so emo about even worth it?

You can get the same feelings (albeit for just an hour) from a pro than you can from a so called "real woman".



therange
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25 Jan 2010, 11:55 pm

RICKY5 wrote:
KenM wrote:
The only thing I am unhappy with in my life is not having a sig other. The fact that I have pretty much been rejected all my life in this area has made me very bitter and unhappy about it. It is hard to stay happy, upbeat and confedent about going out with someone when every time you ask someone out they say no. Whats the point of trying if I know I will be rejected all the time? I have been trying for over 20 years and failing. I have experence at failing at this. Its all I know. Anyone else that have known over 20 years of recjection, trying to change your approch, adapting, and still getting rejected no matter what will feel the same way.

In other words, I have tryed all paths up the mountain and I have been blocked at every point. So only thing left is not to try to get up the mountain if you know you will fail.


Is what you are being so emo about even worth it?

You can get the same feelings (albeit for just an hour) from a pro than you can from a so called "real woman".


I can't say for sure, but from the stuff I've read from Ken, it doesn't sound like he wants meaningless, casual sex.



Merle
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26 Jan 2010, 12:49 am

KenM wrote:
The only thing I am unhappy with in my life is not having a sig other. The fact that I have pretty much been rejected all my life in this area has made me very bitter and unhappy about it. It is hard to stay happy, upbeat and confedent about going out with someone when every time you ask someone out they say no. Whats the point of trying if I know I will be rejected all the time? I have been trying for over 20 years and failing. I have experence at failing at this. Its all I know. Anyone else that have known over 20 years of recjection, trying to change your approch, adapting, and still getting rejected no matter what will feel the same way.

In other words, I have tryed all paths up the mountain and I have been blocked at every point. So only thing left is not to try to get up the mountain if you know you will fail.


Because you value honesty, you're the problem and you need an attitude adjustment.

You're unhappy because you fail to see what is out there. You're also unhappy because in your own way, you think you have the answers but simply lack the courage and understanding to accept you do not.

If you've been doing something for 5 years, and failing, why continue for 15 more years? This is the definition of insanity.

Stating anyone else in your position would feel the same simply ignores the simple fact that people aren't stupid enough to do the same thing for 20 years, realize failure and then complain about it without looking immature.



KenM
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26 Jan 2010, 5:53 am

Merle wrote:

If you've been doing something for 5 years, and failing, why continue for 15 more years? This is the definition of insanity.

Stating anyone else in your position would feel the same simply ignores the simple fact that people aren't stupid enough to do the same thing for 20 years, realize failure and then complain about it without looking immature.



I said I have always tryed to change my outlook, perspective, how I do things. I feel I was not doing the same thing but changing how I do things and still failing. Read what I said.



KenM
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26 Jan 2010, 5:55 am

therange wrote:
I can't say for sure, but from the stuff I've read from Ken, it doesn't sound like he wants meaningless, casual sex.


You are right. I have been there, done that. I am looking for a heathly male/ female relationship.



Merle
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26 Jan 2010, 12:35 pm

KenM wrote:
Merle wrote:

If you've been doing something for 5 years, and failing, why continue for 15 more years? This is the definition of insanity.

Stating anyone else in your position would feel the same simply ignores the simple fact that people aren't stupid enough to do the same thing for 20 years, realize failure and then complain about it without looking immature.



I said I have always tryed to change my outlook, perspective, how I do things. I feel I was not doing the same thing but changing how I do things and still failing. Read what I said.


TWENTY years of rejection. You're not changing enough or your changing the wrong things.

Assume for the sake of argument you ask a girl out once a week. Not too unlikely or difficult. That is asking out over 1000 women.

Assume you have a 1% conversion rate, an obscenely low number. That's 10 woman in 20 years who have agreed to go out with you on at least a date. That is in no way total rejection

But I don't believe you're the type to make large changes. A slight attitude change here, a different outfit there and you would consider it a valid change. However, I've been wrong before.

So what have you tried in the 20 years? Experience is wonderful, and sharing it would help other people situations similar to yours - and you'd be saving them a decade or two of pain (i.e. what not to do).

<edit: Grammar sucks w/o coffee>



Last edited by Merle on 26 Jan 2010, 4:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Magnus
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26 Jan 2010, 2:22 pm

Thanks range, for sticking around and trying to help people.


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therange
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26 Jan 2010, 6:43 pm

I still battle my frustrations like anyone else, especially in the romance department. It's just that when I became more confident and a more well-rounded person, my interest in women went from an intense 12 out of 10 to maybe an 8 out of 10. (You might say 8 is still high, but for a guy it isn't, that means I'm spending time thinking about other things too.) It's almost counter-productive to want something TOO much because you're not able to see things objectively enough to make the changes you need.

I'd love to have a girlfriend right now that's my type. I also wouldn't mind a Ms. Right Now in the meantime who I can hang out with and have a sexual relationship with. I just don't crave it as much as I used to, and now when I do go out, I'm able to talk to women.

I'm guilty, however, of letting my cocktail of medicine get the best of me and force me to sleep more than I should and not get out there and take advantage of my newfound confidence. I see it as a waste.

But I'm just here to say, if I could go from the stuttering/shaking/sweating guy to a guy that can handle his own on blind dates, anyone can do it.



Magnus
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26 Jan 2010, 7:13 pm

therange wrote:
I still battle my frustrations like anyone else, especially in the romance department. It's just that when I became more confident and a more well-rounded person, my interest in women went from an intense 12 out of 10 to maybe an 8 out of 10. (You might say 8 is still high, but for a guy it isn't, that means I'm spending time thinking about other things too.) It's almost counter-productive to want something TOO much because you're not able to see things objectively enough to make the changes you need.

I'd love to have a girlfriend right now that's my type. I also wouldn't mind a Ms. Right Now in the meantime who I can hang out with and have a sexual relationship with. I just don't crave it as much as I used to, and now when I do go out, I'm able to talk to women.

I'm guilty, however, of letting my cocktail of medicine get the best of me and force me to sleep more than I should and not get out there and take advantage of my newfound confidence. I see it as a waste.

If a girl were to like the stuttering and shaking, would you be okay with that?

But I'm just here to say, if I could go from the stuttering/shaking/sweating guy to a guy that can handle his own on blind dates, anyone can do it.


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RICKY5
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30 Jan 2010, 1:59 pm

therange wrote:
RICKY5 wrote:
KenM wrote:
The only thing I am unhappy with in my life is not having a sig other. The fact that I have pretty much been rejected all my life in this area has made me very bitter and unhappy about it. It is hard to stay happy, upbeat and confedent about going out with someone when every time you ask someone out they say no. Whats the point of trying if I know I will be rejected all the time? I have been trying for over 20 years and failing. I have experence at failing at this. Its all I know. Anyone else that have known over 20 years of recjection, trying to change your approch, adapting, and still getting rejected no matter what will feel the same way.

In other words, I have tryed all paths up the mountain and I have been blocked at every point. So only thing left is not to try to get up the mountain if you know you will fail.


Is what you are being so emo about even worth it?

You can get the same feelings (albeit for just an hour) from a pro than you can from a so called "real woman".


I can't say for sure, but from the stuff I've read from Ken, it doesn't sound like he wants meaningless, casual sex.


It sounds like he wants this idealized vision of love that people fall for and will never truly occur.



RICKY5
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09 Feb 2010, 9:17 am

Can we make this one a sticky?



Vyn
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09 Feb 2010, 9:54 am

TheMinnesotaIceman wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
I think a lot of the moaners could get a lot out of this.

Its just such a damn shame that they never want to listen to replies that would actually help them.

Then we get another 10 duplicate threads. I like to help people, but not when they dig their heels into the sand and wont make an effort to help themelves, which is what at least 3 regulars (I won't name) seem to do.


QFT


And requoted for reiteration. Personally, for those duplicate threads that will inevitably pop up, just ignore them. Let them fall off the front so they vanish quickly, or at most just a single post pointing them to another one that is actually beneficial instead of posting futile replies that they inevitably say they've tried and failed or just accept that it will fail regardless of trying or not.

Depression is a nasty thing, but you'll never get out of it if you fight those helping you which so many do.


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