Who here has a successful relationship with an NT?

Page 2 of 6 [ 89 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6  Next

lotusblossom
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Jan 2008
Age: 45
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,994

09 Feb 2010, 5:15 pm

Vyn wrote:
makuranososhi wrote:
Some define NT as "not on the autistic spectrum" while others define it as "without any impairment whatsoever" - she's not on the spectrum, but deals with her own issues... so it would be dependent on whose definition one was using.


M.


I hadn't even noticed that... I always assumed NT to mean literally, neurotypical. Meaning absent any developmental disorder, absent any type I personality disorder, absent any type II personality disorder, absent any schizophrenic spectrum disorder, and absent any form of neurological disorder.

Why in the world would you ever classify someone with say Avoidant Personality disorder, Bipolar disorder, schizophrenia or Disassociative personality disorder as NT? That doesn't even make sense... that's like being a white person from Germany complaining about blacks, but including all the other whites from Europe while just saying blacks. It's illogical.


Im pretty sure all mental health and also things such as dyspraxia and dyslexia count as not NT. But I suppose someone could use the term in a loose fashion as in "all the mums at the toddler group were so NT" meaning chatty and socially skilled. Like all terms I think it has tighter and looser definitions depending on context.



valkyrieraven88
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 20 Jan 2010
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 222
Location: St. Louis, MO

09 Feb 2010, 9:08 pm

My boyfriend is non-autistic, and we have a pretty successful relationship. We're moving in together soon.



HopeGrows
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Nov 2009
Age: 49
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,565
Location: In exactly the right place at exactly the right time.

10 Feb 2010, 12:53 pm

valkyrieraven88 wrote:
My boyfriend is non-autistic, and we have a pretty successful relationship. We're moving in together soon.


Valkyrieraven88 - what's the secret of your success?


_________________
What you feel is what you are and what you are is beautiful...


Asp-Z
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Dec 2009
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,018

10 Feb 2010, 12:54 pm

HopeGrows wrote:
what's the secret of your success?


There is no secret to success. There never is for anything in life. No shortcuts and one word answers. You just have to wait for it to happen, in this case.



Kenjuudo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Mar 2009
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,552
Location: Norway

10 Feb 2010, 1:32 pm

Vyn wrote:
makuranososhi wrote:
Some define NT as "not on the autistic spectrum" while others define it as "without any impairment whatsoever" - she's not on the spectrum, but deals with her own issues... so it would be dependent on whose definition one was using.


M.


I hadn't even noticed that... I always assumed NT to mean literally, neurotypical. Meaning absent any developmental disorder, absent any type I personality disorder, absent any type II personality disorder, absent any schizophrenic spectrum disorder, and absent any form of neurological disorder.

Why in the world would you ever classify someone with say Avoidant Personality disorder, Bipolar disorder, schizophrenia or Disassociative personality disorder as NT? That doesn't even make sense... that's like being a white person from Germany complaining about blacks, but including all the other whites from Europe while just saying blacks. It's illogical.
I don't understand why you are discussing this. Neurotypical doesn't mean "absence of any disorders", but is a label for normality. As in "the average person" when you take society as a whole.


_________________
When superficiality reigns your reality, you are already lost in the sea of normality.


HopeGrows
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Nov 2009
Age: 49
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,565
Location: In exactly the right place at exactly the right time.

10 Feb 2010, 3:00 pm

Asp-Z wrote:
HopeGrows wrote:
what's the secret of your success?


There is no secret to success. There never is for anything in life. No shortcuts and one word answers. You just have to wait for it to happen, in this case.


Sorry, I didn't mean for you to interpret my question literally, which is kind of goofy of me. What I meant to ask is, what techniques do you and your SO use to bridge the Aspie/NT gap in order to make the relationship work for both of you?


_________________
What you feel is what you are and what you are is beautiful...


makuranososhi
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 May 2008
Age: 47
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,805
Location: Banned by Alex

10 Feb 2010, 3:03 pm

Kenjuudo wrote:
Vyn wrote:
makuranososhi wrote:
Some define NT as "not on the autistic spectrum" while others define it as "without any impairment whatsoever" - she's not on the spectrum, but deals with her own issues... so it would be dependent on whose definition one was using.


M.


I hadn't even noticed that... I always assumed NT to mean literally, neurotypical. Meaning absent any developmental disorder, absent any type I personality disorder, absent any type II personality disorder, absent any schizophrenic spectrum disorder, and absent any form of neurological disorder.

Why in the world would you ever classify someone with say Avoidant Personality disorder, Bipolar disorder, schizophrenia or Disassociative personality disorder as NT? That doesn't even make sense... that's like being a white person from Germany complaining about blacks, but including all the other whites from Europe while just saying blacks. It's illogical.
I don't understand why you are discussing this. Neurotypical doesn't mean "absence of any disorders", but is a label for normality. As in "the average person" when you take society as a whole.


But that average person doesn't exist - or if they do, there's a very, very small number of them. Here is another definition of NT as normal - so it gets confusing depending on personal semantic variance.


M.


_________________
My thanks to all the wonderful members here; I will miss the opportunity to continue to learn and work with you.

For those who seek an alternative, it is coming.

So long, and thanks for all the fish!


Last edited by makuranososhi on 10 Feb 2010, 3:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.

lotusblossom
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Jan 2008
Age: 45
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,994

10 Feb 2010, 3:05 pm

HopeGrows wrote:
But I pity the Aspie


:lol: :lol: :lol:



Hector
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 10 Mar 2008
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,493

10 Feb 2010, 4:39 pm

I never liked the term "NT" but always took it to be synonymous with "people without AS". Taken literally, the term isn't even sensible; for one thing, autism, along with many developmental disorders and mental illnesses, has an incomplete theory of causation.



Kenjuudo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Mar 2009
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,552
Location: Norway

10 Feb 2010, 8:56 pm

makuranososhi wrote:
Kenjuudo wrote:
Vyn wrote:
makuranososhi wrote:
Some define NT as "not on the autistic spectrum" while others define it as "without any impairment whatsoever" - she's not on the spectrum, but deals with her own issues... so it would be dependent on whose definition one was using.


M.


I hadn't even noticed that... I always assumed NT to mean literally, neurotypical. Meaning absent any developmental disorder, absent any type I personality disorder, absent any type II personality disorder, absent any schizophrenic spectrum disorder, and absent any form of neurological disorder.

Why in the world would you ever classify someone with say Avoidant Personality disorder, Bipolar disorder, schizophrenia or Disassociative personality disorder as NT? That doesn't even make sense... that's like being a white person from Germany complaining about blacks, but including all the other whites from Europe while just saying blacks. It's illogical.
I don't understand why you are discussing this. Neurotypical doesn't mean "absence of any disorders", but is a label for normality. As in "the average person" when you take society as a whole.


But that average person doesn't exist - or if they do, there's a very, very small number of them. Here is another definition of NT as normal - so it gets confusing depending on personal semantic variance.


M.
I think you are viewing it a tad too specific. The absolute average person may not exist, but in my opinion, the "normal" label (Or in this context; "neurotypical") refers to a range of people who have no significant (or disabling) degree of deviations compared to most other people. That is to say; They are "typically" what you'll get if you sample randomly from the set of people.


_________________
When superficiality reigns your reality, you are already lost in the sea of normality.


Tim_Tex
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Jul 2004
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 45,472
Location: Houston, Texas

10 Feb 2010, 9:01 pm

I have had a relationship with an NT, but I wouldn't call it successful (she cheated on me).

The relationship lasted 2 years, from 1997-1999.


_________________
Who’s better at math than a robot? They’re made of math!

Now proficient in ChatGPT!


Unorthodox
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 9 Feb 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 95
Location: Northwest USA

11 Feb 2010, 12:54 am

I'm at the 8 month mark with my girlfriend, who I wouldn't go so far as to call "normal", but she seems absent of any neurological anomalies... :lol:

I met her online, and I'd say that the initial contact via email, text and IM went a long way towards helping me make a good impression, since by the time she met me in person I'd already charmed her enough that she wasn't about to be put off by a few social quirks. I happen to think that this is a good pattern for Aspie men to follow as far as meeting women goes, since such a common complaint is being passed over before we're really understood, making a good impression before actually meeting in person using text based communications would seem to make sense. My girl was knowledgeable enough to tag me as an Aspie before I even mentioned it just based on a few things I said (she's in the medical field), so that potential issue was negated before it even came up, though in the past I've simply explained that I tend to be introverted and have a limited tolerance for socializing, and that's done me just fine.

For the record, this would be serious relationship #4 for me, all of them NT, with a bunch of flings in between, I don't believe I've ever dated another Aspie, and frankly I'm not sure I would want to, one of us in the house is difficult enough to deal with :wink: .



Asp-Z
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Dec 2009
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,018

11 Feb 2010, 11:23 am

HopeGrows wrote:
Asp-Z wrote:
HopeGrows wrote:
what's the secret of your success?


There is no secret to success. There never is for anything in life. No shortcuts and one word answers. You just have to wait for it to happen, in this case.


Sorry, I didn't mean for you to interpret my question literally, which is kind of goofy of me. What I meant to ask is, what techniques do you and your SO use to bridge the Aspie/NT gap in order to make the relationship work for both of you?


Aside from the normal stuff I do when socialising with NTs (eye contact etc), I just be myself, really. Whether or not being an Aspie is a problem depends on the individuals involved.



valkyrieraven88
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 20 Jan 2010
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 222
Location: St. Louis, MO

11 Feb 2010, 11:54 am

Sorry it took so long to reply!

Sean (my bf) and I have a rule: He always has to be clear about things. I cannot guess the meaning of phrases the way he can and I can't tell if he means, "Yes, that's bothering me" when he says, "Don't worry about it." I have to do the same thing. This actually works better for him too because even for NT's that constant guessing game is hard. It makes a relationship easier when all the people's expectations are laid out. He also knows quite a bit about the autism spectrum so he knows to be patient with me, and he's good at calming me when I have a meltdown. Since his social skills are excellent, he can also help explain to me how to understand people. He thinks my way of doing things is better, and he says it's actually been the easiest relationship he's ever had.

It also helps if you're in love with each other. :D



thedaywalker
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Nov 2008
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 736

11 Feb 2010, 12:16 pm

i'm in a relationship with a girl that isnt exactly neurotypical but close enough she has a iq of what i estimate to be 150. and yes it realy does help if you love eachother. i'm pretty sure this aplies to every relationship though.



HopeGrows
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Nov 2009
Age: 49
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,565
Location: In exactly the right place at exactly the right time.

12 Feb 2010, 1:55 am

valkyrieraven88 wrote:
Sorry it took so long to reply!

Sean (my bf) and I have a rule: He always has to be clear about things. I cannot guess the meaning of phrases the way he can and I can't tell if he means, "Yes, that's bothering me" when he says, "Don't worry about it." I have to do the same thing. This actually works better for him too because even for NT's that constant guessing game is hard. It makes a relationship easier when all the people's expectations are laid out. He also knows quite a bit about the autism spectrum so he knows to be patient with me, and he's good at calming me when I have a meltdown. Since his social skills are excellent, he can also help explain to me how to understand people. He thinks my way of doing things is better, and he says it's actually been the easiest relationship he's ever had.

It also helps if you're in love with each other. :D


Aw, you two sound so cute! I'm very happy for you both. Thanks for the insight....I imagine it helps quite a bit if you're in love with each other. :wink:

Btw, did you make that bustier? It's very unique.


_________________
What you feel is what you are and what you are is beautiful...