Who here has a successful relationship with an NT?

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i'm in a relationship with a girl that isnt exactly neurotypical but close enough she has a iq of what i estimate to be 150. and yes it realy does help if you love eachother. i'm pretty sure this aplies to every relationship though.

Aw, you two sound so cute! I'm very happy for you both. Thanks for the insight....I imagine it helps quite a bit if you're in love with each other.

Btw, did you make that bustier? It's very unique.

That is great to see on here, good luck with your relationship, I really hope it continues to work out for you even when things are difficult.

I would like to say that I have had relationships that are successful, but only from a certain point of view. I would certainly not give them up for anything, even with the pain of loss after they leave me. I can't say they were all NT, but they were all not AS. My longest and most involved relationship was with someone that had multiple personality disorder schizophrenia but the couple others were closer to being NT. My point is that even though I never have and probably never will have a life long relationship, I still have loved a woman and been loved in return and I will always appreciate that. So they were successful relationships in their own way. I helped them when they needed it, and they gave me the priceless gift of memories and dreams.

married 10 years to a NT, but it has been rough at times, no big secrets, just lots of love, and thanks for all your post, reading them is giving me ideas on how to make things better

I should add that once things get serious with an NT significant other, handing them some reading material on AS is definitely advisable. I'd suggest John Robinson's Look Me In the Eye and a text written for therapists called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Adult Asperger Syndrome by Valerie L Gaus, they helped my GF get a better idea of what she was getting into, without scaring her off. I'd also recommend clearly listing some situations that you have trouble with, for example I've made it very clear to my GF that though I love to cook, I don't do it well on the spur of the moment or with random ingredients, so if she has a request for me to cook something she lets me know far enough in advance so that I can prepare. Little things like that can make a huge difference, and take almost no effort to lay out.

Some very good advise there. Thank you for that.

I'm in a relationship with a non-autistic and, if you judge success by the number of years, then we have a successful relationship as we have been together for 3 and a half years. However, I feel somewhat taken for granted/unappreciated as I have made sacrifices for the sake of his relationship whereas he has made none. So in this sense, I already feel like I've lost him somewhere along the line but can't bear to let him go. So emotionally, at the moment, it is unsuccessful.

Thanks for this information, Unorthodox - it's very helpful. Is that your gf with you in your pic? If yes, you two make a cute couple. Congratulations.

No, I'm afraid not...I was hunting for an avatar picture and I found a geek corset and thought, "That's so me." There's a Mario one too somewhere.

My last relationship was with a woman who is perhaps the most stable and pleasant girl I've ever met. She was quite amazing. Her prior relationships were with women before me, so I don't know how 'normal' it was for her. Perhaps that gave her a bit of extra patience or tolerance for my oddities. But on the other hand, for someone positively diagnosed, I am very sociable. My social maturity still lags, and it's very obvious to me, but not so much to others. I don't lag so much anymore, after much studious, focused work in my mid 20s. Perhaps that's why I don't feel I have it so hard as others. All that said, I manage to often be very awkward and say stupid things(in retrospect) in the presence of a girl I'm interested in, which probably freaks 'em out, I'm sure.

Anyways, that relationship ended by my hand - I cut things off because I fell into depression that wasn't gonna let up soon(which I'm still struggling with), and felt that I wasn't doing right by her. She deserved better. So I did as best I could at a gentle, but unambiguous separation. We are still friends, and I love her very much, but she likely has mixed feelings regarding me. Understandable.

I did...for a week or so. Then she got nasty.

This, folks, is why autistic men should not become emotionally involved with 'normal' women. Notice that she said she made sacrifices for 'his' relationship, not 'our' relationship.

My experience has been that women have no sexual feelings for introverted/autistic men, but rather they begin by pitying them intensely, treating them like a big cuddly toy, but as time goes on they feel total repulsion for him because he will never be able to provide her with security, children, nice cars, social status, and so on.

My own mother once told me that I should buy an Eastern European bride. Don't be fooled by a woman showing kindness towards you. If you can't be on equal footing with a woman in a relationship, don't bother going after them at all.

When I talk to a woman, even if she finds me physically attractive, it usually takes less than 2 minutes for signs of disgust to appear on her face. 'This guy isn't right; I bet he has no money, is poor in bed, and just isn't cool. I don't want to be lumbered with such an uncool boyfriend. Give me a bad boy any day of the week, a guy who can show me a great time.'

And there it is. Sexual relationships are as much off-limits as friendships and jobs. Nobody is interested; nobody knows that I even exist.

It wouldn't surprise me if this girl uses her autistic 'boyfriend' as an emotional punching bag.

You should really re-read the thread; she is the one on the spectrum here, not her boyfriend. And she does refer to their relationship; she only refers to his relationship in terms of the others sacrifice. So while I respect your experience, your comments here are very much off base in terms of Fiz, and that experience is only representative of your perspective of the women you've interacted with.


M.

But thing here is that there are so few aspie women out there that it makes finding someone in that same boat near impossible. It's even harder when you live in the boonies like me.

I've been with my husband for almost 8 years now.

We both made compromises, but this will happen in any long term relationship. What matters the most is that none of us tried to change the other one in significant ways or impose unrealistic, exaggerated standards. We love each other for what we are, not what we could or should be.

Actually, some of the things he appreciates most in our marriage come from traits usually associated with AS.

I'm not exactly in a metropolitan area; to limit yourself to AS partners only doesn't make sense to me. My wife is not on the spectrum, and we complement each other very well, each suited to the other's strengths and weaknesses.


M.

Last edited by makuranososhi on 14 Feb 2010, 8:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.