Who here has a successful relationship with an NT?

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HopeGrows
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09 Feb 2010, 4:06 pm

Vyn, I think people use the term NT both ways, which is the source of a lot of confusion. I think the confusion in terminology can lead some Aspies to believe that because someone is NT (in the "not autistic" sense of the word) - that means that person is somehow "normal" (I posted a sticky thread to that effect a few months ago). That assumption can have disastrous consequences. As someone who is NT, there's a huge difference between me and someone with any of the mental illnesses you mentioned. But I pity the Aspie who doesn't realize that....they're in for a lifetime of hurt.


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lotusblossom
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09 Feb 2010, 5:15 pm

Vyn wrote:
makuranososhi wrote:
Some define NT as "not on the autistic spectrum" while others define it as "without any impairment whatsoever" - she's not on the spectrum, but deals with her own issues... so it would be dependent on whose definition one was using.


M.


I hadn't even noticed that... I always assumed NT to mean literally, neurotypical. Meaning absent any developmental disorder, absent any type I personality disorder, absent any type II personality disorder, absent any schizophrenic spectrum disorder, and absent any form of neurological disorder.

Why in the world would you ever classify someone with say Avoidant Personality disorder, Bipolar disorder, schizophrenia or Disassociative personality disorder as NT? That doesn't even make sense... that's like being a white person from Germany complaining about blacks, but including all the other whites from Europe while just saying blacks. It's illogical.


Im pretty sure all mental health and also things such as dyspraxia and dyslexia count as not NT. But I suppose someone could use the term in a loose fashion as in "all the mums at the toddler group were so NT" meaning chatty and socially skilled. Like all terms I think it has tighter and looser definitions depending on context.



valkyrieraven88
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09 Feb 2010, 9:08 pm

My boyfriend is non-autistic, and we have a pretty successful relationship. We're moving in together soon.



HopeGrows
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10 Feb 2010, 12:53 pm

valkyrieraven88 wrote:
My boyfriend is non-autistic, and we have a pretty successful relationship. We're moving in together soon.


Valkyrieraven88 - what's the secret of your success?


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Asp-Z
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10 Feb 2010, 12:54 pm

HopeGrows wrote:
what's the secret of your success?


There is no secret to success. There never is for anything in life. No shortcuts and one word answers. You just have to wait for it to happen, in this case.



Kenjuudo
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10 Feb 2010, 1:32 pm

Vyn wrote:
makuranososhi wrote:
Some define NT as "not on the autistic spectrum" while others define it as "without any impairment whatsoever" - she's not on the spectrum, but deals with her own issues... so it would be dependent on whose definition one was using.


M.


I hadn't even noticed that... I always assumed NT to mean literally, neurotypical. Meaning absent any developmental disorder, absent any type I personality disorder, absent any type II personality disorder, absent any schizophrenic spectrum disorder, and absent any form of neurological disorder.

Why in the world would you ever classify someone with say Avoidant Personality disorder, Bipolar disorder, schizophrenia or Disassociative personality disorder as NT? That doesn't even make sense... that's like being a white person from Germany complaining about blacks, but including all the other whites from Europe while just saying blacks. It's illogical.
I don't understand why you are discussing this. Neurotypical doesn't mean "absence of any disorders", but is a label for normality. As in "the average person" when you take society as a whole.


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HopeGrows
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10 Feb 2010, 3:00 pm

Asp-Z wrote:
HopeGrows wrote:
what's the secret of your success?


There is no secret to success. There never is for anything in life. No shortcuts and one word answers. You just have to wait for it to happen, in this case.


Sorry, I didn't mean for you to interpret my question literally, which is kind of goofy of me. What I meant to ask is, what techniques do you and your SO use to bridge the Aspie/NT gap in order to make the relationship work for both of you?


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makuranososhi
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10 Feb 2010, 3:03 pm

Kenjuudo wrote:
Vyn wrote:
makuranososhi wrote:
Some define NT as "not on the autistic spectrum" while others define it as "without any impairment whatsoever" - she's not on the spectrum, but deals with her own issues... so it would be dependent on whose definition one was using.


M.


I hadn't even noticed that... I always assumed NT to mean literally, neurotypical. Meaning absent any developmental disorder, absent any type I personality disorder, absent any type II personality disorder, absent any schizophrenic spectrum disorder, and absent any form of neurological disorder.

Why in the world would you ever classify someone with say Avoidant Personality disorder, Bipolar disorder, schizophrenia or Disassociative personality disorder as NT? That doesn't even make sense... that's like being a white person from Germany complaining about blacks, but including all the other whites from Europe while just saying blacks. It's illogical.
I don't understand why you are discussing this. Neurotypical doesn't mean "absence of any disorders", but is a label for normality. As in "the average person" when you take society as a whole.


But that average person doesn't exist - or if they do, there's a very, very small number of them. Here is another definition of NT as normal - so it gets confusing depending on personal semantic variance.


M.


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Last edited by makuranososhi on 10 Feb 2010, 3:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.

lotusblossom
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10 Feb 2010, 3:05 pm

HopeGrows wrote:
But I pity the Aspie


:lol: :lol: :lol:



Hector
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10 Feb 2010, 4:39 pm

I never liked the term "NT" but always took it to be synonymous with "people without AS". Taken literally, the term isn't even sensible; for one thing, autism, along with many developmental disorders and mental illnesses, has an incomplete theory of causation.



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10 Feb 2010, 8:56 pm

makuranososhi wrote:
Kenjuudo wrote:
Vyn wrote:
makuranososhi wrote:
Some define NT as "not on the autistic spectrum" while others define it as "without any impairment whatsoever" - she's not on the spectrum, but deals with her own issues... so it would be dependent on whose definition one was using.


M.


I hadn't even noticed that... I always assumed NT to mean literally, neurotypical. Meaning absent any developmental disorder, absent any type I personality disorder, absent any type II personality disorder, absent any schizophrenic spectrum disorder, and absent any form of neurological disorder.

Why in the world would you ever classify someone with say Avoidant Personality disorder, Bipolar disorder, schizophrenia or Disassociative personality disorder as NT? That doesn't even make sense... that's like being a white person from Germany complaining about blacks, but including all the other whites from Europe while just saying blacks. It's illogical.
I don't understand why you are discussing this. Neurotypical doesn't mean "absence of any disorders", but is a label for normality. As in "the average person" when you take society as a whole.


But that average person doesn't exist - or if they do, there's a very, very small number of them. Here is another definition of NT as normal - so it gets confusing depending on personal semantic variance.


M.
I think you are viewing it a tad too specific. The absolute average person may not exist, but in my opinion, the "normal" label (Or in this context; "neurotypical") refers to a range of people who have no significant (or disabling) degree of deviations compared to most other people. That is to say; They are "typically" what you'll get if you sample randomly from the set of people.


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Tim_Tex
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10 Feb 2010, 9:01 pm

I have had a relationship with an NT, but I wouldn't call it successful (she cheated on me).

The relationship lasted 2 years, from 1997-1999.


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11 Feb 2010, 12:54 am

I'm at the 8 month mark with my girlfriend, who I wouldn't go so far as to call "normal", but she seems absent of any neurological anomalies... :lol:

I met her online, and I'd say that the initial contact via email, text and IM went a long way towards helping me make a good impression, since by the time she met me in person I'd already charmed her enough that she wasn't about to be put off by a few social quirks. I happen to think that this is a good pattern for Aspie men to follow as far as meeting women goes, since such a common complaint is being passed over before we're really understood, making a good impression before actually meeting in person using text based communications would seem to make sense. My girl was knowledgeable enough to tag me as an Aspie before I even mentioned it just based on a few things I said (she's in the medical field), so that potential issue was negated before it even came up, though in the past I've simply explained that I tend to be introverted and have a limited tolerance for socializing, and that's done me just fine.

For the record, this would be serious relationship #4 for me, all of them NT, with a bunch of flings in between, I don't believe I've ever dated another Aspie, and frankly I'm not sure I would want to, one of us in the house is difficult enough to deal with :wink: .



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11 Feb 2010, 11:23 am

HopeGrows wrote:
Asp-Z wrote:
HopeGrows wrote:
what's the secret of your success?


There is no secret to success. There never is for anything in life. No shortcuts and one word answers. You just have to wait for it to happen, in this case.


Sorry, I didn't mean for you to interpret my question literally, which is kind of goofy of me. What I meant to ask is, what techniques do you and your SO use to bridge the Aspie/NT gap in order to make the relationship work for both of you?


Aside from the normal stuff I do when socialising with NTs (eye contact etc), I just be myself, really. Whether or not being an Aspie is a problem depends on the individuals involved.



valkyrieraven88
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11 Feb 2010, 11:54 am

Sorry it took so long to reply!

Sean (my bf) and I have a rule: He always has to be clear about things. I cannot guess the meaning of phrases the way he can and I can't tell if he means, "Yes, that's bothering me" when he says, "Don't worry about it." I have to do the same thing. This actually works better for him too because even for NT's that constant guessing game is hard. It makes a relationship easier when all the people's expectations are laid out. He also knows quite a bit about the autism spectrum so he knows to be patient with me, and he's good at calming me when I have a meltdown. Since his social skills are excellent, he can also help explain to me how to understand people. He thinks my way of doing things is better, and he says it's actually been the easiest relationship he's ever had.

It also helps if you're in love with each other. :D