Turn-offs

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That clears it up then. It is semantics. I do not equate the word assertive with controlling behavior. That would be over-assertiveness, so-to-speak.

Also, 0_equals_true is continually correct.

I think that's the real issue, Toad - your idea that being assertive equals being a dick, or that it means you're dictating the rules of the relationship. Telling your partner what you want isn't a bad thing - it's the basis of compromise: you can't have compromise if you can't express what you need/want. And being honest about what you need is pretty much each partner's responsibility.

Ahhh but it's a little more than that, even... I don't think that push-overs realize that they're not telling their significant other what it is they want. They think they're doing what gets them what they want.
Tragic.

I think the difference between being assertive and being a dick, is one of whether the act of assertion or holding a position in an argument, goes into unfair territory for either person. If you can't judge fair from unfair, then assertiveness and being a dick become indistinguishable.

If you fail to assert when pushed into unfair territory, you will be unhappy. If you're a dick and you push another person into unfair territory, the other person will be unhappy. Sometimes even if things are held in fair territory, one or the other will still be unhappy, in which case the priority is to be fair.

I'm guessing many women will tentatively push a guy into unfair territory to see if the guy can correctly judge fair from unfair. Hence he's been "b***h slapped" if he establishes a pattern of not reacting appropriately and the woman walks away and chats up another guy with relative ease. Remember, women can be jerks too! So guys need to watch out for this, recognize it and react appropriately, which in some instances may mean voting with his feet, as opposed to complaining about how the women are doing this.

Turnoffs? from personal experience:
1. guys who have to act cool and manly around their mates
2. guys who think because they like anime they are 'alternative' and therefore more intelligent/better than everyone else
3. guys who are deliberately crude, sexist, racist, or...
4. guys who take offence to everything easily, and have no sense of humour.

not from personal experience:
1.Jocks!

European? Believe me, you can find such guys anywhere, not just Europeans. They don't understand a word of Japanese, they just repeat from memory some phrases they have heard on those cartoons. And they insist on not watching dubbed cartoons or movies... I mean, I do that when a movie is in a language I understand, as the dubbing process may introduce errors or even censorship sometimes, but they can't understand a word of Japanese, so what does it matter if it's dubbed or not?

And there's other people who do the same not with Japanese stuff but U.S. or some other country's stuff... they are all mindless snobs who like to pretend to be something they aren't. They are equally annoying... which reminds me of an episode of "Belvedere" where he was secretly working for another family and the son was a Germanophile. Which in turn brings me to those Neo-Nazis lying around who have never been able to understand a single word in German and who probably would have been among the first ones the Nazis disposed of...
Or those who repeat the lyrics of some song in English with no idea what it actually means or how to spell it... you get the idea. The world is full of dumb people.

This^^^

There's a woman who is interested in me because I'm assertive however I hate that she wants to constantly put me in a situation where I have to be assertive with her. Plus she's a huge judgmental b***h and she's devoid any sexual desire so that's a huge no-go.

Sounds psycologically deranged, if not, a fetish.



Yeah i'm sure other cultures do it to. Personally I'm proud to be a kiwi and I don't try and think i'm better than others due to apparent "knowledge" of other cultures.

If they actually know about the culture of it has a good purpose in their lives, I respect them, but not japan-o-phile ignorant fan boys. Just some skinny white geek wanting to be what he's not - something interesting.

Yeah its harsh, but i've met and associated with this sort of type enough to say its a rather accurate stereotype.

I don't really have any big turn offs other than bad personal hygiene. I cant stand bad breath or BO. I think I can be attracted to just about anyone.

I knew a woman whom I suspected was like that. Another woman who is a friend also pointed out to me how women test men to see their intentions and read what's going on in their minds. It's very clever, but I think that being continually tested would grow burdensome and I don't want to spend my life walking on eggshells, or having to be someone I'm not. Relationships should be more about enjoyment than challenge or difficulty. I already have enough challenges, and if I needed more, this isn't where I'd look for them.

Whats a good solution to that though, I always make men feel 'p**** beaten', I dont know how to not. It would be ok if I was a man as then people would just think I was a nice dynamic driven guy, but in women the same characteristics are not valued and Im viewed as agrressive and arrogant

Don't go too far - There are a number of guys, like myself, who particularly value strong, willful women. You may have simply been unlucky, and met either guys who like women submissive, or are not themselves strong enough to contend with you.

Beyond that generalized guess, though, we'd need more details to figure out what's going wrong. You might have some behaviors that are fueling the problem. But this probably deserves it's own thread.

I will make a thread

Again it seems the difference is, in whether you're holding ground in unfair territory, not necessarily gender, that differentiates assertiveness from being a jerk.

What if the other person is unwilling to compromise, especially regarding sexual things?

In other words, you're talking about the male version of Miss Hannah Minx (from YouTube).