lotuspuppy
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Age: 36
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Location: On a journey to the center of the mind
20 Apr 2010, 3:15 pm
HopeGrows
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Location: In exactly the right place at exactly the right time.
20 Apr 2010, 3:16 pm
lotuspuppy
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Age: 36
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Location: On a journey to the center of the mind
20 Apr 2010, 3:20 pm
HopeGrows
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Age: 51
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Location: In exactly the right place at exactly the right time.
20 Apr 2010, 3:34 pm
So, your fear that he'll leave you is really not rooted in your different backgrounds or personality types....it's really about feeling unworthy of his love and/or approval?
Honey, I know external validation is important - but it's not everything. Because few people have gotten to know you well enough to like you does not mean you're unlikeable. It probably just means that you have some social deficits like other Aspies. But you've found a young man who has either had the patience to get to know you, or doesn't even notice your deficits because he thinks you're special. 
You've got to learn to accept his love. He sees all the beauty that is you - don't spend energy doubting his judgment, cause he's not wrong. Live in this moment, accept that you've got a nice guy, and tell self-doubt to take a hike. You know how great you think he is? That's how great he thinks you are. Believe it.
20 Apr 2010, 4:27 pm
Honey, I know external validation is important - but it's not everything. Because few people have gotten to know you well enough to like you does not mean you're unlikeable. It probably just means that you have some social deficits like other Aspies. But you've found a young man who has either had the patience to get to know you, or doesn't even notice your deficits because he thinks you're special.
You've got to learn to accept his love. He sees all the beauty that is you - don't spend energy doubting his judgment, cause he's not wrong. Live in this moment, accept that you've got a nice guy, and tell self-doubt to take a hike. You know how great you think he is? That's how great he thinks you are. Believe it.
^I second that emotion^
Dwell on thoughts of insecurity and unworthiness and they will fester into jealousy and paranoia that can kill an otherwise happy relationship.
Happiness is such a delicate and transitory state that worry of losing it easily becomes self-fulfilling prophecy. Expending emotional energy worrying about losing happiness actually makes you unhappy, eliminating the very thing you ought to be cherishing, enjoying and reveling in. Don't waste time exploring the dark world of 'what if'...if this moment is good...choose to live in this moment...
lotuspuppy
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Joined: 14 Jan 2008
Age: 36
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Location: On a journey to the center of the mind
20 Apr 2010, 5:14 pm
20 Apr 2010, 5:51 pm
They used to be common for me. Unfortunately, I did the very thing that you're in danger of doing and as a result (and the result of my own naivete that ended me up in situations or with people I shouldn't have), had so many relationships that turned into such Hellish nightmares, I've actually lost the desire to cultivate that sort of intimacy with another person anymore. I'd rather just live alone. I don't have the patience to share space with another person for more than a few hours at a time. Don't be like me, it's not constructive.
lotuspuppy
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Joined: 14 Jan 2008
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 995
Location: On a journey to the center of the mind
20 Apr 2010, 7:40 pm
They used to be common for me. Unfortunately, I did the very thing that you're in danger of doing and as a result (and the result of my own naivete that ended me up in situations or with people I shouldn't have), had so many relationships that turned into such Hellish nightmares, I've actually lost the desire to cultivate that sort of intimacy with another person anymore. I'd rather just live alone. I don't have the patience to share space with another person for more than a few hours at a time. Don't be like me, it's not constructive.
Thanks for the advice. Really, I feel better already. I think that I just expected more than he could give me, or that anyone could give me. Like that two people who get together are llike the Wondertwins and do amazing things. It's not quite like that. It's all a matter of perspective.
22 Apr 2010, 9:00 pm
22 Apr 2010, 9:01 pm
Honey, I know external validation is important - but it's not everything. Because few people have gotten to know you well enough to like you does not mean you're unlikeable. It probably just means that you have some social deficits like other Aspies. But you've found a young man who has either had the patience to get to know you, or doesn't even notice your deficits because he thinks you're special.
You've got to learn to accept his love. He sees all the beauty that is you - don't spend energy doubting his judgment, cause he's not wrong. Live in this moment, accept that you've got a nice guy, and tell self-doubt to take a hike. You know how great you think he is? That's how great he thinks you are. Believe it.
Bingo! Thanks very much, HG.
HopeGrows
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Joined: 5 Nov 2009
Age: 51
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,565
Location: In exactly the right place at exactly the right time.
22 Apr 2010, 9:21 pm
22 Apr 2010, 10:03 pm
22 Apr 2010, 10:12 pm
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