That's pretty solid, MikeLight!
The first critique that comes to my mind, though, is regarding the overall presentation. Now, I could be woefully wrong on this, but I feel like there is a benefit in taking a less official, and more conversant tone. When I read that intro, it sounds like you're attempting to describe yourself, and listing off attributes. It's quite dry. In contrast, I think it could sound a bit more 'natural' if you re-worded your intro more akin to a face-to-face conversation. I think that it comes off as more confident, and communicatively skillful. But yours sounds a little bit like a job resume. While it may be true that there's at least a few parallels between the dating game and job hunting, I think it pays to be informal and relaxed here.
As a small example, I'd reword the second sentence in a fashion similar to this:
"I'm really into tech and science - I love reading about what's new. I also love reading, languages, martial arts, and definitely computers!"
I don't think you should copy/paste that into your profile, btw, it oughta be your own voice. And I could always be wrong about this thought, too!
But still.. You'll note that I left out video games. Why? Because you're a guy, and it's nearly assumed, and because so many women are not into that and will even judge negatively based on it. Sure, lots of women love games, but unless you seriously only want a girl you can be gaming with, it's better to avoid that potential filter. A girl is unlikely to filter you out for not citing games, but may skip over you precisely because you listed games..... and listed it as your first interest, no less! Big no-no, IMO. I wish we could be honest about such things, but unfortunately video games = huge stigma.
Also, I think you oughta link up the profile itself, if you were comfortable with that. Because, as they say, the devil is in the details. There could be other little aspects of it that are interfering.
But, again, if you're not comfortable with that, then that's fine!
One last thing... it's a little dry, also. I didn't read any particular element that made me think, "Hm...? I want to know more."
You could do this by referring to a passion of yours with a broad stroke.
....One more last thing. People respond well to passionate words, and emotionally-tied words. Use "Love" instead of "like," for example. If you really really really like something, don't be shy to say it in emphatic terms! That's a good thing, generally. For instance, if I were typing one up, I'd probably end up saying, "Music is my life!!" or "I'm endlessly fascinated by social dynamics - few things in life are so intriguing to me."
Its strong, unrestrained, passionate, and it's a big part of 'me.' Others want to see those things that we feel strongly about. Depth of feeling for something is a big part of how we resonate and relate with each other, even if that passion is about a different topic entirely.
03 May 2010, 7:46 am
