Asking women out....

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But to decode it you have to recognize they are making some meaningful gesture in the first place.

I just got back from a quarterly meeting, where I am in charge of a budget committee of a state chapter of a national organization. I felt a little nervous, as this was my first committee meeting. That, and I was not used to leading a committee. However, the chair of the state chapter came up to me afterwards, and told me I did a great job of leading the committee meeting. This gave me an added boost of confidence to perhaps and finally ask a woman out. It made me feel good, knowing I am able to fully command the attention of a committee made up of people who were looking to me for direction and guidance. Also, made me feel just as good, knowing I have the full confidence and support of executive committee members of the state chapter. Made me feel once again that I am a "man with a plan" to help guide a budget committee and state chapter out of a strongly adverse situation from the beginning of this year.

Let's see what this does to my dating life.

Jazz, that's great! Good luck.

Thank you, happymusic. I'm looking forward to using this as a springboard.

Confidence is a very valuable dating tool. (Not of course narcissism, but confidence. )

Thanks again. here's what happen in strong detail...it's a long, long post.

Hi all....

I have taken some time away from here recently to reflect on everything. An event took place in my life this past weekend, which I want to share with anyone reading this. I am the treasurer of a state chapter in a volunteer capacity. After I explain what happened, I'll show how it relates to "Mars and Venus On A Date". I am not giving the name of the organization or names of people involved. This past weekend showed me a lot, with respect to taking command over a very negative situation which had been festering over the past few years within the chapter.

This will be a long post.

Imagine, if you will, that the previous treasurer resigned, because she felt she should be paid for everything she has done for the chapter the past five years. That is the situation which faced this chapter. However, I saw this as an open door of opportunity for me. I could have chosen to run the meeting like any other budget committee meeting. However, I got smart, and let everyone pour out their frustrations on the table, voicing one complaint after another after another. I just listened to everyone, and did nothing else. I began to understand the problems everyone had with this particular individual.

From there, I took command of the committee. I sat in the middle of a row of chairs of table around the table, so I could see everyone and look at each person for a few seconds (anyone with AS struggles with eye contact - was not a problem with me that day AT ALL). I spoke slowly, with a caring yet concerned tone - while connecting with each individual. I said, "I understand that many misunderstandings have occurred with the previous treasurer. On behalf of the chapter's treasurer position, I apologize for any issues that may have arisen. However, the previous treasurer is no longer here. I am. Please do not compare me to the previous treasurer.

"When I accepted the appointment of treasurer back at the January meeting, I emphasized transparency to everyone. Transparency between myself, the treasurer, and other committee and chapter "board" members. I desire and want you, the budget committee, as well as the chapter to fully put its trust in me. Part of developing trust is transparency. If I don't have transparency with the committee and chapter, how can I expect all of you to trust me?

"What's done is done, As far as what occurred, it's unfortunate what happened. As I see it, everything is water under the bridge. The previous treasurer is no longer here. Let's work together to get the ship going in the right direction."

After more comments were made, I received a loud, rousing applause from the committee. The next day, I received another loud, rousing applause from the chapter's "board." What this weekend showed was that I am able to take control of a very bad situation as this, and get everyone on the same page going forward. I took a situation, where a good amount of negativity and animosity has been taking place over the past few years. That is how bad this situation was.

What I shared is related directly to Mars and Venus On A Date (MVOAD). Chapter 18 of MVOAD is titled appropriately, "Women Love A Man With A Plan" (pgs 292-304). There's three things that women desire in a man.

1. Confidence. This experience last weekend gave me an immense boost in my confidence level. Because I was able to take control of a situation and command everyone's respect and trust, I became increasingly confident than where I had been prior to last weekend. What took place gave me the experience I need for a woman to see the confidence in me. It's not easy, when you're the "guy" everyone's counting on to "run the show" and a situation as this happens. However, I look at adversity in two ways. First, you can choose to allow adversity to control you, so you do nothing about it and withdraw from it (AS). Second, you can choose to go with the adversity, and turn a negative situation into a positive experience and get everyone going in the same direction. I chose to go with the latter.

In the Mars and Venus world, a woman loves a man with confidence. Prior to last weekend, I can say truly that my confidence level is nowhere close to what it is now. Gray writes, "A woman can sense when a man is confident. She automatically begins to relax and feel assured she will get what she needs. When a man is not confident, she will begin to worry." (pg. 293). It's interesting - the last part of that. "When a man is not confident, she will begin to worry." It's no small wonder why women I dated in the past seem to worry a fair amount about me. I talked with an ex-girlfriend who I dated over five years ago for a year (she was the one who thought I would marry her). When I told her about last weekend, she was totally blown away from it. She mentioned to me that that I was nothing like that when dating her. I think about my very last relationship (which was local). I freaked out totally, when she needed for me to do something and I ended up asking her how to go about doing something (while she was sick). I got news for everyone, not anymore I am a confident man, a "man with a plan."

2. Purposefulness. Gray writes, "When he has a plan, a dream, a direction, a vision, an interest, or a concern, he is very attractive" (pg. 297). A woman loves a man, who has purposefulness in his life. I knew since so many misunderstandings occurred with the previous treasurer, it was important for me to let everyone air everything out at the table and just listen (nothing else). Then, to provide leadership and direction for everyone on both committees. To make sure that I had everyone on the same page going in the direction the chapter needed to go. As someone who has AS, I could have easily withdrawn from the situation and nothing would have been settled. However, I chose to go right through the AS and speak in a caring yet concerned tone with conviction. I spoke at a slow enough speed so people could follow me easily. Having AD/HD, the tendency is for me to speak very fast - sometimes so fast that people might think I am from a different planet. Not in this situation I would not have been able to speak with conviction in a similar situation as this in my personal life in the past. I would not have been able to take charge and command and live with purposefulness in a relationship with a woman.

3. Responsibility. Gray writes, "When a woman is attracted to a successful or influential man, what she is really attracted to is his responsible side of him that made him successful." (pg. 300). I had a huge, huge responsibility in front of me this past weekend, in addition to being extremely responsible for all the chapter's funds. After all, I am the "business manager" and "financial adviser" to my chapter. "Board" members look up to me to see where the chapter stands financially, and how much is available for possible projects, etc. in the state.

In the case of this past weekend, I encountered a situation I would have avoided totally in the past. I would not have wanted to deal with the challenges of the previous treasurer. I could have chosen to easily resign from the chapter. Then, I would have allowed having AS to conquer who I am as a person. Although I was new to the treasurer position, I needed to give a perception to the committees that I am someone who is responsible and could get things going in the right direction. The committees bought into my perception, and see me as someone who is very responsible and more than likely, will be very successful in the position. Because women love men who are responsible, I have no doubt that a woman will see me as someone who is responsible.

All in all, I became more attractive after this weekend - not just to myself, but to the many women out there who seek a man - a "man with a plan." It's not just women who should consider themselves as the Jewel, but also men. Men, because we are special in that we have much to offer to a woman. We are a Jewel in our own sense.

The guy (me) who has been posting on here prior this past weekend and with this post are the one and the same person. The only difference is that one struggled to find confidence before this weekend, and the other one is a "man with a plan."

Scott