Are you Mr Friend zone?

Post Reply New Topic

I have a list of things here which are good ways to tell if guys are usually put in the friend zone.

You are often mr Friend zone if....

1. You have more female friends than male.(I'm talking a huge difference here, not 60/40) You are seen as "one of the girls" and put straight into the friend zone. Hetrosexual women do not want to date one of their girlfriends.

2. Girls always offload thier problems to you. Friend zone. You don't do this to people you're trying to attract to "date". I would never go upto a guy I am interested in in any way shape or form romantically and go on about my problems. You don't sell a car by telling people it's broken. Doing this is pretty clear to me that the girl is not interested in you romantically.

Things that could possibly help avoid being "friend zoned"

1. Try and broarden your target friends groups a bit. Get to know some other guys, do some guy things. Have your own life and your own interests. If you aren't into sports matches or whatever, video games is a big one, just hanging out, going out for a meal and a movie etc. People of the same sex are not *that* scary.

2. Make your intentions clear straight away. If you don't know the person too well, you're not risking a "friendship" because there is not one! By pretending to be friends with someone you actually want to date makes it harder in the long run.

If anyone else has stuff to add, feel free!

I'm going to agree with you here. It's great to be able to form a bond with someone before you fall in love with them (ie. Mulder and Scully), but you need to do something to indicate to her that you like her as more than a friend fairly early in the relationship, before she designates you as a non-romantic interest.

I do realize this is a seemingly insurmountable task for someone with AS. NT men struggle with implicating this, and as the most of those with AS cannot gauge subtleness very well, we have a hard time figuring out how subtle we are being and whether the other person understand us, so, I propose boldness.

I don't mean grab her and try to kiss her. But there are things that romantic interests do that friends do not....or should not.

For example, I would not expect a male friend to send me a nice little card inviting me to a formal restaurant.

This is going to sound horribly corny, but if you observe the way the leading men in the older black and white movies generally act towards the leading women, I think that's a good strategy because very few women are going to mistake that for just wanting to be friends.

Liar.

Anyway, about problem offloading - it's ultimately contradictory. If you can't go to your spouse about your problems, then you marriage is doomed for failure. That said, the car metaphor is fairly true. But I suppose it invokes more of crush feeling - the belief that someone you like is infallible, or at least better that others. At best, this amounts to fallacy.

Great thread Hale, I have two friends who live in friend zone land, but even when I tell them how to get out they just continue. Maybe I need to explain it like you do.

The impression I got would be if I suddenly came on that strong with someone I never previously went out with on any capacity, even if I had a shot to begin with, my suitability as a partner would probably be second-guessed and I would be rejected. I can get numbers, or invitations to parties or other gatherings from women I've only had one really good conversation with, but there's still ambiguity with respect to what my intentions are.

Well, I can't say for everyone else, but this is definitely not my problem. I would be thrilled if I could even get in the friend zone.

I don't think I have ever had a female friend, no male friends for quite a while, either.

Never had a female try to unload their problems on me, either. Or a male for that matter.

If this is a problem with many people here, my guess was correct that my issue is different from most.

I only get the friend zone but I like the women even as friends. It kind of sux that they have no interest in me but I still like helping em so even thou I know they have no interest in me; I keep hoping & trying. I much rater have women friends who talk to me than no women I can talk to at all.

BTW how is a guy supposed to get more guy friends if his interest are things that most other guys consider homosexual If I hang-out with gay guys; more people will think I'm gay. I HATE sports, I HATE parting/clubbing. most of the video-games I like are older RPG ones. I like love songs, chick-flicks ect & I do not have a girl-friend so lots of guys assume I'm gay

Last edited by nick007 on 16 May 2010, 12:28 am, edited 5 times in total.

Yeah, the impression I had was more of men who generally kept their distance from women, and valued making an odd "friend" out of an attractive woman more than they ought to. That might just be me trying to relate everything to my own experiences, though, because that was and to some extent still is me. I mostly stayed away from girls as a child, and only became interested in making friends with them as a teenager because I found myself attracted to some of them.

I've known few men whose friends were mostly women. My father was one of the few (straight) men he knew who mostly associated with women, and he doesn't appear to have had trouble finding relationships and keeping them for at least a few years at a time even though he sometimes didn't have everything going for him.

I think the idea is that you 'sell' yourself on the first few dates and then reveal the rest once the relationship is more established.

It sounds a bit sneaky, but it's not about lying, more about showing off the positive things you can bring to a relationship. Everyone knows nobody's perfect, so it's expected that a few cracks will show later on. Sometimes it's no problem, other times the faults are too incompatible and the couple split up.

Have to agree wih you though; same sex= scary . (I'm sure they're not really)

It's very different being in a relationship and being married and talking about problems, and talking about problems to someone you do NOT have this with.

Whats wrong with gay guys? I guess it makes you feel uncomfortable, but thats ok. But being like that is classic friend zone material sorry to say, although you can't help it. Most of the guys I know Aren't into sports or clubbing either. I guess for you, don't give them a chance to make you one of the girls, make your intentons clear early on. If they can't cope with it, who cares, they're not a proper friend. If they are, they might be awkward initially but they will get over it.

It takes a while before I feel comfortable asking a woman out & by that point I am already in the just friends category. When I try coming on to women I do not know well, they get offended. They think I'm a creep. I do not know how to tell if a women has a boyfriend or is a lesbian ect. I miss al those cues. I would love it if a girl would ask me out but that never happens except for the few times a girl was playing a prank on me Asking women out is confusing Dating sites are a much more direct method but most all women who I talk with on there tell me early on that they do not want a relationship with me because of distance or other rezones.

@Hale bopp: Just out of curiosity...do you think the same rules apply to women? So if a woman has mostly male friends, and sometimes talks about her problems with them, and is slow to express romantic interest, does she get friend zoned, too?

(This is purely hypothetical, btw; I'm not convinced that a "friend zone" actually exists even for men).

I've got a question. What I don't get is that I thought there was supposed to be continuum of social relationships from colleague/acquaintance -> friend -> close friend -> girlfriend -> partner. How does that work if, presumably you could know a girlfriend less than you know your friends? Also, does this mean that friend and a girlfriend are mutually exclusive things? Like you can't be friends with someone and be in a relationship with them at the same time?

I was once like that, but my male-female friend ratio is close to 50/50 now.



I don't mention my problems unless I know someone well enough.

This is what I have an issue with... if you go into a relationship not really knowing the other person that well, how are you supposed to know if you're compatible or not?