To those of you in successful relationships...

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League_Girl
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23 Jun 2010, 12:27 pm

I was single again and decided to stay single for a while because relationships were too complicated but instead I was still going out and meeting men but on a forum I decide to make a post asking if anyone in my area wants to meet and I only met one person from there but I got a PM from another guy and he told me how he read my stories and he liked them. I freaked out because I didn't know how he knew about them but he told me I had the link in my profile and he read them from there. I was like "oh okay." We chatted on AIM for three weeks and then on my birthday we met. Since then we have been together.

I wasn't expecting a relationship but it happened because he accepted me and I liked him so much so I decided to try it again and I was expecting him to break up with me but he never did. We even got an apartment together and within a year we decided to get married and it wasn't even two years yet when we married. Now we have just had our wedding anniversary.



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23 Jun 2010, 12:48 pm

lotusblossom wrote:
Ive met nice men who I dated for a reasonable amount of time in the gym, salsa lessons and a evening class.

I met my bf who I have been with for over a year on here, but I would not recomend meeting people on forums as if you split up it can be difficult to read their posts and difficult to leave the forum.


Yeah, but that applies to anything. If you meet someone through a circle of friends, or through a club, or through work and subsequently split. it can be hard to go back to the club/retain the friendships/stay in the job etc. etc.


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Seanmw
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23 Jun 2010, 2:00 pm

jdcnosse wrote:
Seanmw wrote:
jdcnosse wrote:
Seanmw wrote:
It was actually through a completely random add on Myspace.
i didn't know she was an aspie, she didn't know i was one.
but we'd started sorta flirting back and forth and talking about our interests, which were remarkably similar. then she brought up she had ADHD, and i brought up that i had AS, and she was like, "NO WAY! me too =D!" & so then we just had even more in common & i was starting to really like her, so i asked her out :) .
we've been dating long-distance ever since, (about a little over 6 months now) and things have only gotten better.
Lately we've come to the conclusion that we want to get married and make babies someday 8)


I met my current girlfriend the same way! She was just looking around Myspace for guys around her age that were near her and she added me because she said I looked cute and that my status was something about computers and that she thought i was a geek lol She didn't know about my Asperger's, and I didn't know about her OCD, Depression, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and Bipolar II Disorder.

We chatted on Myspace a lil bit, then we texted, then we talked on the phone, then we finally met in person about 2 weeks after we met on Myspace. Now we've been dating for 3 months and 2 weeks and I've never ever felt this way about someone before, I'm pretty sure I'm going to marry her.

same here :thumright:

my only concern is how we're going to be able to support ourselves together financially since we're both aspies and both are terrible at getting jobs. I still haven't even seen her in person yet, though we text each and every day and i've heard her on the phone a few times. One of my biggest goals right now is just to save up enough to go visit, which despite only being like $250, is proving to be a monumental task since i have no income and the smallest living expenses start raping my wallet every time i finally start to come into contact with a decent amount of pocket change.


I guess I'm lucky :) Even though I don't have a job right now as I quit my last one, I still only have to go 17 miles, which I've told her I would ride my bike if I have to. Right now it's been especially tough because she and her mom are living with her mom's boyfriend because her mom's baby is due at the end of July, and she gets horrible cell reception out there.

I'm not too concerned about the whole financial aspect because I know that I can keep a job once I get one...the problem is getting one lol
yupp
most places won't hire me because they want people with experience
and i can't get experience because most places won't hire me.
you see the problem in their logic :lol: ?

plus i'm just terrible at interviews because the NT competition are better at speaking and selling themselves. I probably couldn't talk my way into a job to save my life.

lastly, i have AS, but i'm not one of the lucky ones who have aspie obsessions which translate into good career experience or skills, and i have no real strong gifts, talents, or savant abilities to speak of like some aspies seem to :P .

and even my own interests aren't particularly strong in any one area, so just pinning down any one direction i want to go career-wise is proving very difficult, because i just feel lost and confused in that area.


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RainSong
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23 Jun 2010, 3:30 pm

Here, actually. It wasn't planned, but we started talking as friends and became more less than a week later.


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Sparrowrose
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23 Jun 2010, 4:05 pm

Seanmw wrote:
most places won't hire me because they want people with experience
and i can't get experience because most places won't hire me.
you see the problem in their logic :lol: ?


That's one reason why I chose to go for a Doctor of Arts (D.A.) degree instead of a Doctor of Philosophy (Ph.D) degree. A certain number o fhours of teaching in a real classroom (and getting paid for it) is built in to the D.A. degree. This fall, I take the pedagogy course which is the class I have to take before I can start teaching. I could be team teaching with a regular faculty member as early as January and solo teaching my own class as early as next August . (I'm terrified but excited!)

The university likes it because it gets cheap teachers for the introductory classes. We students like it because we get to learn by doing and get paid for it as well. And future employers like it because we come to them with many hours of experience as well as a degree. Academic employers know that a D.A. degree means that someone may have just graduated but they already have at least a couple of years teaching experience as well.

Otherwise, I'd be in the same boat you're in: no experience because I just graduated and no one wanting to hire me and give me experience because I'm untested.

You can try doing volunteer work if that's an option for you. Many employers consider serious volunteer work to be the same as work experience even though you weren't paid to do it. Another option to look into is to see if there are any apprentice or intern positions you could fill. The pay is low (or nonexistent) but you get solid experience to put on your resume or application. And it can lead to real work. I knew a man who had a good job as a plumber that started out as an apprentice carrying stuff around and doing the dirty work for others for very low pay and gradually he worked his way into being a full plumber with a pretty sweet paycheck.


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Blasty
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23 Jun 2010, 4:17 pm

tl;dr version: Met her through a room mate, s**t bag started cheating, friend (me) eventually gets the girl.

full:

I met my girlfriend through a now-former room mate who was dating her. I was interested in her from the first time I met her, but I was dating someone else at the time. Later on, after I was single again, my shitbag room mate started messing around with another female friend of ours without ending the first relationship. When I caught wind of this, I took him aside and told him that he'd better pull his head out of his ass and make a decision, because I didn't want the first girl (who was already incredibly suspicious of him) to get hurt more.

I still hadn't considered dating her, and normally I wouldn't put my nose in other peoples' business. However, she had told me, a friend, about what she thought was going on, and I had been realizing more and more what a manipulative waste of life this guy was.

Once he finally dumped her in favor of someone more suitable for his wildly detached reality, I waited a while and then spent a little time doing small, friendly activities with her to see if she'd be interested. One night, I simply cut the nonsense and asked. "Would you consider dating me?" That's exactly how I worded it. We've been together almost 1.5 years. :D



SoSayWeAll
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23 Jun 2010, 10:22 pm

I'm not sure I'm comfortable with the idea of online dating...I'm glad for the successes that some of you have had, but the idea makes me extremely fearful for my safety.

IRL, I am wondering...would taking a class of some sort be a good idea? (Say, a foreign language class, or other continuing education class?) What about a convention? Anyone had any luck in that kind of setting? I'm very uncomfortable with "traditional" dating sites like bars and such. I also don't want to date my co-workers. Not that they are bad people, but I have a job where it would create a conflict of interest if I did.


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jdcnosse
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23 Jun 2010, 10:51 pm

Seanmw wrote:
jdcnosse wrote:
Seanmw wrote:
jdcnosse wrote:
Seanmw wrote:
It was actually through a completely random add on Myspace.
i didn't know she was an aspie, she didn't know i was one.
but we'd started sorta flirting back and forth and talking about our interests, which were remarkably similar. then she brought up she had ADHD, and i brought up that i had AS, and she was like, "NO WAY! me too =D!" & so then we just had even more in common & i was starting to really like her, so i asked her out :) .
we've been dating long-distance ever since, (about a little over 6 months now) and things have only gotten better.
Lately we've come to the conclusion that we want to get married and make babies someday 8)


I met my current girlfriend the same way! She was just looking around Myspace for guys around her age that were near her and she added me because she said I looked cute and that my status was something about computers and that she thought i was a geek lol She didn't know about my Asperger's, and I didn't know about her OCD, Depression, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and Bipolar II Disorder.

We chatted on Myspace a lil bit, then we texted, then we talked on the phone, then we finally met in person about 2 weeks after we met on Myspace. Now we've been dating for 3 months and 2 weeks and I've never ever felt this way about someone before, I'm pretty sure I'm going to marry her.

same here :thumright:

my only concern is how we're going to be able to support ourselves together financially since we're both aspies and both are terrible at getting jobs. I still haven't even seen her in person yet, though we text each and every day and i've heard her on the phone a few times. One of my biggest goals right now is just to save up enough to go visit, which despite only being like $250, is proving to be a monumental task since i have no income and the smallest living expenses start raping my wallet every time i finally start to come into contact with a decent amount of pocket change.


I guess I'm lucky :) Even though I don't have a job right now as I quit my last one, I still only have to go 17 miles, which I've told her I would ride my bike if I have to. Right now it's been especially tough because she and her mom are living with her mom's boyfriend because her mom's baby is due at the end of July, and she gets horrible cell reception out there.

I'm not too concerned about the whole financial aspect because I know that I can keep a job once I get one...the problem is getting one lol
yupp
most places won't hire me because they want people with experience
and i can't get experience because most places won't hire me.
you see the problem in their logic :lol: ?

plus i'm just terrible at interviews because the NT competition are better at speaking and selling themselves. I probably couldn't talk my way into a job to save my life.

lastly, i have AS, but i'm not one of the lucky ones who have aspie obsessions which translate into good career experience or skills, and i have no real strong gifts, talents, or savant abilities to speak of like some aspies seem to :P .

and even my own interests aren't particularly strong in any one area, so just pinning down any one direction i want to go career-wise is proving very difficult, because i just feel lost and confused in that area.


Are you in college right now? you could try getting a job there...That's where I got my first one. Walked in, and they gave it to me right away lol

My obsession is computers, and so my career would either be an Applications Programmer or a Website Designer. But for right now, I actually like cleaning as a job. lol



Sparrowrose
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23 Jun 2010, 10:53 pm

SoSayWeAll wrote:
IRL, I am wondering...would taking a class of some sort be a good idea? (Say, a foreign language class, or other continuing education class?) What about a convention? Anyone had any luck in that kind of setting?


I met some interesting people who had the potential to become partners at various Mensa gatherings. Mostly what kept anything from happening was that they lived so far away from me. But, yes, conventions that relate to an interest can be a great place to meet potential partners.

Classes can be good but haven't worked for me in that way, mostly because I am about twice the age of all my classmates so that spark of interest never really got kindled. There were times I was interested in someone but figured they wouldn't be interested in someone old enough to be their mother so I never said anything to indicate I was interested.

I think the most important thing to think about in choosing where to go to possibly meet a future partner is "what are you interested in?" I've always said that if you try to meet a partner in a bar, you'll just end up with someone whose special interest is drinking alcohol. So go where your interests are and don't get too hung up on trying to find a partner -- just go and have fun and indulge your interest. That's the way people will find you most attractive anyway, when you're enjoying yourself.


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DW_a_mom
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24 Jun 2010, 1:34 am

SoSayWeAll wrote:
I'm not sure I'm comfortable with the idea of online dating...I'm glad for the successes that some of you have had, but the idea makes me extremely fearful for my safety.

IRL, I am wondering...would taking a class of some sort be a good idea? (Say, a foreign language class, or other continuing education class?) What about a convention? Anyone had any luck in that kind of setting? I'm very uncomfortable with "traditional" dating sites like bars and such. I also don't want to date my co-workers. Not that they are bad people, but I have a job where it would create a conflict of interest if I did.


Assuming you have interests that also appeal to the gender you wish to date, the conventional wisdom is to pursue your life and do things that interest you, while being open to the people you meet in the process. That is probably the most common advice on how to meet someone. So, if you sign up for a class because it interests you then, yes, it could have an added benefit of allowing you to meet someone. But do it first because you will enjoy the class, and leave the hopes for meeting someone as just a back thought.


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24 Jun 2010, 2:03 am

I am 28 presently and have AS. I'm engaged, will be married before the end of the year, and my fiancee is a year younger than I am and an NT. We met on www.okcupid.com, where she messaged me first. We started talking via messages on there, then went to instant messages, then phone calls, and after a month of talking I asked her to be my girlfriend, when we hadn't even met yet. She said yes, obviously.

I knew I loved her before I even met her in person, and when we did meet, which was 2 months after we first started talking, and 1 month after we'd started dating, I stayed over at her place for a weekend. She lived several hours away from where I did at the time.

We both said the L word to each other that first weekend, and have been very happy ever since. We've been engaged almost a year now and have been dating for almost two years.


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24 Jun 2010, 2:27 pm

He was the lighting designer of a show in which I was appearing. He asked me out the day after the show closed. (If he hadn't asked me out, nothing would have happened!)


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Seanmw
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24 Jun 2010, 2:44 pm

jdcnosse wrote:
Seanmw wrote:
jdcnosse wrote:
Seanmw wrote:
jdcnosse wrote:
Seanmw wrote:
It was actually through a completely random add on Myspace.
i didn't know she was an aspie, she didn't know i was one.
but we'd started sorta flirting back and forth and talking about our interests, which were remarkably similar. then she brought up she had ADHD, and i brought up that i had AS, and she was like, "NO WAY! me too =D!" & so then we just had even more in common & i was starting to really like her, so i asked her out :) .
we've been dating long-distance ever since, (about a little over 6 months now) and things have only gotten better.
Lately we've come to the conclusion that we want to get married and make babies someday 8)


I met my current girlfriend the same way! She was just looking around Myspace for guys around her age that were near her and she added me because she said I looked cute and that my status was something about computers and that she thought i was a geek lol She didn't know about my Asperger's, and I didn't know about her OCD, Depression, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and Bipolar II Disorder.

We chatted on Myspace a lil bit, then we texted, then we talked on the phone, then we finally met in person about 2 weeks after we met on Myspace. Now we've been dating for 3 months and 2 weeks and I've never ever felt this way about someone before, I'm pretty sure I'm going to marry her.

same here :thumright:

my only concern is how we're going to be able to support ourselves together financially since we're both aspies and both are terrible at getting jobs. I still haven't even seen her in person yet, though we text each and every day and i've heard her on the phone a few times. One of my biggest goals right now is just to save up enough to go visit, which despite only being like $250, is proving to be a monumental task since i have no income and the smallest living expenses start raping my wallet every time i finally start to come into contact with a decent amount of pocket change.


I guess I'm lucky :) Even though I don't have a job right now as I quit my last one, I still only have to go 17 miles, which I've told her I would ride my bike if I have to. Right now it's been especially tough because she and her mom are living with her mom's boyfriend because her mom's baby is due at the end of July, and she gets horrible cell reception out there.

I'm not too concerned about the whole financial aspect because I know that I can keep a job once I get one...the problem is getting one lol
yupp
most places won't hire me because they want people with experience
and i can't get experience because most places won't hire me.
you see the problem in their logic :lol: ?

plus i'm just terrible at interviews because the NT competition are better at speaking and selling themselves. I probably couldn't talk my way into a job to save my life.

lastly, i have AS, but i'm not one of the lucky ones who have aspie obsessions which translate into good career experience or skills, and i have no real strong gifts, talents, or savant abilities to speak of like some aspies seem to :P .

and even my own interests aren't particularly strong in any one area, so just pinning down any one direction i want to go career-wise is proving very difficult, because i just feel lost and confused in that area.


Are you in college right now? you could try getting a job there...That's where I got my first one. Walked in, and they gave it to me right away lol

My obsession is computers, and so my career would either be an Applications Programmer or a Website Designer. But for right now, I actually like cleaning as a job. lol
i tried getting a job there already.
Didn't get it. Pretty sure some someone in their 30's did. I had alot of competition & had to wait awhile for my interview. & i even had connections. Life is dumb


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CanadianRose
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24 Jun 2010, 11:39 pm

SoSayWeAll wrote:
I'm not sure I'm comfortable with the idea of online dating...I'm glad for the successes that some of you have had, but the idea makes me extremely fearful for my safety.

IRL, I am wondering...would taking a class of some sort be a good idea? (Say, a foreign language class, or other continuing education class?) What about a convention? Anyone had any luck in that kind of setting? I'm very uncomfortable with "traditional" dating sites like bars and such. I also don't want to date my co-workers. Not that they are bad people, but I have a job where it would create a conflict of interest if I did.


Just a side note about the online dating and safety awareness (I am the one who posted that I met my hubby at www.match.com). I was also concerned about safety and I didn't meet someone until I had at least a contact number. I told a friend/family member who I was meeting, their contact number and where I was meeting them. I met my online interest in a safe, public place (coffee shops) and, of the one that I was interested in pursuing (my future husband) I had light casual dates in public places until I got to know him better.

Also, through our dating, I learned where he worked (established professional) and I was comfortable with his overall behaviour (no anger management issues, polite and reasonable, intelligent, interested, but not sexually aggressive, etc).

The interesting thing is - there are creepy people in conventions, classes and workshops too - it is just a matter of having good observations and discretion.

Even if you are still uncomfortable with the online thing - you could consider classes - but I agree with another commenter who said that you should take the class because you enjoy the subject matter and if you connect with someone in the class - well that's just a bonus. Unfortunately, I have been to classes where someone would make others actually feel a uncomfortable because they seemed rather intense and interested more in trying to get a date than the subject being learned. Try not to be that person.

Even if you do find someone who is interesting and interested in you - use the same common sense and discretion that you would if you met someone on line. Remember there are good people everywhere and dangerous/creepy people everywhere. Stay safe.



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24 Jun 2010, 11:58 pm

That's a good heads-up. I have never taken classes for adults before, and as stupid as this might sound, it never occurred to me that somebody might behave in the aggressive manner you described in that kind of venue. But, I certainly will bear it in mind.

Finding something to satisfy my interest wouldn't be hard...a foreign language would do it for sure, among other options.


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EarlPurple
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08 Jul 2010, 2:11 pm

How I met S/O is quite strange actually because it was a general social meet-up and I went with another woman at the time who was going through a divorce, and she and I were good friends. She told me to go out to this because it would be something to do so I went and met my S/O there. This in March 2000 and we have been together for 10 years and married for 9 of them.