To those of you in successful relationships...

Page 1 of 3 [ 34 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3  Next

SoSayWeAll
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 29 May 2010
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 623

22 Jun 2010, 6:00 pm

...how and where did you meet your significant other?

My one experience dating was in high school, and even then I (sadly) agreed to be this guy's girlfriend because I couldn't say no. He wasn't a bad guy, and very intelligent, but there was nothing there on my end and it confused the hell out of him...and I felt pretty bad about it too.

I have not tried again since then. Now, I do not exactly fit the AS criteria, but still, I have the distinct sense I need to approach this from a different angle than most, because whatever impression people might get from me at work, I am NOT like most women.

How did you meet that person that was really worth it, and where?


_________________
Official diagnosis: ADHD, synesthesia. Aspie quiz result (unofficial test): Like Frodo--I'm a halfling? ;) 110/200 NT, 109/200 Aspie.


Seanmw
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Jul 2009
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,639
Location: Bremerton, WA

22 Jun 2010, 6:09 pm

It was actually through a completely random add on Myspace.
i didn't know she was an aspie, she didn't know i was one.
but we'd started sorta flirting back and forth and talking about our interests, which were remarkably similar. then she brought up she had ADHD, and i brought up that i had AS, and she was like, "NO WAY! me too =D!" & so then we just had even more in common & i was starting to really like her, so i asked her out :) .
we've been dating long-distance ever since, (about a little over 6 months now) and things have only gotten better.
Lately we've come to the conclusion that we want to get married and make babies someday 8)


_________________
+Blog: http://itsdeeperthanyouknow.blogspot.com/
+"Beneath all chaos lies perfect order"


hale_bopp
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Nov 2004
Gender: Female
Posts: 17,054
Location: None

22 Jun 2010, 6:50 pm

I was like you a few years ago. Only been with one guy and I wasn't that into him, he was confused and angry obviously when I ended it. When you fancy someone properly, you will know it. Stuff you find unattractive with other guys won't be unattractive in him.

For example the first guy I was with really liked comic books, and I found that unattractive. The recent one did too, but it wasn't unattractive because I was just that into him.

(We aren't together now but he moved overseas)



Kaysea
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Nov 2008
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 688

22 Jun 2010, 6:58 pm

We used to be neighbors. We actually didn't date at the time, but re-connected a couple of years later and hit it off.



Sparrowrose
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Oct 2009
Age: 53
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,682
Location: Idaho, USA

22 Jun 2010, 7:06 pm

He had created a very small message board for an extremely niche topic -- so niche that there were fewer than a dozen people using the board (although it was quite active.) I discovered it and made a few posts. That's how we met.


_________________
"In the end, we decide if we're remembered for what happened to us or for what we did with it."
-- Randy K. Milholland

Avatar=WWI propaganda poster promoting victory gardens.


hale_bopp
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Nov 2004
Gender: Female
Posts: 17,054
Location: None

22 Jun 2010, 8:03 pm

Sparrowrose wrote:
He had created a very small message board for an extremely niche topic -- so niche that there were fewer than a dozen people using the board (although it was quite active.) I discovered it and made a few posts. That's how we met.


What was the niche? You've got me wondering. I know of a guy who meets girls on a whale fan fiction site.



Seanmw
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Jul 2009
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,639
Location: Bremerton, WA

22 Jun 2010, 8:06 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
Sparrowrose wrote:
He had created a very small message board for an extremely niche topic -- so niche that there were fewer than a dozen people using the board (although it was quite active.) I discovered it and made a few posts. That's how we met.


What was the niche? You've got me wondering. I know of a guy who meets girls on a whale fan fiction site.

also curious about that :lol:

Wowww, whale fan-fiction huh :?:


_________________
+Blog: http://itsdeeperthanyouknow.blogspot.com/
+"Beneath all chaos lies perfect order"


Sparrowrose
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Oct 2009
Age: 53
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,682
Location: Idaho, USA

22 Jun 2010, 8:14 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
Sparrowrose wrote:
He had created a very small message board for an extremely niche topic -- so niche that there were fewer than a dozen people using the board (although it was quite active.) I discovered it and made a few posts. That's how we met.


What was the niche? You've got me wondering. I know of a guy who meets girls on a whale fan fiction site.


A tiny religion. I converted to a different religion six years ago but we're still together (12 years next month.)


_________________
"In the end, we decide if we're remembered for what happened to us or for what we did with it."
-- Randy K. Milholland

Avatar=WWI propaganda poster promoting victory gardens.


SoSayWeAll
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 29 May 2010
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 623

22 Jun 2010, 8:27 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
I was like you a few years ago. Only been with one guy and I wasn't that into him, he was confused and angry obviously when I ended it. When you fancy someone properly, you will know it. Stuff you find unattractive with other guys won't be unattractive in him.

For example the first guy I was with really liked comic books, and I found that unattractive. The recent one did too, but it wasn't unattractive because I was just that into him.


For the guy in question, in my case, it was anime. To this day I cannot stand anime because of him.

I felt like such a dirtbag after that--like all I'd been doing was leading him along. Casual dating just...it seems wrong to me somehow, like why lead a guy along if you don't think the chances are good?

So I'm seeing online for a lot of you guys...any meet IRL?

(All stories still welcome.)


_________________
Official diagnosis: ADHD, synesthesia. Aspie quiz result (unofficial test): Like Frodo--I'm a halfling? ;) 110/200 NT, 109/200 Aspie.


DW_a_mom
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Feb 2008
Age: 61
Gender: Female
Posts: 11,013
Location: Northern California

22 Jun 2010, 9:06 pm

My husband has decided he is an Aspie, even if we think I'm more NT, so I guess this one works for either: my sister introduced us. Although, it took 2 years for him to decide to actually ask me out. My sister and my husband were in a church youth group together, and also took the same train to work every day. Over the period of 2 years I saw my future husband at various social events with my sister. We hit it off the very first time we met, but he just wasn't in the emotional space to pursue a relationship, not that he told any of us that, so nothing happened, and I figured it must have been just me that felt the connection. Two years later he tells my sister that he would like to start dating again and would like to ask me out, but was terrified of crashing and burning. She assured him he wouldn't crash and burn, and the rest is history.

That sister, by the way, is now married to a guy our 3rd sister works with. Family tradition, I guess.


_________________
Mom to an amazing AS son, who recently graduated from the university (plus an also amazing non-AS daughter). Most likely part of the "Broader Autism Phenotype" (some traits).


CanadianRose
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 10 Sep 2009
Age: 49
Gender: Female
Posts: 564
Location: Canada

22 Jun 2010, 9:38 pm

I met my dear hubby (married 6 years) on www.match.com

The nice thing about a dating site like this is that all our cards on the table. My profile indicated that I was interested in a long term relationship, wanted children, etc. His profile said the same thing. We both had accurate, up-to-date photos of ourselves (we would never be approached by a modeling agency :D :D, but we are not butt-ugly so that people run in terror when we enter a room either :lol: :lol: ). So we knew that we were both single, interested in a long term relationship and found each other reasonably attractive. We exchanged a couple of e-mails, spoke on the phone once or twice to arrange a meeting and met.

The meeting was comfortable because we weren't in the "gosh is he/she single; is he/she interested; does he/she want something long term eventually; does he/she have any interests" - the answer was yes, yes, yes, and yes. Now that we got that out of the way, we could determine other mutual interests and whether there was any spark.

I find it a nice, civilized way to go about meeting someone.



jdcnosse
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Jun 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 617
Location: Phoenix

22 Jun 2010, 10:07 pm

Seanmw wrote:
It was actually through a completely random add on Myspace.
i didn't know she was an aspie, she didn't know i was one.
but we'd started sorta flirting back and forth and talking about our interests, which were remarkably similar. then she brought up she had ADHD, and i brought up that i had AS, and she was like, "NO WAY! me too =D!" & so then we just had even more in common & i was starting to really like her, so i asked her out :) .
we've been dating long-distance ever since, (about a little over 6 months now) and things have only gotten better.
Lately we've come to the conclusion that we want to get married and make babies someday 8)


I met my current girlfriend the same way! She was just looking around Myspace for guys around her age that were near her and she added me because she said I looked cute and that my status was something about computers and that she thought i was a geek lol She didn't know about my Asperger's, and I didn't know about her OCD, Depression, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and Bipolar II Disorder.

We chatted on Myspace a lil bit, then we texted, then we talked on the phone, then we finally met in person about 2 weeks after we met on Myspace. Now we've been dating for 3 months and 2 weeks and I've never ever felt this way about someone before, I'm pretty sure I'm going to marry her.



Seanmw
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Jul 2009
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,639
Location: Bremerton, WA

22 Jun 2010, 10:17 pm

jdcnosse wrote:
Seanmw wrote:
It was actually through a completely random add on Myspace.
i didn't know she was an aspie, she didn't know i was one.
but we'd started sorta flirting back and forth and talking about our interests, which were remarkably similar. then she brought up she had ADHD, and i brought up that i had AS, and she was like, "NO WAY! me too =D!" & so then we just had even more in common & i was starting to really like her, so i asked her out :) .
we've been dating long-distance ever since, (about a little over 6 months now) and things have only gotten better.
Lately we've come to the conclusion that we want to get married and make babies someday 8)


I met my current girlfriend the same way! She was just looking around Myspace for guys around her age that were near her and she added me because she said I looked cute and that my status was something about computers and that she thought i was a geek lol She didn't know about my Asperger's, and I didn't know about her OCD, Depression, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and Bipolar II Disorder.

We chatted on Myspace a lil bit, then we texted, then we talked on the phone, then we finally met in person about 2 weeks after we met on Myspace. Now we've been dating for 3 months and 2 weeks and I've never ever felt this way about someone before, I'm pretty sure I'm going to marry her.

same here :thumright:

my only concern is how we're going to be able to support ourselves together financially since we're both aspies and both are terrible at getting jobs. I still haven't even seen her in person yet, though we text each and every day and i've heard her on the phone a few times. One of my biggest goals right now is just to save up enough to go visit, which despite only being like $250, is proving to be a monumental task since i have no income and the smallest living expenses start raping my wallet every time i finally start to come into contact with a decent amount of pocket change.


_________________
+Blog: http://itsdeeperthanyouknow.blogspot.com/
+"Beneath all chaos lies perfect order"


Hermier
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 24 Jan 2010
Age: 63
Gender: Female
Posts: 314
Location: Cyberspace, USA

22 Jun 2010, 10:33 pm

Not that I've ever had what I consider to be a "successful" relationship, but I've had many, and some of them were fairly long-term.

Age 13 - My friend who went to a different junior high school was going out with a boy and introduced me to his brother. Not really a relationship but we used to hang out & kiss, stuff like that.

Age 14 - Same friend got a new boyfriend - I got together with one of his best friends and we dated for maybe a year. Different school was key - no WAY anyone at my school would have been caught dead with me.

Age 14/15 - My mother was dating a man and things got serious, so I got to know his kids. I dated two of his sons at different times. Their father and my mother were actually engaged for a while, but they split up - saving me a bit of awkwardness, as I would have had two ex-lovers as step-brothers.

Age 16 - The couple I babysat for broke up, and I ended up getting together with the husband. I married him myself, as a matter of fact, when I was 18. He was older, obviously.

Age 19-23 - Got dumped by my husband for an older (much richer) woman, after he had been cheating on me for years. No relationships for me for a while after that, just lots of promiscuity.

Age 23 - Moved to another state, car broke down outside a fair. The mechanic who stopped to help me introduced me to a friend of his, (by asking me to give the friend a ride somewhere) and we ended up getting together. That lasted about a year. We lived together for the last few months of the relationship.

Age 24 - But he was kinda boring and also had to go out of town a lot for work, so I met & moved in with a more charismatic guy ("friend" of the guy I was with). My most violent abuser, by far. Which is what I thought I deserved, evidently.

Age 27 - Walked in on the bf having sex with my "friend" in our guest room. Mind you, I did not walk in from outdoors, but from another room where I was taking a nap. Yuck! I broke our "engagement" but didn't end the relationship for like another year, when

Age 28 - He met someone else and started a relationship. It was a secret (from me) until I found an unfamiliar phone # all over our phone bill. He finally chose her over me, & moved out to be w/her.

Age 29 - I moved to a small town, thought I could pull off a similar to what he had done (two guys at the same time) kind of thing, but no, the town was too small. Both of them dumped me.

Age 30 - But I was hooked on one of them ("Mark") so I begged him to take me back even though he had another girlfriend. It was, um, rocky.

Age 32 - Accidentally had sex with a friend ("Lou") who was in love with me (I was drunk, dammit - I quit drinking for 15 years b/c of that). He thought it meant we were together, and I really liked him as a friend so I allowed it to continue as long as I could stand it (I wasn't really into him & couldn't force myself to be, either). Should have been a one-nighter, the rest was part of my misguided attempt to not hurt his feelings, but it probably ended up hurting him more than helping.

Age 33-43 - Mainly alone, a couple of flings with my favorite, "Mark" (see above, of the two guys at the same time - the one I preferred). But he was always with someone else, I was the secondary girlfriend. Oh, but the other girlfriend(s) thought he was monogamous with them.

Age 43 - Married the most abusive, narcissistic POS ("Dick") I could find, but I thought he was a good choice. No, he was The worst. And would not go away.

Age 48 - Finally got out of that relationship, at least the part where we lived together. I still know him though. F***ing joint custody. (I guess the judge thought I was lying, gee, I wonder why? ::sarcasm:: I was not lying, "Dick" was lying but was believed.) He still scams money out of me from time to time, and is mean to our kid on a regular basis, because he knows that hurts me more than anything.

Age 50 - A final round with "Mark" (who I was still pathologically hooked on, after all those years). This time I was Finally the Official Girlfriend (not the spare) and spent a lot of time with him. Waited 15 years for my big chance to make him understand, only to find that he just plain was not going to love me, no matter how much time, money, devotion I spent in my insane attempts to have him love me. I broke up with him after a year or so, then (of course) missed him & begged him to take me back. Which finally he did. Astonishingly (sarcasm) he still didn't understand that we were soul mates or whatever I stupidly believed. Had to break up with him once and for all, just for self-preservation (and to be honest, I might not have done, but I didn't want my kids to see me in that kind of relationship, which of course they did for way too long).

Here's the code, b/c it does get confusing:
"Lou" - my first child's father
"Mark" - my second child's father
"Dick" - my third child's father
^not their real names - which is why I am confusing myself here. Hope I got it right this time.

The present time: I don't trust myself to pick an appropriate person for an intimate relationship, so I really hope I am finished. Unfortunately I still look pretty good despite long rats'-nest hair, wearing the same clothes all week, rarely showering etc. (My appearance has probably been my main "asset" all along, when it comes to attracting relationships).

Now I try to stay in the house so as not to attract any more guys. (Seriously!) I wish I was exaggerating/ bragging... (Honestly!) Apparently however, there's "something" about me.... easy to take advantage of, and word got around maybe? An abuser/user-attracting magnet implanted in my head? I really don't know. I have a couple admirers (or so they believe, but probably not if they knew me better) but I've been very blunt with them to the point of being rude, so they tend to leave me alone.

Oh, and I usually have at least one stalker, & some of them have been fairly - scarily - persistent. (Probably because I confused them into thinking I was interested, by accident.... you know?) I don't have a stalker right now, or if I do, he hasn't made himself known to me yet.

No more relationships for me (at least, I hope not).

Too much wear & tear on the emotions, and none of those guys ever "got" me anyway. Even the one who really loved me ("Lou" above) had no idea who I was, he was just really really attracted to me physically, and that's what "love" meant to him.

So I guess it depends how you define success....

By the way, although it seems ludicrous in retrospect, I never even suspected I might be making poor choices. None of them even really seemed like a choice. That was just how it was. I can't really explain... but there it is.



lotusblossom
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Jan 2008
Age: 41
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,994

23 Jun 2010, 4:17 am

Ive met nice men who I dated for a reasonable amount of time in the gym, salsa lessons and a evening class.

I met my bf who I have been with for over a year on here, but I would not recomend meeting people on forums as if you split up it can be difficult to read their posts and difficult to leave the forum.



jdcnosse
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Jun 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 617
Location: Phoenix

23 Jun 2010, 9:47 am

Seanmw wrote:
jdcnosse wrote:
Seanmw wrote:
It was actually through a completely random add on Myspace.
i didn't know she was an aspie, she didn't know i was one.
but we'd started sorta flirting back and forth and talking about our interests, which were remarkably similar. then she brought up she had ADHD, and i brought up that i had AS, and she was like, "NO WAY! me too =D!" & so then we just had even more in common & i was starting to really like her, so i asked her out :) .
we've been dating long-distance ever since, (about a little over 6 months now) and things have only gotten better.
Lately we've come to the conclusion that we want to get married and make babies someday 8)


I met my current girlfriend the same way! She was just looking around Myspace for guys around her age that were near her and she added me because she said I looked cute and that my status was something about computers and that she thought i was a geek lol She didn't know about my Asperger's, and I didn't know about her OCD, Depression, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and Bipolar II Disorder.

We chatted on Myspace a lil bit, then we texted, then we talked on the phone, then we finally met in person about 2 weeks after we met on Myspace. Now we've been dating for 3 months and 2 weeks and I've never ever felt this way about someone before, I'm pretty sure I'm going to marry her.

same here :thumright:

my only concern is how we're going to be able to support ourselves together financially since we're both aspies and both are terrible at getting jobs. I still haven't even seen her in person yet, though we text each and every day and i've heard her on the phone a few times. One of my biggest goals right now is just to save up enough to go visit, which despite only being like $250, is proving to be a monumental task since i have no income and the smallest living expenses start raping my wallet every time i finally start to come into contact with a decent amount of pocket change.


I guess I'm lucky :) Even though I don't have a job right now as I quit my last one, I still only have to go 17 miles, which I've told her I would ride my bike if I have to. Right now it's been especially tough because she and her mom are living with her mom's boyfriend because her mom's baby is due at the end of July, and she gets horrible cell reception out there.

I'm not too concerned about the whole financial aspect because I know that I can keep a job once I get one...the problem is getting one lol