lol, another reason I don't really try - I still have enough days where if Dave DeAngelo met me and realized I had his cd's he'd probably refund my money, tell me I'm the antichrist, and tell me not to even associate myself with his name. While I can sometimes be kinda smooth when I'm drunk I also have days where absolutely everything - everything - I do is completely and absolutely 180 opposit of the right way (no, it's not about even looking needy or coming off as nice, just that most people couldn't even dream of topping me at saying the wrong things, sending the wrong vibes, being too responsible or attentive to the task at hand with whatever my group is doing at the times that the only thing that's appropriate is to just blow everything off and schmooz). I try not to get down on myself when I have days like this but at the same time I can't help but feel, when it does happen, regardless of how much I try to separate myself from it, that I pretty much diserve every bad thing and humiliation with the opposite sex that could possibly happen and then some...pretty much for the rest of my life.
_________________
“Love takes off the masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within. I use the word "love" here not merely in the personal sense but as a state of being, or a state of grace - not in the infantile American sense of being made happy but in the tough and universal sense of quest and daring and growth.” - James Baldwin